Greasy Pig's text/email school

[Greasy Pig]

This will be long but I think my own examples and experiences may help a few guys trying to escalate or run game via text or email. I'll break this post up in to different parts.
Here goes.

PART I: Text exchange

Background: 23yo hot former co-worker looking for work again in my industry. No bang but would like to even though she’s BPD. Would just like to pump n dump.
Lesson learned: Don’t be afraid to offend a woman and don’t apologise if you do. Don't be afraid to delay your replies or just don't reply at all. Keep her hamster running. Be funny.
I don't think I'll get to bang her (especially judging by her last text below), but I think I've definitely planted a seed which may grow one day.

NW: What do I do? I’m jobless, penniless and dateless.

GP: I can only offer you a cleaning job. I pay my current cleaner $25 an hour for one hour a fortnight. Do you think you could survive on that? Or you could crash in my spare room and work for food and board. But I’m a very harsh critic!

NW: Ha ha, I was born to be a housewife. I’ll have no problems cleaning. I could wear an apron and even have a beer waiting for you when you get home ha ha

GP: You’re hired. But only if you can cook too. And I’m talking some serious gourmet shyt.

NW: My food is to die for.

GP: Cool! We’ll start you on a probationary period. And if you don’t mind, can you wear something with the apron? I don’t want to lose my appetite….

NW: Hahahahahaha, fuuuuck youuuu!

GP: (No reply).

NW: (20 minutes later) When did you get so funny? Lol does humour develop with old age? ;-p

GP: (30 minute delay) Ha! I’ve been funny all my life. Only class, style and sophistication develop with old age….I can tell you have a lot of ageing to do…

NW: Oooh, ouch. Now my feelings are hurt.

GP: (No reply).

NW: (30 minutes later) Ha ha, you floored me….that doesn’t happen often! Ha ha, I just can’t beat you!

GP: You went toe-to-toe with the Muhammad Ali of witty repartee and lost. Don't worry, you're not the only one and you won't be the last.

NW: (three hours later) Wow, my dateless streak just ended! Going out tonight.

GP: (20 minutes later) It doesn’t count if you have to ask them out.

NW: I didn’t! You’re so mean! Ha ha

GP: No reply.

 

[Greasy Pig]

PART II:

Background: Plate of about two years. Lives with her boyfriend but still gets the shyts with me if I pull back attention when she’s trying to contact me.
After the below exchange, she really lightened up and asked me when we could fvck again. Winning.

Lesson learned: Learn to identify shyt tests, act accordingly. Reap rewards.

JE: Just letting you know I won't be annoying you anymore with late night calls and texts that you hardly ever answer. That is all.

GP: (two hours later) Me annoyed? Hell yeah. I've lost my past six squash games and had match points in all of them!

JE: (10 minutes later) Ha ha, that's funny, not annoying.

 

[blind_one]

Keep them comming, I could really use some help in this field.

 

[DonSwanson]

You are a greasy pig!

Thanks for sharing. I like how effective your delayed texts turn out to be. I definitely need to work on that. I usually text back right away or within the next 2 minutes, as if I had OCD. My current plate will send me follow-up texts of "Hello?" if for whatever reason she doesn't get an immediate response half the time.

 

[Greasy Pig]

PART III.


Exchange 3. Text

Background: Former co-worker from 1994-96. Completely lost my mind over her. Turned in to an orbiting beta chump listening to her complain about her boyfriend. I moved away, kept in touch with her. She got married then separated from him about three months ago.
Started banging her about one month after the separation. Below exchange happened when she told me she’d separated from the husband.

Lesson learned: Escalate, escalate, escalate. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Be witty, ****y and funny. Always.

GP: You serious? Maybe he got sick of your temper tantrums. ;-p

SS: Nah, he’ll realise he’s better off without me. We’re still friends.

GP: When’s the divorce party?

SS: Oh, that won't be for a while but I just want to party in general!

SS: (After a few more texts) I only started studying in 2010. You must be thinking of someone else. You are getting to the age when your memory starts to diminish.

GP: You may be right. It’s pretty impossible to look great and keep a sharp mind your whole life. At least you’ll have your brains.

SS: OK, you win!

GP: No reply.

SS: (Two weeks later and after some initial ‘re-connecting’ texts initiated by GP) If you’re ever passing through town, you should drop in for a coffee.

GP: Coffee? That’s for sissies. I’ll bring a bottle of vodka. Might be passing through next weekend on my way to see a friend (complete lie).

SS: I’m moving next weekend but I’ll definitely take a rain check. By the way, I thought about asking you to help me move but I know you office Johnnies don’t have the physical capacity.

GP: That’s OK. I only move furniture for women under 30 and still looking good anyway. I may consider helping a woman over-30, but they’d have to pass my hotness test. I don’t think I’ll be helping you.

SS: Ha ha ha ha ha! OK, you win. Don’t forget, you’re older than I am.

GP: Yeah, but no one would be able to pick that.

SS: How do you keep thinking of these smart replies? I think I’ve finally met my match. It’s taken a while to find someone who could outdo me in an argument.

GP: Don’t sweat it, many other hopefuls have tried and failed.

SS: (One week later): Woo hoo! Exams are finished. Where’s that bottle of vodka you promised me?

GP: (Three hours later): Well done! So do you have letters after your name now? I have letters after my name. They’re L.E.G.E.N.D

SS: Ha ha, you’ve done well. What do I do to celebrate?

GP: You’re out of training? I’ll help you celebrate.

SS: I’m up for a training session anytime you are. And what are we celebrating? Exams or single life?

GP: I think we should celebrate you becoming an ex-wife and a midwife (her uni degree).....
SS: God, how are you not married? I can’t stop laughing at your texts. You’d better stay in this form for when I see you.

Saw her a week later after her texting me making sure I was still coming blah blah blah. Got an awesome couple of BJs. Banged her the following weekend. Kept contact to a minimum. Even when she texted: “You’re not replying? This is exactly what I was afraid of…” It took me three days to reply to that one.

 

[Greasy Pig]

You are a greasy pig!

Thanks for sharing. I like how effective your delayed texts turn out to be. I definitely need to work on that. I usually text back right away or within the next 2 minutes, as if I had OCD. My current plate will send me follow-up texts of "Hello?" if for whatever reason she doesn't get an immediate response half the time.

Yes, the temptation to text back straight away all the time is strong but just kick back, do some work, make a coffee, call one of your friends, go for a workout.
Even if she texts again asking what the hell you're doing, don't immediately reply. You have to give the impression you're a busy man with a lot on his plate.
She's going to have to work hard to break in to your world and you just don't have time to reply to every goddamn text.
And don't apologise for not replying immediately. Just carry on like nothing's wrong. A DJ doesn't have to apologise for living his life and not jumping every time a woman contacts him.

 

[Greasy Pig]

PART IV. Text.

Background: Young chick I started talking to as I was walking home from the pub one night. Kiss closed after 20mins. No bang but used her to hone my text game, experimenting with a bit of a$$hole game.

Lesson learned: Don’t shirk any subject, don’t be afraid to push the envelope. Be ****y and funny. She was 12 years younger than me. I flipped the script and focused on her being too young for me. She turned out to be all talk in the end but I was heartened by her reactions to my text game.

HP: Hey, it’s Hayley.

GP: Hey, good to meet you…even though you were rude.

HP: Lol, when was I rude?

GP: I just hope you’re not as rude next time.

HP: Ha ha ha, when was I rude?

GP: No reply

HP: It was a good night!

GP: No reply.

HP: So when was I rude, huh?

GP: No reply.

HP: Oi, don’t ignore me! Lol

GP: (Five hours later) I think my pizza was spiked.

HP: Lol, you just can’t handle your alcohol!

GP: Maybe when you’re old enough to legally drink, you’ll understand.

HP: Lol, excuses is all I hear!

GP: That’s all I could hear from you last night when I invited you upstairs. ;-p But don’t worry, I know you young girls can get pretty intimidated by extremely attractive older men.

HP: Ha ha ha ha, I’m not too young! And I guess you were pretty attractive….but I had my reasons.

GP: No reply.

HP: (next day). How you feeling today?

GP: I feel as good as I look. Fvcking fantastic.

HP: I like you’re confidence!

GP: No reply.

 

[Greasy Pig]

PART V. Email/text

Background: Here's an example of setting up a former plate to see if she wants to hook up again next time I'm in her hometown. This exchange resulted in her sending me about 5 nude pics.
I can't wait to get down there again. She's hot and loves sucking dyck.

Lesson learned: No front, no cvnt. Have a go. All she can do is say no.
And even though I hadn't contacted her for over a year, I didn't fvck around too much with small talk. I let her know exactly what my intentions are and made it clear I wasn't trying to set up a date, I'm going to organise to meet her somewhere and pound the living shyt out of her.
Be confident but not too sleazy. Just gently push the envelope further and further and get her mind thinking about fvcking you. Not talking for hours, or discussing feelings. Just fvcking.

GP: Hey, I'll be down your way on holidays soon. Could be a good chance to catch up on old times. ;-)

PD: Sounds good! When are you coming down?

GP: Probably around Christmas time. I'll have to think up some activities then.

PD: Mmmm, can't wait! Send me your number (she must have deleted my number but we're still Facebook friends). I have some pics for you....

GP: Cool! 0421 *** *** I assume you're still looking fit though, right? Or will I be shocked at how much weight you've put on? Ha ha

PD: I think you'll be impressed but you tell me

Later on via text after receiving her nude selfies...
GP: Outstanding pics! I'm going to have to get you drunk when I'm down there and take advantage of you....

PD: You don't need to get me drunk to take advantage of me. Blindfold me, tie me up and take all the advantage you like!

 

[SamTheHobit]

Hahahah good examples!

The best way to become a "good texter" is just practice a lot! Eventually you'll be able to reply with some creative texts after awhile.

Did I mention practice!

 

[In10se]

Great thread, Part IV is closest to what I need to see more of...the cold approach kiss close. Lately there's been witty banter and I space my texts well, but whenever I suggest meeting up again I feel like they go completely cold...can't figure out how to improve this. Part of me says its in the initial interaction.