Had Enough :box:

[Warrior74]

He does have a point. The best thing he said was at the end. He's finding his own flow. Which is what most people really need to do. They just need to learn to stand up for themselves, have some confidence and find their own flow.

Now I think open and honest commentary on men/women relationships, experience and life is not so much hating as trying to find understanding. When I see someone with extreme anger at a website, I wonder what is really going on. I felt the same way about a couple of websites a while back, but I realized that I wasn't doing what I needed to do to be where I wanted to be in my life. A website is not gonna get you there. Reading and listening to podcast is not going to get you there. Trying to live someone else's life and use their style is not gonna cut it. You gotta go get it yourself. And learn for yourself. Take what you can use and discard the rest. All these sites are for is motivation and education, with some camaraderie thrown in. So kudos for him for realizing that we are all just people looking for answers and sometimes you have to go your own way to find them. Fail on all the anger and vitriol for people who have done him no wrong or disservice personally. Good luck to him.

 

[Tazman]

I'm not going to name names because I'm not interested in diverging my argument into personal/character/EGO battles. I'm not saying all of this so that SOandSO can rant and rave at me for naming them--I'm saying all of this so people can have an alternative perspective. Let people be the judge of themselves.

"Personal/character/EGO battles" is exactly what you've started though. You don't mention anyone specifically because you'd actually have to back up your statements, instead you choose to leave things "ambiguous" to avoid having a real discussion about your premise.

Why not just say what you feel needs to be said from your own point of view? Why say anything about so called "older" posters if you aren't going to be more specific about what exactly you disagree with? You don't even have to mention specific names. One piece of advise would be enough.

You haven't offered an alternative perspective because you don't mention any specific advise you feel is incorrect. All the "older" (whatever that means) posters don't agree on everything.

This was a RANT yes, but a true voice of frustration from an unconventional Man frustrated after all of this.

I didn't see anything "unconventional" in any of what you posted, it's actually par for the course.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Taz, if he started naming names the focus would be taken away from the actual POINT of the thread and onto people he specifically has a problem with. It turns into a "he said she said" type situation.

Good post, Mind. Reps4U

 

[Buddha_Mind]

You must be insecure Tazman. This is is the second time you've demanded, "who are these older posters". Get over it man. That's not the point of this, scratch your ego so it stops itching.

Thank you for all of your responses, even the haters. Look -- for those of you who think a Buddha itself is some passive soul, you are mistaken. It was the zen masters that created martial arts. There is a time to stand up and fight for something you believe in. There is so much negativity on this board, and I believe a certain mentality, that might actually trump some people from ever having a meaningful relationship.

I'm not saying women can't be evil. They completely can. I see it all of the time. Manipulation. Lies. EGO. They want everything they can and then some. And truly truly truly I feel for the pain of those who have married, had children, been divorced and have struggled in all the muddy mucky stuff that goes with it. I truly do not feel anyone should have to experience those things -- and that is a good aspect of this board -- preventing disaster through education and understanding.

I do feel, from my own subjective observations, that not all relationships or female encounters follow the dogma carried by this board. I feel that the use of this board can be counter-productive at times. I do not hate this place, as I stated, I was merely offering a counter-perspective, out of frustration with the mentality here explicitly, and how it has been conflicted in the real world.

I like to get laid. I really do. I don't make it my focus. I want a healthy relationship also. Very much. But sometimes you all act as though p*ssy is the magic medicine to all, when you don't realize sometimes it is a poison too. If you think that unquenched desire for women can't cause you mental anguish or complication in your life, than you are kidding yourselves.

And if I wasn't able to challenge the Preached Messages here, as the dominant dogma on this board is to challenge ourselves, than what would it all be for?

Do some of you, as hard as you try and digest new information and practice it, not feel continual frustration at times? Am I the only one who sometimes feels absolute walls? The pursuit of ***** without stimulation of the mind to me becomes dry or shallow, I'd rather be by myself living in the woods and writing and making music and working on my own personal peace than going into the rabbit hole of timed responses, canned lines and rigid formulas for human interaction.

Thanks for your responses. I hope we all find what will enhance our lives for the better. And I hope we all find trust and respect in our relationships. An evermore scarce resource in American Society.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

And re: Tazman, I am unconventional, I've worked on organic farms and in environmental education the last years, spent over a year camping solo and living in my vehicle on the road. I've had a lot of time outside of major urban spheres and personal time with the trees and the stars and there are things that nature and the world around us can teach. I'm not off-the-wall conventional and work and have jobs and interact with the world too--but most people find my way of thinking to be contrary to that of others. Maybe it is good for me to establish my own understanding of Relationship that is unique to myself. So it is what it is. And all I am is a bit of an ephemeral sort of thing anyhow, with my own faults, I claim nothing beyond being a human, loaded with my own misconceptions, mistakes and false judgments.

Strength and understanding are my pursuits. Not head-bashing and arguing.

And I do appreciate those on this board who are positive, who have healthy understandings of sex and relationship, and who want to help those being stronger. But to those seeking such, be forewarned, many on this board are not trying to be wise, there's a great deal of silliness too that is bad advice. Good advice is hard to find.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I also want to say -- what's wrong with feelings? I'm not saying let's sit in a circle and cry together. There is nothing wrong with having a healthy understanding of your own emotional intelligence and what it can clue you in to. YES, feelings are not always logical, and often can be falsely grounded or falsely extrapolated. But having "feelings" doesn't make you a p*ssy. If I cried and balled in my bedroom sheets, then yes I'm a p*ssy for not taking this chance at life and making something of it.

But having "feelings", as the militant mindset might call "gay", is not a bad thing. If people had more "feelings", maybe something like this major Gulf Oil Spill wouldn't have happened, or maybe if a person *felt* more they might not cause half the damage they do to others through lack of empathy.

Sometimes I think this world, and the values we've created in our society at least, have done a great job at castrating us from concern or empathy or some higher wisdom that we are connected and we do have effects, and affect one another.

Is it possible american society has become so individualized, with such an erection for self-engrandizement that we're tearing ourselves apart from within?

 

[omkara]

hey man, you seem like a pretty intelligent guy. You ever go out sarging in Seattle? Or do you just have your social circle? I'm also a musician and interested in Buddhism.

As for this thread, I have come to realize that this forum can definitely have both positive and negative effects. On the one hand it is good because... well hopefully we already know that. It makes you less naive in regards to women and what attracts them (for those who haven't come in here with that knowledge).

On the other hand, it can become it's own sort of world view, through which everything else is viewed. It's hard for me to sort out personally because I came here when I broke up with my gf and started to experience the shock of the dating market after being out of it for some years. But I think this board definitely shaped the way I look at women, as entitled, as having it so much easier, blah blah. A lot of that is immature and myopic, and that's what you will get here is the exaggerated one side of the story.

Another aspect is that a lot of guys on here are looking for a particular type of girl--often attractive, young, gets a lot of attention from guys, and hangs out in bars/clubs. That's not to say everyone's experience is like that, but given the typical MO of the PUA scene and what guys tend to like, then this is the lowest common denominator that you are likely to run into. And a lot of the experiences/knowledge related on here may have to do with talking to these type of girls. I have met some girls on POF who are pretty cool and down to earth who are nerdy, or live in the country, or a little overweight who act very cool and real... but most guys here are not interested in those type of girls. So yeah, it's an overgeneralization and not all girls are b.itchy, even the hot ones. But this is probably common amongst girls who hang out in clubs and get a lot of attention from guys. Of course we know that already. It's called the b.itch shield.

One other observation: In social psychology class they taught us that when a group is based around a polarized view point, then the viewpoint of the group tends to become more extreme, because of various group dynamics. For example, the more extreme viewpoints stand out more, and the more moderate viewpoints are often silent. Then this extreme viewpoint becomes the new normal and influences everyone else in the group. So that may be part of what goes on here too.

peace - J

 

[drak_ool]

The predominant philosophy here is for a man to enter meaningful relationships from the best position to do so-by choice and strength and an abundance mindset.

^^^ this is exactly what I got from this forum. I added the last part because I think it is a very big reason for why I'm in a relationship at the moment, and we've been going through thick in thin for over a year.

I met my current GF during the most hardcore sarging period of my life. I was literally spending every free hour of my days (and most nights) spitting game, macking chicks.

Since I found HER, I've applied a lot of the principles I first saw put in writing on this site. And it's the happiest relationship I could have imagined.

So thank you SoSuave, and most especially thank you to the older, more mature men whose thoughts and ideas made me reflect about what I really wanted from a relationship.

I've learned from your mistakes and I've taken your advice, so thanks for sharing your painful life experiences with me!

 

[backbreaker]

what i am about to say is going to hurt some feelings, but the problem is not women, it's us. well you , not me lol.

it's not your fault but it is. the problem is that, we don't' raise men anymore.

we are told it's okay to live with your mom until you are 25, it's okay to **** off in school, it's okay to not eat right, it's okay to not read, it's okay to sit not he ****ing phone with women 4 hours a night, ti's okay to basically **** off with life.


what most men do not get, is that all this, even when you are doing it in the presence of women, is creating something that is counterproductive to seducing and keeping women.


women are actually quite simple. they just want a man. the problem is, there aren't very many. someone they can look to and know everything is going to be okay. they want someone who wants to be someone. not someone who wants to be their boyfriend. they want someone who has a ****ing life. a real one. not a facebook one.

*****s, golddiggers, good girls are all the same when it boils down to it. they all have the same fears, the same insecruties and the same needs.


you can easily cut through the bull**** and become a man. there are very few men out there. not just talking about being afraid to talk to women.. become a ****ing grown ass responsible, well adjusted well rounded man, and you will not have a problem attracting good women. it'sr really that simple

that is what this site should focus on more than anything. us. not them.

yes we need to talk about them, but we don't talk about us enough. if your **** is in order women will find you.

the problem, is, you have people who would rather sit online for years talking about women rather then do something about themselves.

this **** is deeper than ***** club ***** syndrome (that's an old term for you old timers).

this country/world/site is full of guys still seeking approval from mom/girls and lives are ran by it. "does she like me" or "she hurt my feelings" so the **** what man.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I like a lot of these responses. I do thank those people at SS for sharing their experiences and from such learning about this world through others.

I know that the primary catalyst for people to be at this website is because they were not finding success in their sexual/relationship lives that they wanted.

I understand that most people here have the desire to learn and be better.

Not everyone wants to become a male slut. Others do. Some want to find the right triggers to keep their woman content. Every man wants to feel that their woman is proud to be with them, and happy to be with them, and doing so by choice (not because of some financial dependence, low self-esteem, or other rather self-deprecating ideology).

I know there is a difference between lust and love in life. I do believe that love exists, although this is a hard concept, I know from the way some have treated me in life (when I thought love was not real). I feel that a lot of this forum operates on pure lust and using cues of attraction to connect to the physical, and to take charge, sarge, and be the man.

I question sometimes if this ever results in anything but an eventual fading out. Perhaps that is the end-result of all relationships? Perhaps we are entering into a world where a different psychology towards human relationships is carried--that is a more open sexual one (which perhaps has been there all along but suppressed because of convention).

I'm in a coffee shop right now and I already overheard one barista chick boosting her ego as she told a story of a guy who asked for her phone number who she denied (and in her explanation made feel salty also). What a cumbucket--putting him down to boost herself and still holding her p*ssy as being supreme.

I've lost a lot of respect for women in general and their inflated sense of self importance. I'd say I've lost a lot of respect for men in the same regard.

We're all just dust mites nibbling our crumbs.

I believe the world of women is likely as anything else -- as deep as you want to take it, loaded with its own contradictions and surprises, and never as simple as to hold under your thumb.

I hope you all find the successes in your life that bring you contentment.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I should also add -- I apologize for the bitter tone of this initial post. There is some frustration with the ideology of SS -- I know I'm not the only one. But this place does have things to digest and learn from, and is a great place to express and gain insight when going to others may seem defizzling.

I'll work on less bitterness/cynicism towards this world -- a tree is a tree, a grasshopper a grasshopper, women do women things and in some ways we can't even hold them guilty for being subjected to their own psychological triggers. It'd be like getting angry at a dog for fetching a ball -- its reacting on things built in.

Seems like sometimes I get frustrated with the grasses for swaying.