Guys, I need some advice, Im really messed up

[squirrels]

Originally posted by LostbutFound
This girl Im dating, we got a connection, and I mean not any ordinary connection, but one of those where we can finish each others sentences and know what the other person is thinking without even looking at them....Now I've been in relationships before, and I never had anything like this...

You lost everyone right here. But I kept reading, and here's why what you just said was utter bullsh*t.

About 3 years ago I had a girl that I went out with for a while, and she was absolutely perfect, but because of some insecurities I had from my previous relationship, I pushed her away....NOW, I find a girl that is just like her, only better, and in a sense, I dont want to push her away because....WHAT IF???....Im thinking this, if this girl only did just kiss him, no big deal, because I've made out with a couple girls while I was dating her (but she doesnt know)

3 years ago you had a girl who was perfect and you lost her. Now you have this girl who's even MORE perfect and you lost her.
In 3 more years you'll have a girl who's even MORE perfect.

You shouldn't be considering "compromising." This is BS. Last week I kissed one of my old high-school buddy's girlfriends. If I saw him today I'd tell her to leave that slvt because he can do better.

Losing this girl is not the worst thing than can happen in your life. If you WEREN'T under the understanding that you were mutually exclusive at the time, the transgression may be forgivable, in which case you should stop playing around and make the commitment, because you're obviously rattled in any other state. (although I'd question how ready you are to commit in YOUR emotional state)

If you two were under the understanding that you were mutually exclusive, then what she did is inexcusable. It's NOT OK and you SHOULDN'T just "forget it" and pretend it didn't happen. She offended you. STAND UP for yourself. If she sees you move back when she pushes, she will push as far as she can.

"Connections" are only as real as you make them. So you think alike. It's something to like in someone, yes, but would you rather have a girlfriend who can finish your sentences but also sucks frat boys' penii behind your back, or a girlfriend who has to finish her sentences on her own but is true to you and doesn't disrespect you?

As if you even had to compromise in the FIRST place. Wait another 3 years until another girl comes along who thinks just like you do but is actually INTO you enough not to cheat or fool around. In the meantime, play the field and learn how to deal with women so you don't lose the NEXT girl like you did THIS one. Cuz something tells me that your behavior is partly at fault for hers...there was something you weren't giving her. Whether it was reasonable for her to expect that...I don't know. That's something you need to figure out.

 

[SuperMan_Wuss]

Originally posted by LostbutFound
About 3 years ago I had a girl that I went out with for a while, and she was absolutely perfect

EHHH wrong OHHH. no female is perfect. Perfection only comes with the growth of a penis.

Umm, tell you what I would do is CF the hell out of her. Bust her ass all over the place. read David Deangelo and apply it. Be an HSM. Stop looking up to women. See her for what she is, somone who's job it is is to please YOU. If she doesnt then move on.

 

[LostbutFound]

I see where you all are coming from and I appreciate the honesty...Just to defend myself on some things....First off, I dont act like all girls are these amazing things and I am in awe of them or some sh*t....Like I wrote before, I've only gone out with 3 girls since I was 15, and Im 23 now....So its not like I find every girl and become all about them...In fact, 3 out of who knows, maybe 30 girls I've met in my life were worthy enough to be my girl, and I just see this girl as one....all the others, if I got even a little bit of BS from them, I kicked them to the curb without even second guessing....Only the ones I think are worthy do I act like this...

I may have made myself look like a guy that gets strung out on every girl that says hi to me, but thats not the case....the number of girls I hooked up with and didnt take **** far exceeds the number of girls I found to be worthy enough to be with me and give them the time of day...

Shes coming over tonight to talk....I know some of you are gonna say Im shootin myself in the ass, but Im gonna let her know whats on my mind....but im gonna let it known that if she dont want to move on with me, thats fine, her loss....I know what I got and she only saw a small part of it....

Im pretty much gonna tell her that I dont think shes ready for me, and that shes got things she needs to sort out before we can even move on....so im just gonna break things off, I dont want to be dragged around until shes ready, either shes not or she is....

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by LostbutFound

I may have made myself look like a guy that gets strung out on every girl that says hi to me, but thats not the case....the number of girls I hooked up with and didnt take **** far exceeds the number of girls I found to be worthy enough to be with me and give them the time of day...

No you haven't. But you have to understand that just because you "connect" with a girl doesn't mean she's the one. Being with this girl may be an ecstatic experience. But is it worth it if it's causing you tons of stress to have it? Is it worth getting high if you're stealing your mom's jewelry and selling it for crack money?

Seriously, you're injecting too much drama into the situation. She's just a girl.

 

[LostbutFound]

Alright fellas, heres the update...

We talked, and I told her straight up that I dont deserve any crap like this and that I know what I got, and many others know and she should be lucky that I chose her....She basically told me that she was fighting with feelings when she was with me, that she saw I was definitely boyfriend material, then she felt there wasnt something there, then there was, and so on....

So when I showed up, I had it in my head that Ill just tell her Im gonna back off a bit and see what happens, but after the conversation, I knew what I had to do....I declined to be friends with her and I ended it....I told her I just cant sit there and wait for you to come around especially after she said she didnt have feelings the whole time...

So she got upset and apologized, said there is something wrong with her because shes done it with other guys...I just kind of said you're confused about somethin and its time you look into it...but again, I said I cant wait around for that....I told her she is a great girl, but theres something not right that she needs to figure out....

she didnt know how to say goodbye so she said, "ill see you around or something, i mean i dont know" I just said I dont either, if its in the cards, we'll cross paths again....she was kind of stunned because she said I was the first one to end it with her than her end it with me.....

It sounds really stupid, but I feel sorry that something is holding her back from being happy with somebody....dont know if that makes sense or not, but i came to the conclusion that I wasnt gonna get dragged along while shes trying to figure it out...

Im gonna take a little time and get my stuff organized again before I go back out there and do my thing....But thanks to you guys for the advice, it seemed harsh when you told me, but now that I look at it, it all makes a ton of sense....

 

[SuperMan_Wuss]

Oh my goodness, Lost, I am so proud of you, you are a man today (throws erectile dysfunction medicine in the trash). Today you have regained your manhood. now get out there and date atleast 5 girls by the end of April. thats your homework.
Don't wory buddy in a few days to a week you will feel great.
I am willing to bet 10 to 1 that this girl didnt grow up with brothers and probably not even a dad. Do you know?

Later.

-SUPERWUSS

 

[LostbutFound]

One younger sister...dad left when she was 15 and shes still not over that, even though she sees him once in a while..........

HOLY SH*T!!!!!!!!!! dude, could she be like this because of that??? I just thought of this.....maybe because her father left her and her mother, she is pushing guys away because she is afraid that that is gonna happen to her, so she gets rid of the guys or doesnt allow herself to open up to them, because subconsciously shes figures that is gonna happen to her???

Dude that is freaky you mentioned that she had no brother or grew up without a father....what do you think about this??

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by LostbutFound
One younger sister...dad left when she was 15 and shes still not over that, even though she sees him once in a while..........

HOLY SH*T!!!!!!!!!! dude, could she be like this because of that??? I just thought of this.....maybe because her father left her and her mother, she is pushing guys away because she is afraid that that is gonna happen to her, so she gets rid of the guys or doesnt allow herself to open up to them, because subconsciously shes figures that is gonna happen to her???

Dude that is freaky you mentioned that she had no brother or grew up without a father....what do you think about this??

The point is that you don't care. You've got more important things going on in your life than psychoanalyzing your ex.

Congrats.

 

[LostbutFound]

im just wondering how he came up with that....that some cool sh*t!!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You did the right thing! Let her tell you why she doesn't want meaningful relationships, don't answer it for her!

Girls get hurt by men, including their fathers who leave them, and it is sometimes hard to regain that trust with a man's callous ways, this is not shocking.

Don't assume this is the reason for her confusion!

 

[Grey Fox]

If she has abandonment issues thats something only counseling can deal with. Unless you have a PHD after your name, and even if you did it would be unethical to play shrink and date her at the same time. I applaud you for the course you are taking its a good call, it sounds like you have your stuff together so don't punish yourself because it didn't work out. You learned something valuable, and if you notice we seem to learn the most important lessons after something goes wrong. Thats because when we mess up, we take the time to look at what went wrong and fix it. When we succeed we don't examine what worked for us, why would you, nothing was broke so there is no need to fix it. If you take a moritorium on seeing women you're wasting your time finding a decent chick and missing out on valuable learning experiences. Keep up the good fight.

-Grey Fox

 

[LostbutFound]

Thanks guys for the help...One question though, last night I felt great after it was all said and done...then it hit me, she calls me at 2 in the morning and asked if i left a rose on her car...IM like what??? then she tells me that her ex stopped by as well....im like, wait...what???

supposively she dont know who gave her the rose (BS), in my opinion its the guy she kissed over the weekend....anyway, her ex came over to show her mother his new dog (doubtful), but that was her excuse.... anyway, I friggin lost my mind last night after i heard this, i was like damnit, why the fVck am I gettin screwed like this....

Today I felt a little better, because I realized that I got out just in time because if I was still with her and this sh*t happened, I would of been worse....

My problem is, I feel like crap now, kind of like I was a sucker....I know I did the right thing, but I feel like this isnt really even affecting her like she said it is

What are you guys experience with this....do you think it is affecting her?? She doesnt really show emotion to people, so i dont know....Also, this feeling like crap, is it just because the break just happened??? I would hope things get better....

By the way, Superman....Im going to some girls house tonight to watch a movie with her....so thats one, I feel a little wierd about it though because all this just happened and im jumping into it....is this normal??

 

[KiInCollege]

You're doing fine, buddy.

The whole rose story, whether it's true or not, is a game she's playing to see how you'd react. Same with the ex-bf visiting her. You broke it off with her, but she wants to know, now that some time has passed, if you still feel the same way. Enter Rose Story , copyright pending.

Imagine what's going through her mind, if you will.
1. She's never been dumped before.
She's wondering what she could've done to prevent you from dumping her. Every night. What a blow to her ego.

2. She apologized to you. She realizes that wasn't good enough.
Ever apologize to someone or take responsibility for a mistake? You want that acceptance, and for that person to share some of the responsibility for the mistake.

3. Soon she'll learn that you're seeing other women.
Depending on how she feels about you, she's going to hate you and give herself to another guy, try to contact you again, or do nothing. I'd guess a Rose Story part II or some other ad hoc reason for contacting you.

Let us know how it goes. We soldiers like when you Report In.

 

[LostbutFound]

well College, I dont know if it was a story or not, but whatever it was, i know I didnt act right about it...I did get upset about it because I was sleepin at the time and I was not in the right state of mind, so instead of acting calm and thinking, i just went with raw emotion....so I know i messed up there....

I dont know what thats gonna do, im not callin her or apologizing for the way I acted....

In fact, Superman, I just set up another date tomorrow night...So thats 2 girls, 2 dates already....yeah its great im doin this, and by the way, they arent exactly new girls, just ones I havent been giving time to and now i am....but for some reason Im still a little worried about last night, because of the way i acted....i definitely didnt want to act like that, but like i said, i was sleeping and im the type you dont want to disturb my sleep....

I know i cant fix that, I guess i messed up by doing that huh??

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Treat them like a Whoore until they prove themselves otherwise.

That rose story is a complete pile of bollocks. Actually, it's fvcking pathetic, pay no mind to it. She's just trying to gut you.

 

[iqqi]

don't feel sorry for her backround. everyone has backrounds that could result in lack or trust (or fill in the blank).

the truth is a man, and a woman, CHOOSE which lessons to learn in tragedy. if she chose to learn not to trust, then she maybe chose not to give a chance to a man who she could have trusted. her loss?

 

[LostbutFound]

I dunno, I think the whole rose thing is true....but whether or not it is, im over it....frankly I think its pathetic she actually called me....I left her and she thinks im gonna leave a rose on her car after that??? what the hell is she thinking???

But like I said before I did get upset when she told me, i hate being disturbed in my sleep, especially with that stuff...

Did I mess up big time acting that way??

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You shouldn't care if you 'messed up'!! So what? It doesn't change the outcome, you are not with her and she is not with you - so what can happen to you?

 

[LostbutFound]

nah, i understand that PRL, but im just sayin I dont want to walk away from that perfectly, then screw up by being upset like that....I just hope I didnt ruin my whole walk away by doing that...if that makes any sense