Guys, what do you make of this email?

[Kal0051]

I was out with a couple of girls one weekend not too long ago. One of them was visiting from out of town. I like both of these girls, and I have a good connection with the one from out of town but don't pursue anything because I don't do long distance. I want to ask the other girl out but may not after this incident. Anyway, we went out drinking, and at the end if the night I left them because they said they were going home. I later found out from a guy I know that they meet up with him and a few other guys and drank all night (he told me this because he was expecting me to be with them). So I sent off an email to the girl living out of town asking what was up with them telling me they were heading home. I get this email back:

"hey i just want to apologize about that night, it was really lame that we left you. I had a good time with you we just wanted to catch up the two of us, but seriously I feel awful and really just hate that we made you feel that way. I just want to say thanks for coming out it meant alot and i had a good time. I don't expect you to forgive me, but i just wanted you to know that i am sorry and hate what i did. When i come down at christmas I was thinking we could catch up the two of us maybe dinner or something in the city so its closer to where you are... i'll be down longer next time so that will be alot better. Hows school going? hows work? anything new going on there lol."

I don't know what to make of that. Though I am reconsidering asking out that other girl. what are your thoughts?

 

[Desdinova]

Let's paste together a couple of your quotes to make sense of this...

I was out with a couple of girls one weekend not too long ago.

So I sent off an email to the girl living out of town asking what was up with them telling me they were heading home.

You were out with them for one weekend. Why are you confronting them about this? You're not their husband. They were out looking for fun, and now you're offended because they didn't keep their word to you?

You should NOT be expecting respect from women on the first day. You need to build a woman's interest and respect over time before they're going to actually care that they've pissed you off.

 

[DonJuan11]

I was out with a couple of girls one weekend not too long ago. One of them was visiting from out of town. I like both of these girls, and I have a good connection with the one from out of town but don't pursue anything because I don't do long distance. I want to ask the other girl out but may not after this incident. Anyway, we went out drinking, and at the end if the night I left them because they said they were going home.

You didn't escort them home, you just left them there?

I later found out from a guy I know that they meet up with him and a few other guys and drank all night (he told me this because he was expecting me to be with them).

If this guy was expecting you to be with them, why didn't he phone you right away when you weren't with them?

So I sent off an email to the girl living out of town asking what was up with them telling me they were heading home.

I get this email back:

"hey i just want to apologize about that night, it was really lame that we left you. I had a good time with you we just wanted to catch up the two of us, but seriously I feel awful and really just hate that we made you feel that way. I just want to say thanks for coming out it meant alot and i had a good time. I don't expect you to forgive me, but i just wanted you to know that i am sorry and hate what i did. When i come down at christmas I was thinking we could catch up the two of us maybe dinner or something in the city so its closer to where you are... i'll be down longer next time so that will be alot better. Hows school going? hows work? anything new going on there lol."

I don't know what to make of that. Though I am reconsidering asking out that other girl. what are your thoughts?

She only apologizes in an email after you bust her on it? I don't think so.

I wouldn't respond. You have the upper hand now that she knows you busted her on it. IF she comes back during X-mas and calls you, you can answer.

 

[cola]

You should NOT be expecting respect from women on the first day. You need to build a woman's interest and respect over time before they're going to actually care that they've pissed you off.

Desdinova, your a great asset to this forum, and I have sincerely, never disagreed with anything you said; But there is a first time for everything, hehe.


Not only should you EXPECT a females respect. You should DEMAND it. From the minute you introduce yourself.

I do agree though, you shouldn't have called her out on it..

Your response to the email should be a simple ..

"whatever".. and don't respond to any others unless its close to the day she is suppose to come back to town.

 

[Kal0051]

DonJuan11: there's a reason I didn't escort them. When we were out the girl I wanted to ask out (not the one I emailed) made loose plan with me to go out. And when they said they were heading she told me if I went with them then we wouldn't be going out. Now I know why she said that, that's why I'm not sure if I should call her. The guy who told me what they did was also confused to why she would tell me this.

 

[Desdinova]

Not only should you EXPECT a females respect. You should DEMAND it. From the minute you introduce yourself.

Demanding anything will not get you respect. Instead, you will be dismissed as an a55hole or a child.

 

[Tiguere]

respect is earned not given even to parents

 

[Ease]

Dont be hard on yourself at all, this is clearly a couple of girls that think they are worth more than they are.

I would laugh if i got a response like that, she is apologizing and petting you on the head because she feels bad for you

This is because she knows she has effected you, and she doesnt respect you for it. She thinks you are weak. Dont show any emotion at all when a girl disrespects you like this. You need to reframe and show indifference to her and kick her ass.

Do NOT get annoyed or lose confidence and get 'upset', that is the opposite of being indifferent.

'Hi who is this again? i lost all my email contacts'

 

[Kal0051]

Well, I couldn't pretend that I didn't know who she was since she emailed me on facebook. And I haven't really lost confidence, I'm just confused by the girl who lives in my city (she acted interested in going out with me). I guess I am hurt that the girl who emailed me went along with this, I thought she was better than that.

And I know that they disrespected me, and am considering cutting off all contact with them. But should I have dinner with this girl? I'm thinking of telling her that to make it up to me she either has to pay for dinner or make me dinner at my place (preferably the latter).

 

[horaholic]

Not to excuse their behaviour, but you need to search yourself to figure out why they ditched you. They didnt just ditch you for no reason. You were either being boring, clingy, annoying, weird, creepy, or something. Sorry to say this, but there has to be some reason they wouldnt want to hang out with you. Figure out what it is, and correct that problem within yourself, and that will be a huge step forward in your inner game.

Like I said, I'm not trying to make you feel bad here, but something about your personality must be pushing people away. Take a hard look at yourself, and figure it out, then do everything you can, to correct the problem. Step, one, is figuring it out, and staying conscious about it, (easier said than done, I know. ) and hopefully you'll make a habit out of not doing it.

You might even write that girl back, and tell her she's forgiven IF she tells you the honest to God, stone-cold truth about why they didnt want to hang with you (for YOUR sake). Ask her exactly what it is about you, that made them not want to hang out with you. Press her for the truth. It hurts, but will be good for you, if you know a way you can really improve yourself.

 

[Kal0051]

Horaholic: that's good advice. The only issue I can see is that the girl who emailed me probably wasn't the one who came up with the idea to ditch me. So she may not have a problem with me. And the other girl won't take my calls, so no help there. But I'll still ask, nothing to lose really.

 

[cola]

Demanding anything will not get you respect. Instead, you will be dismissed as an a55hole or a child.

respect is earned not given even to parents

Common myth's. No one is entitled to respect you, indeed this is true. However, I've found on my own young personal journey that people's reaction to you is often nothing but a mirror of how you view yourself.

Kind of like the 48 laws notation about carrying yourself like royalty.
Cognitive Dissonance also deals with the topic to an extent.

And to be frank, since I feel like i'm the sh!t any treatment otherwise will have a zero tolerance policy. Females or males.

I can't explain it. Its just a feeling inside you that makes you feel like you deserve respect. A lot of people don't have it. But when you do, boy, nothing boils your blood like being disrespected.

I mean, to each his own. But if a female does anything shady I call her out on it and they usually really respect me for that, usually citing that other males let them get away with it.

When you realize how many females it really is in the world you kind of sort of don't take sh!t anymore for any single one.

 

[Kal0051]

Well, I broke all contact with the one girl who lives in my city since she was probably the one that's responsible for them ditching me (plus she's a *****). Now as for the other one, I guess I have time to decide whether or not to meet up with her for her dinner offer (will probably depend on how she acts towards me over the next 1.5 months).

 

[Desdinova]

Its just a feeling inside you that makes you feel like you deserve respect.

Lemme tell you a story about a kid I went to school with. The guy was fvcking brilliant. He was the best in our shops class, intelligent, and showed a damn fine potential to be the head in a company that is a leader in technology. The guy dropped out months short of graduating high school.

After high school, I actually got myself into the field of work that my shop class was designed to train me in. I wasn't running the place, but I was in the field.

A couple years back, I got together with this old friend. It had been ten years since I'd seen or talked with him. His job was working retain in a fvcking department store. In his opinion, nobody (in the field he was good at) is going to hire him for less than $20 per hour. So to get by, he's working a crappy retail job. He feels that he is deserving of pay that is higher than minimum wage, but he's not willing to take a pay cut to get the experience he needs.

Just because you feel that you SHOULD be respected without doing anything to justify it, it doesn't mean you're going to get it.