Had sex and but should i fess up too it?

[Hoogie]

K. So me and my ex are looking at getting back together and I wanna make a serious try at it this time and have a really good sense of trust in the relationship.
But about 1 week before we broke up last time, i slept with another gal (I was drunk and didnt realise just how ugly she was and its created mass regret)
Getting back with my ex is kinda a big deal too... we were together for a while and have a son and i really want things to work out.

So what would be your thoughts on telling her and seeing how things go with it all out in the open

Thanks Guys,

 

[Tomatoes]

Did you break up because you slept with that girl? Not that it matters.....

I prob wouldnt.....Some things are best left buried...Bury it with the old relationship.....This one is a new leaf. A fresh start.....dont taint it. Im not saying lie.......Just dont tell her.


Play it cool. Take it easy. Dont go to fast. Just be comfortable together and expand from there

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

How will telling her help the relationship? C'mon, think about it, are you just trying to brag about bagging another woman or are you guilty that you did because you already knew that there was a chance of you getting back with your ex? No matter the reason, you need to find a better way to deal with your internal issues because little good will come from you telling her.

 

[Hoogie]

No. I didnt break up with my ex cause i slept with the other girl, and no im trying to brag, but sure, yeah, i do feel pretty guilty about it.
The thing that really bothers me about this though is that if we get back together i really wanna make a serious effort out of it and I think that might be a bit difficult if we didnt fully trust each other and I dont think i could really trust her knowing that she cant trust me........ Any thoughts??

 

[AngelusPUA]

....

 

[Chemistry]

Don't tell her... but you've got to be able to work on a clear conscience because otherwise no trust will exist... she might trust you, but because you've got that weight on your mind, you're constantly thinking about it and you can't trust her because in your eyes she can't trust you...

Personally, I have no trouble wiping my conscience clean, but I don't know if you're the same... when I was with one of my ex GFs, I picked up some girl at a club and went to her place with 2 of her housemates and had a lot of fun... I felt bad so I bought my GF a watch the next day that she wore everyday and always talked about how nice a gift it was... I lived contentedly, clearing my conscience cost $45, lol...

But to return to the point... don't tell her and do make a proper go of things... the main reason I say this is because there's a kid involved... in that situation, things are always worth another shot, but don't stay together if things get messed up because it will do more harm than good for the kid... its better to be apart in that situation and see the kid to spend quality time together, rather than have him in an unhappy home...

 

[niceguydying]

As men we have all done stupid things we later regretted, but take it from my experience, NEVER TELL ON YOURSELF!!! There are enough arseholes out there willing to do you in, why would you do yourself in??? Here is food for thought because this is how women are and it happened to me: You tell her and even if she forgives you, she will never and I mean NEVER let you live it down!!! PERIOD, end of story! I TOLD ON MYSELF to my current wife way before we married and I have always heard about it when a fight happens. Of course I am going through a divorce with her, but it is my doing.

 

[vp171s]

You guys were split, she was not part of your life during that time. If she asks you can tell her, that will show honesty, otherwise don't open your mouth.

It's like if you meet a girl and you tell her right off the bat everybody you've slept with before her. Like why?

If she asks be honest, if she doesn't burry it.

 

[AngelusPUA]

Be a MAN and tell her, if she somehow finds out 2 years down the track the problems it will cause will be catastrophic compared to the problems it will cause if you grow some balls and tell her now. Remember you have a child to consider and you don’t need to traumatize him with another break up 2 years down the track.

This isn't a game when you have a kid you have to consider what’s best for him, you not telling her is the equivalent of child abuse. If somehow she finds out and it breaks you up 2 years down the track you will inflict all the psychological trauma brought on by a divorce on your child.

For what, huh? Just so you can be a B*tch and hide.

You made a mistake be a man and deal with it, clean off the sh*t that you threw yourself into.

Pussies beat around the bush, men don't.

 

[grr]

Be a MAN and tell her, if she somehow finds out 2 years down the track the problems it will cause will be catastrophic compared to the problems it will cause if you grow some balls and tell her now.

I disagree. Sometimes being a man is about sacrificing your attention whoring & conscience for a better end result.

If you tell her you are further cultivating a weed which could last a long time, when you could just pull it out by its roots right now by rationalizing: Sex isn't a big deal, telling her about it is going to cause more problems than it will will solve. (Unless you intend to break-up with her.)

You guys need to stop promoting open honesty in situations where it will screw up lives. Don't get me wrong, you should be honest as much as possible, but your guilty conscience still takes the backseat to your life and the things you care about.

Honesty as a policy will only lead to tragedy. Results as a policy leads to success & true personal responsibility. There's a reason the hippie era didn't last forever. We have to make up for our parent's unrealistic outlook on life, because look where it got them.

 

[AngelusPUA]

I disagree. Sometimes being a man is about sacrificing your attention whoring & conscience for a better end result.

If you tell her you are further cultivating a weed which could last a long time, when you could just pull it out by its roots right now by rationalizing: Sex isn't a big deal, telling her about it is going to cause more problems than it will will solve. (Unless you intend to break-up with her.)

You guys need to stop promoting open honesty in situations where it will screw up lives. Don't get me wrong, you should be honest as much as possible, but your guilty conscience still takes the backseat to your life and the things you care about.

Honesty as a policy will only lead to tragedy. Results as a policy leads to success & true personal responsibility. There's a reason the hippie era didn't last forever. We have to make up for our parent's unrealistic outlook on life, because look where it got them.

Don't you think it will screw up more lives if it is found out 2 years down the track?

 

[Vulpine]

No harm, no foul.

You telling her = harm = foul.

 

[Centaurion]

There is a reason for why she is your E X.

What will you gain by getting together with her?

There are about 3 billion b!tches on this planet. I'm sure you can find someone better.

 

[grr]

Don't you think it will screw up more lives if it is found out 2 years down the track?

Yeah, meteors might hit us in two years time, but I don't see you digging bomb shelters. Why? Because its a waste of time, and so is telling her.

 

[ObieJuan]

Be a MAN and tell her, if she somehow finds out 2 years down the track the problems it will cause will be catastrophic compared to the problems it will cause if you grow some balls and tell her now. Remember you have a child to consider and you don’t need to traumatize him with another break up 2 years down the track.

This isn't a game when you have a kid you have to consider what’s best for him, you not telling her is the equivalent of child abuse. If somehow she finds out and it breaks you up 2 years down the track you will inflict all the psychological trauma brought on by a divorce on your child.

For what, huh? Just so you can be a B*tch and hide.

You made a mistake be a man and deal with it, clean off the sh*t that you threw yourself into.

Pussies beat around the bush, men don't.

Damn straight! preach on :rockon:

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Don't you think it will screw up more lives if it is found out 2 years down the track?

And how would she find out? How will it help if she's told outright? Why ask for trouble?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

And how would she find out? How will it help if she's told outright? Why ask for trouble?

He'll hear the sound of that hideous heart beating beneath the floorboard. His conscience will get to him, and his guilt won't go away. Everytime he sees that glint of ultimate trust in her eyes, he'll feel worse and worse. I think honestly this is about him and not her. How could you be happy knowing you wronged someone you're truly in love with while lying to them at the same time. Truth is, is that you can't. Tell her and let the cards fall into place. It could be a serious breakup, or it can be a time to ask for forgiveness and trust. You're not going to lie to her. The lie will eat you alove inside.

Men don't hide. Real men take responsibility.


You lie because you're afraid.

 

[grr]

Well, there are a lot of unanswered questions like, is she worth staying for? Couldn't you just improve yourself and get someone better?

What it boils down to is people in these types of situations are usually stuck in AFC land. Usually everyone involved in the conflict is frustrated as hell because they don't have their sh_t together.

So.

You're directly advising him to take a course of action that will sabotage himself with no guilt.

Yes, he should probably break up with her. Maybe even take custody of the child.

But since he's stuck on staying with her, he shouldn't tell her something that might maker her leave.

 

[Un-Aru]

Most people 'confess' their sins, under the self-delusion that they're doing it in an attempt to be honest with a loved, so that they can take responsibility for their actions and ultimately 'move on' with a healthier relationship. Bullsh*t.

It's the psychology of confession. In the church, you confess your sins (albeit with anonymity) and God effectively takes them on, absolving you of the responsibility for them. You can then carry on with your life, happy and content in the knowledge that your conscience is clear. (Until you f**k up again)

This is no different, the reason people confess has not so much to do with fear of the outcome, it has more to do with clearing a guilty conscience and the pain and mental anguish associated with it. They absolve themselves of pain and suffering by projecting all that pain and suffering onto their partner. Their conscience is then clear and they feel content in the knowledge that the next move is no longer their responsibility, because they have 'confessed.'

Let me ask this... what MAN would let a loved one take on the burden for his own indiscretions and the responsibility for the next move?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

He'll hear the sound of that hideous heart beating beneath the floorboard. His conscience will get to him, and his guilt won't go away. Everytime he sees that glint of ultimate trust in her eyes, he'll feel worse and worse. I think honestly this is about him and not her. How could you be happy knowing you wronged someone you're truly in love with while lying to them at the same time. Truth is, is that you can't. Tell her and let the cards fall into place. It could be a serious breakup, or it can be a time to ask for forgiveness and trust. You're not going to lie to her. The lie will eat you alove inside.

Men don't hide. Real men take responsibility.


You lie because you're afraid.

Oh I see. A guy fvcks up with a woman and instead of not wanting to hurt her more, he decides to tell everything because he can't handle his own guilt.

The strange thing is that they weren't even dating anymore and you think he should still tell her. So I guess you feel that even after breaking up with someone you shouldn't bed anyone else.