Is it ever worth it to report a female coworker to a manager? It seems so whiny and trivial to think about a man complaining to his manager about a female coworker, and it also seems pointless knowing there won’t be any action taken against her. Actually, it will end up being counter productive, because she will find out I complained and make it her mission to seek revenge and cause more problems than she already does - and she will succeed at it because she always has, because nobody has the courage to say anything about it. You either deal with her, or you quit, which is what many of my coworkers have done.
I made this thread because people here understand these issues. You may not have to deal with women disrespecting you at work, but I know I will get some good advice and perspective here because I always do.
All of my coworkers know this girl is a problem, and they are afraid of her. They know that if they argue with her, get caught speaking badly about her, or even suggest she has done something wrong, she will hold a grudge permanently, and do everything in her power to cause that person problems. It’s one thing to disrespect me, because I can ignore it, but now she is setting me up for failure by getting me in trouble with management, and she will not stop. There are only a few things she can do to get me in trouble, but she can manipulate other coworkers to do those things when they have the opportunity as well. She utilizes this tactic especially when new coworkers are brought into the team because they aren’t familiar with the way the system works. She has them do the dirty work for her, and do favors for her because they think they are supposed to. I recognize the tactics and I know her aggressive narcissism can be a very beneficial trait in the workplace, but it’s not beneficial to the guy who can recognize it. I can use similar manipulation tactics but i've never been able to do fake flattery, especially when it comes to befriending men. All of my managers are men.
I’ve spoken and heard from a lot of my coworkers about her and they all know she is “the queen” as they call her, but I don’t understand why they are ok with that. She is our equal, we all have the exact same job to do, and we all report to the same managers. I feel like I am the only person who can recognize her for what she really is, and the managers seem especially clueless, probably due to all the flattery. She acts like she in invulnerable, and from what i’ve seen, she is. That is a problem for me, because she is now working against me.
She was nice to me at first for various reasons, but once she found out I wouldn't take shlt from her, she changed her opinion and set out to take me down.
She makes me uncomfortable to be around. I was rarely bullied when I was younger, but I’ve also never been a bully either. It’s pathetic to admit, but I am being bullied right now and I don’t know how to deal with it. If it was guy I could find him somewhere after work and beat his brains in, but it’s a precious, innocent single mom. This one girl is causing so many problems in the work environment and it’s also affecting my personal life as well. Without her things would be significantly better. She isn’t a team player, she’s certainly no leader and I doubt she even recognizes she is on a team. I don’t think there is a way to make things right with her and get her off my back, and I don’t know what it would take to make that happen. I am not ok with being disrespected, and it blows my mind when people disrespect someone and expect that person to be kind to them. Being nice to her doesn't make her act any better towards me, it only shows that I'm fine with how she treats me. She’ll always slaughter my reputation and spread rumors about me to people in all departments of the building, and she will always harass me in front of other coworkers hoping to get a reaction from me, and she’ll always be eagerly waiting for a chance to get me in trouble with my managers. I already have gotten in trouble because of her, and when it gets to that point it’s serious and permanent. That is 1 point on my record, and we only get 6 before we’re gone. I look for ways to get her back for that, but there is always some convenient coincidence why she gets to slide. Of course I just ignore her and focus on my work, but that makes her get in my space and fvcks with my attitude, which affects my work.
I don’t know what I am supposed to do. She knows I can’t do anything, and that’s why she feels so comfortable. This job is great for me for a lot of reasons, and there are huge opportunities to move around to different departments. It could take me exactly where I want to be, and I remind myself of that constantly. I used to look forward to work, and now I get a stomach ache and can't sleep thinking about facing another eight hour shift. I don’t know how to handle her, and she knows.
I always want to go to my manager and let him know what's going on: there is all the typical female behavior (spreading rumors, playing victim), but amplified by a million. And then there are the problems I think he'll see as relevant: she makes fun of all of our coworkers. She’ll mock their accents to their face and tell them to shut up. She lies to them about rules, and threatens them to do what she says. She blatantly and excessively breaks rules, and doesn’t complete tasks because she knows people are too afraid to say anything about her. She doesn’t respect the management, and brags that she can control them.
Even if I said all of this to a manager, it would have no affect. At most she gets told to “be more respectful to coworkers” which is a statement easily traced back to me, making her thirst for blood even stronger. I'm the only person who is either bold enough, or stupid enough to ever talk to a manager about her, and she knows.
I have one example from last night where she said something to me, in front of several people that could EASILY be considered sexual harassment, and I would have no problem talking about it to a manager because that may be something she could actually be fired for. But I can’t imagine that going down without also causing bigger problems for me.
Did the comment offend me? No, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t an offensive comment. If a guy said that to a girl he would be yanked out of the company and have his balls cut off. Honestly, I could make a damn good case about how much that comment hurt me. I just don't think it would matter and I sure as hell don't want that reputation following me around.
I need advice and suggestions on how to deal with this.
I made this thread because people here understand these issues. You may not have to deal with women disrespecting you at work, but I know I will get some good advice and perspective here because I always do.
All of my coworkers know this girl is a problem, and they are afraid of her. They know that if they argue with her, get caught speaking badly about her, or even suggest she has done something wrong, she will hold a grudge permanently, and do everything in her power to cause that person problems. It’s one thing to disrespect me, because I can ignore it, but now she is setting me up for failure by getting me in trouble with management, and she will not stop. There are only a few things she can do to get me in trouble, but she can manipulate other coworkers to do those things when they have the opportunity as well. She utilizes this tactic especially when new coworkers are brought into the team because they aren’t familiar with the way the system works. She has them do the dirty work for her, and do favors for her because they think they are supposed to. I recognize the tactics and I know her aggressive narcissism can be a very beneficial trait in the workplace, but it’s not beneficial to the guy who can recognize it. I can use similar manipulation tactics but i've never been able to do fake flattery, especially when it comes to befriending men. All of my managers are men.
I’ve spoken and heard from a lot of my coworkers about her and they all know she is “the queen” as they call her, but I don’t understand why they are ok with that. She is our equal, we all have the exact same job to do, and we all report to the same managers. I feel like I am the only person who can recognize her for what she really is, and the managers seem especially clueless, probably due to all the flattery. She acts like she in invulnerable, and from what i’ve seen, she is. That is a problem for me, because she is now working against me.
She was nice to me at first for various reasons, but once she found out I wouldn't take shlt from her, she changed her opinion and set out to take me down.
She makes me uncomfortable to be around. I was rarely bullied when I was younger, but I’ve also never been a bully either. It’s pathetic to admit, but I am being bullied right now and I don’t know how to deal with it. If it was guy I could find him somewhere after work and beat his brains in, but it’s a precious, innocent single mom. This one girl is causing so many problems in the work environment and it’s also affecting my personal life as well. Without her things would be significantly better. She isn’t a team player, she’s certainly no leader and I doubt she even recognizes she is on a team. I don’t think there is a way to make things right with her and get her off my back, and I don’t know what it would take to make that happen. I am not ok with being disrespected, and it blows my mind when people disrespect someone and expect that person to be kind to them. Being nice to her doesn't make her act any better towards me, it only shows that I'm fine with how she treats me. She’ll always slaughter my reputation and spread rumors about me to people in all departments of the building, and she will always harass me in front of other coworkers hoping to get a reaction from me, and she’ll always be eagerly waiting for a chance to get me in trouble with my managers. I already have gotten in trouble because of her, and when it gets to that point it’s serious and permanent. That is 1 point on my record, and we only get 6 before we’re gone. I look for ways to get her back for that, but there is always some convenient coincidence why she gets to slide. Of course I just ignore her and focus on my work, but that makes her get in my space and fvcks with my attitude, which affects my work.
I don’t know what I am supposed to do. She knows I can’t do anything, and that’s why she feels so comfortable. This job is great for me for a lot of reasons, and there are huge opportunities to move around to different departments. It could take me exactly where I want to be, and I remind myself of that constantly. I used to look forward to work, and now I get a stomach ache and can't sleep thinking about facing another eight hour shift. I don’t know how to handle her, and she knows.
I always want to go to my manager and let him know what's going on: there is all the typical female behavior (spreading rumors, playing victim), but amplified by a million. And then there are the problems I think he'll see as relevant: she makes fun of all of our coworkers. She’ll mock their accents to their face and tell them to shut up. She lies to them about rules, and threatens them to do what she says. She blatantly and excessively breaks rules, and doesn’t complete tasks because she knows people are too afraid to say anything about her. She doesn’t respect the management, and brags that she can control them.
Even if I said all of this to a manager, it would have no affect. At most she gets told to “be more respectful to coworkers” which is a statement easily traced back to me, making her thirst for blood even stronger. I'm the only person who is either bold enough, or stupid enough to ever talk to a manager about her, and she knows.
I have one example from last night where she said something to me, in front of several people that could EASILY be considered sexual harassment, and I would have no problem talking about it to a manager because that may be something she could actually be fired for. But I can’t imagine that going down without also causing bigger problems for me.
Did the comment offend me? No, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t an offensive comment. If a guy said that to a girl he would be yanked out of the company and have his balls cut off. Honestly, I could make a damn good case about how much that comment hurt me. I just don't think it would matter and I sure as hell don't want that reputation following me around.
I need advice and suggestions on how to deal with this.
