Guys getting married in their mid 20s. Why?

[AFC Championship]

Hi guys.

Had a short chat with an old female friend in the U.S. from high school days over the 'net the other night (I currently live on the other side of the world) who informed me of several guys that I knew from back then around my age having already got married. These were guys I remembered did well in their studies, faired alright with the ladies, were good in sports and I'm sure continued those traits in college. I would have thought they would be the kind of people that would lead too busy lives to even comtemplate marriage less than a decade after last seeing them in high school.

As long as their happy then good on them, but I can't help but think that their wives will, soon enough, pop out a little one or two and then their lives suddenly have to revolve around them. At such an age, being in their middle 20s, I personally just can't fathom wanting to do it. So much opportunity to go and see the world, live and work somewhere else even, do new things without having a full on committed (read married) partner and potential children taggling along with you everywhere to severely restrict those aspirations and dreams. If I ever get married, I'd say mid-thirties at the earliest, later wouldn't surprise me.

I'm wondering if perhaps its sort of the fallout from college life over there in the States. I didn't go to university in the States so I might be wrong, but with the college life being so crazy with people living away from home and partying it up night after night filled with antics to tell your grandchildren someday, is it possible that when some of the guys graduate and enter the "real world" they see that it doesn't quite match up to the four years prior and the drive to go out there and dominate the world goes astray a bit, and if they have a girl with them from the college days who shares that sentiment, they decide that "getting married" will suddenly be the answer to turn their lives around? Not wanting to generalize or anything, but just a thought I had. Am keen to hear other's views.

 

[Jeffst1980]

That's a plausible explanation in some cases.

The age of first marriage is actually getting pushed back, and some are now referring to the 20's as "extended adolescence." Consequently, the guys I see getting married young are the guys that you've described: successful guys with good, stable jobs that no doubt COULD be living the high life right now. But, to each their own. I'm sure they have their reasons.

Also, keep in mind that these are usually the same guys in LTR's for multiple years. If you're with a girl for 3 years in your 20's, there's no WAY she isn't going to start pressuring you to propose. To many women, spending a good part of their 20's with a guy that won't commit is a paramount waste of time and energy, even if they're a great match. Hopefully the guys you mention proposed out of actual desire to do so and not out of fear of being alone, which can be a strong motivator.

I have a sneaking suspicion that, for some people, the things we talk about on this site would actually do more harm than good. There are lots of guys that value stability over all else, and "unplugging them," if you will, might lead them to develop a very negative worldview. For me personally, however, I'm enjoying the benefits of putting off marriage and kids too much.

 

[mikeraw]

I don't think it's a matter of attending an American university or growing up in this environment. A lot of my friends from Nicaragua got married to their first serious girlfriends. I think it's because they think they can't do better, that they can't score with other chicks. That they found the love of their lives, etc...

I ascribe that to AFCism. I was once close to marrying my first serious GF at age 23.Now that I look back at it I thank God that she broke up with me. I always wanted to cheat on her, explore what was out there, but I still loved her... or at least I thought I did... It was more of a hormonal obsession...

What cracks me up about guys getting married in their 20's is that they justify it in a myriad ways. That loving and being loved is beyond description, that being a father is the best thing ever, that having the stability of a marriage is great. A recently divorced friend of mine told me how all his friends always told him about how awesome marriage was, but he compared it to climbing a mountain... Once you get to the top,what the hell are you going to do? It's just a big, empty, boring space and there's no more excitement left.

IMO, marriage should be left either to old people or to those who have truly and honestly experienced a fulfilling life. Don't get married before banging a perfect HB10, don't get married before experiencing 5 different sex partners in one week, don't get married before that elusive threesome, and, for crying outloud, get all your partying goals done before tying the knot. Not that you can't party with a wife, but I'm talking about that week-long bender, the lost weekend, the impromptu Vegas trip, and the binge drinking with Third World fishermen! hehheeh

 

[Kerpal]

Why do guys get married at all? I'll never understand it.

 

[J Roc]

Why do guys get married at all? I'll never understand it.

so they can give a woman half of their earnings when they get divorced a few years later

 

[LostAndConfused]

i mean from my own point of view, i'd like to have kids at some point, but I'd like to stay single at the same time.

I know im probably fücked up but I'd think it would be cool to have a son....

...but without a nagging wife.

 

[FM 3321]

I think it's a simple matter of falling in love and deciding to marry the girl that was perfect for them. I usually imagine the girl liking the guy so much because he's such a solid guy who has his personality handled. Two of my best friends who got married in the past couple of years are some very good examples I can think of.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Getting married and having kids is a part of life. Some get married early because, thats what society wants. Others get married cause thats what they want. Some do it for wrong reasons or wait until they are ready.

 

[The Bat]

I find myself asking the same question. So many guys I know got married right after high school...some of them hadn't even finished college before they proposed...

The big factor I saw with my group was insecurity and scarcity mentality.

Insecurity because they subscribed to the tom cruise notion of "you complete me" with their girlfriends. They had never met someone of opposite sex who would love them, have sex with them, and be their best friends. I mean finding those three quality in a person is pretty rare at young teenage age. So once you have it, why let go? Why not get married instead and secure all three qualities?

Scarcity mentality because they thought they were scarce and any girl with those three qualities willing to stay with them must be the "one". Ergo, "I must marry her otherwise I'll never find someone as beautiful, intelligent, loving, and funny as her ever again." Finding their girlfriend in the first place was so easy that they are too afraid to dump her and try to find new plates to spin. It might be difficult now because they've been out of the game for so long, but the bottom line always is, "I'm never going to find someone like her who is going to love me like she loves me now."

And lot of guys do feel the pressure of settling down, having a career, and starting a family once they are out of college. Because that's how the parents did it in the old days. And that's what a responsible, mature adult does once they complete college.

Give me a break! Ha!

Somebody mentioned the term "extended adolescence". Interesting. See how that fits perfect with the schema of "a mature, responsible adult who settles down and has a job/family after college"?

From what I've seen, most guys who get married in early-mid 20s are either destined to be divorced or are settling big time. No exceptions!

As Rollo would say, it is dirty work to unplug chumps from the matrix.

 

[GQ_Confidence_1]

I think it's insane if you're under 26 or 24 to get married, especially in a city with a high cost of living (like so cal). I can't even fathom it.

I know people that have gotten married at 26, 28 (with kids even), and you'll never be able to afford a house, never do a ton of things.

Maybe in the midwest, where housing is much cheaper. I can see it there.

But in a big city, and you're barely making rent, seems like insanity. A surefire recipe for breakup.

The scary thing is, if you're barely making it now, it won't get easier in the future. With cost of living, gas, it's not like cost of living is going to go down to 1% a year in the future. I don't see where they think they can get ahead.

There's a tremendous variance across the county in rents, housing, cost of living, and what consititutes a "career". In alot of cities, jobs aren't careers anymore. And with this recession. For the life of me, I don't get it.

Absolutely, I agree, don't get married before banging the perfect 10, don't get married before having 5 sex partners in a week, or in a day. Or 3 dates in one night.

I think it'll be disasterous for a lot of guys in the next 10 years. Cost of living, rent, etc goes sky high. Wages stagnate, keep falling behind. And traffic, congestion. I just dont get it in a big city.

Would be good to be a divorce lawyer in the future (as it is now).

 

[speakeasy]

There was a time when a woman was considered a spinster if she was still unmarried by age 25. Back in the OLD, old days, women were married with kids by the time they were in their late teens. A woman's fertility peaks in her late teens, a man's sexual peak is at 19. Nature intended humans to have kids optimally in their late teens. We now have this complex society built up around us that says we have to do all these things like finish college, have a career, travel, "find ourselves" and all these other things before we can settle down, marry and have kids. There was no such thing 500 years ago.