Guys that I see

[moneyisking]

I will try to make the writing actually good so you all know exactly what I am talking about.

Guys that I see are usually "set" people. My dad is confident, authoritative, respectful, and deep. My brother possesses mysterious power that pull in people. Some I work with at restaurant are happy, joyful, and seems like they don't have as much worries as I do.

I have never yet found someone that loves me, and sadly, I care about solving woman problem and self-development a lot. I do not know if it is a vicious cycle, but getting no woman cuts me everyday b/c the feeling that I'm unwanted just plain hurts.

I try to be positive, but it's like the mind wants me to be suicidal. Everyone knows the answers: be positive, be confident, be happy, don't worry, be yourself, don't worry about sex, etc etc". We all know what is that we need to do, but the subconscious just doesn't kick in.

I want to be happy regardless of my situation with girls, but I keep hearing "no one wants you" over and over in my head. I really want to be happy guy, but something is just bothering me in the head, and it fvcks my head up more that I can't get the answer. It's like my mind and subconscious rejects to be happy.

I imagine myself like this; I'm sitting down with single or multiple girls, I'm smiling, laughing, and joking around, attracting them and making them like me. On the other side, reality tells me "Pah, you never had a girl. What makes you think someone's going to like you for who you are?" I try to be happy, but I can't do it. I try not to care, but I can't do it either. Every time I see guys with cute girls, it makes my heart ache; why can't someone like me, am I that unwanted?

Ok, I admit now this sounds like totally psychology consulting session sh!t, but this is how I am right now. The truth is that woman is not the real problem. The problem is that I can't be a great guy with great qualities, values, integrity, character, personality, deepness, and other things, and the fact that I don't have them manifest as no girl liking me. That's what makes me depressed...

I guess I just need to make lot of money... Maybe I wasn't born for this.

 

[PapiChulo]

I posses all of the above qualities, yet only a handful of people actually do like me. In turn, I have more people that hate me, hence I detest or could not care less about the majority of them all. I am happy like this, he he.

I am sure you need another session of motivational talk. Shogun?

 

[moneyisking]

The person I envy most are the people that are happy, I mean really happy with themselves and their lives. I don't care if I be hated by lots of people, as long as I'm genuinely happy, I wouldn't give rat's ass.

 

[betheman]

Happiness is a strange concept, people think to be happy you ave to go around wearing a grin from ear to ear, that isnt happiness. Happness is being at peace with yourself, comfortable in your own skin.
You dont sound comfortable MIK, you sem to have a skewed perception of yourself, what is this reality that is telling you that you cant get a girl? sounds like your telling yourself that, which in turn probably projects to others around you the same message, in effect maybe your body language and personality is telling others this as well!
you need to work on your own belief system, getting a girl will plug a gap, will do wonders for your confidence, but what happenes when that ends?a big void?
you need to work on yourself, stop trying to get a girl for a while, you are what is important, once comfortable with yourself, the rest will be much easier, people will pick up on it. stop beating yourself up, take up soem new activity, become more social, learn new skills, talents, anything, experiment, just dont beat yourself up

 

[Kenny Powers]

Wow that was really depressing, at the end there you kinda sounded suicidal...

As someone who has semi been in your position I can offer some guidance.

First off you seem legitimately depressed so I would literally seek therapy for that (avoid anti-depressants - lots of ridiculous side-effects that can make things worse). Nobody wants to be around someone sad so find things that make you happy and do them. Or get sad friends. Also run and lift weights, you will feel better in so many ways if you do this consistently. Studies have actually shown that exercise can prevent depression. After a tough day I just head to the gym and take all my frustration on the weights and feel so much better afterwards.

Smoke some weed. Not kidding. When you smoke weed you start to see the big picture and realize how lucky you are to be healthy and not in some impoverished country trying to survive. I'm sorry you don't have any friends but there are people all over the world much worse off than you. At least you don't have cancer, at least you can walk, at least you know where your next meal is coming from, etc. Or don't smoke weed and realize this anyway!

Learn from those around who are successful and copy them. Your dad and brother sound like a great starting point. Yes you should be yourself, but there is nothing wrong with improving yourself.

Making friends can be tough, especially good ones and this may not be the best forum for that, so I would seek guidance elsewhere. As far as girls, you might just want to consider lowering your standards to get some experience. Usually this isn't a good idea, but if you're really that desperate just go for it and think of is as gaining experience to help you get someone better.

Life is about pursuing happiness. Identify what will make you happy and pursue it!

Seriously try weed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWhUqo9Aivs

 

[Fuglydude]

I will try to make the writing actually good so you all know exactly what I am talking about.

Guys that I see are usually "set" people. My dad is confident, authoritative, respectful, and deep. My brother possesses mysterious power that pull in people. Some I work with at restaurant are happy, joyful, and seems like they don't have as much worries as I do.

I have never yet found someone that loves me, and sadly, I care about solving woman problem and self-development a lot. I do not know if it is a vicious cycle, but getting no woman cuts me everyday b/c the feeling that I'm unwanted just plain hurts.

I try to be positive, but it's like the mind wants me to be suicidal. Everyone knows the answers: be positive, be confident, be happy, don't worry, be yourself, don't worry about sex, etc etc". We all know what is that we need to do, but the subconscious just doesn't kick in.

I want to be happy regardless of my situation with girls, but I keep hearing "no one wants you" over and over in my head. I really want to be happy guy, but something is just bothering me in the head, and it fvcks my head up more that I can't get the answer. It's like my mind and subconscious rejects to be happy.

I imagine myself like this; I'm sitting down with single or multiple girls, I'm smiling, laughing, and joking around, attracting them and making them like me. On the other side, reality tells me "Pah, you never had a girl. What makes you think someone's going to like you for who you are?" I try to be happy, but I can't do it. I try not to care, but I can't do it either. Every time I see guys with cute girls, it makes my heart ache; why can't someone like me, am I that unwanted?

Ok, I admit now this sounds like totally psychology consulting session sh!t, but this is how I am right now. The truth is that woman is not the real problem. The problem is that I can't be a great guy with great qualities, values, integrity, character, personality, deepness, and other things, and the fact that I don't have them manifest as no girl liking me. That's what makes me depressed...

I guess I just need to make lot of money... Maybe I wasn't born for this.

Ok dude... I'm gonna be start off by being harsh because I wanna vent, but please know its nothing personal.

Posts like the above are a typical reason why I have stopped posting on this forum. It reeks of pathetic, defeatist inaction, in which the poster is helplessly relegating himself to a life of unhappiness. This forum has degenerated from a place where people could come for help on self-improvement to a place where pu$$ies whine about not getting any action...

Sorry to be harsh man. I'll disseminate some advice that may be of help:

I'm guessing you're probably pretty young...It seems as though you feel hopeless, helpless, pathetic because at this point in your life you simply are not a high value guy. By high value I mean good looking, great physique, personality, career/finances, and corresponding high social/sexual value. Do you really think you'd have to waste your time "running game" on girls if you had all of the above? No... you could attract and screw a slew of girls with minimal game.

Now I know you can't do too much about your looks, but you can DRASTICALLY increase your social/sexual value by getting into elite shape and working on developing a rewarding a career in a field that you enjoy.

Shape wise I'm talking top 5% of the population out there. Getting into shape is hard man... if it was easy everyone would be jacked. It takes A LOT discipline: preparing and eating a carefully planned out diet, lifting heavy weight, avoiding partying/drinking, blah blah blah. Its tough and its a lot of work, but let me tell you the benefits of being in elite shape cannot be overstated. Your sexual value will go through the roof when you're in great shape... This I know from experience.

Ten years ago I was 5'8" - 125, and had just graduate high school. I was very shy with women, as I felt like I had no value to them. Today I'm 5'8" - 180-185. I'm marrying a model/figure competitor, earn a 6-figure income, and live in a half-million dollar house all before the age of 30. If you wanna see pics of me look around on my other posts... None of that shiiite was handed to me man... I've had to literally spend thousands of hours in the gym, spend thousands of hours studying through university, and overall have had to put in the blood, sweat and tears required to get to this point. I have no plans to stop here either, I'm competing in my first bodybuilding show next year, and will get at least one more university degree and further my career.

I've had MANY set backs along the way. However, I had done my best to learn from them, and in the future I know I will not repeat these mistakes. Life has a way of throwing you curve balls. Its about how you react to them that really shows what kind of a man you are. Life will alway knock you down, you just gotta be tough enough to get back up and keep working towards your goals.

The universe fundamentally tends towards chaos... its not my word... its the law, namely the Second Law of Thermodynamics (look it up). This basically means it will beat your a$$ down, and put you on your a$$ EVERY chance it gets. You MUST put in energy to correct the chaos to achieve the state that will make you happy. Nothing can substitute that work... you'll have to do it yourself to be happy. In my opinion there is nothing better in this life than to set high goals for yourself, work hard, fight through set backs and achieve them... to me that is true happiness. If you are able to work hard and become a high value guy, you'll have VERY little trouble attracting hot women. More importantly, you'll also be happy.

As far as motivational stuff goes, I really like Al Pacino's speech from Any Given Sunday.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DXcY5ZpP38&feature=related

If you excuse the comic homo-erotic talk of "inches" haha, you'll realize that the "inches" or opportunities are EVERYWHERE around you. You just gotta go and get em.

Rocky's speech is also kinda cool... its cheesy, but makes a very cool point:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uASVzkrEKgs

Another awesome quote from the great Vince Lombardi:

“I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious”

I know it seems like a long road at this point in your life, but trust me, you don't wanna be the guy on your deathbed wondering what you could have been/done with your life. Figure out what you wanna do/what you wanna be, put in the work, improve yourself physically, career wise/intellectually, personally, socially and I promise the woman will come.

Hope this helps.

 

[moneyisking]

Thank you. I actually read deep books such as manifesto, Canterbury tales, the Republic, the Prince, etc. I also work out quite a bit (4-5 times a week). I think I do put lot of effort trying to be a better man. I really do. I think that is why everytime I go down hard, it's hard to get back up b/c I know I gave lot of sh!t. But Mr. fuglydude, you're really right. I would like you to tell me how to be in elite shape. I have been working out for 2 years and cannot go over 150lbs, I don't know if that is b/c I am Asian, but I do sweat my butt working out, no alcohol, no sh!t foods. Thanks

 

[Tesl]

Thank you. I actually read deep books such as manifesto, Canterbury tales, the Republic, the Prince, etc. I also work out quite a bit (4-5 times a week). I think I do put lot of effort trying to be a better man. I really do. I think that is why everytime I go down hard, it's hard to get back up b/c I know I gave lot of sh!t. But Mr. fuglydude, you're really right. I would like you to tell me how to be in elite shape. I have been working out for 2 years and cannot go over 150lbs, I don't know if that is b/c I am Asian, but I do sweat my butt working out, no alcohol, no sh!t foods. Thanks

You arent eating enough.

 

[Fuglydude]

Being asian has nothing to do with it. I'm East indian... have you EVER seen an east indian in ANY professional sport????? We generally have shiite for genetics w/ big curry guts and skinny arms and legs. We are also prone to diabetes, obesity, and CVD. Some of the strongest powerlifters I personally know are asian. I'm talking dudes that bench over 2.5x bodyweight raw and deadlift over 3.5x bodyweight raw... insanely strong. Not sure if you're into Asian girls, but man some of em are smoking hot. They're tiny, petite and VERY feminine and submissive... just begging to get their tight snatches destroyed. You're asian, so I think they'd be drawn to you intrinsically.

I'm willing to bet that Tesl pretty much nailed the problem on the head. Fitness is 80% diet, 20% everything else. If your diet is not on point you're only gonna get so far... bottom line. Even if you're taking lotsa anabolic steroids, you'll only gain so much if you're not eating enough/enough of the right kinds of food. This is basically the 1st law of thermodynamics. haha, feel like I'm giving you a thermo lesson here.

Any shmuck can go out and train 4-5 days a week, but it takes a disciplined individual to do all that and also plan, execute a 6-7 meal/day diet on top of the rigors of daily/work life.

I have no idea what any of your stats are like, so I can't really help you. Post stuff in the health and fitness forum and the guys over there will be more than happy to help you out. 90% of my posts in the past few years are over there. I'd recommend starting a fitness journal/log on that forum. It'll give you a written account of progress and give you some of the accountability that you need to be successful. You'll also get valuable feedback from the guys.

 

[Altair]

The problem is that I can't be a great guy with great qualities, values, integrity, character, personality, deepness, and other things

Quick question, why the hell not? Seriously, everyone can be all of those things if they want to. Make a list of things that annoy you about yourself, things you want to change and make a gameplan. Then start doing things you find interesting, etc.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

The problem is that I can't be a great guy with great qualities, values, integrity, character, personality, deepness, and other things, and the fact that I don't have them manifest as no girl liking me. .

Bingo

work on that and forget about the women... No woman will ever complete you, or ever make you happier than you can be by yourself. Find happiness on your own terms and the world will give you more rewards. Sulk and be a whiny little b!tch, and the world will give you what you deserve in this case, too... which is more misery.

Time to grow up, man up and leave the little boy behind.

 

[moneyisking]

It's the battle between mind that looks for greatness and the carnal desires that makes me wish I had a girl too. I got to change my mindset. Thank you all.

Oh, and I will definitely go for advices (esp. diet).

 

[loveshogun]

I try to be happy, but I can't do it. I try not to care, but I can't do it either. Every time I see guys with cute girls, it makes my heart ache; why can't someone like me, am I that unwanted?

How did you learn to walk?

When you were a kid and literally were unable to do anything aside from crap your pants, how did you learn to do all of the things you that you can do without even thinking now, the things you take for granted?

How did you learn to speak? To run? To write? To read?

How did you do it?

All of these things, when you think about them, are really f*cking complicated. To put one foot in front of the other, this is a complicated task if we break it down. It requires the engagement and disengagement of no less than 5 major muscle groups, coordinated in perfect tandem and rhythm to balance the effects of gravity and corporeal elasticities.

And yet, we do it effortlessly, without even thinking about whatever the hell the part in bold means. This is why it's so f*cking difficult to build a walking robot - because you can't just tell a robot to DO something and have it connect the dots on its own.

But YOU are a human being. You CAN connect the dots. You CAN create knowledge from vacuum with nothing but your experiences to show you the way.

When you were young, and learning to walk, you never stopped and told yourself "oh, I'm not built for this." Why have you started doing that now? I'll tell you why - it's because when we were young, we focused only on what we wanted. Only on the task. No such thing as "impossible" or "undoable." We could not learn what was impossible or undoable until we tried. So, never at any point did we start telling ourselves "Oh, I'll never be able to do this." We just tried, and failed, and tried again, until we succeeded.

Consider that when you were young, you spent the first months of your life trying EVERY day to do the same thing for hours on end: get up, put one foot in front of the other.

After a while, you get so good at it that you don't even need to think about it anymore.

This goes for eating, getting dressed in the morning, reading, speaking, ALL of these things that you take for granted that took YEARS of work and development.

Realize that all things in life that require action (pretty much everything) is the same.

So, stop telling yourself you can't do these things. It does you no good for us to say that you can, because you yourself don't believe that you can.

The rest of the human race, even the bumbling AFC clueless types (a group I used to belong to, and sometimes still feel that I do, before I stopped asking questions and just started DOING), provide a massive pool of data that regardless of how "unattractive" you are, you can still probably get someone for little or no effort. This is something I would never normally tell anyone in your position, but I think you need to hear it. Statistically, you will get laid, so stop having such anxiety about it.

What you need to do from now on is to stop asking us "how" to do things. Just do them, and come back and tell us how it went.

Just put one foot in front of the other, see how it works. Then try a different way. And then a different way.

This is the ONLY way to do it. But, at least it's simple, and it's FAR from impossible.

So go out and do SOMETHING. Your problem is the same as all Asian people's problems - that we get so caught up in "Doing it right" that we don't do anything at all for fear of failure.

Well guess what - failure happens. Every time you are not succeeding, you are failing. But what does that tell you about success?

The first step towards success, is often failure.

 

[Kenny Powers]

If you want to bulk up join a bodybuilding forum. I read menshealth's website like everyday, they have a lot of good stuff. Also it depends on your age, I worked out for years and wasnt able to start noticeably bulking up until I was 20.

Invest in an exercise book of some sort so you have a better idea of what to do. I've been using the book "Huge in a Hurry" by Chad Watterbury, not everyone will agree with what he claims will help you bulk up but i've noticed results.

 

[synergy1]

bro if you aint happy, you won't be happy with women or money. Hate to say it, but idealizing your life with these things as if they will change your outlook is simply an illusion. People who worry about their current state will always have a list of contingencies which will automatically make their life better if they magically come true. Okay, in some situations its true, such as if you had cancer, were unemployed etc. But in general, you need to forget about trying to be happy and just live life.

I used to be somewhat similar thinking that I was not good enough for women and who would want to hang out with me. All of it is defeatist mindset brought on by absolutely nothing. It wasn't until I worked hard in academics and in the gym that I started actually believing in myself, than meeting good friends and enjoying the time we all had playing sports and going out on weekends. Happiness isn't suddenly triggered by something, its something you slip into when you make the right life choices.