Grandfathers advice about women to his Grandson

[Black Widow Void]

Back in my late 20's, a friend told me that he asked his Grandfather about advise with women.

His Grandfather told him
"Meet a girl. Fall in love and then marry someone else."

His advice may seem counterproductive, but the older I get, the more I can see his point.

What are your thoughts?

 

[Stuffnu]

Ah the good old days.
When men were the providers with mistresses on the side.

The old bull giving words of wisdom to the young one.…
My interpretation, is when men are single and reach a point of neediness, they latch on to the first thing that comes their way. Being patient and waiting for option 2 or 3 will likely end up the better one.

 

[Westminster]

Sorry, I'm not trying to be obtuse, but what is the moral of this story?

 

[Black Widow Void]

Sorry, I'm not trying to be obtuse, but what is the moral of this story?

That's a fair question.

Through the years, I'd think back on his Grandfather's advice. In my younger days, I'd think to myself "why marry someone you aren't in love with?" It just didn't' make sense. Now that I'm older, I look back on some of my silly and embarrassing moments while I was "in love." After the 'love-haze' dissipates (and this always eventually happens) we can find ourselves with eyes open and looking at things differently.

To give an example: If you've ever been so h0rny that you've slept with an undesirable girl... you'll find that once you bust a nut, you "wake up" and want to get away from her as soon as possible. I think that the same thing happens after the "love haze" wears off.

@Pierce.Manhammer provided a similar posting

Love really does change how the brain works

https://studyfinds.org/love-changes-how-brain-works/ Not exactly ground breaking but worth a read for those who haven't heard of dopamine and oxytocin.

www.sosuave.net

 

[Westminster]

That's a fair question.

Through the years, I'd think back on his Grandfather's advice. In my younger days, I'd think to myself "why marry someone you aren't in love with?" It just didn't' make sense. Now that I'm older, I look back on some of my silly and embarrassing moments while I was "in love." After the 'love-haze' dissipates (and this always eventually happens) we can find ourselves with eyes open and looking at things differently.

To give an example: If you've ever been so h0rny that you've slept with an undesirable girl... you'll find that once you bust a nut, you "wake up" and want to get away from her as soon as possible. I think that the same thing happens after the "love haze" wears off.

@Pierce.Manhammer provided a similar posting

Love really does change how the brain works

https://studyfinds.org/love-changes-how-brain-works/ Not exactly ground breaking but worth a read for those who haven't heard of dopamine and oxytocin.

www.sosuave.net

To be honest, I want to get away from any woman once I've bust a nut

 

[Modern Man Advice]

One cannot dispute any words of wisdom that come with time and experience. Respect your elders.

It comes down to what we have been sold, the "Disney story" if you will. Marriage is just an institution within the Government. True love is never for a partner, that is for your offspring.

Sure, you can "love" your wife but if you do it right, for you to commit to a woman there are other more important factors, what that individual provides to your life and compliments it. She provides mental peace. She supports you when needed. You have each other's backs. You are effectively building a team of 2 to achieve both your individual and collective goals, which is why sharing certain goals, fundamentals, and values is important.

Another myth is marrying your best friend. The whole narrative of your partner being your best friend, lover, advisor, etc, etc is so incorrect. If you do it right, you already have a best friend/s and people around that can better fit those roles.

 

[Westminster]

One cannot dispute any words of wisdom that come with time and experience. Respect your elders.

It comes down to what we have been sold, the "Disney" story if you will. Marriage is just an institution within the Government. True love is never for a partner, that is for your offspring.

Sure, you can "love" your wife but if you do it right, for you to commit to a woman there are other more important factors, what that individual provides to your life and compliments it. She provides mental peace. She supports you when needed. You have each other's backs. You are effectively building a team of 2 to achieve both your individual and collective goals, which is why sharing certain goals, fundamentals, and values is important.

Another myth is marrying your best friend. The whole narrative of your partner being your best friend, lover, advisor, etc, etc is so incorrect. If you do it right, you already have a best friend/s and people around that can better fit those roles.

This I agree with especially.

 

[pipeman84]

His Grandfather told him
"Meet a girl. Fall in love and then marry someone else."

If it wasn't meant as a joke, then it's one of the most moronic pieces of advice one can give.

Now that I'm older, I look back on some of my silly and embarrassing moments while I was "in love." After the 'love-haze' dissipates (and this always eventually happens) we can find ourselves with eyes open and looking at things differently.

To give an example: If you've ever been so h0rny that you've slept with an undesirable girl... you'll find that once you bust a nut, you "wake up" and want to get away from her as soon as possible. I think that the same thing happens after the "love haze" wears off.

Being in love, being infatuated with someone and being horny are 3 completely different states.

 

[CBear]

Back in my late 20's, a friend told me that he asked his Grandfather about advise with women.

His Grandfather told him
"Meet a girl. Fall in love and then marry someone else."

His advice may seem counterproductive, but the older I get, the more I can see his point.

What are your thoughts?

I love this. The way I interpret is that when you're young/inexperienced and stupid, you're more prone to "fall in love" for someone who's not right for you. Whether it's looks or the lovebombing or the emotions they give you. You end up having rose colored glasses until **** hits the fan and you realize that all of those emotions were just feelings/imaginations and that they only last for a short period before things get bad. Some ppl need to go through this once or a couple times before they wake up while some people end up too deep in the rabbit hole and can never get out. If you're intuitive enough, these experiences will teach you how to be more strategic when looking for a partner who is actually right for you and works with you. Whether it's about culture, religion, conflict resolution, career, finances, etc.. It becomes logic first over emotion first.

 

[Serenity]

I get what he's saying, but I do somewhat disgree with the literal meaning. Still, I'll probably say this to my grandkids one day and leave them to interpret the meaning of it.

Love, or what we think is love when we're young is just an excited state of mind that we get carried away on. I know this now looking back, it was not rational. Right before I met my wife I learned this lesson, I did not make that mistake with her, I did not get carried away in daydreams or did anything I would regret later. However, I did feel the high, but very tempered by the mistakes of my past and a fear of fvcking up my future.

Rationality took precedence, but without the feels I probably wouldn't even have bothered at all. There is that question "why marry someone you aren't in love with?", it's a very relevant question, but first we need to understand what love actually is. At first I didn't, I thought I did, but I really didn't. What I thought of as love before was nothing but superficial infatuation.

What his grandfather said isn't meant to be taken literally as a guy in his 20's would, it's meant to make you question your ideas about what you think love even is about. He knew it would take a young man down a better line of reasoning, without having to shove any advice down their throats, because he knows a young man will not be receptive to that.

Clearly it worked, because here you are 3 decades later, still remembering and thinking about it.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I’ve known women firsthand who have married men with all the fundamentals, even highly attractive, intelligent, pleasant, well heeled men but were not in love with them, because they knew they couldn’t do better.

It turned into a disaster, without exception.

 

[Scaramouche]

Back in my late 20's, a friend told me that he asked his Grandfather about advise with women.

His Grandfather told him
"Meet a girl. Fall in love and then marry someone else."

His advice may seem counterproductive, but the older I get, the more I can see his point.

What are your thoughts?

Hi Black Widow,
A friend asked his Mother how he should treat his new live in Lover,she told him,"Treat her rough and ride her hard".

 

[manfrombelow]

To give an example: If you've ever been so h0rny that you've slept with an undesirable girl... you'll find that once you bust a nut, you "wake up" and want to get away from her as soon as possible. I think that the same thing happens after the "love haze" wears off.

I my own language, the act is getting the fvck away from there asap while still trying to zip your pants. That's the exact feeling after you've just busted your nut inside a below average chick just because you were too h0rny.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Back in my late 20's, a friend told me that he asked his Grandfather about advise with women.

His Grandfather told him
"Meet a girl. Fall in love and then marry someone else."

His advice may seem counterproductive, but the older I get, the more I can see his point.

What are your thoughts?

Wise words!

Grandpa knows that the one who loves less, has more leverage in a relationship.

It translates in being willing to walk away if she goes nuts and being able to keep her in line.

My grandpa told me to never get married, yet he was married all his life.

Didnt listen, payed the price.

Loving a woman never got me anywhere in the long run.

I rather have a compliant wife that passes the boner test and thinks i am the best that she can get. This makes life so much easier and peaceful.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

A friend asked his Mother how he should treat his new live in Lover,she told him,"Treat her rough and ride her hard".

"Ride her hard and put her away wet."