The importance of holding a good conversation is highly underrated. Rapport, as we all know, is the very first thing we must achieve in picking up girls, making friends or just starting up a conversation. With rapport, things open up, both parties relax, and share their ideas with more trust, ultimately leading to a stronger relationship. In this post, I will give you the overall basics on how to hold a good conversation. Please keep note, this post is highly overcomplicated, once you become better at holding conversations they will seem second nature, so as for now, we will take a step back and see how it is done.
There are three main aspects to holding a good conversation Your posture, what you say, and the emotions you conjure.
The physical aspect of conversing is extremely important. We’ll start with your posture. Always have your body open towards the person you are talking to. With an open body, their subconscious is telling them “Hey, this person wants attention! React!”, and on the other hand, if you have a closed body, their subconscious is telling them “Ok. He wants to be alone”. What is an open body? An open body is head facing in the area of the person, torso facing the person, and legs and arms uncrossed (you can get away with crossed legs most of the time). Also, try and keep eye contact, but don’t stare. Finally, be relaxed. Maintain a relaxed posture and relaxed facial expressions, you don’t want to stress the person you are talking to out. Just keep in mind that your body language does most of the talking, and the words are there just to achieve your objective.
Next, whenever you are talking to someone, always have an objective. Is your purpose to get to know the person? Is your purpose to learn something from this person? Is your purpose to end up in the sack with this person? With an objective, you have a structure to work with and this will shape the content of what you say to this person. Keep in mind though, that objectives may change in the middle of a conversation. For example, I meet this girl, my first objective is to get to know her. Next, my objective will be to try and get her comfortable enough so I can ask her for her number. Remember, you never do more talking than 75% of the conversation, most of the time you are the catalyst for the conversation. By only talking 25% of the time, you remain mysterious to the other person, and by remaining mysterious, the person will want to get to know you more. And, the psychological aspect of human nature always wants to do the talking, so let them talk all they want! Finally, you must try to relate your objective to the persons life. What I mean, is to take what you want from the person, and have them talk about themselves while they are at it. In the example above, my objective was to get to know her, so of course I will ask her about her life, and have her talking about what she does. See, the focus is not on me.
Lastly, the emotional aspect of the conversation. This is what makes the conversation fun. If you ask dull questions, and talk about dull things, you will…have a dull conversation. Try and incorporate emotions in what you ask. The five senses are seeing, feeling, hearing, smelling and tasting. Emotions stem from these five senses, and if you can somehow sneak in sensory questions, you will evoke some sort of emotion. And from there, you can play off the emotion.
Coalesce these three aspects and you should get a good conversation. Remember, however much you put into the conversation, is how much you will get out of it. Now go and practice.
There are three main aspects to holding a good conversation Your posture, what you say, and the emotions you conjure.
The physical aspect of conversing is extremely important. We’ll start with your posture. Always have your body open towards the person you are talking to. With an open body, their subconscious is telling them “Hey, this person wants attention! React!”, and on the other hand, if you have a closed body, their subconscious is telling them “Ok. He wants to be alone”. What is an open body? An open body is head facing in the area of the person, torso facing the person, and legs and arms uncrossed (you can get away with crossed legs most of the time). Also, try and keep eye contact, but don’t stare. Finally, be relaxed. Maintain a relaxed posture and relaxed facial expressions, you don’t want to stress the person you are talking to out. Just keep in mind that your body language does most of the talking, and the words are there just to achieve your objective.
Next, whenever you are talking to someone, always have an objective. Is your purpose to get to know the person? Is your purpose to learn something from this person? Is your purpose to end up in the sack with this person? With an objective, you have a structure to work with and this will shape the content of what you say to this person. Keep in mind though, that objectives may change in the middle of a conversation. For example, I meet this girl, my first objective is to get to know her. Next, my objective will be to try and get her comfortable enough so I can ask her for her number. Remember, you never do more talking than 75% of the conversation, most of the time you are the catalyst for the conversation. By only talking 25% of the time, you remain mysterious to the other person, and by remaining mysterious, the person will want to get to know you more. And, the psychological aspect of human nature always wants to do the talking, so let them talk all they want! Finally, you must try to relate your objective to the persons life. What I mean, is to take what you want from the person, and have them talk about themselves while they are at it. In the example above, my objective was to get to know her, so of course I will ask her about her life, and have her talking about what she does. See, the focus is not on me.
Lastly, the emotional aspect of the conversation. This is what makes the conversation fun. If you ask dull questions, and talk about dull things, you will…have a dull conversation. Try and incorporate emotions in what you ask. The five senses are seeing, feeling, hearing, smelling and tasting. Emotions stem from these five senses, and if you can somehow sneak in sensory questions, you will evoke some sort of emotion. And from there, you can play off the emotion.
Coalesce these three aspects and you should get a good conversation. Remember, however much you put into the conversation, is how much you will get out of it. Now go and practice.
