Guide to Internet Dating

[Luveno]

Recently there's been a lot of confusion, particularly in the Mature Man forum, about how to effectively use the internet to meet women.

I've been using the internet as an adjunct to real world meeting, and have learned to be quite successful with it.

Thus, I will give some advice to you all.

Do I need to be able to cold approach flawlessly before I can use a dating website effectively?

Yes. If you have no real-life skills, you will fail at internet dating. Every time you meet a girl that you met on the net, you are essentially doing a cold-approach.

Which websites are any good?

In order to answer this question, you have to understand the difference between outright "dating" websites, and "social networking" websites.

Girls who use dating websites are generally ugly, fat, or have massive baggage like crotchfruit, a demanding, professional career, or drug abuse. They have no shame in admitting that they, as women, have resorted to using a primarily male tactic to get hitched - that is, post a profile on a dating site. Women are not the aggressors in the world of attraction, and dating websites contradict the natural order of things. These women are desperate.

Now, here's where semantics comes in: "social networking" websites do not have the stigma attached to them that dating websites do. Girls who use networking websites do so "because its fun to meet new people, but not to date" because they believe they are still hot commodities in the real world.
Of course, this doesn't stop these women from screwing a guy they meet on the website. After all, what could be more fun than sex?

So, do not use "dating" websites like Match, eHarmony, Lavalife, or Yahoo personals - these attract old cows. Use "social networking" sites like Myspace and Facebook. You will have far more success, and far higher quality prospects.

How much will this cost?

Simple: nothing. I cannot stress this enough, but DO NOT PAY FOR INTERNET DATING. Here's why: A website that makes you pay is a website that doesn't want you to get dates - if you got dates, you wouldn't need to pay for the website anymore, would you? Simple Economics 101.

Additionally, quality women who are worth their salt won't be paying for dating websites because they don't have to. They already get enough attention from guys, so why would they pay for it on the internet? Only ugly, used up women will pay to use a dating website.

Finally, it has been speculated that dating websites sometimes employ real people to run fake profiles in order to keep desperate men using. Although these women will give you their phone numbers and email addresses, they will never meet you in the real world.

So, DON'T PAY.

What do I write on my profile?

Not much.

Never write a hugely long profile - think about it: how much of a girl's profile do you read??? Keep the profile to a mininum; about one or two witty lines. Use proper English too: using thugspeak or netspeak will automatically put you out of the running with higher-quality women and you'll be left with the ghettofabs and singlemoms.

So what factor most determines my success in meeting women online?

The picture is what makes or breaks an internet profile. So, don't look ugly. If you do, then fix it. Go to the gym. Dress better. Improve grooming.

So I got her attention, now what?

Do exactly what you would do in the real world:

1. Get contact info: due to the inability to escalate face-to-face attraction, it is more difficult to get a phone number out of a girl than it is to get her instant messaging address.

2. Isolate: Keep your online interaction short and sweet. Set a date for the coming Friday or Saturday night. Remember, she is not your chat-pal - you want to actually meet this person in the real world as soon as possible. Strike while the iron's hot and the interest is there.

3. Escalate: from this point on, its real world game...


So Luveno, why should I use the internet? Only antisocial freaks use the internet/I meet enough people in the real world already etc.

You have a job, I hope...

I say this because when most people are at work, they cannot meet women.
Online dating basically allows you to have a proxy method of meeting women when life's obligations are preventing you from doing it face-to-face.



Summary

1. Do not use dating websites! Use meeting websites because these are more hip with the attractive crowd.

2. Do not pay for ANYTHING.

3. Never write a hugely long profile.

4. The picture is what makes or breaks an internet profile.

5. Meet up with her ASAP. Don't chit-chat.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

The biggest problem with this forum is people make these big, grandiose posts, and try to act like they know everything.

They blather on and on about how their expert on this or that, and get all mad when you contradict them. If you met them offline, in about 90% of the cases, you be like "whoa, I was listening to this guy?"

 

[StevenR]

a couple of points-I have had much more luck with Match than I have had with Plenty of Fish, which is a free dating site. But most of those women are single mothers or older women looking for a younger guy for presumably sex. I actually think that often women in the 30-early 40's age range on Match are more attractive than the 20 something women with no baggage other than the extra fat they carry around.
These are my observations anyway. I tend to think Myspace is better for getting the younger hotties, and Match is really a place where "cougars" go to meet younger men for sex.

 

[betterthandead]

Don't knock this guy down, some of his points are valid but have been mentioned plenty elsewhere.

The biggest problem with this forum is people make these big, grandiose posts, and try to act like they know everything.

They blather on and on about how their expert on this or that, and get all mad when you contradict them. If you met them offline, in about 90% of the cases, you be like "whoa, I was listening to this guy?"

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Don't knock this guy down, some of his points are valid but have been mentioned plenty elsewhere.

Valid but easily managed if you know what you're doing. The problem with these suggestions is that it's written as if women look for the same thing in profiles as do men, this is completely not the case unless you are on a social networking site. If you are the objective is more so friend-wh0ring than trying to find one person to date. I'm with Mike on this one. Anyone who has been successful on real dating sites will probably agree with many points but they will also be able to give viable suggestions on how to remedy those stumbling blocks instead of giving up.

 

[Luveno]

The problem with these suggestions is that it's written as if women look for the same thing in profiles as do men, this is completely not the case unless you are on a social networking site.

My article specifically states that social networking sites are more useful for meeting quality women for the purposes of dating. They are free and rife with attractive women who are not drags and have no baggage. Dating sites are more likely to contain undesirable women, and the average dating site woman is not as good as the average social networking site woman.

The fact of the matter is that women are very discerning of a man's picture when she is looking to meet new men. Physical attraction is paramount. Women that forego this are those who are willing to "settle" for myriad reasons: they're not very attractive, they're somewhat psycho and lonely, they're old and have kids etc.

 

[thederekeffect1]

What do I write on my profile?

Not much.

Never write a hugely long profile - think about it: how much of a girl's profile do you read??? Keep the profile to a mininum; about one or two witty lines. Use proper English too: using thugspeak or netspeak will automatically put you out of the running with higher-quality women and you'll be left with the ghettofabs and singlemoms.

Wrong. Especially, if you're not extremely attractive. There are two things people look for when they come across any profile. The first thing that they will look for is a picture. So, put up a few good pictures of yourself. Consider getting a few professional pictures done. But make sure that what they are seeing is you. Don't try to make yourself look more attractive then you really are, because if you meet the person, they're going to be expecting a completely different person and that's not going to go well for you.

The second thing that they will see, if they're interested in more then looks (and if you're not incredibly attractive, then you'll need to pay attention) is indeed the bio section of your profile. You don't want to reveal everything about yourself (leave a little to talk about on your first date!), but you'll need to reveal a little about yourself to give them a reason to contact you. Because "If you want sex, message me" just isn't going to cut it.

 

[Luveno]

Wrong. Especially, if you're not extremely attractive. There are two things people look for when they come across any profile. The first thing that they will look for is a picture. So, put up a few good pictures of yourself. Consider getting a few professional pictures done. But make sure that what they are seeing is you. Don't try to make yourself look more attractive then you really are, because if you meet the person, they're going to be expecting a completely different person and that's not going to go well for you.

The second thing that they will see, if they're interested in more then looks (and if you're not incredibly attractive, then you'll need to pay attention) is indeed the bio section of your profile. You don't want to reveal everything about yourself (leave a little to talk about on your first date!), but you'll need to reveal a little about yourself to give them a reason to contact you. Because "If you want sex, message me" just isn't going to cut it.

Wrong back at you.

The picture is the most important, if not the only important, part of a profile. You could write the best profile description of all time and it would go unnoticed if there was no picture. Conversely, you could have a great picture up and write nothing but ellipses, and get 10 emails a day.


If your picture is not good, no amount of profile is going to help it unless you mention somewhere that you are wealthy. Even then, no attractive woman is going to sift through a paragraph to figure out if there is anything about an unattractive man that she thinks she'll like.

However, unlike women, men have the advantage when it comes to looks. Men just have to look like men. They don't have to look glamorous, or like movie stars, to attract women. They just have to look like they're in good shape with a confident demeanor that says "I'm important", and they will attract women just fine.

If one is taking bad pictures, it's either because he is out of shape, has poor style, is not confident, or is completely ugly beyond sin. Need I mention that very few men are completely ugly beyond sin once they get in shape and gain confidence? A hot body and some confidence will land you women left, right, and center, regardless of your face; just look at Usher. You don't need pro pics. You don't need to doctor a photo to "make yourself look better than you actually look".

My profiles on free networking sites are random sentences I copied and pasted from articles I found on Digg! They are completely senseless, yet I still get emails and go on lots of dates with "8s" and "9s"(most of which end happily). I'm not even a super-hot guy! I just look like a man in my pictures. I look like I'm in shape, in control and I'm having fun.


I will agree on not writing "Do you want sex? Message me." That screams of desperation and does not attract any quality women, regardless of how you look.

 

[cedd]

My article specifically states that social networking sites are more useful for meeting quality women for the purposes of dating. They are free and rife with attractive women who are not drags and have no baggage. Dating sites are more likely to contain undesirable women, and the average dating site woman is not as good as the average social networking site woman.

do you really believe quality women wit no baggage are on social networks only ? I dont. Lots of women on social networks are insecure and/or AW due to the high proportion of men giving them so much compliments in their comments.
Like real world there is quality women everywhere but the difficult thing is to FIND them. So that the dating sites are a very good place for QUALIFYING them.

the rules are :
- have a good profile (well written add + good pics)
- minimize the time online to maximize the time offline
- QUALIFY!
- meet her offline ASAP
- spin more plates

cheers

 

[StevenR]

Recently I have had far more success on Match than Myspace. Last Autumn I emailed 4 women and 2 of them responded, and I probably could have taken both further if I wasn't self conscious about my weight at the time. This time around, in the last 48 hours I have had 0 for 14, except for two nasty emails, one calling me a fcktard and the other accusing me of stalking them. I have been talking to a few on Match but as the OP said most are not ideal women for me. I am really sick of women and the entire dating game right now.

Makes me want to just give up and go to South America or something to pick up chicks.

 

[Luveno]

do you really believe quality women wit no baggage are on social networks only ? I dont. Lots of women on social networks are insecure and/or AW due to the high proportion of men giving them so much compliments in their comments.
Like real world there is quality women everywhere but the difficult thing is to FIND them. So that the dating sites are a very good place for QUALIFYING them.

the rules are :
- have a good profile (well written add + good pics)
- minimize the time online to maximize the time offline
- QUALIFY!
- meet her offline ASAP
- spin more plates

cheers

The attention *****s you mention do not use "dating" sites because they don't need to. They are good looking enough to not have to resort to pay to meet people on the internet. Just like in real life, lots of girls are attention *****s. One could say that the internet allows you to see this more clearly and thus tailor your strategy to tackling them. Or you could do what any self-respecting man would do and pass on them for someone better.

Some of your rules are good. Some aren't:

1. The pic is basically all that matters. Don't worry about what you write.
2. Minimize online time: I do agree with this. Like I said in my original post, online dating is only useful if you are at work or have some other commitments. If you're a bum without a job, you have no excuse to not meet girls in the real world, although you should be looking for a job first.
3.Qualify: I know this is thrown around PUA circles a lot, but what the hell does it really mean?
4.Meet offline ASAP: I agree! It's in the OP.
5.Spin more plates: definitely. Life is too short to be drinking out of the same cup for the whole time.

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

According to this guy insiderinternetdating.com his internet dating experience says this;

Sites/Pictures;

1. Yahoo personals doesn't have women that use the site consistently but is an option. Match.com has way more women using the site and there is more volume from the women in terms of use. Friendfinder s.ucks. Jdate.com is good (if your Jewish). Americansingles.com is an option in place of Jdate if your not Jewish as it is reported as similar in function and features.

2. To make yourself standout as more "Alpha" male try and make some pictures that make you more "GQ". Think of the Oceans Eleven movie with George Clooney and Brad Pitt, not there looks but how they dressed (eg - stylish/classy/confident/cool/calm). Also a picture with you doing something social if possible.

3. Use Hotornot.com to test your photos. Pick 3-4 of your best photos, post them and give it a week so you can get enough votes to make an informed decision. This guys pictures ranged from 8.5 to 9.6. Not so much because he was great looking but more because of #2 above.

I totally disagree that pictures are the only thing that matters. It is universal knowledge that, while mens looks play a factor, women place allot on what they hear a man say or in this case read (ie - your profile).

He goes into detail for online profiles/email/phone and other stuff as well. Oh and he did say what you write matters. Your profile is there to initially grab womens attention.

 

[thederekeffect1]

Wrong back at you

I'm sticking to my guns. Your post(s) have done nothing to convince me otherwise. In my opinion, your post(s) are basically telling men that all they have to do is put a photo up and they will get tons of hits from attractive women. This doesn't explain how some men are more successful then other men at internet dating. It does not explain how an Average Joe can get more success out of online dating then a good looking, successful business man.

I read your post(s) and I can't help to think, "did this guy sign up for an internet dating site and instantly think he knew everything about online dating?".

btw, the myspace bots don't count as hits from HB8's and HB9's. Sorry.

 

[Luveno]

I'm sticking to my guns. Your post(s) have done nothing to convince me otherwise. In my opinion, your post(s) are basically telling men that all they have to do is put a photo up and they will get tons of hits from attractive women. This doesn't explain how some men are more successful then other men at internet dating. It does not explain how an Average Joe can get more success out of online dating then a good looking, successful business man.

I read your post(s) and I can't help to think, "did this guy sign up for an internet dating site and instantly think he knew everything about online dating?".

btw, the myspace bots don't count as hits from HB8's and HB9's. Sorry.

You obviously don't get it. The major problem that men have when using the internet to date is that they carry themselves poorly in their pictures, or put up bad ones. Writing a tome-length diatribe on their loves and hates is also a bad idea, since it removes mystery from the equation. In my experience, this is what has been the case for myself and for other men.

I did not write anything about emailing and contacting girls, because for that you essentially need the basics for cold-approach game. It's the same sort of thing. If you don't have that, you can't do well on the net.


Those final two posts of yours do nothing but reveal to me your lack of success in internet, and real world, dating. Bring forth arguments, not insults.

 

[nismo-4]

Just find pics of a male model with big muscles and say it's you.

 

[Snakk3]

in my opinion, this is the most important thing:


"2. Isolate: Keep your online interaction short and sweet. Set a date for the coming Friday or Saturday night. Remember, she is not your chat-pal - you want to actually meet this person in the real world as soon as possible. Strike while the iron's hot and the interest is there."