Great Date, High IL, what do I do now??

[logicallefty]

I've been on this site for about a year and it has changed my life. Been reading. Been approaching. Been dating from both online and real world. Been f---ing (not every night but quite enough for me ). Thought I had my game under control until after yesterday's date.

Met a girl online and went to lunch yesterday. If I could make a list of EXACTLY what I wanted in looks and at least initial personality in a possible LTR, this would be her. I know personality can change. I played it cool throughout the whole lunch. We talked so much that we almost forgot to order our food, twice, because we never picked up the menus. I was C&F and made her laugh. At the end of the lunch she tried to lay me a kiss but I turned away. I guess just because it caught me off guard, and plus, it WILL make her wonder where I stand now. She emailed me later in the day to tell me how much fun she had and ask when we were going to do it again. Everything went picture perfect.

So what's my problem?? It's eating me alive now, I don't know if I should contact her now or wait a few more days?? I want to ask her out Saturday night.. Her IL is high, that's obvious. I just don't want to let her slip through the cracks, I want to do everything exactly right. Believe me if I don't ask her out Saturday night I guarantee she will have other offers.. So really, with the IL so high on both sides, I am trying to decide if contacting her right away to seal the deal for Saturday night would be risky, or OK..

Thanks guys this is the only place I feel comfortable discussing dating matters anymore.. I would give 3 limbs for my buddies if i had to. However, most of them are unfortunately still AFCs and as I move farther and farther away from that, I have came to realize that it's best not to discuss these kinds of things with them ;-)

 

[Chrispy]

Strike while the iron is hot. So many times I have failed because the pot was hot, I was not, and the pot cooled. So give her a ring (no not a wedding ring, which is AFC) and do something that's more an action date. That will get her interests even higher, especially since you turned her away on the kiss lol

 

[drmeathead]

dude stay away from the weekends....thursday or sunday. go meet other girls friday or saturday night so you dont over think this one. good lcuk

 

[Kings_royalty]

So what's my problem?? It's eating me alive now, I don't know if I should contact her now or wait a few more days?? I want to ask her out Saturday night.. Her IL is high, that's obvious. I just don't want to let her slip through the cracks, I want to do everything exactly right. Believe me if I don't ask her out Saturday night I guarantee she will have other offers.. So really, with the IL so high on both sides, I am trying to decide if contacting her right away to seal the deal for Saturday night would be risky, or OK..


You want to do everything exactly right? If you don't ask her out Saturday night you guarantee she will have offers? You can't do everything exactly right, there is no such thing...2ndly, who cares if she can get other offers? What girl CAN'T get offers? You need to stop putting so much value into this one girl, it's distorting your judgment.

Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You are doing fine from what I can gather, don't start messing up by letting your head get in the way.

Don't be one of those guys that starts off on the right foot, then gets all excited and starts screwing up. Stay cool!

She needs a few days to think about you, give her a chance to miss you then setup another lunch or date. It won't matter what you do, or when you do it if her IL stays high.

Good Luck.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I agree that you are doing fine.

If I could make a list of EXACTLY what I wanted in looks and at least initial personality in a possible LTR, this would be her.

It's ok to think that way, but just don't let her know it.

Also, I too have found that the hotter a girl is, the more quickly her interest fades. For the hb 8-10, it really is better to strike while the iron is hot, as Chrispy said.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

Dude - you can't possibly know if she is LTR material after one date. The only thing you know is that she is physically attractive enough. You are getting too excited over a single girl and it is clouding your judgement.

Your mindset shouldnt be "Oh I have to do everything right with this girl to ensure I get her" it should be "I'm gonna have fun and see where things lead." Don't worry about making mistakes, just make sure every action you take is with confidence and because YOU want to.

Don't placate this girl. Don't put her on a pedestal. You have the makings of oneitis and if you don't nip it in the butt now, the girl will sniff it out and you'll get nothing from her; ironically, the best way for you to "get" this girl is by not caring what happens and NOT making sure you do everything right.

Good luck dude.

MBS.

 

[Vulpine]

That "avoid the weekend" stuff is bunk. Weekend afternoon dates are completely in-bounds. 11-4 is a GREAT time for an action date, and it leaves your evenings free. Make it something abstract. Don't mini-golf, don't go to the park, don't do something everyone else does.

Instead, do something YOU enjoy, and offer her an opportunity to tag along.
You call, (which should've been the next day) and offer it thus: "Hello. I had a very pleasant time with you yesterday. I'm going to the gun range this weekend and was wondering if you've ever shot a gun before. I'm going on Xday at Xo'clock.... (etc.)"

Ok, perhaps the gun range is a bit extreme for a day 2... but it gives you an idea (and would actually work for you being that you are a police type). What do you do on a normal weekend during that time? Invite her along.

I must warn you: you are already overthinking this. Assume the sale and forget about it.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

YO LL (Hey!...just like that Rapper...lol),


EVERYBODY is on POINT with the strategic initiatives that they have proposed in this thread. I will only add that you take Vulpine's suggestion into special consideration here.

What he is suggesting as far as you asking her to do something that YOU like (and would be doing EVEN without her), is that it sets YOU up as THE MAN. You are inviting her to enter into YOUR world---NOT the other way around. This way, you establish right from the start that YOU are the prize and that she is NOT.

HBs almost NEVER come across guys who operate from this frame of mind----most guys usually just focus on coming up with lists of different ways that they can kiss her ass. lol


Don't be one of THOSE guys...



March on.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...So what's my problem?? It's eating me alive now, I don't know if I should contact her now or wait a few more days?? I want to ask her out Saturday night.. Her IL is high, that's obvious. I just don't want to let her slip through the cracks, I want to do everything exactly right. Believe me if I don't ask her out Saturday night I guarantee she will have other offers.. So really, with the IL so high on both sides, I am trying to decide if contacting her right away to seal the deal for Saturday night would be risky, or OK..

So far so good. I say go ahead and plan another get together. I'm one for avoiding weekend dates until she's proven that she's dating material though. For me women I see know that I do things on the weekend and they wonder why I don't invite them; they end up showing their interest level more and more.

One thing that I've realized by talking to my buds is that guys usually are more nervous and tend to do AFC type things on weekend dates (at least if they have them soon after meeting the woman). They tend to want to make everything perfect and attempt to plan things WAY too much and end up becoming extremely nervous/anxious/AFCish.

Compare this to when they meet for lunch or after work where they are much more relaxed and at ease. The meeting place is some local dive or coffee shop that isn't pretentious. They're dressed in their regular, everyday clothes. Since it's during the day or right after work they are less anxious because they or either a little tired or they know that they are going back to work.

There is also truth to having her tag along with you while you do something that you enjoy. Yes, this will help boost your confidence and show that you have value but so many times women are left out while they just watch you do your thing. If you take this route make sure that she's enjoying herself. This means not just asking her, watch her. Women will tell you that they are having a good time just to be nice.

Personally, I hold off engaging in sharing my active life with a woman until we've both shown a mutual, non-superficial interest in one another. This can be anything from tagging along while I grocery shop to trying to keep up on a 25 mile bike ride. None the less whatever it may be, I know that there is a genuine interest to be together.

Yeah, there seems to be a science to all of this but it begins to make sense when you start factoring in what works and what doesn't for your particular personality and what you want to achieve with a particular woman. Figure out your style, take into account the woman's personality and act accordingly. You're doing well, just keep the ball rolling; SMOOTHLY.

 

[Slickster]

Sounds like you played it pretty cool with her.

To me though you sound like you are a WEE bit too excited about this chick. Especially after one date!

There's nothing wrong with getting psyched about a cool chick but the trick is keeping your head on straight and not letting her cloud your judgement.

So my advice is don't do ANYTHING until you feel that you are acting with a clear mind. A mind that is cool, confident, and won't be sent for a loop if she suddenly flakes.

I agree with "striking while the iron is hot" analogy but it won't matter what her IL is if you aren't thinking straight. That is precisely when you'll eff things up.

So come back down to earth and be the guy you know you have to be. The guy who gets chicks and would never sweat some hottie after the first date.

 

[logicallefty]

Thanks for everybodys' feedback on this. I read every one of you guys' responses multiple times and I do agree that I need to stay cool and not let my judgement get clouded, which is starting to slowly happen.

After reading everybody's response and a good night's sleep last night, I decided that I am going to suggest going ice skating on Sunday afternoon instead of a Saturday night "date". Ice skating is something that I love to do and will do by myself anyway, I am good at it, and it can often involve a little innocent physical contact! To be continued......

 

[squirrels]

Ice skating is something that I love to do and will do by myself anyway, I am good at it, and it can often involve a little innocent physical contact!

NOW you're back on track, man.

Relax. If the first date was THAT good, you're already "in". What guy is gonna be able to compete with that, even if she IS dating others?

You're already "in". Just relax and have fun.

 

[Chrispy]

While skating, hope you held hands and gave her 'support' if she fell

 

[logicallefty]

well... i suggested ice skating on Sunday afternoon and she came back with a "I am busy Sunday afternoon but how about dinner Saturday night??". So, I went ahead and went.. We ate dinner and then shot the breeze after at the restaurant for almost 3 hours, until it almost closed... Got a nice goodbye kiss and she asked me several times if she would be seeing me again sometime.

Now the agony starts all over again!! The remaining little bit of AFC left in me wants call her again right now, but, my gut and the DJ in me is saying I must wait..

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

well... i suggested ice skating on Sunday afternoon and she came back with a "I am busy Sunday afternoon but how about dinner Saturday night??". So, I went ahead and went.. We ate dinner and then shot the breeze after at the restaurant for almost 3 hours, until it almost closed... Got a nice goodbye kiss and she asked me several times if she would be seeing me again sometime.

Now the agony starts all over again!! The remaining little bit of AFC left in me wants call her again right now, but, my gut and the DJ in me is saying I must wait..

Just call her and let her know that you had a good time, however do not set up another date (not yet). That'll make her wonder. If you must see her again soon, set up something during the week after work, maybe Wednesday or Thursday.

 

[logicallefty]

Well fellas, here's one I have never had happen to me or even read about on this site, this is interesting:

I listened to Francisco. But instead of call I emailed her and told her I had a good time Saturday, commented on a couple things related to the night, and did NOT mention seeing her again. She emailed me back within a couple hours and said she head a great time too and

"I was going to ask you if you wanted to meet for lunch this week, but come to find out, I have lunch meetings everyday. My evenings this week aren't free either. Bummer :-("

The funny part about this is, she said it first. It wasn't like she was responding to me asking her out again. This is a wierd one.

My best guess is that she is playing me. Maybe she's letting me know that she is still interested but wants me to officially ask for the next date given that she did officially ask me for the last one..

Thoughts???

 

[squirrels]

1) Stop sabotaging yourself by flipping out. Women have that intuition...if you're freaking out at the thought of not seeing her again and you're stumbling over your "next move", she can probably tell. Settle down...you're OK. You're MORE than worthy of this girl.

2) Tell her, "That's too bad. Maybe sometime next week." Pick a day next week, call her 3 days before then and arrange a meeting. Or maybe Sunday afternoon or something. Whenever you feel like getting together with her.

3) Women are ALWAYS playing you. That's what they do. All you can do is play back. This isn't always a bad thing...makes things interesting.

4) How does she stack up against the other women you're dating?

 

[Vulpine]

I listened to Francisco. But instead of call I emailed her and told her I had a good time Saturday, commented on a couple things related to the night, and did NOT mention seeing her again. She emailed me back within a couple hours and said she head a great time too and...

No, you didn't listen to Francisco. He said:

Just call her ...

What did you do? You emailed her. :kick:

You called to set up a date, sat for hours talking, but don't have a spine in your back enough to call her again? You had to be a wuss and send text? :nono:

Here's my take on the mechanics: text on the screen or phone is cold, meaningless, devoid of emotion. There is no linking the feelings to the good time she had the other night, and it's easy to reply with crap. However, a voice, albeit over a phone, carries emotion and stirs the feelings back up that she was feeling on the "date".

Those feelings would then trump the "chick logic democracy". She might have consulted the hive mind and they gave you a thumbs down, but having you on the phone and putting her on the spot/stirring emotions could have resulted in a "logic override". An e-mail wouldn't make a woman nervous or stir any emotion.

I am adement about avoiding e-mail and text once the 'phone seal has been broken'. The push is always to meet in person. The order of communications, or scale, is:

e-mail
chat
text
snail mail (a hand-written letter has far more impact than any digital text)
phone
in person

If you've met in person, only revert back one step - at least for a couple months. Don't jump all the way back to the beginning with e-mail.

Like I said, this is just how I go about it, and this is my opinion. I honestly think people are too available and too in contact and thus their perceived value goes down. I recently changed my cell phone greeting to: "Hi, it's Vulpine, I'm not home right now: leave a message." Wonder, mystery, value.

Anyway... EMOTION! Emotion, emotion, emotion! Text, chat, e-mail... it's all make believe and sterile. It's like plaing a damn video game in "virtual reality". Thus, I avoid it as much as possible; and you should too.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Well fellas, here's one I have never had happen to me or even read about on this site, this is interesting:

I listened to Francisco. But instead of call I emailed her and told her I had a good time Saturday, commented on a couple things related to the night, and did NOT mention seeing her again. She emailed me back within a couple hours and said she head a great time too and

"I was going to ask you if you wanted to meet for lunch this week, but come to find out, I have lunch meetings everyday. My evenings this week aren't free either. Bummer :-("

The funny part about this is, she said it first. It wasn't like she was responding to me asking her out again. This is a wierd one.

My best guess is that she is playing me. Maybe she's letting me know that she is still interested but wants me to officially ask for the next date given that she did officially ask me for the last one..

Thoughts???

1. Email doesn't give you the feedback that a telephone call or face to face would give. Don't rely on it so often and more of your questions would be answered.
2. Her giving you a her schedule is a good thing, it would have been better if she would have given you a specific day that she would be free.
3. You're probably right in thinking that she's waiting for you to ask her out since she asked you out first (which is usually a good sign). Unfortunately you missed a prime opportunity to get her availability, now it's your turn to jump through a few hoops.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Anyway... EMOTION! Emotion, emotion, emotion! Text, chat, e-mail... it's all make believe and sterile. It's like plaing a damn video game in "virtual reality". Thus, I avoid it as much as possible; and you should too.

:yes: