Gottman on how LTR's solve issues

[tesla8520]

Interestingly, Fry says she would have imagined that the best relationships would have a high negativity threshold, meaning they'd be focused on compromise and would bring up an issue only if it was "a really big deal." But in fact, the opposite is true.

"The most successful relationships are the ones with a really low negativity threshold," writes Fry. "In those relationships, couples allow each other to complain, and work together to constantly repair the tiny issues between them. In such a case, couples don't bottle up their feelings, and little things don't end up being blown completely out of proportion."

Happy couples, then, tend to have more positive interactions than negative ones, and thus are more likely to give each other the benefit of a doubt. When there is an issue, they're more likely to bring it up quickly, fix it, and move on.

Basically to keep a healthy LTR, Fry imagined that "Dread" would work, but instead it's actually the contrary: what in reality, doesn't work.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Best relationships are full of minor fights and addressing issues before they will go out of proportion.

If man is afraid if addressing issue, he is not in a healthy relationship. The same goes for woman. Compromise is not something that is always worked out by common understanding w/o any discussion whatsoever.

 

[BeExcellent]

Agree. The problems start building when conflict avoidant people do not articulate what bugs them. The molehills then grow into insurmountable mountains.

You gotta speak up and air the little stuff out so it doesn't become big stuff.

 

[tesla8520]

You gotta speak up and air the little stuff out so it doesn't become big stuff.

Best relationships are full of minor fights and addressing issues before they will go out of proportion

Exactly. We wonder if the way this is done matters or not.
You see couples arguing about every little thing every day.

 

[BeExcellent]

Exactly. We wonder if the way this is done matters or not.
You see couples arguing about every little thing every day.

The way individuals handle conflicts in their relationships matters. In fact it matters a great deal. If there is a small problem and it needs airing then how that information is conveyed makes a difference.

This is where the importance of communication skills kicks in.