'Guy Friends'

[The likened]

After browsing and reading articles on this 'informative' website I have decided to post my own dilemma.

I have been seeing this girl let’s call her an 8-9, since December. On Friday she goes to 'stay' with a friend of hers, let’s call him 'Dennis the ****'. She did ask me if I minded that she went and stayed with this 'old' friend of hers in another city. Let’s be straight, I didn't like the idea of it at all, some very rich guy with fast cars and an inner city London flat. But being the cool guy that I am and have to portray, I agreed and stated 'If we haven’t got trust what have we got?'

Needless to say I haven’t really spoken to her since, I phoned her on Monday, after not hearing from here all weekend, and received a phone call back which i missed, to which I text back and then received a phone call 12 hours later. She then said she would do various things to do with a planned weekend away which she hasn't and didn’t reply to my text yesterday regarding the same issue. She gets back today and I stated I wanted to see her, however due to a gut feeling, I have now planned to go away to party with some friends in a neighbouring city.

Second problem: she states that she has never been in love, suppresses love and others feelings, isn't capable of loving... etc. Although she is unbelievably, warm, giving and fun when we are together. However, when we are not I have to make nearly all the effort, and she rarely texts and takes a lifetime to text back.


Thoughts...

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

It's really up to you. In my opinion that is very disrespectful and any girl who I'm serious with will not do that. If they do then I wouldn't be serious with them.

 

[zekko]

It really depends on the nature of the relationship. If you're not exclusive, which it sounds like you're not, you really don't have much to say about it unfortunately. You can, however, view her behavior as a clue as to what type of woman she is.

On Friday she goes to 'stay' with a friend of hers, let’s call him 'Dennis the ****'.

Red flag #1.

But being the cool guy that I am and have to portray, I agreed and stated 'If we haven’t got trust what have we got?'

Lol, trust? Trust what? You can trust that she is spending the weekend with some other dude.
As for being the "cool guy", this is the product of the feminine shaming machine. Women tell you that to be the cool guy, you have to be okay with them doing anything they want to do, including spending the night, or whole weekend, with some other guy. Otherwise, you are the jealous, insecure, controlling, possessive monster. "Sure honey, go fvck this other guy, I trust you, I'm a cool guy". LO frigging L.

Second problem: she states that she has never been in love, suppresses love and others feelings, isn't capable of loving... etc.

...and red flag #2.

Work on increasing your options with women and maybe you can find one that is better suited to your needs.

 

[comic_relief]

"do I see a bridge up ahead?"

If you aren't a troll, than she doesn't want you, treats you like sh!t, doesn't want to hurt your feelings, and seems like she has massive amounts of baggage. Run as far away from this girl as possible (that is what I am seeing from your only post). Your post was full of red flags, I'm sorry.

- comic_relief

 

[vatoloco]

I have been seeing this girl let’s call her an 8-9, since December.

Define "seeing."

 

[DJDamage]

She did ask me if I minded that she went and stayed with this 'old' friend of hers in another city. Let’s be straight, I didn't like the idea of it at all, some very rich guy with fast cars and an inner city London flat. But being the cool guy that I am and have to portray, I agreed and stated 'If we haven’t got trust what have we got?'

She set you up and you fell for it.

You bring up a thing about trust issue, yet you don't trust her for a very good reason.

She asked you for an opinion not a permission to stay with this guy, which is a double edged sword. You say no and you are a jealous and unreasonable brute, you say yes and she doesn't feel the need to hide the fact that she will be staying with some dude through out the night where things could happen.

The onus was on her not to put you in this position and find some other alternatives then staying with this guy. This girl does not value her relationship with you as much as you value your relationship with her. She has demonstrated with this action that she in fact has the 'higher value' in this relationship which is a bad position for you to be in.

 

[Alanswer]

If she's your GF and you're supposed to be exclusive/faithfull... Dump her now. You must assume the worse instead of hoping for the best and living an illusion (delusion?).

She's indeed doing what she wants. Would you rather be a control freak and simply forbid her to do stuff? That won't stop her to desire them.
But that's not the problem. The problem is for her to actually want to go and do a sleeper over... to ANOTHER DUDE'S house.

Better find a girl that desires you so much that she doesn't WANT to do that in the first place.

Oh, and trust is hugely overrated... And useless/irrelevant. Or you know or you don't. Trust is the illusion of knowing something you don't to leviate the fear of her cheating on you.

And if she doesn't love, what in hell keeps her from ****ing around???

I know coz I don't believe in love and I do just that... But I'm honest about it. Always.

 

[jophil28]

I never can understand how or why any woman would think that this "old friend" sleepover was even remotely OK, but they do it anyway without the slightest regard for her b/f. Her big city fun weekend is all that matters to her.

It is rare that a rich, 'fast eddie' would invite her to stay over for platonic reasons.

How to deal with it?

Agreeing to trust her (you really don't) is the worst response- you are telling her that she can do whatever she wants and you will just accept it .
If, on the other hand, you put your foot down she will call you possessive and so, but she at leasts knows you have a pair.

THis situation is like a high risk pokerhand. You need to be willing to bet the relationship on your response.
I would say to her," I have standards and expectations of the women in my life. Staying the weekend with flash eddie would have been OK with me for the first week of our relationship."

Then stay silent and allow her to make her choice.

 

[typical]

I never can understand how or why any woman would think that this "old friend" sleepover was even remotely OK, but they do it anyway without the slightest regard for her b/f. Her big city fun weekend is all that matters to her.

It is rare that a rich, 'fast eddie' would invite her to stay over for platonic reasons.

How to deal with it?

Agreeing to trust her (you really don't) is the worst response- you are telling her that she can do whatever she wants and you will just accept it .
If, on the other hand, you put your foot down she will call you possessive and so, but she at leasts knows you have a pair.

THis situation is like a high risk pokerhand. You need to be willing to bet the relationship on your response.
I would say to her," I have standards and expectations of the women in my life. Staying the weekend with flash eddie would have been OK with me for the first week of our relationship."

Then stay silent and allow her to make her choice.

And if she should choose fast Eddie over You then that just shows she sees you as low value and has low interest in you, or is keeping you around so she doesn't feel lonely and will most likely dump your a$$ as soon as Eddie decides that she is worth having a relationship with.

IMHO find a better girl that sees and likes your inner qualities rather then your body and bank account.

Remember one thing about women they were always daddy's little princess and always got what they wanted, OR if daddy wasn't around some guy was always giving her things she wanted, so most women are used to getting everything they want with little effort.

I would tell her you don't want her hanging out with that dude if she causes a fuss don't make anything of it but start looking for a better women cause this bird will eventually ditch you for him or another guy like him.

 

[zekko]

I would say to her," I have standards and expectations of the women in my life. Staying the weekend with flash eddie would have been OK with me for the first week of our relationship."

I agree with your response 100%.
But that is essentially an ultimatum (implied), and every time this is discussed, someone says never give a woman an ultimatum. Apparently it's a Roissy rule or something.

But I see no other appropriate response in this situation, unless you want to just write her off completely for even making the suggestion. You can't just lay down and give her permission to have sleepovers with any guy she wants. You have to set some boundaries at some point early in the relationship.

If you want to be intentionally vague, you could say something like "You do what you have to do, and I'll do what I have to do".

This girl sounds like a waste of time though.

 

[The_411]

she states that she has never been in love, suppresses love and others feelings, isn't capable of loving... etc.

This should have you running for the hills. When a woman tells you something like this believe her.

She's saying I'm a cluster B chick.

Her behavior clearly isn't acceptable and your only choice is to 86 her.

Or you can keep her go through immense amount of pain get your brains screwed up waste 2-4 years of your life.

 

[pipe007]

as a 26 year old man with plenty of experience with relationships and women, let me tell you something buddy

you just set yourself up for failure for acting like a dumbazz, not a cool guy

cool guy B.S thing applies when trying to attract the girl in the beginning stages of the relationship. Once a relationship is ongoing, then BOUNDARIES and RULES must be set about trust, RESPECT, and honesty.

she is clearly violating the RESPECT rules by all means. this is full blown disrespect in every single area that I look at it. she is going to another city with some dude. and you approved it. FAIL

faillllllll buddy faillll!!! you just lost your girl

I set boundaries, who cares about Mr. Cool B.S its B.SSSSSSSSSSsss, its about setting the respect you deserve!!!!

Her: can I stay a weekend in another city with this guy?
Me: sure, go ahead, you are free to do whatever you want, but there is one thing, when you come back, don't bother to contact me again, cuz I won't answer.

and PERIOD, end of discussion
if my girl goes on a trip like that, she might as well go single, because im dumping her ass on the spot.

WTF are you thinking about? Mr. Cool?

 

[CJ 101]

Dude, for a chick that you're seeing to go and stay with another dude isn't something that should be taken lightly, knowing chicks I can honestly tell you that she's probably ****ing the dude........how do you think the other dude sees her, do you honestly think that she goes over and stays with him for a while and he doesn't think of ****ing her, unless he's straight up gay.Right now you should be focusing on other chicks and sleeping with them, if your girl comes back around that's cool and if she doesn't then that's cool also, dude she's only one out of 3.8 billion females on this planet. So the watch word should be OPTIONS,OPTIONS,OPTIONS........ always have options when it comes to chicks.

 

[Slickster]

Her interest level is low and getting lower.

She's barely worth your time or acknowledgement. Focus elsewhere.

Do yourself a favor. Next time a girl you are "seeing" says she's going to stay with another dude call her on it immediately. Let her know that if she goes it's over. Regardless of her decision you are always ahead.

 

[uafootball24]

as Deniro said " never be attached or tied down to anything you can't walk out on in 30 minutes"

 

[duxun]

when she said that " she has never been in love " then that means that she found love in that other guy and not you...

MOVE ON BROTHER !!:rockon: