Had a first date after so many years, but should I let her go or wait?

[85man]

Long story, I've dated my wife for 10 years and finally married her, but marriage lasted for year and half...I learned I had a chronic illness and after two months married and due to that illness is what made my marriage fall apart...Currently separated...

Beginning of this year I decided to seek help by joining a peer support program, and they helped me find a match. The peer support helper who happens to be a female whose gone through a very similar life changing event. She even had the same illness I had. It was a 10 week session and it really helped me out. I pretty much talked about myself with her and just got some advice and motivation to move on with my life. On the last day I actually gave her a gift a small painting of sunflowers I painted myself ( I did this out of courtesy, she learned about how I'm an artist and enjoying painting lol) since she had a rough life and I felt her pain and thanked her for helping me out. So before leaving I asked her out and got her number.

First date she cancelled an hour before we were suppose to meet and told me she was too busy with her job and it couldn't work, so she told me she would call me when she comes back to make it up for me ( we were supposed to meet for lunch during the day) I scheduled the date during week because she was leaving out of town for a week or so...At that point I just said it's all good theres always another time...So I just let it go and said maybe she's just not interested in me cool. No contact after a week and half later she texted me saying if we could meet on the weekend for coffee, so I agreed. Went on our first coffee date at a nice cafe. Walked around a park after and eventually went to a bar, all happened for about 3-4 hours. She did most of the talking and all I did was ask questions, pretty much getting to know her more, having fun, there was subtle touching from her like tapping bumping at the bar but nothing too serious...End of the date we hugged and I asked her out for a second date, told her "I had a great time with you, I'd like to take you out next weekend." She replied "I can't next weekend since I have a friend visiting from out of town, but lets keep in touch"...So right there I wasn't so sure about that, but I texted two days later "Hope you're enjoying your week, It was great seeing you, I had a great time...looking forward for next time..."

I haven't heard back from her, it's been two days since I texted her lol. I know this maybe a stupid post and I might have already answered my question that she isn't interested. I just saw hope again when I met this woman. What if she contacts me this week or later lets see next week or two out of nowhere, should I pursue and date her again? I've only dated her once.

Also during the date she did share a lot personal stuff how she is currently suing her job since they fired her for discriminatory reason based on her illness. So she is going through a rough situation which maybe understandable and the last thing she would want to do is date me. Her priorities are definitely with her job situation...For now I'm just moving on but not necessarily letting her go yet so if she happens to contact me again I may start over again...

 

[bmp2cpm]

My thoughts:

1) Your illness is not what made your marriage fall apart. The quality of your wife just wasn't there from the start. A quality woman stands by her man through almost anything. Note that these women are rare, but exist.
2) Sounds like there was some interest there. You should have been the one initiating the touching, seeing how she responded and moving forward with touching her, assessing her for the good bye kiss. The kiss is what causes the emotional connection for the woman. Not a hug. Hug her goodbye on your first date and her interest level plummets.

The first date is about body language, kino, and the kiss. Those are the only goals when a man goes on a first date. Get the kiss, you get the emotional connection, and the probability of being intimate with her skyrockets. Hug....not so much.

Women want to see men they are interested in have very little control around them. Kino assesses her interest level on a non verbal level. The great thing about kino is if you get rejected it will be through non-verbal cues, saving face. Women want their man to lose control because it means he's a good candidate to hand over all his resources to her. Women are all about the resources. No kiss and the woman thinks ""If he can control himself like this around me on a date, how will I ever secure his resources?"

 

[BetterCallSaul]

No escalation of intimacy on this date. You hugged, sorta got each other's life stories and talked about 'feelings' and all that usual bull$hit.

From what I read it seems like neither of you is really into the other. I get that, as a guy, you're trying to get back out there and I respect that. She's not feeling it; don't sit around worrying to yourself and wondering what to do if she texts back in another week or whatever. Who cares. Go out and find new tail. Only next time, rely on the boner test because it never fails.

Boner present? Escalate and bang.
No boner? Next.

Never fails.

 

[Lozboss]

OP,

Massive respect for putting yourself out there.

I would just leave it now. Leave the door open, if she comes back then great, if she doesn't then you're not hung up on her.

Let her initiate next contact.

I've dated people with a number issues (money/illness/work stress) and sometimes this just means you have to be patient and let them initiate. Meanwhile you get on with your life and see other people.
If it works out then it works out.

 

[85man]

bmp2cpm :

I agree with point number 1. But there are other factors that lead to this marriage to fall apart, the way I contracted the illness and not knowing about it lead to lack of intimacy, trust, and everything...I tried to work it out with her but she just isn't the same anymore and it's her decision to divorce me. Also she isn't innocent, she has done dumb decisions before so this is sort like my third strike I'm giving her and she is out now...For point 2 I forgot to mention this in the post - I did some subtle touching, put my hand behind her lower back, her shoulders and joked around, so I did a little touching since she was comfortable. As far as the kiss, the moment wasn't there and it was during the day which just didn't seem like the right time. My intention was to do that on the second date during the evening...

BetterCallSaul :

As I stated to bmp2cpm I tried to show some intimacy with her, whenever there was a chance I went for it with subtle touching...It wasn't awkward and it all felt natural.

Lozboss :

Well that's exactly what I have in mind so far, just leaving her alone and if she comes around again I'll give it another shot but this time I'll try my best to be more assertive I guess...

It's been a very long time since I've dated so I guess I got a lot to catch up on. Since this is my first post I'm just trying to get back into the dating game...So just need to gain more knowledge on this subject...

 

[Obsidian]

Technically, it sounds like you are still married to someone else.

 

[VladPatton]

Her interest isn't that high it seems. I blame it on all the hours you've spent talking to her prior to the date. There's no reason to go out if you think about it. You already know a shît ton about each other, so the only thing left is to, well, bang. But this is not on the table because throughout all this time you two weren't getting into a sexy vibe. Understandable, since you were supporting one another based on the commonality of your diseases. Sometimes when too much time passes, your sexual window closes up. This is why we say it's better to get it goin on the frisky way early so you know where you stand.

I'd leave it be and look for better prospects. Put her on the far ended back burner and keep mackin other women.

 

[85man]

Technically, it sounds like you are still married to someone else.

Well yea I'm legally married but separated. Not living with wife....

 

[85man]

Her interest isn't that high it seems. I blame it on all the hours you've spent talking to her prior to the date. There's no reason to go out if you think about it. You already know a shît ton about each other, so the only thing left is to, well, bang. But this is not on the table because throughout all this time you two weren't getting into a sexy vibe. Understandable, since you were supporting one another based on the commonality of your diseases. Sometimes when too much time passes, your sexual window closes up. This is why we say it's better to get it goin on the frisky way early so you know where you stand.

I'd leave it be and look for better prospects. Put her on the far ended back burner and keep mackin other women.

LOL I agree with you on this, I had thought about this at the end of the session. I was an open book to her and she pretty much knew about my life I'm currently dealing with, she knows about my marriage and separation...During the 10 weeks I only got too see her once a week for an hour. At first I had no intentions of asking her out, but later down the weeks we started seeing a lot in common and pretty much flirting every now and then. She never really spoke about herself the entire time though she maintained her position as a peer support helper and didn't share too much info. She was pretty much going by the book...I respected that and decided to wait till the last session to make a move. I found her very attractive and I said why not...

Now that I have to live with this disease for the rest of my life it's pretty hard to go out there and date. I will have to disclose my status to every woman I end up dating...My stakes are higher now and it's definitely going to be harder for me...But that's not stopping me since I haven't really dated anyone else yet, so I will need to give that a try and see what happens.

 

[VladPatton]

LOL I agree with you on this, I had thought about this at the end of the session. I was an open book to her and she pretty much knew about my life I'm currently dealing with, she knows about my marriage and separation...During the 10 weeks I only got too see her once a week for an hour. At first I had no intentions of asking her out, but later down the weeks we started seeing a lot in common and pretty much flirting every now and then. She never really spoke about herself the entire time though she maintained her position as a peer support helper and didn't share too much info. She was pretty much going by the book...I respected that and decided to wait till the last session to make a move. I found her very attractive and I said why not...

Now that I have to live with this disease for the rest of my life it's pretty hard to go out there and date. I will have to disclose my status to every woman I end up dating...My stakes are higher now and it's definitely going to be harder for me...But that's not stopping me since I haven't really dated anyone else yet, so I will need to give that a try and see what happens.

And I give you kudos for trying. Hell, I would, too. Just see where it takes you for now. She seems disinterested, so look for better prospects in the meantime.