handling (rejection)

[jdg34]

There's this girl I've been making moves on in my classes (I'm a pretty shy, non talkative guy but decent looking). I think she likes me a bit. I've shown my interest. I've been persistent/certain, but also have played push/pull. I got her number and sent her some good texts....next day she wore red lol. I sit behind her, she always looks back at me, like when something funny happens in class. I then texted her suggesting she study with me, never gave me a straight answer but we talked. Next day she said hi, but talked with her guy friend who sits next to her (I sit behind her) more than usual. At the end of class I asked what she was doing and she said she was bored and that was it. Next thing you know, she's studying WITH HER GUY FRIEND in the library. I noticed she talked to him more than usual that day. Clearly she's testing me, trying to make me jealous. Next day, she continues to talk to this guy... shes making me jealous... in between classes I call her out saying she probably knows a bit about conspiracy....then say I'm just messing with her....then during next class I throw gum wrapper at her lolol.... do I regret these moves? Was I reacting to her jealousy the wrong way? Maybe I shouldnt have done ANYTHING. I totally get the whole indifference care free thing, but at the time I almost felt like throwing the gum wrapper was fitting for not caring...perhaps an ambiguous move. Now I'm worried she thinks I would be a weak abuser of a bf.....which isn't true!

Oh btw, at a party earlier in the semester she hung with me for a bit and ended up hooking up with another guy that night who ultimately ditched her.... yes I still want it, perhaps this is why I'm worried my moves above came across as insecure and weak. Perhaps it's why I reacted. Ugh, gotta hit the gym. There are multiple reasons why I want this girl as my GF over any other girl at school (I know this is a bad mindset)...I want to maximize my chances. Push/pull is my regimen...if I have to ignore her for a semester I will. OF COURSE I don't want to come across as needy/clingy, I know the game.

Experts, direct me por favor.

 

[Roober]

Seems like low interest if you ask me... Most guys here will say this, you are overhtinking about a girl you have yet to have sex with...

 

[BeExcellent]

OK. Quit acting like a grade school kid shooting spitballs. You are ABSOLUTELY over analyzing this. Stop it. Who cares who she talks to right now. If you like her you make a decision and you ask her out. That alone cuts through all the noise. Makes no difference about some other dude right now. Other dude is not your concern. Either she says yes or she doesn't. If you don't like her behavior you withdraw your attention. Throwing gum wrappers at her is giving her attention. If she declines to go out with you, then ignore her and move on. Its really that simple.

All this wishy-washy what does she think stuff is the kiss of death. You have no idea if she is worthy of being your girlfriend. So stop talking like that too. Ask her out and if she says yes then get to know her on the date while also observing her behavior.

 

[bb47]

OK. Quit acting like a grade school kid shooting spitballs. You are ABSOLUTELY over analyzing this. Stop it. Who cares who she talks to right now. If you like her you make a decision and you ask her out. That alone cuts through all the noise. Makes no difference about some other dude right now. Other dude is not your concern. Either she says yes or she doesn't. If you don't like her behavior you withdraw your attention. Throwing gum wrappers at her is giving her attention. If she declines to go out with you, then ignore her and move on. Its really that simple.

All this wishy-washy what does she think stuff is the kiss of death. You have no idea if she is worthy of being your girlfriend. So stop talking like that too. Ask her out and if she says yes then get to know her on the date while also observing her behavior.

Agreed. OP needs to stop obsessing over one girl. There's tons of other girls to choose from

Also, girls won't really improve your life that much anyways. If you think that way, then they'll have power and control over you. Girls are attracted to guys who have power over them, and those guys who have that power definitely would not obsess over one girl the way you are.

 

[wifehunter]

Yes, it seems like you're giving your power away.

See: unattractive

 

[jdg34]

I get it. Power is key. It seems like there are a lot of different Instrumental mindsets/personas.... but perhaps they all culminate to one thing.

There's:
Certainty
Power
Confidence
Indifference

most of them can be attained with the same mindset/personas.... some are conditions for the others...

You want to be the actor, not the reactor....

 

[dude99]

There's this girl I've been making moves on in my classes (I'm a pretty shy, non talkative guy but decent looking). I think she likes me a bit. I've shown my interest. I've been persistent/certain, but also have played push/pull. I got her number and sent her some good texts....next day she wore red lol. I sit behind her, she always looks back at me, like when something funny happens in class. I then texted her suggesting she study with me, never gave me a straight answer but we talked. Next day she said hi, but talked with her guy friend who sits next to her (I sit behind her) more than usual. At the end of class I asked what she was doing and she said she was bored and that was it. Next thing you know, she's studying WITH HER GUY FRIEND in the library. I noticed she talked to him more than usual that day. Clearly she's testing me, trying to make me jealous. Next day, she continues to talk to this guy... shes making me jealous... in between classes I call her out saying she probably knows a bit about conspiracy....then say I'm just messing with her....then during next class I throw gum wrapper at her lolol.... do I regret these moves? Was I reacting to her jealousy the wrong way? Maybe I shouldnt have done ANYTHING. I totally get the whole indifference care free thing, but at the time I almost felt like throwing the gum wrapper was fitting for not caring...perhaps an ambiguous move. Now I'm worried she thinks I would be a weak abuser of a bf.....which isn't true!

Oh btw, at a party earlier in the semester she hung with me for a bit and ended up hooking up with another guy that night who ultimately ditched her.... yes I still want it, perhaps this is why I'm worried my moves above came across as insecure and weak. Perhaps it's why I reacted. Ugh, gotta hit the gym. There are multiple reasons why I want this girl as my GF over any other girl at school (I know this is a bad mindset)...I want to maximize my chances. Push/pull is my regimen...if I have to ignore her for a semester I will. OF COURSE I don't want to come across as needy/clingy, I know the game.

Experts, direct me por favor.

Ask her out to a specific date and time and place. Her answer will tell you everything you want to know.

"Yes sounds like fun." You're in.

" oh sorry tomorrow i'm tasked with trimming my little brother's toe nails to get him ready for his bar mitzva." Or insert other lame excuse here as to why she can't without counter offer, then you walk and stop wasting your time on this girl.

 

[dude99]

I think the problem here is you are basing your self esteem and self worth on her answer. If she say yes you will feel valued. If she says no you won't feel valuable and yourself esteem will plummet.

Approach every women with the mindset that you already know that you value no matter what her answer is. You approach her with the mentality that you will add enhancement to her life. Not the other way around. She will react to this confidence in a positive way.

If she doesn't want to share in your life or appreciate your value then you walk on to the next one, knowing what ever her response is it doesn't change your value and selfworth

 

[RangerMIke]

Stop trying to figure out what she wants. Focus on what you want and have to balls to let her know. That is really all you can control. She either likes you or she does not; if she isn't interested then forget about her. It's not REALLY confidence... I know much has been made of the fact that 'confidence' and being a 'challenge' is the key to women, and while this is true to a certain degree. You can act confident all you want, but if you fail to go after what you want then nothing is going to happen. In fact if you appear to be confident and then fail to go after what you want, then she will be even more turned off because she will think you just don't want her. Women like men that go after what they want and are not afraid of rejection or failure.

This is one aspect of men that women just don't get because they are wired different. If a woman knows that a man is NOT interested in her, then she really isn't interested in him either. She can't feel anything for you unless you feel something for her. She has to know something is there otherwise her attraction drops like a rock... this is also why women who seam really into you in the beginning think you are dog poo after a certain time when you are to chicken to make a move. It's not so much about lack of confidence, but she NEEDS to know you are interested in her PHYSICALLY, otherwise it is impossible for you to connect with her.

Women really can not understand how a guy can continue to love them when they have ZERO interest in that guy. They don't get it because that experience is NOT part of their reality. Have you ever heard "You love me... how can you love me, you don't know me."

 

[sazc]

There's no reason the be spinning on any chick the way you are spinning on this one. It's a waste of time.
You need to risk the rejection sooner with females. As soon as you are interested, ask the girl out. If she says no, then you know now to waste your time thinking about her. You can move on.

 

[Roober]

I have asked for one number recently, and got rejected.. And ya know? I felt better about that than the one I didn't ask for the week prior...

Lesson here... Rejection is better than regret!

 

[BeExcellent]

It's like ketchup. You order some fries. Drive thru person says "You want ketchup with those fries?"

You say yes or you say no. Drive through person is utterly unaffected either way. Your answer has ZERO bearing on the drive through person's self worth & they won't sit there begging you to take ketchup if you said no!

Date as though you are asking if she wants ketchup with those fries...and be totally unfazed by the answer.

@dude99 nailed it. You are attaching your self worth to her response. Don't do that!!! Never create that unicorns & rainbows fantasy and expect someone to fall in line with your fantasy land idea. This is how you set yourself up for disappointment and disillusionment...and you may not even realize you are doing it to your own self!!

 

[nismo-4]

Analysis paralysis. Not attractive. Make a move on her even if it means you'll take a hit (get rejected). If that happens, figure out what, how, and where you f**ked up.