Guys who have slept with many different women please give input

[TheDon2012]

I'm 26 years old and have never really had a LTR. For better or for worse I've always just done high volume one night stands and short term flings -- largely because of my lifestyle circumstances, goals, and because it was just my preference. I recently found myself in a situation where I didn't have as much time to constantly go out and meet new women on the regular since I needed to focus on getting work done so I opt'd to try out a relationship with a girl who I found to be beautiful inside and out. I've been with her now for about 6 months and it's very serious and I've definitely got strong feelings for her, but I don't find myself sexually aroused by her as much now.

I figure this is fairly common in marriages after many many years, but 6 months? I still feel the desire to sleep with other women and am aroused by them, but not as much with the GF. I can get aroused with some effort through kissing and foreplay and finish fine, but that's a lot different than it used to be. Anyone else experienced this? Does it just take time to adjust or is it simply a reality that men desire abundance and variety? A few people have mentioned to me that it means the girl just isn't the right one, but I'm not sure it's a matter of "finding the right one" as the key to having everlasting sexual desire for the person. Perhaps I'm wrong since I don't have much experience in relationships, but looking for others to chime in.

 

[muscleman]

How hot is she (x/10) and has this changed since you started dating (i.e. did she put on weight, stop wearing makeup, start walking around in sweats, etc)?

 

[eddiedelgado]

You have to ask yourself what changed and then you should either talk to your Gf or if have no feelings for her anymore draw your conclussion if not this will eat you up.

 

[GotED?]

I believe this is a case of 'maturity' where people go through stages in life from exploring to mentally ready to settle down. Hence, when you are ready to 'settle down' in life, you may find yourself wanting to be in a LTR and a part of that settling is also SETTLING for a single woman who is suppose to provide you with all your humanistic needs (emotional, physcial, mental, spiritual).

Now - not everyone is at that maturity level. Some will NEVER be; or they think they are and end up cheating on their spouse or LTR partner. I believe we are all born and coded by our DNA - thus our temperaments are various from A to Z. Some are born more lacking in self-control (sounds like that is your continuum) and are always looking for the next best thing. Others, are less tempted by eye-candies and are happy with someone who are balanced but not necessarily a trophy wife.

Nothing in life is good or bad, just different way of living - thus, make the best out of what you want for yourself.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[incognito42]

My 'guess' based on the info given is that you really care about her a lot but you're sexual attraction for her isn't very strong. Maybe she's not freaky enough for you, or you just don't find her to be that hot.

Clearly you need variety, and are getting bored with her sexually. Maybe you just persinally aren't ready to be locked down by one woman, but she probably just isn't right for you IMO

 

[powpow]

are you still aroused by other women?

 

[TheDon2012]

Hey guys, thanks for feedback.

Yeah I actually specifically chose this girl because I found her to be one of the freakiest and wildest in bed, as well as gorgeous, but I've never been in a real LTR before so I'm not sure if the sexual desire is supposed to last with a girl you really care about for a long long time. I spent the past 6 years always focusing on variety and abundance sexually with women so I worry I may have conditioned myself physically and psychologically to not be able to stay turned on sexually with just one. I've had it in the past with other women who I may have had as Fbuddies for a short period, but I never made an issue out of it since if I lost interest I usually moved on, but in this instance I'd prefer to not move on.

She hasn't gained weight and has actually lost weight since I've met her since she and I work out and diet together. Perhaps this has something to do with it though. I'm very big on women with curves and big asses and I think her ass has gotten smaller while she's lost weight, and over the years skinny girls with no ass have never aroused me at all, no matter how nice their face is really. But her ass is still there so I wasn't sure if it was this.

I am still aroused by other women yes. I guess what I'm really wondering is if this is normal and if a lot of other guys in LTRs or marriages experience the same thing? Sounds kind of sad to say but when thinking about having sex with her sometimes I get flashbacks to when I was a kid watching reruns of "Married with Children" and Al Bundy complaining/cringing saying "No because if I go home then I'm going to have to sleep with my wife and you know how much I hate that!'. I mean, it's not that strong, but it does come to mind.

 

[powpow]

26 years old?

man I wouldn't worry about it.

but it does sound like maybe you have attachment issues. maybe get to the root of what is causing that and it will fix whatever problem that you are feeling like you are having, which I would not classify as a problem at all.

you know being attracted to multiple women is a human trait. nothing we can do about it. my personal view, which could be construed as not correct, is that is an alpha male trait, banging all sorts of women all the time.

that is what research has led me to believe (minor is sociology, psychology, and now in med school with access to sweet scientific studies).

point is, you are young, and although many men in our age group are starting to get married, everything in its own time, man. go it at your own pace. you dont have to force yourself into a monogamous relationship when you aren't feeling it.

 

[spiegel549]

I use to work on a vacation cruise ship for 4 years as an entertainer, from 21-24 and the ***** was none stop...4 times a week, sleeping with a different woman from a different state or country. I turned down some real marriage material women because I couldn't see myself settling for 1 broad.

It started to become a addiction were I decided to get into a relationship with women I worked with on the ship and I had to break off in a few months because I was just so into sleeping with multiple women, that feeling of getting some new and fresh was all I wanted.

It took me a while but when I settled back on land, it took a solid 2 years to calm me down...I went from 4 times a week to zero. I went through withdrawals no joke lol...

I am now 26 and I FINALLY have settled down and looking for a LTR. (hense me posting so many questions on this forum haha)

I think you should stay with this girl, try to fight through it. If you really get the urge to keep sleeping around then just break off with her. You are 26 like me bro...PLENTY of time to find another woman....maybe you need to get it out of your system for a few more years...it won't last forever trust me.

 

[TheDon2012]

spiegel,

how long have you been with your gf and do you notice your sexual interest in her remaining normal? or declining at all?

 

[zinc4]

I'm 26 years old and have never really had a LTR. For better or for worse I've always just done high volume one night stands and short term flings -- largely because of my lifestyle circumstances, goals, and because it was just my preference. I recently found myself in a situation where I didn't have as much time to constantly go out and meet new women on the regular since I needed to focus on getting work done so I opt'd to try out a relationship with a girl who I found to be beautiful inside and out. I've been with her now for about 6 months and it's very serious and I've definitely got strong feelings for her, but I don't find myself sexually aroused by her as much now.

I figure this is fairly common in marriages after many many years, but 6 months? I still feel the desire to sleep with other women and am aroused by them, but not as much with the GF. I can get aroused with some effort through kissing and foreplay and finish fine, but that's a lot different than it used to be. Anyone else experienced this? Does it just take time to adjust or is it simply a reality that men desire abundance and variety? A few people have mentioned to me that it means the girl just isn't the right one, but I'm not sure it's a matter of "finding the right one" as the key to having everlasting sexual desire for the person. Perhaps I'm wrong since I don't have much experience in relationships, but looking for others to chime in.

It's normal...i am 31 and still go through this...the feelings of guilt suck...the girl becvomes your best friend and you love her, but you just want more women...i guess when the time is right these feelings will cease...