Guy who can't think for himself...

[ScornedbyTRSX]

I’m a girl in need of the alpha male opinion. I have been with this guy for 3 years (who is a an avid reader of this site), and we just broke up 3 weeks ago. We had been living together for almost 2 years now. I moved out 2 weeks ago. We fell out of love because he was too busy playing video games to notice his neglect towards the relationship. He immediately started spinning plates (as you guys call it) the day after we broke up. It hurt like hell. As a matter of fact it still hurts.

Anyways…not to trail off topic, he calls me out of the blue the other night and says he misses me. Naturally I ignored him. Towards 1 am he starts texting over and over, until I finally give in and call him. I felt that he needed to talk so at 2 am showed up at his house. Was passing by on my way home. Didn’t think it would hurt.

We ended up talking for hours and then couldn’t seem to let go of each other. I could no longer stay in the house that we shared so asked him to come back to my place. We talked for the whole rest of the day Sunday. Snuggling, talking, just getting everything that was left unsaid out. He said he needed to go, but you could tell that he didn’t want to leave. He just kept struggling to leave. So he shows up yesterday and is now the complete opposite. Wall up, completely confused. I asked him to go with the flow and to see what transpires between us.

To be more specific, the first year of our relationship, we never argued. Not once!!! We had a blast with everything. There was nothing but smiles, laughter, great sex and fun. We had it made. Then all of a sudden, we are on the verge of moving out together and he starts asking his friends at work their opinion of the situation. And there was our first argument. This guy CAN NOT think for himself. He can’t just go with the flow, everyone always has to guide him. But of course he follows their advice always, instead of doing what he feels is right and what HE wants. He has never lived for himself. He is always living to please everyone else. Why can’t he do what he wants? I feel like he’s a puppet and so many people are holding the strings. Except me, because I finally let them go. I just want him to be happy. I love him more than anything in this world. I gave him a choice the other day to make up his own mind. I guess him making a choice involved him calling his mom and his best friend for advice. Now, he’s left. And wants no contact. I guess that was him making a choice. But I can’t help but feel that it wasn’t his own. I’m just sitting here wondering, if he made all his own decisions in our relationship, what could it have been?

So, for his advice, how do you get him to think for himself and not try to please everyone around him? He’s unhappy. He doesn’t smile like he used to. Although, he did the other day when he was in my arms. I just am at a loss. He doesn’t like himself anymore. But here’s the kicker. I loved him the way he was anyway. The real him, not the one he keeps trying to become. Just can’t understand why my opinion never mattered.

 

[SoSuave666]

This is awesome.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Haha. I was about to type up a response, and then I saw the user name.

Well, this is funnier than other trolling attempts. Although it always creeps me out that people have time to write paragraphs of trolling threads.

 

[TRSX]

...

THREAD.

 

[Jair213]

wow wtf.

 

[Upside]

Pics or GTFO.

 

[DonJuanabe]

They'll be rolling around in bed within 24 hours.

 

[flashpoint]

Unless this is not all a nice prank ...

So, for his advice, how do you get him to think for himself and not try to please everyone around him? He’s unhappy. He doesn’t smile like he used to. Although, he did the other day when he was in my arms. I just am at a loss. He doesn’t like himself anymore. But here’s the kicker. I loved him the way he was anyway. The real him, not the one he keeps trying to become. Just can’t understand why my opinion never mattered.

just tell him. oh wait. telling him means thinking for him and expecting him to please you with his behaviour. guess that wont work then. maybe you stop taking responsibility for his emotional or otherwise state and just be there. For some reason he didnt trust you enough so he had to turn to friends etc. to get another perspective. Any idea why that is?

Here is what he has written about the situation:
"The truth is now that I look back on the relationship, she was really upset with me because of something that I wasn't giving her. I don't know if she was the right one for me, but it makes me almost question everything I did with her and if it was wrong or if it was right. I loved her more then anything and I always had a great time when we spent time together, but for the last year I didn't WANT to spend time with her - I got scared of committing to something like marriage or buying a house. Is that a bad thing to be scared of? Did it mean I wasn't ready?

I'm going on dates, I'm meeting new people. All im doing right now is wondering what my EX is doing."

ok, there is also this part:
"even though shes a crazy psycho ***** it's not like I dont care about her. "

so ... something made him think twice about your future together and it seems to have to do with your behaviour (as well at least). might also have to do with him being unsure if he wants to commit already. still these are things that people should have conversations about in a relationship. or else one day it just stops being one.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Never move in with a girl unless you are married or plan on getting married very shortly there after.






PIMP

 

[ScornedbyTRSX]

Thank you flashpoint. Yeah this definitely was not a prank. I let him back in my life only for him to leave again. I get the psycho rap for acting irrationally when upset. But the **** he’s pulled hurts and I was still living there when he started seeing other people. Girls will do a lot of dumb mistakes when hurting. It’s whatever at this point. No contact is what he wants and there is nothing I can do to change his mind. Even though I’ve found articles to the contrary of this NC advice.

http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-to-stop-your-exs-no-contact-rule/

He’s basically played a mind game and flipped it on me. Now instead of him hitting a low, I have. He was outside my house last night talking with the new girl he doesn’t even like. She’s just there I guess (also this is the same girl he has referred to as a dumb blonde). And she’s only been there for two weeks. I feel irrational and like an ******* to responding in any way to him. I guess spinning meaningless plates is the best thing he needs right now (hence the advice of this forum). Even though his heart tells him the opposite. His friend told him to move on, I guess his friend knows him best. He will refuse to make up his own mind, no matter what. Cause he can’t seem to trust himself.

 

[ScornedbyTRSX]

Never move in with a girl unless you are married or plan on getting married very shortly there after.






PIMP

Yeah, know this now.

 

[ScornedbyTRSX]

you broke up with him and now are stalking him because he successfully moved on. You have abandonment issues, were you raped as a child?

I didn't break up with him. And no I don't have abandonment issues, nor have I been raped. Nor have I stalked him. He assumed I had at one point and accused me to such. But I haven't. Thanks. He was a huge part of my life. Miss him, and am not over him. That's all it boils down to. And you if define successfully by him calling me all weekend, how is that?

 

[ScornedbyTRSX]

Thank you flashpoint. Yeah this definitely was not a prank. I let him back in my life only for him to leave again. I get the psycho rap for acting irrationally when upset. But the **** he’s pulled hurts and I was still living there when he started seeing other people. Like 2 days after the break up make a POF account and post pics of us in there. WTF!!! Girls will do a lot of dumb mistakes when hurting. It’s whatever at this point. No contact is what he wants and there is nothing I can do to change his mind. Even though I’ve found articles to the contrary of this NC advice.

He’s basically played a mind game and flipped it on me. Now instead of him hitting a low, I have. He was outside my house last night talking with the new girl he doesn’t even like (same dumb blonde he refers to in other posts). She’s just there I guess. And she’s only been there for two weeks. I feel irrational and like an ******* to responding in any way to him. I guess spinning meaningless plates is the best thing he needs right now (hence the advice of this forum). Even though his heart tells him the opposite. His friend told him to move on, I guess his friend knows him best. He will refuse to make up his own mind, no matter what. Cause he can’t seem to trust himself.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Thank you flashpoint. Yeah this definitely was not a prank. I let him back in my life only for him to leave again. I get the psycho rap for acting irrationally when upset. But the **** he’s pulled hurts and I was still living there when he started seeing other people. Like 2 days after the break up make a POF account and post pics of us in there. WTF!!! Girls will do a lot of dumb mistakes when hurting. It’s whatever at this point. No contact is what he wants and there is nothing I can do to change his mind. Even though I’ve found articles to the contrary of this NC advice.

You know what will help? Starting an account on the various message boards that he visits. Nothing gets a man rock hard more quickly.

 

[ScornedbyTRSX]

You know what will help? Starting an account on the various message boards that he visits. Nothing gets a man rock hard more quickly.

Cute! Love the sarcasm. When a man can't think for himself, and listens to everyone else, what is there to do. I know I made a mistake in posting here. Can't go back on it now.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Cute! Love the sarcasm. When a man can't think for himself, and listens to everyone else, what is there to do. I know I made a mistake in posting here. Can't go back on it now.

Nope. But you can go away.

 

[TRSX]

deleted.

 

[flashpoint]

Even though his heart tells him the opposite. His friend told him to move on, I guess his friend knows him best. He will refuse to make up his own mind, no matter what. Cause he can’t seem to trust himself.

one thing. just because someone gets advice when unsure, it doesnt mean he cant think for himself. actually he might have thought about it, decided that he cant come up with a satisfying conclusion, hence he goes asking for other views so he can decide. And as it seems he has decided to leave you. Which hurts alot i am sure, but do you really think it will make anything better when you call him out on being a puppet and such (in your view).

Well he wasnt too flattering either, so guess you guys are quits on that. But what i read is you love him, cant get over it - he loved you, has a hard time getting over it. so why not just take some time off both of you and have some space to think about things. In this emotional state people say and do things they later might regret, and that is not worth it.

But be realistic, eventually you guys have to work things out or leave it at that. I mean it is also obvious that for some reason he wasnt happy anymore and so were you it seems (judging from your comments on his behaviour at least). And even if that hurts isnt it better to end it so you can find happiness elsewhere?

Anyways i guess there is like 99% of what goes on or was going on that has no place in this forum. so we dont know and we shouldnt either. But think about it, make up your mind, talk about it, find a solution. wish both of u the best.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I remember a year ago we had some troll on here with his troll girlfriend. Then they had troll fights back and forth on the message board, until it got boring and they got tired of it. Or the mods tracked their ip to the same computer and banned them. Cant remember.

 

[MM92]

HAHA this is friggin' brilliant.