HARD times...

[SgtSplacker]

OK I have a little problem that's not really a problem but it's being made into one. Basically I have a really hard time reaching orgasm with a new partner. And shes starting to feel very bad about it thinking its about her. I told her before we ever had sex that this is how I am. I have to get used to someone before I can reach orgasm regularly. That's how it's always been with me. Except maybe when I was really young. Honestly, it's about the things im thinking about. If I have alot on my mind it just isnt happening with me. And lately I have had a whole lot on my mind. My job is driving me nuts, i'm looking for work. My relationship with her is very intense and that leaves me drained so often and contemplating a heck of alot of stuff. Well she says I never told her how I was before we had sex. When I made it a point to, so whatever i'm loosing that point. I enjoy sex and everything, i'm kinda used to not reaching orgasm every time and i'm fine with it. But she really wants me to. On the topic of masturbation: whenever i'm in a relationship I basically cut it down drastically, maybe in the month I have known her i've roughed up the suspect twice. Anyone else have this problem? any suggestions?

 

[Desdinova]

I'm very much the same but in a different sense. I have a difficult time maintaining an erection when I'm with a new woman. Many women will start with that "I'm beginning to think it's me" 5hit. I always tell them that it's more of a subconscious thing, and what I need from them is patience and persistence.

One thing that you should NEVER do is get upset with yourself in her presence. That will make matters worse. Just treat it like it's entirely normal, and that'll help ease her mind a bit.

My current gf just dismissed it as things never being perfect which in turn helped me quickly become comfortable with her. A successful sexual relationship is the result of the man and woman working together. It goes to 5hit when someone becomes concerned with their own shortcomings. Examples are: "I'm not pretty enough" or "Why does my penis never work when I want it to?" Both of you have the job to help the other smooth over little hiccups like this in the bedroom. If she won't work with you to overcome these silly little problems, she's going to be a lousy companion.

 

[Aaron B]

Oh well at least she has a challenge to work towards, right?

 

[Nimm]

OK I have a little problem that's not really a problem but it's being made into one. Basically I have a really hard time reaching orgasm with a new partner. And shes starting to feel very bad about it thinking its about her. I told her before we ever had sex that this is how I am. I have to get used to someone before I can reach orgasm regularly. That's how it's always been with me. Except maybe when I was really young. Honestly, it's about the things im thinking about. If I have alot on my mind it just isnt happening with me. And lately I have had a whole lot on my mind. My job is driving me nuts, i'm looking for work. My relationship with her is very intense and that leaves me drained so often and contemplating a heck of alot of stuff. Well she says I never told her how I was before we had sex. When I made it a point to, so whatever i'm loosing that point. I enjoy sex and everything, i'm kinda used to not reaching orgasm every time and i'm fine with it. But she really wants me to. On the topic of masturbation: whenever i'm in a relationship I basically cut it down drastically, maybe in the month I have known her i've roughed up the suspect twice. Anyone else have this problem? any suggestions?

How is your p0rn useage?
I watched way to much porn, and whenever i had sex i could never come.
Seriously i could pump for 15 min straight and feel far from satisfied, in the end i started "fakeing" so the girl wouldn`t feel dissapointed...

http://yourbrainonporn.com/

 

[SgtSplacker]

Thanks for that link Nimm. Thats exactly what I needed.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Splacker,
Get used to it,it's part of the aging process.....don't you remember when you first started out,how it was two pumps and a squirt...now you can keep going all Day....The Eastern Rationale is that for a Man your age you should only look at getting one ejaculation a Week!!!....at my age none!!!...The whloe topic of orgasms without ejaculation is something else....I am torn between this belief and the statistical logic of Western Medicine that equates low levels of Prostate problems with frequent ejaculation....At my age,I am having to time orgasms so that I don't have to engage in vigorous activity afterwards...In the future I shall probably have to sleep after having fun...

 

[Zarky]

Started having this "problem" when I was in my early 30s. Actually it's not so bad because then women get a little freaked out and try to please me more. It's so funny how women are conditioned to think that a guy has to come in order for her "job" to be "complete." I think it's cute. Plus, it makes them feel like their position in your life is not assured. Don't worry about it, and think about how great it does feel when you finally do it.

Oh and cut down on the porn Hard to do I know.

 

[SecondHalf]

If you're on meds, that can be a real problem.
Specifically the SSRI's.
I was on them for a year after my marriage failed and was confused with a sexual dynamo after that.
To reach orgasm, I'd have to pound often beyond my physical abilities.
So ... I started running to increase my physical abilities.

The meds are gone, but it still takes a while and not guaranteed.
When I start to trust a woman a bit it gets much better.

Perhaps it would be better with a smok'in hot one, but I typically don't like the maintenance that goes with those women.
I'm content with the 7-8 range.

SH

 

[Zarky]

I started on finasteride about 5 years ago. At first it was a rollercoaster of sexual highs and lows. Super horny for a couple of months then totally not interested for a couple of months.

I basically can't come at all with condoms. However, in '07 I banged this really hot young runner and was able to come with a condom for like the first time since I was 18. So yes if the chicks are keyed right in to your mind's "ideal" then it does make things easier.

I think as men age their ideal physical type gets narrower and narrower. When they're young, pretty much any woman will turn them on, when they're old, only the hottest will.

Take any 60 year old with ED and put a smoking hot naked 16 year old in front of him and I have a feeling his ED will go away pretty quick

 

[davewe]

I have always been this way also with a new partner, even when I was young. So it is not just an aging thing. For me its about relaxation and comfort. Once I am comfortable with her, the position of our bodies etc.

I study tantra and that is about relaxation and it can help. And of course communicating with her is important.

Oh, and you can always pull a Meg Ryan!

OK I have a little problem that's not really a problem but it's being made into one. Basically I have a really hard time reaching orgasm with a new partner. And shes starting to feel very bad about it thinking its about her. I told her before we ever had sex that this is how I am. I have to get used to someone before I can reach orgasm regularly. That's how it's always been with me. Except maybe when I was really young. Honestly, it's about the things im thinking about. If I have alot on my mind it just isnt happening with me. And lately I have had a whole lot on my mind. My job is driving me nuts, i'm looking for work. My relationship with her is very intense and that leaves me drained so often and contemplating a heck of alot of stuff. Well she says I never told her how I was before we had sex. When I made it a point to, so whatever i'm loosing that point. I enjoy sex and everything, i'm kinda used to not reaching orgasm every time and i'm fine with it. But she really wants me to. On the topic of masturbation: whenever i'm in a relationship I basically cut it down drastically, maybe in the month I have known her i've roughed up the suspect twice. Anyone else have this problem? any suggestions?

 

[disgustipated]

I got this same problem and so does one of my brothers, oddly enough. At first, I catch sooooo much grief from girls about, "I'm not attractive enough for you". Which is beyond frustrating. I have to try to calmly explain that I wouldn't be able to keep an erection for all this time if I weren't attracted to you....it's physical with a little bit of mental.

The mental part comes in when their reactions during sex just make it worse. Like after awhile they start getting ****ty if I haven't finished. Small things like body language. Nothing worse to ruin my mood than a chick that seems not into it. So it can be a cascading problem if you don't handle the situation right.

What helps. Lessen masterbation. Slow down on the thrusting, this seems to lessen friction and keep her wetter for longer. Concentrate strictly on the feeling and relax. I've been able to nut(sometimes) with girls with no asses just by closing my eyes and focusing on the feeling...like short slow rhythmic thrusts. I usually nut easier with a girl with a juicy ass is why I mention this.

Another thing, I'm like 4 for 4 trying this. After ****ing for like 10-15 minutes and not being able to finish, if I get her to blow me to the point it feels REAL good(even harder time nutting from a bj) then immidiately pop into favorite position I can nut like that...I dont know why.

Very very frustrating and I'm always wondering why this is. Are you by chance a jogger/runner?

 

[SgtSplacker]

Not a jogger runner, but I do alot of cardio at the gym running. I'm just not one of those guys that spends a couple hours running at 5AM. Disgustipated your right on the money with how I feel about the whole thing. I have since I met my last girl cut down masturbation 95% and porn 100% so I think i'm suffering from the dopamine drop they describe on yourbrainonporn.com. I always thought it was a healthy thing but i'm going to try this for a while and see how it goes. I have always been a little weird sexually. I can nut and stay hard... I don't get myself sometimes. But one thing for sure is I just need to see if the porn thing is what has be weird like this.

 

[pdx1138]

I remember being quite surprised that I couldn't complete the transaction, the first time I got some in many years. Hard as blue steel for over an hour but unable to finish. It was only a problem that first time with her though.

months later a casual cougar opportunity arose and I took it. She was gorgeous and in good shape but I kept going limp....that was odd.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Kinda makes sense PDX you need someone that really stimulates you finer girl = more dopamine in your body being produced. The girl i'm with now is very pretty but no *** soaked pornstar thats for sure. It's all about desensitizing yourself to dopamine. I have come to realize that i'm some kinda dopamine adrenaline junky, lol. I had a mustang all fixed up running a 13 second 1/4 mile and I would walk through the door to my house thinking I was crazy. I would be shaking from the adrenaline of driving that car and that was on the regular, daily driving. As far as porn goes i'm always looking at weird stuff on sites like 4chan and stuff. I just never thought it was bad for me is all. We'll see how my little experiment goes, i'll post updates here.

 

[pdx1138]

that avatar on on the website looks like Stan Winston lol

 

[Colossus]

Good topic.

About 6 months ago I had some really frustrating problems with keeping an erection with my GF. I could get an 80% erection but then after a few minutes of vigorous pumping I'd lose it. It was maddening. 1/5 times I couldnt even finish. It turned out to be hormonal.

Invariably, anytime you have a problem in this department they take it personally. It's very hard for a woman to understand that it could be something wrong with our 'circuitry' and not our attraction to them. Then when they start telling to hurry up, what's wrong, etc, it makes the problem even worse.

When ED happens there are three main causes:
1. hormonal
2. psychological (overuse of porn, boredom, anxiety, etc)
3. vascular/structural

In men under 40 it is almost always psychological, with porn and anxiety being the biggest offenders.

Testosterone and estradiol play key roles as well. That needs to be evaluated with some labs.

Bloodflow problems can occur with various diseases and medications. SSRI's are notorious for causing ED/orgasmic problems...but this is more of a neurochemical thing.

Good website too, btw.

 

[AlNess]

I know this problem all too well. My two suggestions, which are based on what has worked for me personally:

1. Get your testosterone levels checked. They might be low. If you need to raise T levels, I highly recommend doing so naturally by taking Tongkat Ali. Forget the supplements you see sold at health stores that claim to boost T; that stuff is usually crap. Tongkat Ali works, provided that you're taking the quality stuff from Indonesia, and not Malaysia, which is low-grade. I get mine from www.newlifealternatives.com, and it has made an amazing difference.

2. I'm glad someone else here mentioned yourbrainonporn.com ...Today's mainstreaming of porn in media has most people completely oblivious to the fact that porn usage "rewires" your brain and will eventually affect your sexual response and drive. People don't realize this because the changes are so gradual, and they've been conditioned to believe porn is "normal" and "just a part of pop culture." Drop the porn and masturbation altogether, don't just "cut down."

Should you do these two things, you should feel a significant difference after a few short weeks. When I did this, I felt a great increase in erection quality, but also, a drastic increase in sensation, drive, and response.