Great Relationship...BUT (Codependency?)

[happyman2012]

Me and my girlfriend have been together a year and its going really well for the most part. She is a great girl, I'd say about a 8 out of 10...would be a 9 if she got some issues sorted.

Im begining to think she is abit Codependant.

We spend alot of time together (which is fine by me) but when It comes to having time to myself, or not being able to see her e.t.c she will get really "off" with me and moody and it feels like she is "punishing" me.

She says she hates not being around me and misses me like crazy when Im not around and wants to spend all her time with me.

This on the face of it seems pretty good, and I'm all for her feeing like that as long as it dosent effect the way she treats me.

She should respect my boundaries and personal space and appriciate the time I do have with her.

Like last night, I made her and her little brother something to eat at mine, spent a few hours with them and when it was time to go and I didnt want to go home with them she got moody with me, silent and off. I have told her about being like that before and as a result of her not listening and doing it again last night I finished the relationship. I explained that I cant continue to be with a girl who acts that way no matter what I think about them or the relationship.

She has been texting me apologising promising to change it and she knows 1000% its not right what she does, begging me to take her back really.

I know its not right what she does, she says she dosent do it intentionlly to piss me off/hurt me/get at me, its just because she gets disapointed when she cant be around me.

What can I do to sort this behaviour out for the better as I am sick of it and I dont want to put up with it any longer.
I have explained what my boundaries are to her, but is there anything I can do to help the situation?

Thanks for reading and I appriciate your help!

 

[Suspens]

She seems addicted and a bit insecure. Have a 2 month break and don't contact each other and start again. Tell her you are not breaking up with her, you are doing it for her own mental health, and for our relationship. We can't continue with this level of attachment and you need to be more independent.


be careful though, she might fall out of "love" during this break lol.

would be a 9 if she got some issues sorted.

Rating is only about appearance, unless you are talking about physical issues.

 

[TheException]

What can I do to sort this behaviour out for the better as I am sick of it and I dont want to put up with it any longer.
I have explained what my boundaries are to her, but is there anything I can do to help the situation?

Thanks for reading and I appriciate your help!

What can you do? Well its a little late for that pal......you guys broke up.

You dont break up to "play games". If you break up with a woman, you should have the mindset that its 100% finished. They obviously will beg and apologize if they care about you whatsoever....and if you do an "about-face" on your own decision....youll re-enter the relationship under HER frame. No bueno.

Stop trying to "fix" women's behavior and simply find a woman who you can deal with. There are literally billions of women in the world....odds are pretty good that you can find a woman who is better than this girl.

Even though I dont fully understand why you found her behavior unacceptable and had to break up with her......you ALWAYS stick to your boundaries. 100% committed.

 

[Cremasta]

Do you want to get back with her?

Obviously there's a lot more to it that what you've told us in the dozen or so lines in your post - but when you consider everything, was this really a big enough issue to break up with her?
If you think you're going to find the perfect women, then you're in for disappointment, they don't exist. Every one of them has some behaviour that will just piss you off, but if her balance sheet is in the black, then you overlook some of those things.

If you don't want to get back with her, then just rip the bandaid off fast and tell her that it's just not going to work out, you're sorry she feels sad, but it's for the best and walk away.

If you do want to get back with her, then you need to lay down the ground rules beforehand. Spell it out very clearly what you will and won't compromise on, then ask her if she's happy with that. If she's making all the right noises, then consider getting back with her, but make it clear to her that you're willing to walk unless you get what you want. There's nothing else you can do except make your position crystal clear.

 

[happyman2012]

I didnt break up with her to play games, I broke up with her because I dont want to be with a girl who acts like that. Ive explained that to her before so I had to go through with it.

I would get back with her if she sorted herself out.

I dont mind her being upset or disapointed if she cant be with me, aslong as it dosent effect how she treats me or makes me feel.

Why should I be with a girl who gets moody with me and ruins a good day if I need abit of time to myself, when the relationship is otherwise great and I treat her right?

I agree with you Cremasta, no woman is perfect. This behaviour that keeps happening though really grinds my gears. It seems to ruin a other wise great time we have together, and after a while of it happening it begins to mount up and become a problem

 

[macallik]

Personally, I think that she isn't purposefully doing it. I think that it is a learned trait based on the relationship (or lack thereof) that she has with her parents.

If she is worth the fight, then read up on codependency and work with her to resolve some issues. If not, then try to remain friendly towards her as you become single again.

 

[JoeMarron]

What can you do? Well its a little late for that pal......you guys broke up.

You dont break up to "play games". If you break up with a woman, you should have the mindset that its 100% finished. They obviously will beg and apologize if they care about you whatsoever....and if you do an "about-face" on your own decision....youll re-enter the relationship under HER frame. No bueno.

Stop trying to "fix" women's behavior and simply find a woman who you can deal with. There are literally billions of women in the world....odds are pretty good that you can find a woman who is better than this girl.

Even though I dont fully understand why you found her behavior unacceptable and had to break up with her......you ALWAYS stick to your boundaries. 100% committed.

This. One does not break up with the expectation of getting back together. Also, this seemed like too extreme of a reaction. I would've simply went ghost on her for awhile. If she has any sense she'd eventually pick up on what she was doing wrong and correct it. Anyways it's too late now. Remember this for the next chick and if you want this one back keep her strictly as a fvck buddy.

 

[happyman2012]

Personally, I think that she isn't purposefully doing it. I think that it is a learned trait based on the relationship (or lack thereof) that she has with her parents.

If she is worth the fight, then read up on codependency and work with her to resolve some issues. If not, then try to remain friendly towards her as you become single again.

You may be right. Her dad isnt much of a dad in my eyes. Never rings her, never texts her, dosent come over to see her, dosent give her any money, dosent seem interested at all unless she makes the first move. Gives her silent treatment when she dosent do something he agrees with (even if it isnt anything bad what so ever) His ex, (my girlfriends mum) says he is very manipulative and controlling and will always make them beg for something. I think he feels he can get away with this behaviour because he has been ill in the past and is abit ill now. The last time my girlfriend had a argument with him they didnt speak for months, only to start speaking again when he was admitted to hospital.

Her mum is nice enough but has mood swings, is childish, never seems to admit she is wrong and seems to drop everything when she gets a new fella on the scene.

 

[VikingKing]

So she is immature and childish.

 

[JoeMarron]

You may be right. Her dad isnt much of a dad in my eyes. Never rings her, never texts her, dosent come over to see her, dosent give her any money, dosent seem interested at all unless she makes the first move. Gives her silent treatment when she dosent do something he agrees with (even if it isnt anything bad what so ever) His ex, (my girlfriends mum) says he is very manipulative and controlling and will always make them beg for something. I think he feels he can get away with this behaviour because he has been ill in the past and is abit ill now. The last time my girlfriend had a argument with him they didnt speak for months, only to start speaking again when he was admitted to hospital.

Her mum is nice enough but has mood swings, is childish, never seems to admit she is wrong and seems to drop everything when she gets a new fella on the scene.

Colossal red flags. Stay away from relationships with this and any other woman who has fvcked up parents

 

[GotED?]

My last GF was quite a bit like this - very needy, can't be alone, has no passion or hobbies, needs to be entertained, blah blah blah but quite affectionate, loves sex, and lets me lead (yes, she was quite attractive - the only reason us men would stoop so low to be with a woman with this personality LOL)


This is all good in the beginning, in fact, we MEN DIG IT - having to take care of a woman who NEEDS us is a huge ego stroker. But in LTR, this eventually BREEDS RESENTMENT over time.

After a year LTR, I breeded resentment and got tired of not having my own space (don't really need it, but just got too suffocated by her) and feeling like being a FATHER and having to look after your little girl all the time. This is something you have to learn from experience only, hard to know ahead of time that what attracted you to a woman in the beginning is not a LTR trait of choice.

You just need to chalk it up to experience and find someone that qualifies your need better (yes, you learned something, right? Good.)

Be well.

Exodus

 

[El Payaso]

I don't understand why some men feel the need to "fix" women. What do women do with insecure and needy men looking for a mother figure in their lives? They dump them like hot coal and seek out a confident man.

There are millions of other women out there. Stop trying to fix or train women.