Gotta Fix This

[Desdinova]

I went on a first (and last) date a couple of days ago. I haven't heard from her since. This seems to be a trend as of late. I used to ace the first date and get a second one without a hitch. Now it seems I'm fvcking them up, so I'm trying to figure out why.

I think I have two problems going on here... First, I really don't give a 5hit what the woman thinks of me. Second, I'm way too comfortable on these first dates and allow myself to be extremely outgoing. I think I come across like an a55hole, probably because I treat these women the same as the ones that I've already developed good rapport with.

I think I need to tone my personality down on these dates and allow myself to have a bit of "innocence".

Anyone else ever have this problem?

 

[zekko]

I think I have two problems going on here... First, I really don't give a 5hit what the woman thinks of me.

This is always looked at as a good thing here, but there are usually two sides to every coin. The truth is it's hard to form a connection with someone when you don't give two sh!ts about them.

Second, I'm way too comfortable on these first dates and allow myself to be extremely outgoing. I think I come across like an a55hole

Again, most here will hear the word "@sshole" and automatically praise it, but if you take a girl out and ignore her, why should she want to go out with you again? I think some call this "overgaming". You are in the best position to know what is going on. Go with your gut, I always say.

I really like your posts, Des, because you always seem so honest with what is going on in your life, compared to many posters who just want to puff themselves up.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Being an assh0le is kinda like being a nice guy - it's boring because it's one-dimensional.

In between your assh0le moments, break it up with stories of your incredible sensitivity. Then go back to being an assh0le.

 

[ZTIME]

I went on a first (and last) date a couple of days ago. I haven't heard from her since. This seems to be a trend as of late. I used to ace the first date and get a second one without a hitch. Now it seems I'm fvcking them up, so I'm trying to figure out why.

I think I have two problems going on here... First, I really don't give a 5hit what the woman thinks of me. Second, I'm way too comfortable on these first dates and allow myself to be extremely outgoing. I think I come across like an a55hole, probably because I treat these women the same as the ones that I've already developed good rapport with.

I think I need to tone my personality down on these dates and allow myself to have a bit of "innocence".

Anyone else ever have this problem?

Des

As you know I've recently just got into the dating scene again. I've found that at lot's of points in first date conversation I can come across as aloof, intimidating, and sometimes an A**HOLE!

Something I've found that works well for me is to take my first date to places I frequent where I tip the service well. I find that these are the places where a lot of people know me and always approach me to say hello and ask how I am. Hell half the time they'll ask when they see me again if that's the new chick I'm dating, or comment on how many girls they've seen me with recently. This even works well if you're trying to bang the hot bartender. If she constantly sees you with new women she'll probably start itting on you. (just happened to me a week ago).

The reasoning behind this is that I can non verbally show my date that no matter what she may be thinking about my personality at the time, there are many other people who think I'm great.

She'll probably even ask you questions or make statements like:

Wow! you know a lot of people!

Do you really come here a lot??

How do you know that chick??

Answer how ever you would like, but I think this makes a very good 1st date icebreaker.

I know what its like out there right now, and I can honestly say I'd have it no other way.

 

[guru1000]

Des, they are not attracted to you. I have had first dates, walked away from them impromptu for no apparent reason for 15 minutes, only to come back as they had eagerly waited and behave like an azzhole thereafter. And they would text me after the date saying they had a great time, lol.

When you first get back into the game, you will be rusty by presentation, demeanor, and appearance. Focus now on impeccable clothes, style, hair, and physique, and maintain a bad-boy intrigue a/k/a I don't give a f*ck attitude. Sure enough you'll begin piling them up again.

You are in the prime years of attracting; kill it.

 

[Knight's Cross]

BB has it right. It's a balance between being a DB, and being decent. It's the dichotomy that gets the hamster spinning. Too much of either set's a buzzkill tone. Think Roller coaster. Take her up, then take her down. That's always worked for me.
KC

 

[VladPatton]

I actually know exactly what you're talking about. It's really hard to win lately. You have to put in all of this Academy Award acting to get some. Dating sucks saggy gorilla balls.

 

[synergy1]

It is interesting, we both are having a similar problem with dates but our approaches are quite different. I am not the *******, and am contemplating if this is too boring. You are the ******* ( per your own post) and it doesn't seem to work.

What do you plan to do to change it up?

 

[Desdinova]

I actually know exactly what you're talking about. It's really hard to win lately. You have to put in all of this Academy Award acting to get some.

My biggest problem lately is that I put in all this effort and energy to get a low quality bytch. So I just say "fvck it" and act however I want. I'm really not out to impress anyone.

I have three main orbiters in my life, and they take up a lot of my time. I'm not regularly fvcking any of them, and honestly I don't care if I do. I can fvck my hand and get the same pleasure without any of the drama.

This explains why I made that other post about the fat chick. She is the most decent thing I've come across in the last while, but I'm just not physically attracted to her. I'm just tired of the same low quality 5hit that I come across. Getting a woman who has all the qualities I want? Not gonna happen, and the more I date, the fussier I get.

I've got lots of low quality bytches hanging off me, and it just disgusts me thinking about keeping them around. Tenacity says women are good for sex and companionship. I've been taking the companionship and leaving behind the sex. Once you fvck them, they wanna stick around. When you don't want them to stick around, they become a nuisance. So fvck it, I'm cool with just letting them rape me and then getting all mad because I don't wanna commit.

 

[Romjuan]

I went on a first (and last) date a couple of days ago. I haven't heard from her since. This seems to be a trend as of late. I used to ace the first date and get a second one without a hitch. Now it seems I'm fvcking them up, so I'm trying to figure out why.

I think I have two problems going on here... First, I really don't give a 5hit what the woman thinks of me. Second, I'm way too comfortable on these first dates and allow myself to be extremely outgoing. I think I come across like an a55hole, probably because I treat these women the same as the ones that I've already developed good rapport with.

I think I need to tone my personality down on these dates and allow myself to have a bit of "innocence".

Anyone else ever have this problem?

Man, that seems pretty on point on how I would think you should be on a first date. Im pretty good with first dates and I come across self entertained and treat them the same too. The only thing I can think of is maybe the date isnt that fun? Having high energy and being upbeat is contagious. If you are down, kind of grumpy, angry towards the world, that could be seen and they can feed off that. I like first dates at theme parks rather than dinner. Price is probably about the same, but also how can two people NOT have fun and share memories there.

 

[VladPatton]

My biggest problem lately is that I put in all this effort and energy to get a low quality bytch. So I just say "fvck it" and act however I want. I'm really not out to impress anyone.

I have three main orbiters in my life, and they take up a lot of my time. I'm not regularly fvcking any of them, and honestly I don't care if I do. I can fvck my hand and get the same pleasure without any of the drama.

This explains why I made that other post about the fat chick. She is the most decent thing I've come across in the last while, but I'm just not physically attracted to her. I'm just tired of the same low quality 5hit that I come across. Getting a woman who has all the qualities I want? Not gonna happen, and the more I date, the fussier I get.

I've got lots of low quality bytches hanging off me, and it just disgusts me thinking about keeping them around. Tenacity says women are good for sex and companionship. I've been taking the companionship and leaving behind the sex. Once you fvck them, they wanna stick around. When you don't want them to stick around, they become a nuisance. So fvck it, I'm cool with just letting them rape me and then getting all mad because I don't wanna commit.

Sometimes, you just don't feel it with these chicks and just don't wanna deal with the drama. For the most part, you do snap out out if, you just have to wait it out. Shıt's fückin seasonal, man.

This does remind me of a time a saw my (somewhat) crazy friend with a hot chick one day. A few days later I asked him if he banged her. His reply was "fück no!". I asked "why!?" He angrily said "If I do I'll fückin never get rid of her!"

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

My biggest problem lately is that I put in all this effort and energy to get a low quality bytch. So I just say "fvck it" and act however I want. I'm really not out to impress anyone.

Kind of like buying 10,000 shares of K-Mart. Yeah, it's a lot of shares but it's still just K-Mart. Finding a quality woman does take a lot of effort, but consider just how much effort low quality women take out of you regardless of whether they're attractive or not.

 

[Alvafe]

My biggest problem lately is that I put in all this effort and energy to get a low quality bytch. So I just say "fvck it" and act however I want. I'm really not out to impress anyone.

I have three main orbiters in my life, and they take up a lot of my time. I'm not regularly fvcking any of them, and honestly I don't care if I do. I can fvck my hand and get the same pleasure without any of the drama.

This explains why I made that other post about the fat chick. She is the most decent thing I've come across in the last while, but I'm just not physically attracted to her. I'm just tired of the same low quality 5hit that I come across. Getting a woman who has all the qualities I want? Not gonna happen, and the more I date, the fussier I get.

I've got lots of low quality bytches hanging off me, and it just disgusts me thinking about keeping them around. Tenacity says women are good for sex and companionship. I've been taking the companionship and leaving behind the sex. Once you fvck them, they wanna stick around. When you don't want them to stick around, they become a nuisance. So fvck it, I'm cool with just letting them rape me and then getting all mad because I don't wanna commit.

Can I ask how many dates you think you failed?

I think having orbiters is a problem too like you said you are wasting you valuable time on girls you don't care, and that only happens because you let then, you are being passive and letting then do the whole thing and let then fight over you to see who can win, then you will complain about why that hotter girl did not go after you.

what really are happening in your dates only you can tell for sure, but tell me how you really act? only don't care? are you happy or just meh?

more info can help or you can try to build more rapport next time and see if it will change, being confortable with yourself or being a a$$hole changes little as long she is atracted

 

[Desdinova]

I think having orbiters is a problem too like you said you are wasting you valuable time on girls you don't care

I don't mind having the orbiters. I have fun when I hang out with them, so IMO it's not wasted time.

what really are happening in your dates only you can tell for sure, but tell me how you really act? only don't care? are you happy or just meh?

more info can help or you can try to build more rapport next time and see if it will change, being confortable with yourself or being a a$$hole changes little as long she is atracted

These are all first dates. I used to ace them all the time. I get the woman attracted, go on a first date, and would usually be able to land another one. I think my problems are I'm too much of an a55hole, I don't take much of an interest in the girl, and I generally don't care about the outcome as long as I'm having a good time. I have absolutely no nervousness on these dates and really let myself go. I think I need to tone myself down a bit.

I'm currently working on another girl, and I'm taking Bible Belt's suggestion of "sensitivity stories" because I think he's right. I'm spending too much time on one end of the woman's emotional scale and not getting her to bounce all over the place.

 

[Desdinova]

So I had a date the other night. I decided to use Bible Belt's idea of using sensitivity while just behaving the same way I always do. It helped a bit, but I'm not feeling like I've been able to actually raise her IL.

I still think I need to turn down the "a55hole" in me. I get so damn comfortable on these dates and I really don't give a 5hit if I impress these women or not. It really seems to be counter-productive. Turning off the a55hole when I'm really comfortable seems to be incredibly difficult for me.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Turning off the a55hole when I'm really comfortable seems to be incredibly difficult for me.

Describe the guy that you'd be if you were sitting there not being an @sshole.

 

[Desdinova]

Describe the guy that you'd be if you were sitting there not being an @sshole.

Entertaining and fun.

I also think I need to get out on more dates. I haven't been all that consistent with going out with women, mainly because I just haven't felt like it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Entertaining and fun.

I also think I need to get out on more dates. I haven't been all that consistent with going out with women, mainly because I just haven't felt like it.

It sounds like you're occasionally forcing yourself to go on dates, does that contribute to you acting like an @sshole? What things need to happen around you in order for you to feel comfortable being fun and entertaining?

 

[Desdinova]

It sounds like you're occasionally forcing yourself to go on dates, does that contribute to you acting like an @sshole? What things need to happen around you in order for you to feel comfortable being fun and entertaining?

It's not really an intentional a55hole behaviour, it's just me being a bit too playful and not giving a 5hit about the outcome. It's like I have no conscience when it comes to my behaviour around women. I think the problem is that our rapport isn't on the same comfort level, and mine is way too comfortable.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

It's not really an intentional a55hole behaviour, it's just me being a bit too playful and not giving a 5hit about the outcome. It's like I have no conscience when it comes to my behaviour around women. I think the problem is that our rapport isn't on the same comfort level, and mine is way too comfortable.

Good analysis. Looks like you have a couple of options:

1. Adjust your level of playfulness to be just a little bit more than your date's and when you draw her playfulness closer to your lowered level, raise yours a little more and lead her closer once again.
2. Engage women whose playfulness is already on par with yours.

Each has their own advantages and disadvantages mostly pertaining to time and risk.