Grade My Sh!t Test

[dashiznick]

Background: I'm new to the DJ lifestyle, but I just started seeing this new girl in the last week, been out four times. At the heavy make out stage, but logistics haven't been right yet to move further.

This is my first encounter with a very blatant shi!t test.

She texted me this morning:

Her: So I was thinking about it and I didn't want it to be a surprise to you and I like being straight up....I am dating right now which means I'm going on dates with people in general not a lot but I have. I like you a lot and I really enjoy getting to know you but I wanted to let you know I'm enjoying my single time.... I didn't want that to be a surprise

Her: I still want to hang out and see what happens with us

Her: Please don't get the wrong impression by my disclaimer

Me: So you're going to make me work for it

Me: lol

Her: Hahahaha

Me: Have a good day at work cutie

Her: Thanks sorry for being so honest

Me: Don't be sorry. honesty is refreshing.

<This chick is not a fb friend, but a "recommended friend." I see a pic of her and her ex as a profile which I can assume she's still seeing on and off.>

Please grade me on a scale from A to F and explain your reasoning. Thanks team!!!

 

[TheJazz]

It can be graded only based on honesty. Was your response honest? If yes, 10/10. If not, 0/10. If you felt wronged/like crap, you should've said something and just been honest. If you felt like "that's not okay. You're mine.", you should've said it. Chances are, she'd find that attractive and be yours. Honesty goes a long way with women, gentlemen.

 

[dashiznick]

I obviously like this girl, otherwise I wouldn't take it to the forums. But, we are clearly not exclusive. I hate that there's competition, but I expect to have challengers for a high-value target, especially this early in the game, but I'm confident on how to play it (with a little help from my ss.net friends). Thanks for the feedback Jazz.

 

[Checkmate12]

I would give you a D+. You did some things wrong but you also did some things right.

Your overall attitude of indifference (not freaking out, laughing it off) was alright, you definitely could have handled it alot worse.

Your major error was the "so you're gonna make me work for it" comment. That statement screams low value even when said playfully. You implied that she's the prize and you're working to get her when your attitude should be the exact opposite.

You really had her on the ropes here and could have executed an absolute power grab by displaying your complete lack of care. Not only that, to capitalize you could have shown that not only does it not phase you, it actually turns you off to her a little. You would have had her in the palm of your hand and she would have completely changed her tune, exclaiming that you're "really the one she's serious about though."

I'm grading you harshly because although you didn't completely blow it, you missed a big opportunity to turn the tables.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Your response sucks, and gets an F-minus.

The main reasons? (a) You put her in control, (b) you made it sound like you're cool going along with her game, and (c) you didn't answer in a way where it made it sound like you ALSO have other options.

Oh, and (d) you texted her back about this. Texting KILLS relationships. and (e) you gave her a compliment AFTER she gave you this speech, almost as if you were rewarding her for it or trying to prove why she should choose you.

Anyway... although I am not much of a texter, here's how I would have handled her message to me:

Her: So I was thinking about it and I didn't want it to be a surprise to you and I like being straight up....I am dating right now which means I'm going on dates with people in general not a lot but I have. I like you a lot and I really enjoy getting to know you but I wanted to let you know I'm enjoying my single time.... I didn't want that to be a surprise

Me: Ok

Her: (probably baffled that I only gave her a one-word response) Um...I still want to hang out and see what happens with us. Please don't get the wrong impression by my disclaimer.

Me: It's whatever. Besides, you're not the only one that's still dating other people. Let's just keep doing what we're doing and see where it goes. Have a great day!

The bottom line is this: if she's mentioning to you that she's seeing other people, that's a BAD sign. So, that's NOT when you start giving her compliments about how cute she is; no, that's when you let her know that she's not the only one that can get other dates. And, in those first few dating outings, she shouldn't be having the impression that you're only seeing her - she needs to feel, on some level, that there's always a chance she could LOSE you. That's going to make her want to keep you around and not say things to you like "I'm still dating other people."

 

[The Duke]

dashiznick- sounds to me like this chic isn't really into you. You basically are enabling her. You are setting the stage so you work for her, not she work for you.

She has you right where she wants you. I predict you will get to be her emotional tampon when some other dude breaks it off in her a$$ and she gets butt hurt.

I give you a D.

 

[Purefilth]

On top of the rest of it youve seen her FOUR times in a WEEK?

Saturation and time wasting. see her four times in a month - thats more like it.

 

[Uncharted]

She either has low interest or she's trying to make you jealous.

Either way my response would be something like:

"I'm not trying to be your boyfriend"

That line has spun a ton of hamsters.

 

[nismo-4]

Your ass gets an F for the test and B for being beta.

The minute I read that "So you're gonna make me work for it" You shoulda screamed "I have low value!" Also she's telling you she's spinning plates. I'm betting on she's in another castle.

She's framing herself as the prize. She's making you chase her. And you are. Don't be surprised when she starts talking to you about how Judge nismo mistreated her in chambers.

I would bump you to a D for using indifference, but indifference only works when a woman has some interest in you. Not the case here. She sees you as a beta anyway. Your crime of unauthorized use of a pedestal is to blame. You framed her as having higher value, and giving her undeserved attention. Not to mention seeing her 4 times in one goddamn week? Too available dude. Shows a lack of options. Judge by actions, not words. She said she likes you a lot, but you are not banging her! She likes you a lot, at best, as a FRIEND! She knows you like (want) her more than she likes (wants) you. She is winning.

My ruling: Go ghost on her and stop pedestalizing her. Moreover, stop chasing her and show her ass indirectly you've got options!

Case closed. Class dismissed.

 

[Iceberg]

On top of the rest of it youve seen her FOUR times in a WEEK?

Saturation and time wasting. see her four times in a month - thats more like it.

Yeah, I think that's the MAIN thing. That'll kill your chances more than failing any sh!t test.

As far as your response to her - I mean, it didn't make or break you. I wouldn't have said "So you're gonna make me work for it" because it implies that she's in the position of power. But whatever. Your success or failure isn't gonna come down to this text.

Preferably, you would have said, "Hey, we're young. We're supposed to be having fun out there." Basically hinting that you don't expect her to be dating you exclusively, AND that you're doing the same thing.

But this whole conversation stems from you spending TOO MUCH TIME with her. She probably realized that she saw you 4 nights in a week and thought, "Oh sh!t. I don't want this guy thinking we're in a relationship."

 

[Greggie W]

I don't think she knows what she wants or she's just not that into you.

Women with high interest levels don't give out that info (or don't see other people)...it's only you she wants to see.

It's nice she's honest ...but she is being honest after the 4th time out? First time out..I would have been ok with it..now, I think you're out. Honestly.

 

[pyros]

If any girl said to me what she said to you (about dating other ppl) I would have said something along the lines of what someone else said above: '..im not trying to be your boyfriend...'.
And for the next time you see her... I would just put some women perfume on my neck or chest, just a little little bit, so she will smell it and her hamster will start to spin full power. Her own medicine x3.

My two cents.

P.S.
-100 points for saying to her: 'so your gonna make me work for it'

 

[dashiznick]

Great feedback gents. This really framed the situation for me.

Just a bit of clarification on the subject. I meant we had gone out 4 times in 1 month. Before the last time we met, I didn't contact her for a week while I was working on another plate. When we went out, she admitted she was "confused" why I didn't call.

That and other signs I don't want to go too deeply into on internet forums tell me that her interest is high. I like this girl and can see a LTR, but I believe she is a bit confused.

I've considered letting this one go, but should I let every girl go who might be considering her options?

 

[SamTheHobit]

Should have told her to go to hell.

That's not a test, just plain disrespectful.

I'd be offended by such a statement.

 

[pdx1138]

Agreed what the others said.

The only salvage there is left is to not reply to her texts right away.

wait a day....tell her you were busy if she asks.

Immediately cease initiating any contact with her for the time being
or suggestions to hang out....let her do it.

This will throw her off again and possibly reset the circumstances.

If she is truly interested then she will pursue you further if not, back to that other plate and get more plates.