had a pretty englightening discussion with an ex gf

[garruk]

so i ran into an ex gf of mine at the grocery store yesterday and we had coffee and just did some catchup at my condo today.

we dated for a good 8 months like 2 years ago.

this girl is really attractive and she's one of those girls that was kinda dorky (she was valedictorian of a small hs) in high school and then got really attractive later on life, so i think shes pretty down to earth but also a little insecure. (she's 23 now)

anwyas, we were just talking about relationships and why our relationship ended and whatever and i learned soemthing that really shook my thought process on something.


she was basically telling me that she wouldnt want to date someone too rich or successful out of fear that he would leave her. instead she would basically want to date a guy of LOWER value.

my own personal philosophy on girls has always been built on self improvement. improve yourself... and the quality of girls in your life improves as well.

it never occurred to me that there could be girls who would become unattainable as self-progress was made.

do you think this is just a case of a girl who doesnt know what she acutally wants?

 

[TempestNight]

but also a little insecure.

That answered your question.

Everyone has insecurities. But seems like your girl is more than just a little insecure about herself if she would rather be with someone of lower status and quality than her just so she can be sure she can keep him.

 

[Upside]

she was basically telling me that she wouldnt want to date someone too rich or successful out of fear that he would leave her. instead she would basically want to date a guy of LOWER value.

What a load of poo. That's like saying high value guys only date ugly chicks so he decreases the chance of her leaving.

You seriously think she will date the guy who has a dead end job living in the basement of his folks vs a nice doctor fella? What she is saying isn't what she will respond to. For me this is code of her saying, "I don't want to be the one chasing a guy in fear of getting rejected. I want them to come after me so I am dictating the relationship."

 

[CuriousGirl]

Lack of Balance of Power, there are loads of relationships where you can see one is insecure and in consequence is settling for security and one is reaching for the love of their life that isn't quite reciprocated and in consequence becomes insecure.
These aren't good, you want balance and equality for the most fulfilling relationships.

 

[garruk]

What a load of poo. That's like saying high value guys only date ugly chicks so he decreases the chance of her leaving.

You seriously think she will date the guy who has a dead end job living in the basement of his folks vs a nice doctor fella? What she is saying isn't what she will respond to. For me this is code of her saying, "I don't want to be the one chasing a guy in fear of getting rejected. I want them to come after me so I am dictating the relationship."

i dunno man. i had a girl leave me for a nice-guy chef once.

in relationships, im not that affectionate and mushy (and gay), and i care about doing my own thing and so i always put my own needs first. however, im in a good shape, im popular (my job requires me to be), and i make a sh!tload of money. i still had a girl leave me for a chef who made around 1/6 of my salary, had way less freinds and had never had a gf before he took this one from me; but according to her, he was a "good person" and "much more affectionate" and "more loving" than i.

just some food for htought.

 

[49au]

I was at lunch with my sisters yesterday, and they were talking about a guy they knew.

I've never met him, but according to them - he is young, very attractive, dresses very well, is very charming, and was a self-made millionaire by 24.

Both of my sisters said the same thing - that they would not know what to do with a guy like that, and they would be intimidated and probably not want to date him. One said "there has to be something wrong with him, and I'm not sticking around to find out what it is."


Both my sisters are attractive and have many guys chasing them (I get to hear alllll about the hilarious sh1t these guys pull to clamor for their attention). And they have both dated a lot of guys, so they are not inexperienced. Ages 24 and 26.

It was very strange.




To think that women will never trade security for passion is naive...

 

[TheJazz]

Have you learned nothing from this forum? My friend, women say a lot of things, and then go do a whole lot of other things. Words are useless.

 

[zekko]

she was basically telling me that she wouldnt want to date someone too rich or successful out of fear that he would leave her. instead she would basically want to date a guy of LOWER value.

She's probably realizing she may have to lower her standards a little if she's going to catch and keep a man. Doesn't mean she wants to date the guy collecting cans in the alley. She's probably being realistic, but if a high value guy gave her sufficient interest I bet she'd change her mind in a hurry.

I've never met him, but according to them - he is young, very attractive, dresses very well, is very charming, and was a self-made millionaire by 24.

Both of my sisters said the same thing - that they would not know what to do with a guy like that, and they would be intimidated and probably not want to date him. One said "there has to be something wrong with him, and I'm not sticking around to find out what it is."

Translation: "If we see that guy again, hands off, because he's mine."

 

[Angelo]

she was basically telling me that she wouldnt want to date someone too rich or successful out of fear that he would leave her. instead she would basically want to date a guy of LOWER value.

There is a lot of lessons to be learned by this post. There are numerous women who would love to have a very successful man, but they are afraid of settling down with them because they cannot control the Man.

We often see a lot of women settle down with the average Joe. Sure, people might argue that she will cheat on him, or maybe the woman does not have as much options as the others. Most of the time, if not all the time, these types of women have something wrong with them, why else would they want to control the man they are in a relationship with?

Sometimes the more successful or attractive the Man it is more difficult for women to love him.

 

[oneboy21]

Women are very insecure than we think and they hide the fact that they are insecure. they cannot handle the painif you leave this girl for an another girl (Aka a more good looking chick). Most of them are out in the world wearing make up and fake boobs. they know that they are not that good looking and that builds up insecurities.

 

[Vice]

it never occurred to me that there could be girls who would become unattainable as self-progress was made.

False. YOU'RE the one who becomes 'unattainable' because of this, not her.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

This thread is just trash.
Don't listen to anything a girl says. That sh*t is just garbage.
What girl would want a man that doesn't strive to be better?

 

[49au]

This thread is just trash.
Don't listen to anything a girl says. That sh*t is just garbage.
What girl would want a man that doesn't strive to be better?

I don't think anyone will disagree that there are men who are more comfortable dating 7s than 9s because they have more power over the 7s.

So why is it impossible that some women will think this way?


I am not saying it is healthy, or right, but it is a reality with some women too. The more insecure they are, the more they will want to have power over their partner.

 

[garruk]

i dunno man. i had a girl leave me for a nice-guy chef once.

in relationships, im not that affectionate and mushy (and gay), and i care about doing my own thing and so i always put my own needs first. however, im in a good shape, im popular (my job requires me to be), and i make a sh!tload of money. i still had a girl leave me for a chef who made around 1/6 of my salary, had way less freinds and had never had a gf before he took this one from me; but according to her, he was a "good person" and "much more affectionate" and "more loving" than i.

just some food for htought.

for the most part i agree with what you guys saying. girls generally do one thing when they say another. so everything my ex said, was and should be taken with a grain a salt.

but how about my prior situation with the chef boy? i always chalked that up to a fluke but this discussion with my ex has got me thinking about it again.

thoughts?

 

[loveshogun]

Now, I'll discuss philosophy if you wanna discuss philosophy. That's harmless.

But before I do, this is the only enlightenment you need from a conversation with an Ex:

"I have no need or desire to be talking to this girl."

It ended. Be done with it. Be polite if you must, make some small talk. But don't talk about the relationship because it's in the past, and you've learned all you needed to learn while you were in it.

Anyway, regarding her fear of getting someone "too successful," if her statement can be taken at face value, to me is the hallmark of a sadly high level of insecurity. You're in no position to help her with her demons, if that's the case. Her girlfriends will be there for that.

And, if you were to become a really successful man, would you really want someone who was this insecure? She'd be nagging you all the time about where you been, who you're f*cking and generally miserable.

You will find that as you become a better quality person, you will qualify to date better quality women. Doesn't mean they'll throw themselves at you, but it does mean you can stop thinking about past relationships that didn't work out because one or both parties had some sh*t they had to work out on their own.

 

[will1258]

I can add some truth to this thread. I'm in my mid 30s and I'm just getting on my feet financially and I dated a woman for 3 years while I loved at home working for 12.00 a hour. Long story short she was miserable and unhappy so she dumped me and dated some guy with is own place to nice car and more.

He pretty used used her for sex and lied to her the whole time. After that experience she. Called me one day wanting to be friends. We ended up getting close again but me being insecure about the situation I pushed her back away and told her to. Find someone else.

So I believe this story, some women have a bad experience with a well off guy and lower their standards along to get just a nice guy.

I'm moving into my own place again in a month matter being back home. For. Around 4 years I'm looking forward to really meeting women soon.

 

[st_99]

I actually find this thread kind of interesting. I do think girls are very
insecure in general but us guys are too busy dealing with our own demons to notice.