Hail Mary

[lifeislearning]

I've learned I have an issue giving up the fight. I really enjoy the challenge, and there's nothing like the challenge of a woman headed out the door.

Currently there's a student I met at the college I work for: she's hot, young, fun, and seems really into me. Always holding hands and leaning on me in public. After a long winter break where we both went away we get back and after a day date she sends me this,

"I've been having an awesome time with you, but I don't think I'm in a place to date and I don't see this going anywhere. What do you think"

I figure this one's about 95% done, but oh the challenge of the potential to drag it from the ashes. Figured I'd be honest: "It's way too early for me to think about the future, lets keep taking it a day at a time."

Thoughts?

 

[Atom Smasher]

She found someone else. You need to strike preemptively. "I'm glad you mentioned that. I was thinking something along the same lines. I've been getting ready to tell you that I'm moving on."

You will flip her on her head by flipping the script on her.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Life Learner,
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Have you ever thought she sees you as a friend not a lover?

 

[lifeislearning]

Scaramouche, nope, the sex kinda gets in the way of that. Atom, that was my first reaction, but does that ever really work? I usually have reliable efficacy with some humor and exaggerating the silly things girls say.

 

[Atom Smasher]

It depends on how you define, "work". She is gone. Your relationship is over. She's already set the stage for her exit. What will you gain by trying to "get her back"? This seems a colossal waste of effort. It is a fait accompli.

The only way to come out on top is to strike preemptively. I always advise, NEVER be the dumpee. She is dumping you and expecting you to try to get her back, which will be a delicious meal for her to consume. Instead you need to pull the rug out from under her completely.

Her "what do you think" is her bid to get you to agree in a way that she has closure. Always deny closure, because closure gives her a green light to walk away without even a glimmer of accountability for how the relationship went. She walks around "at peace" and fully ready to jump back on the carousel while the man is left blaming himself, whether overtly or below his consciousness.

By flipping the script you will put her in a tailspin as it will disintegrate her expectations, the things she is "sure" of. Only then would there be any chance of her changing her mind (although I personally wouldn't pursue a woman who wanted to dump me and then changed her mind based upon my flipping the script).

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Just don't text her back. What's the point?

You banged her, had a good time. What more do you want to do? Go out and have fun and get with other chicks. No need to think any more hard about it.

 

[Alvafe]

just do what atom said, there is nothing else to it

 

[speed dawg]

I've learned I have an issue giving up the fight. I really enjoy the challenge, and there's nothing like the challenge of a woman headed out the door.

Yeah. Right.

There is no challenge here. She is leaving you. I'd just reply, "Cool". Be done with it. If you TRULY like the challenge, that's the best route.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

It's the ego guys. I understand the blunt tough love, but anyone who's been with chicks..especially in the early ages of gaining experience...has to have dealt with this at a time. Let's tell OP what helps him recover MENTALLY.

OP...as hard as your ego wants to fight and believe that you were the best this chick has ever had, in a females mind it just won't conclude like that. If you were Shaq...a lot of times a woman would like to experience the joys of drafting another Shaq. The honeymoon period of Shaqs rookie season and just not knowing the future is the instant shock of wetness to a ***** that she's looking for. If that makes sense. Take your ego out of it. Females come and go bro. Take this as a chance for you to find someone else fun. Who cares what she's doing. 9/10 if u were alpha and kept your frame in the relationship, that's why she left. And guess what...very high chance the next guy to her will end up being temporary as well.

 

[lifeislearning]

I think you guys are taking this a bit more seriously than I am.

I'm not hung up, heartbroken, or giving up the dating game. We weren't in a relationship, exclusive, or anything more than going on a few dates. I do have this theory that there is an effective action for every situation. I've seen one simple act or statement turn a lost cause around, so I'm always curious to see if I can find it.

If I don't: oh well, life goes on, not a loss, just not a win.

I like the discussion, but I'm not one of the hopeless souls who is gonna let a woman ruin my world. Not these days anyway

I personally hope I am never the best a woman has ever had. Oh, the pressure! These situations are like the $650 million lotto. You know you're not gonna win, but what's a dollar to play?

 

[Slickster]

If she didn't write "What do you think?" at the end of that text how would you respond?

She's telling you she isn't interested. IME chicks expect guys to chase them or try to get them back in situations like this. If you try to get her back or convince her to stay or even say "let's take it slow, blah, blah, blah" all that will do is drive her further away. She will be trying to avoid you like the plague if you do that.

If you say nothing at all she will automatically assume you are hurt because she's dumping you and she's the prize (in her mind).

The best thing to do is text back a one word answer like "OK". Not a single word more. This is a great tactic to get a chick's head spinning because she is expecting at least some kind of reaction from you. She's expecting you to at least respond with a gesture of peace, sorrow, bitterness, or an attempt to save the relationship. When you respond with a one word answer like OK and nothing else it leaves her wondering. Did he actually like me? Did he even care? Why isn't he trying to get me back? How the fvck can he be OK? Where's the drama she expects and wants. The more serious the relationship the better this tactic works. In many cases they end up calling you trying to get some sort of emotional reaction to make themselves feel better that the relationship (or they) actually meant something to you. Sometimes you'll find them going back on their decision as your aloofness is a wake up call for them that they weren't in control of the relationship after all.

Most guys will tell you just to move on and generally that is good advice if you are of weak mind and lack other options. However if you are strong and really don't give a sh!t either way try what I have suggested. When you see her again act as if it never happened and you are completely happy and unfazed. Don't acknowledge the text or even the relationship.

Something I learned long ago is that when you can be completely cool during a break up the woman will be impressed and respect you more. Her lasting memory of you will be good. This may lead to further encounters down the road if you let it happen on it's own and don't press it. If you show too much emotion and act poorly during a break up you will always be thought of as less than.