Had our first fight

[guitaronfire411]

If you look at my previous thread, my girl asked for space last Monday and then was super-happy to see me on the Friday and we cuddled. Just basic kissing, no sexy tonguing or humping like before.

Last night I took her out for a nice dinner and it was great. We got back and her excuse for not having sex was "I'm not in the mood", "I'm tired", and "We've only been together for a month." (Started to see her in November; we became a couple in late December) Early this morning or the day before, she claimed that she "wanted a romantic event" that would signify our romance... and I tried to explain that that was B.S. and how spending time (not money) with someone is the only way to do it. Today she said that she had a headache since 5PM yesterday --- too convenient, it seems.

She was fairly affectionate with holding hands and kissing, but I'm no longer getting tongued, and she isn't getting naked like the time before and she won't put out. I told her to stop teasng me and she claimed that she wasn't. I tried to assure that it was okay and started to pull her panties down, but she responded very angrily, warning that she would kick me out of her dorm....unfortunately, I was dumb and I persisted straight away (bad) and she threatened to go and sleep in her friend's room and got up and started to leave. I calmly said, "Hey baby, come back to bed, it's okay," and gestured her back into bed with my fingers. She complied and said that she was tired and wanted to go to sleep. I hugged her and told her something like "I obviously respect you because I stopped, didn't I?"

Today she said that she wasn't happy that she didn't have the whole bed, and that her past boyfriends never stayed over. She said that my staying over was weird, and I said that her boyfriends not staying over was weird. I also added that sleeping in her bed without getting sex was weird.

She said "I'm mad at you" either in the early AM last night and shutdown on all affection. I got up a little while later and watched some TV, and she then asked me where i had gone. I told her straight up that "I wasn't happy with the way that I was being treated, so I left." She said "Good night" and that was that. We didn't even finish watching the movie we started... And I got the feeling that she kept on checking the clock to get rid of me today.

On the phone, she said to her sister that they could hang out as a group -- her, her sister's boyfriend and her sister /right infront of me/. I asked her why she didn't invite me along to the comedy club and she excused it as, "I thought you would be busy Wednesday night."

So I'm thinking about LJBFing this girl over Facebook and switching my status back to "Single". She isn't putting out and obviously she isn't doing as much for me as before. She made me eggs this morning but the affection is non-existent now.

She has two movies of mine but that's it.

 

[Warrior74]

you need to come unstuck from her arsehole. You are way too availble. Give it a couple of days and go silent. since your ready to bail on this relationship anyway...give it some space. Don't call. Don't change your facebook, don't change your routine. All that crap is just attention seeking and you know it. Just enjoy your life and things you like to do and go do it. Give it time and be patient and meet some other girls and see what happens.

 

[guitaronfire411]

So if she phones me do I just say I need some space and/or time to do my university work?

This is my first relationship. Thanks for the help.

 

[Ollie]

Do you need some space? I don't think so...she needs the space. Don't say sh!t like that, you'll come across as weak and not manly. Just don't answer the phone if she calls, or if you really have to or if she calls a few times answer but be distant and say you're busy and don't have time to talk. You're letting her walk all over you. You need to detach yourself. And don't do stuff like complain that she's going out with a group and didn't invite you. Would you really want to go? Hanging out with her sister and her sisters boyfriend would probably be gay. You need to have your own life and allow her to have her own, and then have the time you share together. I see no problem with her not wanting you to sleep over either. You seem to be coming across as clingy and needy, and you need to stop that now if you want a chance with this girl or want to get with other girls. That's the fastest way to kill attraction. Just take some time off from her and seek self improvement. Whether it means going to the gym or learning an instrument or whatever, do something to give yourself a confidence boost.

 

[Warrior74]

Do you need some space? I don't think so...she needs the space. Don't say sh!t like that, you'll come across as weak and not manly. Just don't answer the phone if she calls, or if you really have to or if she calls a few times answer but be distant and say you're busy and don't have time to talk. You're letting her walk all over you. You need to detach yourself. And don't do stuff like complain that she's going out with a group and didn't invite you. Would you really want to go? Hanging out with her sister and her sisters boyfriend would probably be gay. You need to have your own life and allow her to have her own, and then have the time you share together. I see no problem with her not wanting you to sleep over either. You seem to be coming across as clingy and needy, and you need to stop that now if you want a chance with this girl or want to get with other girls. That's the fastest way to kill attraction. Just take some time off from her and seek self improvement. Whether it means going to the gym or learning an instrument or whatever, do something to give yourself a confidence boost.

I agree.

 

[Ollie]

As a side note, if you think about it, you're really fvcking this up right now. So what you're doing isn't working. Consciously take time to think before you respond to her and do and say the opposite of what you normally would. You've been together like a month, which isn't too too long, but it's enough time for you to become predictable, and being that way is almost as bad as being suffocating and needy. Women crave excitement and "danger," not the same old routine. Switch it up a little. And if she starts kissing you, then you be the one to slow things down and not let her go too far. It's counter intuitive, but girls want what they can't have. So don't give it to her. The key right now is to make sure you're changing your behavior because you want to change, and do it for you, cause in the long run that'll help more than pretending to change so you can have sex with this girl, which when it comes down to it, this whole argument was about her not wanting to have sex with you.

 

[Igetit!]

Ollie and Warrioir74 pretty much covered what it is you need to do here. To be honest though,I'm more surprised at your behavior in this situation than the things she's been doing. Given the circumstances you described,her behavior towards you is actually pretty normal. How in the world can you be a member here for almost 4 years,and not only not recognize why she's behaving these ways,but also not know what it is you need to do to fix the situation? Everything she's doing that you're complaining about is emotionally based for her. The no sex,to the shutting down of all affection,to her not inviting you to hang out with her,her sis,and sister's boyfriend. It's ALL rooted in her emotions and what did you do? You tried to get her to open up emotionally to you by using logic. She was expressing to you how she felt,and you responded like a professor talking to his class. And when it didn't work,you scratched your head all confused wondering why. Now you plan on possibly putting her in the friendzone. What for? For being female? Because each and every woman you come in contact with using the same behavior you did with this girl,will react the exact same way as the girl did with you.

 

[Interceptor]

Walk.
It's over, brother.

Sorry.


Find someone who respects you and wants to be with you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Everyone should read the first thread, where the OP mentions that his "gf" has been logging onto a dating site:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=156140

This relationship is over. You blew it. You ruined it by being too needy, too clingy, seeking validation too much, and not understanding that when anyone pulls back from you, the answer is not to chase after them, but to step back further yourself. Everyone has to learn these things to do well with women; it comes with time and experience. You will do a little better with the next girl. It works that way every time.

 

[guitaronfire411]

Thanks guys. I know this stuff but once you start to slip you fall hard. I know exactly when I slipped (not ****ing her when we were both naked) and that caused the 'I need space to do my hw' and then the lack of tonguing after that up until yesterday.

So I've ignored her and had NC since then. I've been putting up cool stuff on Facebook in the meantime. She hasn't tried to phone me but she did try poking me over Facebook this afternoon, which I ignored.

I switched my cell to vibrate and won't have it on me tonight.

Should I totally freeze her out from here but get my **** and run whenever I am in her dorm next?

Btw, some people suggest ultimatums like, "Baby, I want to be with you but you've got to put out or I'm leaving for good" while others say those never workout. Never done a LJBF to a get I actually liked, though.

For example, this featured link: http://www.sosuave.com/quick/tip167.htm?forum

P.S. Forgot to mention how two of her guy friends are teasing her that she isn't getting laid (by me). Are they trying to help or hinder me? She said my actions were pressuring her so I eased up after that yesterday or the day before.

 

[guitaronfire411]

She phoned me about ten minutes ago and explained how her mouth hurt and she could barely eat. Both of our voices were calm but mine was casual, happy and relaxed.

She said that she was tired and had "so much work to do" and that "we should probably not hangout Friday night". I don't remember if she asked what I've been up to or how I was, but I counted back, "Yeah, I've been busy and I have to write some essays 'n stuff."

So she said that we'd have to hangout "whenever" which isn't very promising. (She told me before how she's hanging with her aunt tonght and she has a paper due on Monday.)

So I pulled way back and then she pushed forward to push back? This flaking is so silly.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Yeah, her telling you that she has to visit relatives and do homework all weekend is a sign of very low interest. Don't answer your phone on Fri or Sat night. Make her wonder if you are out with another girl.

Ultimatums don't work if they are words, like your example. They do work if they are actions - like you going out with a different girl the weekend that she blows you off. Don't talk about it; don't tell her, just do it.

ps - those other guys are amog'ing you. They are insinuating that if she was with them, then they would give her a lot of sex.

 

[Telos]

Look man. You've already reached end game. I would be surprised if this lasts any longer than a month. She's not interested in you anymore.

 

[guitaronfire411]

The next time I see her, I think a LJBF is in order.

Something like:

(pick up my movie from her and then the one I lent to her friend)

"I'm displeased with how this relationship is going and think we should just be friends."

*walk away*

OR

I could even do the badass, evil womenish way and just "break up" with her over Facebook and cut my losses with the two movies.

I want to act soon. What do you guys suggest?

Edit: I know how I screwed this up. There were quite a few signs that I thought I could overcome with kino+dirty talk and a few times when I should've walked. The fact that I didn't sex her when she wanted it was the worst crime.

 

[Tenzen]

I wouldn't tell her anything. Just continue living you life date some other girls and pretend shes not even there. Don't awswer any phone calls or messages w/e. If she comes running she should put out right then and there, if not you don't have to do anything. And f the 2 movies man its what like $10?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Words mean nothing. You really need to learn that. You are worrying about the right words to say to her...all of that is meaningless. Actions are all that matter. Throw out every word she has ever said and look at her actions: trolling for other guys, too busy for you, not putting out, would rather do homework than be with you. All of that is what matters. Her actions have played her hand, now the ball is in your court. Do not respond with words. Respond with actions. Be too busy for her (don't tell her), and at least start talking to other girls - don't tell her about that, either. Right now she is picking out the next person she will jump to after you. You should be doing the same. Don't get upset, just be too busy for her unless she wants to come over and have sex. Again, use actions to tell her that and not words, which, as I really hope you can learn, mean absolutely nothing.

 

[Ollie]

Well if you do decide to LJBF her don't say the relationship isn't working out, say that you don't feel the same about her anymore. Sounds like a small difference to us but it's a big difference to a girl. If you're gonna hit her hit her where it hurts the most.

 

[guitaronfire411]

Yeah, I'm already talking to a different girl that is showing high interest without the B.S. from my gf.

Thanks guys for helping me keep my cool and the extra help.

~~~
A few of the reasons why deep down I knew that she was messed up or a *****:

- She recently said, "I don't want to fall in love with anyone right now." when were sitting on her bed. That's apart of the withholding sex that she has done.

- Again, she tried to kick me out and threatened to go sleep in that a-hole's room when I tried to screw her a few days ago.

- Keeps insisting on taking it slow or that she's not ready. Likely made up the story about how her previous boyfriend cheated on her with a friend of hers. I thought with my knowledge that her earlier story about not putting out was due to ASD.

- I saw just a few days ago, when in the presence of her jerk friend who is likely the source of the AMOGGing, she would stare at him and her eyes were glazed. She also said, "I hate you <guy's name>." in a joking fashion. Her eyes were pretty much glued to him or her other friend in the room while I was being inadvertently ignored.

- Her mom first invited me to their house. Then this girl told me that I could go down to Thunder Bay with her in June in their car. Now, she has switched it to, in my translated version, "I'm not sure if you can come. My cousin "D" might want to go."

- Since I first met her, she would almost always want to do only stuff that she enjoyed. I went with it because I naively thought we would alternate. Uh huh, didn't really happen. I lead the way with the first date and unintentionally flaked on her, and then rearranged the date, and then suggested playing pool. She ignored it and went with a comedy club. About a week ago, when I suggested an exciting top-karting G.T., she said that it was too expensive even when I suggested she could borrow the extra $10.

- She suggested plans for her to come over and spend time with my mom and I....then days later switched her mind and wanted to hangout with her friend instead of me. Then she again -- and yes, I screwed up here --- said that she only had spare time between 2:30 and 6:30 and then changed plans on me again and said that she was free the whole night.

- "I should just take your money out of your wallet." <- or something close to it. That is just insane... I checked and don't think she dared.

- Like the wallet example above, but there were a few other things that I can't recall.

- Recently, she wanted to meet my parents and when we have only officially been together for a month. Neither her or her mom or even her brother had never even spoken to my parents before. I had never met her mom or brother before!

 

[Warrior74]

Yeah, I'm already talking to a different girl that is showing high interest without the B.S. from my gf.

Thanks guys for helping me keep my cool and the extra help.

~~~
A few of the reasons why deep down I knew that she was messed up or a *****:

- She recently said, "I don't want to fall in love with anyone right now." when were sitting on her bed. That's apart of the withholding sex that she has done.

- Again, she tried to kick me out and threatened to go sleep in that a-hole's room when I tried to screw her a few days ago.

- Keeps insisting on taking it slow or that she's not ready. Likely made up the story about how her previous boyfriend cheated on her with a friend of hers. I thought with my knowledge that her earlier story about not putting out was due to ASD.

- I saw just a few days ago, when in the presence of her jerk friend who is likely the source of the AMOGGing, she would stare at him and her eyes were glazed. She also said, "I hate you <guy's name>." in a joking fashion. Her eyes were pretty much glued to him or her other friend in the room while I was being inadvertently ignored.

- Her mom first invited me to their house. Then this girl told me that I could go down to Thunder Bay with her in June in their car. Now, she has switched it to, in my translated version, "I'm not sure if you can come. My cousin "D" might want to go."

- Since I first met her, she would almost always want to do only stuff that she enjoyed. I went with it because I naively thought we would alternate. Uh huh, didn't really happen. I lead the way with the first date and unintentionally flaked on her, and then rearranged the date, and then suggested playing pool. She ignored it and went with a comedy club. About a week ago, when I suggested an exciting top-karting G.T., she said that it was too expensive even when I suggested she could borrow the extra $10.

- She suggested plans for her to come over and spend time with my mom and I....then days later switched her mind and wanted to hangout with her friend instead of me. Then she again -- and yes, I screwed up here --- said that she only had spare time between 2:30 and 6:30 and then changed plans on me again and said that she was free the whole night.

- "I should just take your money out of your wallet." <- or something close to it. That is just insane... I checked and don't think she dared.

- Like the wallet example above, but there were a few other things that I can't recall.

- Recently, she wanted to meet my parents and when we have only officially been together for a month. Neither her or her mom or even her brother had never even spoken to my parents before. I had never met or mom or brother before!

not just low interest. No interest. Yah. It's over. The worst thing is that she has no respect for you. Personally I would bow out gracefully. That's just my style. But it doesn't matter, this is a zero sum game and there is no 'win' in it for you regardless. The best you can do is leave with your head held high. Good Luck.

 

[Warrior74]

Yeah, I'm already talking to a different girl that is showing high interest without the B.S. from my gf.

Thanks guys for helping me keep my cool and the extra help.

~~~
A few of the reasons why deep down I knew that she was messed up or a *****:

- She recently said, "I don't want to fall in love with anyone right now." when were sitting on her bed. That's apart of the withholding sex that she has done.

- Again, she tried to kick me out and threatened to go sleep in that a-hole's room when I tried to screw her a few days ago.

- Keeps insisting on taking it slow or that she's not ready. Likely made up the story about how her previous boyfriend cheated on her with a friend of hers. I thought with my knowledge that her earlier story about not putting out was due to ASD.

- I saw just a few days ago, when in the presence of her jerk friend who is likely the source of the AMOGGing, she would stare at him and her eyes were glazed. She also said, "I hate you <guy's name>." in a joking fashion. Her eyes were pretty much glued to him or her other friend in the room while I was being inadvertently ignored.

- Her mom first invited me to their house. Then this girl told me that I could go down to Thunder Bay with her in June in their car. Now, she has switched it to, in my translated version, "I'm not sure if you can come. My cousin "D" might want to go."

- Since I first met her, she would almost always want to do only stuff that she enjoyed. I went with it because I naively thought we would alternate. Uh huh, didn't really happen. I lead the way with the first date and unintentionally flaked on her, and then rearranged the date, and then suggested playing pool. She ignored it and went with a comedy club. About a week ago, when I suggested an exciting top-karting G.T., she said that it was too expensive even when I suggested she could borrow the extra $10.

- She suggested plans for her to come over and spend time with my mom and I....then days later switched her mind and wanted to hangout with her friend instead of me. Then she again -- and yes, I screwed up here --- said that she only had spare time between 2:30 and 6:30 and then changed plans on me again and said that she was free the whole night.

- "I should just take your money out of your wallet." <- or something close to it. That is just insane... I checked and don't think she dared.

- Like the wallet example above, but there were a few other things that I can't recall.

- Recently, she wanted to meet my parents and when we have only officially been together for a month. Neither her or her mom or even her brother had never even spoken to my parents before. I had never met or mom or brother before!

not just low interest. No interest. Yah. It's over. The worst thing is that she has no respect for you. Personally I would bow out gracefully. That's just my style. But it doesn't matter, this is a zero sum game and there is no 'win' in it for you regardless. The best you can do is leave with your head held high. Good Luck.