Guys, I need help! I'm about to do something REALLY stupid.

[electro shock]

Hey guys, my name's Wayne. I'm 20 years old and a 3rd year geology student in a honors science course at the University of Toronto at Mississauga. Since last year, I've spent some time with a girl at the university, also a third year science student, with whom I share a couple of classes.

Along with two other guys, me and the girl always studied and lunched together last year. We often took walks together, dinner at each other's homes and forays to local bars.

Anyway, so she's the most gorgeous, blazing girl you'd ever meet. I don't think I've ever been so in love in my life. I've been trying to tell her my feelings for almost a whole year now. It's not just that she's attractive... she's very active, goes to parties a lot, is outgoing, etc... both her attitude AND her body makes my heart melt.

Anyway, in the summer me and her planned a camping trip to Quebec together, where we were going to share a room. As you can probably guess, I was excited as heck - this was my chance. I was completely crushed, though, when she invited another student to accompany us, which sort of created a platonic overtone.

Us three did go to Quebec, though, but of course it was boring since we were in three. I was so pumped up that we were going to be alone, but as it ended up we barely talked during the trip.

Our relationship deteriorated recently and now since the new year has started in late august we still share a few classes but we rarely talk except to say hello once in a while.

Anyway, so Friday she asked me to help her on an assignment. While she was absent for a few moments, I flipped through her books to locate an equation and I found a letter she had written to a female friend. Curious after looking at the first paragraph, I took the letter without her knowledge and put it in my pocket so that I could read it at home that evening.

That day, Friday the 23rd of September... was the worst of my life. The letter contained a number of references to sexual activity, both actual and wished for, which completely blew my dreams away. I had been crazy about that girl for an entire year and then I just find out that she's ****ing some jerk and is in love with some stupid jocks. She was talking about how she was impressed with that moron's sexual experience or something. What crud.
As if that was not enough, there was this passage at the end of the letter, which I am quoting exactly:

And for some reason all the guys I know want to go out with me and not be just friends any more so I can't talk to them. I don't want to go out with them and they know it so there is static in the air which is why I want to leave. Hell I can insult Wayne and Rick and they still bug me in class. I want to be alone or with just one good guy, not with a bunch of nothingss.

Those are her exact words, and yes she did put two "s" on "nothingss."

When I read that, I think a part of me died. I was so hurt and angry that I cried for hours. I took a red marker and I circled the above quoted passage.

This weekend, I've done nothing but re-read that letter over and over again. I don't know what to do... I just can't control myself anymore. I'm so frustrated with everything... I just know that something horrible is about to happen. You guys have to understand what it means when you think about nothing but one particular girl for an entire year then you find out that she thinks of you as a "bunch of nothing."

I have a class with her tonight at 4. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm afraid that I might do something stupid. I'm just so hurt right now... I just need to lash out at something. I've been punching walls all morning and honestly I don't know if I'm going to be able to get over it.

Please guys, help me! What can I do?

 

[Austizzle]

Severe one-itis...solution:

CALM DOWN. Take a deep breath. Take another one. Now if you lash out on her she will be pissed at you; you STOLE from her. You have learned the truth behind this girl, isn't this a relief? Yes, you might not have wanted it to go this route, but now you can MOVE ON. There are more girls out there! More girls that will actually be interested in you! Keep your head up and just act like nothing happened. Don't let her know you stole her letter. Then after class ditch that hoe and start a new social circle. One that does not involve her.

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

Don't let her know you stole her letter

This might be kind of hard for him considering he circled a passage in red. The only way is to throw it away, and she'll think that she lost it.

 

[Desdinova]

I don't think I've ever been so in love in my life. I've been trying to tell her my feelings for almost a whole year now.

You're not in love. You have one-itis. You're also in the Friend Zone.

Our relationship deteriorated recently

What relationship? You didn't have one with her. You only had a friendship.

I had been crazy about that girl for an entire year and then I just find out that she's ****ing some jerk and is in love with some stupid jocks.

First, you're a snoopy bastard. You put your nose where it didn't belong. Second, you stole from her.

Hell I can insult Wayne and Rick and they still bug me in class. I want to be alone or with just one good guy, not with a bunch of nothingss.

You've just recieved validation that you're indeed in the friend zone. Give her up.

I just need to lash out at something. I've been punching walls all morning and honestly I don't know if I'm going to be able to get over it.

You're getting upset over what? A girl who isn't your GF, and never was. She's not your property, never was, and never will be. You've painted this picture in your mind of a romantic relationship with her and reality busted your bubble. It's your own damn fault. Don't take it out on her just because she doesn't fit into your dumb fantasy.

You've got a lot to learn. Cut this woman out of your life so you can recover from the broken fantasy that you've created in your mind. Go read the DJ Bible, it'll help you a lot in the field of women.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

That's all you needed!

This the moment you realized you've been an AFC. This letter is the real proof that being "nice" with women does not work. This guy she mentioned may or not be a jerk, but he's a sexual being.

How did you demonstrate you were sexually attracted to her? By listening to her and by acting not interested? What did you do to this girl? Everything but the sexual part. Guess what, that's what differenciate a woman-man relationship from FRIENDSHIP. Women don't have sex with their friends. Now that you know where you stand, MOVE ON.
Get ready to receive an eletro shock from the whole sosuave community! :trouble:

There are actually men who are too nice.

They fall into the doormat or bastard subcategories. The doormats tend to have low self-esteem and are too nice because they think it's the only way to hold on to a relationship. But no one wants to date a guy they can walk all over. Actually, some women do -- but this type of woman will remove your testicles and wear them as charms on her bracelet. Unless you enjoy constant harping, you want to avoid this type of woman. The other type of too nice guy is the bastard. This is the passive aggressive prick who thinly veils his hostility with false niceness.

His specialty is emotional blackmail. Do you tell women that whatever they want to do is fine with you and then pout and complain about what they choose? Do you argue all the time because you are constantly doing nice things without being asked and yet you feel that you do not get the recognition you deserve? Do you consider guilt tripping another person a recreational activity?

If you answered yes to these questions, you're not really being nice out of the kindness of your heart -- you're doing it to manipulate the other person and most people will see through you like a pane of glass. Guys who are too nice do not get dumped for bad boys, they get dumped for guys who have backbone. Guys who realize that they don't have to be a doormat to get someone to spend time with them. Guys who can ask for what they want instead of resorting to emotional blackmail and crass manipulation. If you think you fall into this category, try counseling to deal with your self-esteem and hostility issues.

 

[Wyldfire]

Well...this is why females usually don't tell a guy they aren't attracted to or interested in the truth, because the truth often hurts.

So, the truth really hurts in this case...but you have no right to be angry with this girl. She didn't set out to hurt you...you stole from her something that was never intended for you to see. You can't be angry with her for not being attracted to you...because no one can control who they are attracted to.

All you can do is accept the fact that you're really hurt and this is a big blow to your self esteem and ego. You have two choices...you can wallow in self pity or you can rise above the pain you're feeling right now and use it as a catalyst for bigger and better things. Self-improvement is the answer here. The best revenge is to pull yourself together and prove this girl wrong. Get yourself a complete makeover, focus on improving yourself and don't give this girl the time of day.

In the future...don't snoop and steal letters and things you have no business getting into.

 

[coder]

I feel for you. I’ve been there and it hurts, but if you want to get better, you need to hear the painful truth. This is all your fault. You do not understand women and have braught this upon yourself. You were dishonest with both her and yourself. You have been interested in her for a very long time and have not done anything about it. You were interested in her, but acted like you wanted to be a friend, not a boy friend. You have no right to be mad at her for fooling around with other guys because you never made any move. She is not obligated to wait for years for you to grow some balls. Do you think she never knew that you were interested in her? You have acted like a WUSS and were afraid of making a move. Tell me, do you help her all the time with her school work? Would you do any favor she asks expecting nothing in return? Do you display submissive body language to her? Such as looking down when she looks into your eyes? All of this is why she is not interested in you. Have you read the DJ Bible? You are thinking that being a super nice guy is the way to a woman’s heart, but it is not. You are telling her that you are not enough just being you, you need to do favors to make up for yourself. A woman wants a man that has some spine and makes a move on her when he feels like it. A man that will not let her walk on him. A man that will tell her when she is out of line.

By the way, do you think it was an accident that she left the letter where you’d would find it? She even says that she can insult you and you still chase her around like a puppy. The good news is, you can decide to change your behavior anytime you like and women will start liking you. You just need to understand that the nice guy routine doesn’t work. At all.

 

[Enigmatron]

First off, A Year!!! man you should of made some moves along time ago and fount out then if there was anything there.

now its gone on this long your emotions have kept building up to destruction! and then youve fount this letter!!!

what can i say, well have got ripped apart by women, youve just got to hold on and let time pass, and look for the next girl.

sounds a bit blunt i know, but all we can do is carry on, on the journey of life.

 

[zerocelcius]

First of all you got the subject right. It would be stupid to act on this. Ofcourse you got your feelings hurt and that is understandable, but there was nothing more than friendship between you.

The best thing that could come from this is you moving on and droping this girl from your radar. And if she feels that way about you there is no way to salvage the friendship. For Crist's sake you are in college. You aren't supposed to be thinking about a girl for a year. This time is for dating and going out not setteling down.

I wouldn't lose the letter I would frame it and put it above my door. If you see it everyday it will remind you not to get so wrapped up over another chick.

You got your life to work on right now and your are doing a good job. Next you have your career to start and work on. Cicks aren't everything!

Move on, and learn from this.

 

[Jariel]

You have learned the hard way and you have come to the right place.

Start by dismissing everything you (think you) know about women and learn how to do the exact opposite.

You are what's known as a "nice guy" or AFC (average frustrated chump) and what you read in that letter is going to motivate you to change.

You won't be able to persuade, convince or manipulate this woman to like you and the more you try and the "nicer" (read: creepier + more supplicating) you are, the more you will repulse her. So don't even try.

I recommend you read this post to begin with:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=82097


And a few other recommendations:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=60358
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=82346
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=24645

 

[setlur55]

I am feeling for you, this story is bad! First of all forget the girl she is not worth it after what she wrote in this letter. I would not act on impulse wait a few days and see how you feel, but I would not talk to her about the letter at all, but it is your decision. Learn from the experience, but do not make the mistake I did by leaving women out of your life for years because of one bad experience there are other women out there. In the future make a move early on unfortunately women tend to categorise you early on either as a friend or potential lover and once you are in one category it is almost impossible getting out. They are very different from men that they decide these things emotionally rather than rationally. So they can act really nice to you and will have a great time with you while you are falling deeper and deeper in love with them whereas for them you will always be a friend nothing more. It does not make a lot of sense I know. But you can either learn or pay the price. Don't beat yourself up I know lots of people where similar thing happened one year is long but there are some wild stories I could tell you...

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by coder
I feel for you. I’ve been there and it hurts, but if you want to get better, you need to hear the painful truth. This is all your fault. You do not understand women and have braught this upon yourself. You were dishonest with both her and yourself. You have been interested in her for a very long time and have not done anything about it. You were interested in her, but acted like you wanted to be a friend, not a boy friend. You have no right to be mad at her for fooling around with other guys because you never made any move. She is not obligated to wait for years for you to grow some balls. Do you think she never knew that you were interested in her? You have acted like a WUSS and were afraid of making a move. Tell me, do you help her all the time with her school work? Would you do any favor she asks expecting nothing in return? Do you display submissive body language to her? Such as looking down when she looks into your eyes? All of this is why she is not interested in you. Have you read the DJ Bible? You are thinking that being a super nice guy is the way to a woman’s heart, but it is not. You are telling her that you are not enough just being you, you need to do favors to make up for yourself. A woman wants a man that has some spine and makes a move on her when he feels like it. A man that will not let her walk on him. A man that will tell her when she is out of line.

By the way, do you think it was an accident that she left the letter where you’d would find it? She even says that she can insult you and you still chase her around like a puppy. The good news is, you can decide to change your behavior anytime you like and women will start liking you. You just need to understand that the nice guy routine doesn’t work. At all.

VERY well explained!

 

[SAYNO]

Hey, welcome to to the sosuave community electro shock. Somtimes we have to learn things the hard way, I know it hurts, I think most of us "guys" have been there too, but anyway, you recived some good advice here.

Don't make the mistake that alot of newbies make and that is not listening to people.

Yes, she's gone, forever....

Forget about her and don't be a spineless wimp either, let someone else help her with her homework



Sayno'

 

[arlanda]

Actually, you're lucky. Lucky that you "found" that letter and found out you were wasting your precious time with this girl!

I know it hurts, remember it and remember how you got there and never ever behave that way again.

 

[ev3nst3v3n]

man yea, that sucks. you should have made a move A LONG ASS TIME AGO DUDE!

an entire year of being friends with her and you were waiting for a camping trip to make a move.


positive side, you are ONLY 20. you have LOTS of living to do, you have learned from this. you have learned what NOT to do. thats all you can do in life is learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them.

man, an entire year of not making a move. not even a pvssy move. don't be so passive. go out and try to get what you want confidently.


but yea, THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS ACT NEGATIVELY TOWARDS THIS GIRL. even if it's totally the opposite of how you feel, PRETEND YOU DON'T GIVE A FVCK!! SERIOUSLY.

 

[Triple X]

Hi Electro Shock, welcome to the board.

Just wanted to add my $0.02... as I was (and kinda still am) in a similar situation.

It's all very well for people to say 'just forget about her!' because they don't have the emotional attachment. But in reality it is one of the hardest things to do cos no matter what you try and think about, whatever you try and do... the f***in girl just won't get out of your head. Right?

It's a tough one man... let's just say I was in a similar situation, the girl was pretty incredible like yours and I f***ed it up by being AFC. The really sad thing was I actually HAD A CHANCE once as well but blew it big time!!

So my advice (and I know its already been said but I wanted to reiterate because it is the best advice) is to focus on SELF-IMPROVEMENT. Try and focus daily on turning yourself into a better person. I mean try to improve your looks, game, muscle tone, whatever you can do to become better.

And remember also... you gotta try your best to FORGET HER!!! Yeah I know it's like the toughest thing in the world... I mean I still struggle with it myself daily which gets incredibly frustrating but its like this one-itis is really like a disease which you cannot control.

But I am getting better.. and so can you. Trust me, working on improving yourself will do wonders for your self-confidence and your life... eventually you will feel like a stronger and better man. But you gotta try hard to forget her... for now at least.

And who knows? Maybe further down the line you may bump into her again... she will see your new, improved self and things may be very different. Spend a lot of time on this site and you'll certainly be on the right path.

EDIT: OK I just re-read and you got a class tonight with her at 4. In that case... try your best to hide your feelings (always the best option in these situations) and act like nothing is bothering you. It's gonna be hard... but ultimately worth it.

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

I think Desdinova pretty much said everything correctly.

First of all, Electro Shock, you are NOT her boyfriend. You are using bad logic. You are feeling jealous and angry over a girl you are not with.

Now she may complain about jerks and bad boys, but its still who she is f***ing, which should give you a clue that she is attracted to that type of guys. Women are not logical, their feelings are not controlled by their minds. She is attracted to the "jocks", who probably exhibit Alpha Male behaviors, she is not attracted to wussies.

Ask yourself why are you so "angry"? No one here did anything wrong against you. You are angry because a girl you don't have is living her life the way any normal, healthy girl lives her life at this age (i.e. dates guys).

Whats really going on here is you are angry at yourself for not going after her, and thats your own fault. What triggered this response was the realization that she does not like you in that way and that she has other guys in her mind.

I would suggest working on yourself first. Its a tough road, but if you focus on yourself you will ultimatley be successful with women and you will look back on her and think to yourself how unimportant and unspecial she really is.

I would recommend David DeAngelo's material, namley the mastery series which goes over A LOT of psychological internal stuff that helps you get in control of your own life and feelings.