Had Enough of being used. Guide me through guys

[Going4it]

So I've been pouring my time and energy in to a woman for going on about 4 years now and just recently she has been comfortable talking to me about her ex bf and I also sense her hypergamous nature. Talking about cars she wants, how she wants a sugar daddy, etc.. I haven't spent much just sentimental gifts if anything. This linear way of thinking has doomed me. This building emotional equity so to speak. Anyway I gotta break contact and its going to be hard but I need help. I'm going to the gym, I'm doing other things to keep myself busy too. Thanks.

 

[Going4it]

Friendzomed friend

 

[Going4it]

Ok

 

[sph21]

I had been there. I thought she was the only girl for me.

Here are my advices for you:

• Don't try to impress her. Trying to impress a girl means you're putting her above you.
• Don't try to make her like you first. This concept is a little hard to explain. AFCs do this all the time. In order for a sexual relationship to work, she must like you first and then you decide whether you want her or not. If she dislike you & just considering you as just a friend, then you've lost the game. Trying to change that is nearly impossible and it's not worth it in the end.
• If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. Find your values & stand up for them. Having a backbone will help your confidence & make you more attractive to girls.
• Stay away from the friend zone. Avoid it like a plague. When she friendzoned you, she had lost her attraction & respect for you. She had lost her sexual desires in you. There's no point in staying there & trying to change it.
• Develop yourself mentally and physically. By doing that, you're developing higher standards for yourself and others.
• It's easier to start a new relationship than to fix a broken one. Fixing a relationship is not men's job. It's female's. Trying to fix one will make you feminine and it's a big turn off for girls.
• Learn how to lead. Leading is a masculine trait.
• Your sole purpose as a man is to become masculine. Embrace it. Don't question it. It's just how it works. Women want masculine men. They lose respect for any man who can't be one.
• Read DJ Bible. Most of your questions/ problems are answered there.

 

[Fruitbat]

I had been there. I thought she was the only girl for me.

Here are my advices for you:

• Don't try to impress her. Trying to impress a girl means you're putting her above you.
• Don't try to make her like you first. This concept is a little hard to explain. AFCs do this all the time. In order for a sexual relationship to work, she must like you first and then you decide whether you want her or not. If she dislike you & just considering you as just a friend, then you've lost the game. Trying to change that is nearly impossible and it's not worth it in the end.
• If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. Find your values & stand up for them. Having a backbone will help your confidence & make you more attractive to girls.
• Stay away from the friend zone. Avoid it like a plague. When she friendzoned you, she had lost her attraction & respect for you. She had lost her sexual desires in you. There's no point in staying there & trying to change it.
• Develop yourself mentally and physically. By doing that, you're developing higher standards for yourself and others.
• It's easier to start a new relationship than to fix a broken one. Fixing a relationship is not men's job. It's female's. Trying to fix one will make you feminine and it's a big turn off for girls.
• Learn how to lead. Leading is a masculine trait.
• Your sole purpose as a man is to become masculine. Embrace it. Don't question it. It's just how it works. Women want masculine men. They lose respect for any man who can't be one.
• Read DJ Bible. Most of your questions/ problems are answered there.

Leading is a difficult one. I have a much younger plate who knows fvck all about life. I tend to try to organise her life a bit, but that ends up a lot in me offering to do things and help her. So sometimes I feel like I am over white knighting. Yet, she often says things like "I wish I listened to you/you were right" so I presume I am doing something right.

You see, leading, well, I like this woman. So leading would be organising dates, planning the future together. Differentiating leading with being overly keen or supplicating is difficult.

I often chose her meal, chose the table, make all the decisions. Fine line between that and being a guy pouring all the effort in to the relationship.

In the bedroom, she leads nothing. I know how to do that part just fine LOL

 

[beforeimgone]

So I've been pouring my time and energy in to a woman for going on about 4 years now and just recently she has been comfortable talking to me about her ex bf and I also sense her hypergamous nature. Talking about cars she wants, how she wants a sugar daddy, etc.. I haven't spent much just sentimental gifts if anything. This linear way of thinking has doomed me. This building emotional equity so to speak. Anyway I gotta break contact and its going to be hard but I need help. I'm going to the gym, I'm doing other things to keep myself busy too. Thanks.

4 years in means she is invested in you too. Even if its much more than you have invested.

From now on, whenever she asks you to do something make sure she does or gives you something in return. This will drive her away or make her love you even more.

EVERY SINGLE TIME. NO FAVORS. MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT FORGET

 

[Going4it]

4 years in means she is invested in you too. Even if its much more than you have invested.

From now on, whenever she asks you to do something make sure she does or gives you something in return. This will drive her away or make her love you even more.

EVERY SINGLE TIME. NO FAVORS. MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT FORGET

While I appreciate the response I don't think this is the right strategy for this particular woman it will just drive me back into what if land when I honestly want to make a change. The next one? Certainly. Whats helping me out, other than this forum, is reading the rational male and not personalizing what I went through because eventhough I was hurt its really not as much her fault as it was mine. Through knowledge and application and a little pain, I'll be the man I want to be. I already moved on and I'm talking to other women.

 

[dude99]

So I've been pouring my time and energy in to a woman for going on about 4 years now and just recently she has been comfortable talking to me about her ex bf and I also sense her hypergamous nature. Talking about cars she wants, how she wants a sugar daddy, etc.. I haven't spent much just sentimental gifts if anything. This linear way of thinking has doomed me. This building emotional equity so to speak. Anyway I gotta break contact and its going to be hard but I need help. I'm going to the gym, I'm doing other things to keep myself busy too. Thanks.

4 years of time and energy. Are you having sex with this chick or are you only spending money trying to get her to like you and hoping it suddenly clicks in in her head?

 

[bigneil]

4 years of time and energy. Are you having sex with this chick or are you only spending money trying to get her to like you and hoping it suddenly clicks in in her head?

4 years is so long that OP should have lost interest in her 2 years ago, even if he had sex with her every day.

Something tells me that this girl is out of OP's league in some major way. Maybe more time at the gym will help him. Why aren't there some other girls who compete in some way?

I may have loved my 99 rated girl the most, but at least I hung out with a 98 rated girl when she left, and at least I had a great story about new girls when she came back. We're only as good as our backup girl.

 

[190cmofcancer]

You just need some more biceps

 

[Going4it]

4 years is so long that OP should have lost interest in her 2 years ago, even if he had sex with her every day.

Something tells me that this girl is out of OP's league in some major way. Maybe more time at the gym will help him. Why aren't there some other girls who compete in some way?

I may have loved my 99 rated girl the most, but at least I hung out with a 98 rated girl when she left, and at least I had a great story about new girls when she came back. We're only as good as our backup girl.

Because I had oneitis. I dropped all the plates for this one. I can't explain how lost I was, I just was.

 

[bigneil]

Because I had oneitis. I dropped all the plates for this one. I can't explain how lost I was, I just was.

That's why she lost interest. You were the guy with all the women. Then you were the guy who liked her best. That's why my girl lost interest, but I walked away and found enough girls in her peer group that I can hopefully restore her high interest. She came back the moment another hot girl started chasing (versus tolerating) me (just like in Swingers). Watch Swingers. Twice.

 

[dude99]

4 years is so long that OP should have lost interest in her 2 years ago, even if he had sex with her every day.

Something tells me that this girl is out of OP's league in some major way. Maybe more time at the gym will help him. Why aren't there some other girls who compete in some way?

I may have loved my 99 rated girl the most, but at least I hung out with a 98 rated girl when she left, and at least I had a great story about new girls when she came back. We're only as good as our backup girl.

I got the impression reading his post, that he hasn't even had sechs with her and he has been her little puppy for 4 years completly wasting his time and life on a pipe dream


I hope this isn't the case because if he wasn't having sechs with her after 6 weeks of seeing her he is never going to and he should have stopped wasting his time and energy on her 3 years and 10 months ago.

You may have loved your 99 girl there but you weren't chasing her for 4 years with zero return on investment.

 

[TheGambino]

No ROI is always bad in life. Don't be a bad guy but expect ROI from anything you do.

 

[RangerMIke]

First thing you have to remember is that she knows how you feel about her. Chicks always know... and even though she knows how you feel she still it toying with you the way a cat toys with a mouse before biting it's head off.

Remember that and walk away... she does not care about how you feel only about how you make her feel.

 

[Going4it]

First thing you have to remember is that she knows how you feel about her. Chicks always know... and even though she knows how you feel she still it toying with you the way a cat toys with a mouse before biting it's head off.

Remember that and walk away... she does not care about how you feel only about how you make her feel.

Exactly. I knew this but now I know why after reading "The rational male" Its really sinking in and I view women differently now. Even my mother! fortunately there is no way that you can unsee this. I'm walking away, and proudly at that. The good thing is I wasn't married or had kids when this happened.

 

[TheGambino]

What are you doing here? Going4it? Going for what?

Go to the gym bro..

Im finishing my rice with chicken and heading to pump the iron, do the same instead of fading away here.

Chat up some girls while your at it.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Control your frame stop being needy

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I got the impression reading his post, that he hasn't even had sechs with her and he has been her little puppy for 4 years completly wasting his time and life on a pipe dream


I hope this isn't the case because if he wasn't having sechs with her after 6 weeks of seeing her he is never going to and he should have stopped wasting his time and energy on her 3 years and 10 months ago.

You may have loved your 99 girl there but you weren't chasing her for 4 years with zero return on investment.

What if she was giving head a couple times a week but on some celebacy bs?

 

[dude99]

What if she was giving head a couple times a week but on some celebacy bs?

As long as he wasn't catching feels and she was just providing the mouth love and she was just a plate, have at 'er