Great Girl. She's pregnant

[Latinoman]

yah..its not like this isn't an advice forum. Nice cop out Latinoman...that could work for every single thread in the MM forum eh? lol.

I take my advice very serious...especially when involve serious issues that can end up hurting or even killing a person.

I have a limit of posts per day (10 to be exact). I went out of my way to reply to his post, because I felt it was important.


I have to be careful how I give advice, because advice given to HIM might and will not be applicable to others under similar circumstances (surely enough, there was a person from a Western country lurking in this thread facing similar situation). Here is the issue; I can provide advice to him that could be ILLEGAL in his country, could put the woman in harms way due to poor medical experience in this issue, and for that matter could really messed him up due to the considerably differences between Asian culture and our culture. For the same token, I could give him advice that will save him from those issues in the prior statement I just wrote, but then HE will have to a number of other issues in relation to child support, social stigma for the child, etc., issues that I have NO clue about because all I know is that he is from Asia.

 

[DjVelvet]

I take my advice very serious...especially when involve serious issues that can end up hurting or even killing a person.

I have a limit of posts per day (10 to be exact). I went out of my way to reply to his post, because I felt it was important.


I have to be careful how I give advice, because advice given to HIM might and will not be applicable to others under similar circumstances (surely enough, there was a person from a Western country lurking in this thread facing similar situation). Here is the issue; I can provide advice to him that could be ILLEGAL in his country, could put the woman in harms way due to poor medical experience in this issue, and for that matter could really messed him up due to the considerably differences between Asian culture and our culture. For the same token, I could give him advice that will save him from those issues in the prior statement I just wrote, but then HE will have to a number of other issues in relation to child support, social stigma for the child, etc., issues that I have NO clue about because all I know is that he is from Asia.

More information about my background and culture. I'm from Singapore, I'm chinese. Quite well to do and can afford to raise a child or two.

It is legal in singapore to raise a child as a single parent, but against my belief (for I have strong family values and don't believe in divorce, so i Choose really carefully and rehearse myself in every situations and circumstances)

Quoted by Latinoman

1)I don’t want you to be influenced by my answer
2)We are from different cultures so the social/cultural/moral/values issue might be completely different
3)We live in different continents so the legal aspects of things are completely different and for that matter the medical issue too

1) It is your advice and my decision. I will make my decision impartially without any influence from any ppl but still, could use some mature advices on this topic. I am young, but i know its time i grow up and make serious consideration about adulthood, making good decisions too.

2) Basically, My country is developed. Not rural at all. Please give me your opinion, regardless of culture.

3) Legal aspect should be the same. My country uses British Law. (Singapore used to be under british rule about 40-50years back)

 

[DjVelvet]

Yes, I have encountered such a couple. They are my parents and have been together now for 56 years, 5 children and 7 grand-children.

As far as a divorce goes you don't know what the future holds. If you're sure about this one I say "go for it". She will be the mother of your child. Cheers!


.

Thanks for the support, man. In the future, I will be here giving my best advice of the experience no matter what's the outcome.

 

[DjVelvet]

So you want to use abortion for your convenience? Your pampered little existence might be inconvenienced by another life in this world?

That's disgusting.

You were man enough to **** her and get her pregnant now be man enough to have the kid.

You are not wrong. In fact, your belief is what i call a true man

 

[Aenigma]

So you want to use abortion for your convenience? Your pampered little existence might be inconvenienced by another life in this world?

That's disgusting.

You were man enough to **** her and get her pregnant now be man enough to have the kid.

What do you think an abortion is for? Recreation? What about women who get abortions? Guess they're not "woman enough" to give birth and take care of children.

And WTF is that "be a man" crap?

Just another example of women setting the standard of expected behavior to their own advantage, and shaming men if they don't adhere to it.

Open your eyes.

 

[Warrior74]

....

 

[MacAvoy]

More important than any cultural or societal norms being a father has been the greatest joy in my life. Its the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm proud of who I am and I'm proud of my little girl. Like you, I don't believe in divorce and if I ever get married it will be to the death.

However when my daughter was born, I did my best to make it work with the mother but like you I didn't know her well enough. So I chose to remain with her and do everything to make the relationship work but I wasn't prepared to marry her because we were not together long enough. At the end of the day, we went our separate ways.

At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is my little bundle of joy. She's the greatest motivation I could ever have. Nothing in life has brought me more happiness than her. There is nothing that makes me feel more manly than being a good father.

 

[josekortez]

I've been away from this site for over a year now, and I think the answer depends on the situation. Obviously, an Asian country has different social mores about this sort of thing than we do here in the U.S. However, I think anyone in here would agree that forcing a marriage or prematurely forming an LTR because of a pregnancy is a bad idea.

 

[DjVelvet]

Just for update,

We are preparing for marriage.

Firstly, we do love (gurp..) one another. she has higher interest in me, always investing in me.

Secondly, quality woman & foreseeing her to be a great mother.

Thirdly, giving my child a breath of his/her new world.

Hope to see my new life shine

 

[azanon]

There's a certain degree of responsibility that you'll have to measure yourself up to in this. My take is that you don't abort the child and you take responsibility for it. Do you marry her? Possibly, but I don't see why you couldn't still stay with your 1-2 year policy in the interim and then decide.

Now, that said, it's vitally important that you look at how you came to be in this situation. If for no other reason then for sake of example for the rest of the guys here. Women become pregnant because the want to be. Always operate from this assumption. There are far too many ways to prevent pregnancy for this not to be the case. In addition to this YOU allowed it to happen by not taking steps to control the birth yourself.

I'd give what RT said some more thought. When she found out she was pregnant, she might have said under her breath, "Got him ;-)". The more ethical of them do the exact same thing subconsciously.

There's still time to say "Maybe we're rushing this marriage thing a bit, lets give it more time." Ok, i'm going to say it; only the unwise marry with just a 2 month courtship.

I might have been young when I got married, but I dated my (now) wife for 1 1/2 years before I married her. And even then, it wasn't because she was pregnant. If you will allow a jab, we were both aware that having sex can lead to pregnancies, so we used birth control until we were ready (10 years later in our marriage). It took 2 weeks after she went off birth control for her to get pregnant.

 

[joekerr31]

the first thing you need to do is go and get a baseball bat. got it? ok, good. now i want you to hit yourself in the head with it.

WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU HAVING SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM?

the primary reason for abortion in this situation is that do you really think its fair to pass on your genes? i mean, dude, you knocked up a chic you've only know for 1-2 months. do you really want to create a kid, who will probably have your IQ, and he/she will have to go through life making the same stupid choices that you are making.


anyway, sorry to be harsh, but in today's day and age, anyone not wearing a condom when having sex is an idiot.

as for keeping the baby, truth be told MOST situations in life turn out based on your attitude towards. so if you have a positive 'im going to make this work' attitude, then it just might.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

1. Emotional Intimacy
2. Sensation

Yes. The two most preeminent weapons in a "career mommy's" arsenal. Precisely why you don't let your guard down. How many premature fathers chalk up the sum of their lives dealing with the same woman via their child(ren) due to Emotional Intimacy and Sensation? How many guys parrot back excuses their partners gave to them like "well, you know the pill is only 98% effective" or "sometimes condoms break" when in fact they were just simply, stupidly, good to go with a woman who had a pregnancy agenda?

Fortune favors the prepared. EVERY Man's default presumption should be that a woman will intentionally become pregnant, even if everything she ever tells you is to the contrary. If not for emotional security, then for financial security. You'd be surprised how often the most dedicated women "forget" their birth control or "accidentally" become pregnant when presented with the real circumstance of a guy leaving them or becoming bored with them or can no longer tolerate feminine competition anxiety.

It's called birth control for a reason - you control the birth. Whom do you trust more to control that birth, her or yourself? Every single time a man has unprotected sex with a woman he is literally staking the rest of his life on her trustworthiness. When your prick's hard, she's breathing heavy and you're the chump who hasn't gotten laid in a year this is the last thing on your mind, but you are essentially betting your future life when she says "don't put that thing on, I want to FEEEEL you!" or "don't worry, I'm on the pill / I can't get pregnant this time of the month."

 

[Monster]

Just for update,

We are preparing for marriage.

Firstly, we do love (gurp..) one another. she has higher interest in me, always investing in me.

Secondly, quality woman & foreseeing her to be a great mother.

Thirdly, giving my child a breath of his/her new world.

Hope to see my new life shine

Congratulations, good luck

 

[rollie_0116]

your decision till the end

Well, I have recently found myself in the same boat as you. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 5 months; found out last week that shes pregnant. I'm 26 shes turning 22 next month ( wow what a birthday gift huh? ). Well originally she was leaning towards the abortion; which really upset me as I had been through that situation just after high school.

I was crushed when she told me that is what she wanted but after talking through it for a few days we are now both excited to do this. Her family is supportive and I can't wait to start this family.

Honestly, all the opinions that your getting here don't matter. What matters is you, her and the kid. Thats it, ecerything else is erelevent. Take your time, make the right choice for you; not for the majority opinion.

 

[SouthernGal]

I may pay for this post, I may get some nasty responses, but the truth of the matter is, I can give some insight (very personal) that may help you.

I was in a miserable marriage and on the verge of leaving but trying to find the courage. I was pregnant and considered an abortion because of my situation. I made the appointment. I had the baby and divorced the SOB (abusive). I feel horrible everytime I look into her huge blue eyes and think I almost aborted her. She is amazing. I am raising her and her brother pretty much by myself. You have to keep in mind, the kids didn't ask to be born. They are a blessing. If you believe in God (or Gods) you know that he has a purpose for that child. This child may be the one to find a cure for the common cold. You never know. This child may grow up to save a life.

What I am saying is before you say anything to her write all of your thoughts and feelings down as they pertain to YOU. Then do the same for HER, then you both as a couple. I'm not sure if it will help, but seeing your thoughts on paper might.

You dont have to marry her bc shes pregnant (do you?) You two can have this wonderful kid and a wonderful relationship. If you grow to love her over the next few years and want to marry her-go for it. Im afraid if you marry her just bc of the baby, there will be resentment.

You two need to talk about it together (I don't think you can have an abortion after 10 weeks though so get in gear).

I don't recall ever seeing iin your post that you were in love with her (I scrolled to check, but no luck). If i am wrong, correct me.

Good Luck Sweetie.