Had a Bad Date - Interesting Observations

[DJDamage]

As the saying goes :you can learn alot more from faliures as oppose to success and on saturday night I went out with this girl for the first time and it was a faliure.

I set up our first date on saturday night (first mistake) the reason I did that is because I had other dates with other women the following week so I was trying to cut corners. NEVER MAKE A FIRST DATE ON SATURDAY NIGHT - Its the weekend and she expects to be unwined with her girlfriends and not go on a first date with some guy she barley knows.

Second Mistake - IF YOU GO ON AN ACTION DATE MAKE SURE YOU ARE GOOD AT IT. I decided to go with her to glow in the dark mini-golf. I thought it will be fun because you don't need to be good in playing minigolfing for crying out loud. Guess I was wrong, this chick was a minigolf pro and she really kicked my butt which was embarrassing. It was a bad turning point of the date as if I handed her my balls.

Third Mistake -NOT ESCALATING KINO. During the mini-golf game I did touch her on the arm a few times as I was telling jokes but there was no response from her as if I DIDN'T TOUCH HER. This made me more hesitent to increase the kino but I now relaised it might have been a failed sh1t-test and for my own good I should have escalated the kino to really determined if I am going anywhere with this chick.

Fourth Mistake - GOING TO A VERY CROWDED DESSERT PLACE AFTER A SHORT ACTION DATE - We finished the coarse in 45 mins flat and during this time I was not able to to gauge my date if she was developing higher interest in me. I should have went to another venue for a longer action date *Note to self*. I then decided to go with her to a dessert place to eat and talk. Not only was the place rammed packed but the service was bad, the food was bad and after handing her my balls in the mini-golf she didn't view me the same way and our conversation were very much stalled. It ended up being a very boring 1 hour stay. She wasn't laughing at my jokes and I couldn't steer the conversation to where I wanted it to go. It seems that she was losing interest in me rapidly. She then excused herself to go to the bathroom for like 7-8 mins at which she came back and appologised and said there was no toilet paper there (I did have the gut feeling that she was lying and that she was calling someone on her cellphone in the bathroom telling them about this boring date). From now on I will try to avoid long boring seatdowns (if there is no alcohol involved) and just go on action dates until I raise her interest level to a point where she wants me to bone her.

P.S - the following day I MSN her and she told me that after the date she ended up meeting with her sister and boyfriend and end up going clubbing with them (See why you should make a date up on saturday night!). Which pretty much told me that I was right and that she was in the bathroom making a phone call for other plans. REMEMBER TO NEVER EVER HAND HER YOUR BALLS IN ANYTHING (other then when she wants to play with them then its more then ok )

 

[wayword]

Lol, good point. Be sure to master all the ball games like pool, mini-golf & bowling. At least just be better than average - which is usually enough to beat most girls.

I used to be really inconsistent at pool, but recently figured it out. Because if you got no game, you got no GAME.

You lose to a girl in these small tests of manhood and you might as well chop your d!ck off and turn in your guy card...

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I hate to point this out because it comes off like a crutch, but alcohol is almost a universal necessity in a first date. That's not to say get sh!t faced, but you need to loosen up the jeans with a bit of booze.

That said, bear in mind that we learn more from our attempts than we do from our successes.

 

[NewMan]

I have to agree with Rollo. Booze is all important for me.

My first dates usually either involve Pool (and drinks) or Darts (and drinks) - and sometimes bowling (and booze) (note, I find bowling is not the greatest first date, as the places I've found to bowl are usually crowded with local riff raff). Both are inexpensive and involve the all to neccessary lip lossener - booze.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

All of the factors you mentioned above are not that out of the ordinary. I you had been with a woman who's a little more into you and has a great attitude, the type that will have fun no matter what you do, or where you go, you would have had a great connection.

I think that is why you want to make sure you got some sort of connection before you make plans. If you are setting up "First Dates" without knowing how compatible or the chemistry between you two, it will usually end up like it did for you. Don't worry about making sure you have mastered every activity/hobby before taking her there. Looks like it was more of a chemistry issue. Looks like you learned a couple of lessons just by going through it.

 

[squirrels]

You don't have to be "good"...you just have to not totally suck at it...and be able to take your losses without losing confidence in yourself.

 

[DJDamage]

I hate to point this out because it comes off like a crutch, but alcohol is almost a universal necessity in a first date. That's not to say get sh!t faced, but you need to loosen up the jeans with a bit of booze.

I agree. However she did tell me prior to our date that she doesn't drink because alcohol gives her headaches. I had to find another venue for our date.

if you had been with a woman who's a little more into you and has a great attitude, the type that will have fun no matter what you do, or where you go, you would have had a great connection.

Looks like it was more of a chemistry issue. Looks like you learned a couple of lessons just by going through it.

Yep. I noticed as the night went along that her interest in me dwindle. No matter how funny I tried to be with my bad game and using some c0cky and funny, she just smiled but never laughed. If she really liked me she would have probably let me win a few (just like I do when I go on dates, have fun with it, let them win a little give them hope but in the end victory is mine). She did also try very early on to qualify me with qustions such as "what do you do?" and "other then being a student do you work"?? and that was with in 5 mins of our date playing golf.

Chemisty was an issue. Some women on dates do try to joke with you and entertain you (that is when you know you have high interest) while some women expect the guy to do all the work and all they think they have to do is just show up on the date as if their only purpose is to be waited on hand and foot like a princess (be entertained, wine and dined and if you are lucky get an approval for a second date.)

Anyway this week is my biggest week ever. I have 4 different women on 4 different dates. One on tuesday (first date), one on wednesday (second date), one on thursday (first date) and another one on sunday(first date). The Sunday one will be different because I am seeing a woman who is 7 years older then me (she is 34) but no worries she does not have any children.

 

[NewMan]

However she did tell me prior to our date that she doesn't drink because alcohol gives her headaches.

BORING.

NEXT>

 

[WestCoaster]

I've done dozens and dozens of first dates on Saturday nights, that's a non-issue. If she wants to go out, she'll go out. Get that out of your head right now.

Secondly, unless you're 18-21, mini-golf is for teens and the atmosphere is teenage. I know, the God pook said do action dates or whatever. I've never been to mini-golf when it wasn't full of teens. I'm guessing since you're on this board, you're older than that.

Thirdly, it's not your fault, it could be the woman. Play the numbers game, let's say you go out with 20 women in a few months. My guess is five of those dates wouldn't be that great. It's not your fault.

I'm not a big drinker, but there is something to be said about having a few brews over good food to lighten up the woman. I think dinner and a walk afterwards is a good date. I know, once again the god pook says you should skydive without a parachute over the Grand Canyon ... f' it. Those stupid date TV shows are all set up and paid for by the show where people are doing dumb action dates.

Honestly, while I want a woman to be fit, I don't care about action. I want to know if she can speak in more than one-syllable words and actually has some depth to her. Anyone can find a bimbo who is good at mini-golf, that doesn't mean she's worth dating again.

Honestly, I didn't see anything you did wrong other than text message her too quickly after a bad date. I would've moved on to someone else and put her in the reserve file.

 

[DJDamage]

Honestly, while I want a woman to be fit, I don't care about action. I want to know if she can speak in more than one-syllable words and actually has some depth to her. Anyone can find a bimbo who is good at mini-golf, that doesn't mean she's worth dating again.

I found action dates to work more for me. The thing is that when you first meet someome you don't know, you risk the conversation going stale. I don't like talking to a chick I hardly know for a long time without doing something because then I get bored and it also puts the pressure back on me if she gets bored. Lets face it if you are a guy and you have a hot chick talking to you then it doesn't matter what she talks about, all you are thinking about throughout the conversation is how many different ways you can screw her.

 

[dietzcoi]

I have to agree with NewMan here.

Doesn't drink = Dull and boring almost always. THere are exceptions but not for me. I do drink and do not want a sober woman around to nag me.

Dietzcoi

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I don't know guys, I'd be wary about a woman who's interesting only if she drinks. Also I'd question the whole first date thing on a Saturday AND making it an action date. You may just be putting undue pressure on yourself to "perform" thus making YOU need a drink to loosen up.

Guys balk at this but I still do first meetings (I don't consider them 'dates') in something simple as a coffee house (not a Starbucks, something independent). I tell her up front that since we're I'd like to keep it simple so we can get to know one another and that in itself tends to put them more at ease.

If during our conversation over coffee we find out that we hit it off, then I may consider an subsequent action date. We would have already gotten to know one another and it's more likely that we'd enjoy the kino during an action date even more.

The key to this working though is feeling comfortable enough to meet with a woman without having external distractions to help you keep things going.

 

[DJDamage]

I tell her up front that since we're I'd like to keep it simple so we can get to know one another and that in itself tends to put them more at ease.

The thing about coffee dates is that I know it probably puts them more at ease but it makes it harder for me. She has more leverage in dismissing me as a bore on the first date with coffee(if the conversation stalls) as oppose to having a drink or two and becoming more loose.

What would you say of giving her an option on the phone? : like saying something: "Ok how about this, I will give you a choice, we can either meet for coffee or we can meet at _________ and have a few drinks and shoot some pool" -

 

[New Jeruz]

No, I would not give her a choice in the beginning of the relationship. You seem more comfortable with the action date so go with that. You can still have stimulating conversation while playing pool, just sit her down next to the table and pick her brain for a few then get back to playing, then sit again, then play again and so on.

 

[newbie81]

I found action dates to work more for me. The thing is that when you first meet someome you don't know, you risk the conversation going stale. I don't like talking to a chick I hardly know for a long time without doing something because then I get bored and it also puts the pressure back on me if she gets bored. Lets face it if you are a guy and you have a hot chick talking to you then it doesn't matter what she talks about, all you are thinking about throughout the conversation is how many different ways you can screw her.

If you think about the conversation going stale, the conversation while going stale. Destabilize them by being more at ease than them. She won't find you're boring as you are the one to ask the question. What can she find boring about the date if she is the one talking all the time?

The whole purpose of the first date should be to get to know her: make her pass an interview & scan for red flags.

It's not difficult, make her talk, pick up about anything, pick up red flags, ask about her past to predict the future, her opinions on life or anything else,...

The first time I talk to a women, it rarely happens that they truly do not want to speak of themselves. Most of them can not shut up. Good for you, the better your analysis of her will be.

Btw, stop thinking about sexing her, they can smell this.

-good luck.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

The thing about coffee dates is that I know it probably puts them more at ease but it makes it harder for me. She has more leverage in dismissing me as a bore on the first date with coffee(if the conversation stalls) as oppose to having a drink or two and becoming more loose.

That is why you are here. To develop the kind of game and/or personality that is interesting during any type of interaction. You must have the ability to have alternatives and default plans on the spot, and still be able to shine and showcase value.

What would you say of giving her an option on the phone? : like saying something: "Ok how about this, I will give you a choice, we can either meet for coffee or we can meet at _________ and have a few drinks and shoot some pool" -

Don't give her options. This is the time where she's looking for leadership, you cannot come across as indecisive. That is their role, not the man's role. If you are able to build enough value in the first meeting (not date), then you can gauge how interested she is and how outgoing and cooperative and then maybe give her options.

 

[Ricco]

......She did also try very early on to qualify me with qustions such as "what do you do?" and "other then being a student do you work"?? and that was with in 5 mins of our date playing golf.


This I believe is the source of her disinterest. She is looking for a guy to settle down with.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...What would you say of giving her an option on the phone? : like saying something: "Ok how about this, I will give you a choice, we can either meet for coffee or we can meet at _________ and have a few drinks and shoot some pool" -

Like New Jeruz said I wouldn't give her the option in the beginning, I'd hold off until the two of you establish something closer to a relationship. However I still say stay away from action dates. Yeah, it would make things easier for you but what you guys fail to realize is that you ease on the date is not the goal you are trying to achieve. It's not about you, it's about her.

Where guys make the most mistakes it that they treat the date as if they were going out with their buds. You go out drinking, you go out playing games or have some other action date. Understand that most women aren't comfortable with these things unless they are already comfortable with you. But she hasn't had the chance to become comfortable with you since you've just met. Believe it or not, guys can sense the woman's uneasiness and then they subsequently become more nervous, thus you guys lean on these action dates to hide your own uneasiness (whew).

Taking aside teenie boppers who are more impressed with what a guy has or where he takes them, women who have a bit more substance tend to want to get to know a man first and then begin tagging along with him at different events to have fun. However when you probe into what they most enjoyed about the event, they tend to mention how it felt to be there with you. These women are typically the good ones who put more emphasis on being together rather than the event. I think it's called devotion.

Women are typically uneasy during a first meeting, that's agreed. However consider this, although the introduction of alcohol does make guys a bit more comfortable but how about women? Yes, they may become a bit more "loose," however in the back of their minds they're thinking "OMG, I can't get drunk, I may get too drunk and sleep with him and he'll think I' a wh0re.", "Why is he trying to get me drunk? He just wants to sleep with me.", "I've better keep an eye on this guy, I don't know anything about him. I wonder if he's hiding something with all this other activity?", "OMG, I'm so nervous." I'm not making this stuff up, women have told me that they think about these things.

The success that I've had is because I focus on the woman's comfort right off the bat. Just me knowing that she may be nervous in an attempt to impress me makes me even more comfortable with the situation. I get more gregarious and talkative and she follows suit. Kino is given and reciprocated, stories are shared and after a while it seems as if we have known each other for ages. Mind you that it's not as friends but as a couple of people who have flirted with one another so often that we decided to go out to see where it would take us (i.e., we detour around the LJBF zone).

I'm not saying that being a charismatic conversationalist is the easiest thing to do, but things that are worthwhile seldom are; and contrary to what many believe you do not need to be born with it, you can learn how to do it. The question you need to ask yourself is whether you have the fortitude to put aside past limiting beliefs and push yourself to learn how to make women interested by your character without having to deflect her attention using other methods. You need to ask yourself just how long do you feel she would be interested with that charade.

 

[Latinoman]

If you think about the conversation going stale, the conversation while going stale. Destabilize them by being more at ease than them. She won't find you're boring as you are the one to ask the question. What can she find boring about the date if she is the one talking all the time?

The whole purpose of the first date should be to get to know her: make her pass an interview & scan for red flags.

It's not difficult, make her talk, pick up about anything, pick up red flags, ask about her past to predict the future, her opinions on life or anything else,...

The first time I talk to a women, it rarely happens that they truly do not want to speak of themselves. Most of them can not shut up. Good for you, the better your analysis of her will be.

Btw, stop thinking about sexing her, they can smell this.

-good luck.

For a man that is 25 years old...you have the maturity of a man in his upper 30s.

VERY GOOD advice!

 

[Latinoman]

......She did also try very early on to qualify me with qustions such as "what do you do?" and "other then being a student do you work"?? and that was with in 5 mins of our date playing golf.


This I believe is the source of her disinterest. She is looking for a guy to settle down with.

Hmmmmm...good point. Plus the fact that he might be a "foreigner" (Eastern Europe?) in Canada might also add to the wound. I know...trust me.

I wonder how old is DJ and how old was that woman.