Got the girl, but now...

[J0sH]

Alright guys, i need some serious advice here and couldn't find anything in the search about this.

I have been working on this girl for a few weeks now, and she finally asked me out to be her "boyfriend".

I've been very good at keerping her IL high because I have made myself unavailiable and made myself a challenge.

But now, that we are actually "going out", I am not too sure I will be able to keep things how they were before because the journey for her is over and the challenge is gone.

Could u guys please direct me to the area of the site that will help me with this problem, or offer me some advice?

Thanks

 

[SemperFi719]

Funny thing is that I was in your shoes a few months ago. I looked all around the site but there really wasn't advice on how to maintain relationships. Personally heres my advice on this.

You have to change things up a TINY BIT. Because you are her bf you cant be completely aloof and unavailable because you need to show ur girl that you will be there for her for the good and bad. If ur in a relationship you have to give and get. You have to from time to time give her some attention. Be spontaneous. Im not saying call her every day... but when your at work one day or out of school give her a ring so you could see how shes doing. (Given that she's doing the same.) Trust me, girls dig it when they know that their guy gives a **** about them and shows it.

(EDIT: Don't mistake it with NEEDING her though. Theres a difference when you NEED a woman and when you show you give a **** but arent needy.
Show that you care - Neediness = Shows her that she has some value to you.
Think about it... would you wanna be with some1 that doesnt value you in some level?)

You should change up the dates from time to time. Don't get into routine because then you get boring and thats when **** hits the fan. Think up of interesting things to do with ur girl. Which brings up how much time you should spend with her. You shouldn't be spending TOO much time with her because this will just backfire. You should give her a chance to miss you because the moments she DOES have with you will be just that more valuable.

Its common sense, you hit a 180 and expect her to not get skeptical. You just need to do a little more. Ignoring her and depriving her of ever seeing you will do nothing but drive her to seek the affection of another guy. The trick is to lead your life, not let her control you, and show her from time to time that you care about her. If you do this you'll be fine.

 

[NRM]

I agree, you shouldn't change... much. You did what you did and got the girl, I don't see why you would do anything different. Now... you mentioned that you made yourself unavailable. I hope you had reasons such as soccer or whatnot instead of just blowing her off in order to show her that you were unavailable. Because that shouldn't change at all, you do what you do and have your own life. But now, you can plan out certain times to be with eachother. The exclusive relationship shouldn't be much different. You still want to be a challenge to keep her from getting bored and try to keep her interest above yours.

Just don't fall in. If you lose your ability to be a challenge just because she's your girl, she'll get bored and lose interest fast. Just keep doing what you did to get you to where you are. Girls need high interest anyways to ask a guy to be their boyfriend, so I'd say you've been doing pretty good.

 

[SemperFi719]

I concur, being a challenge should not be a problem as long as you have a life ourside of the relationship. If all you do is stay at home and calculate that you called her at 5pm on tuesday so now its wednesday 4:59 so you'll wait 3 minutes till you call her then you're in trouble. Remember your buddies too! They were there before and they will be there now. Don't forget them because they are the constant in your life. Girls come and go but your buddies (the true ones) stay constant.

 

[DJ_Dork]

keep doing what you're doing - if you became unavailable a lot and then all of a sudden very available for her - she will find that inconsistent.

 

[00Kevin]

Just be sure you have other things to do with your time.

What ever you do don't ignore her just to gain her attention. that is pathetic. If you find yourself doing that then you are actually a sucker for her. Make sure the time you don't have with her isn't fake. Become active for REAL and enjoy doing those things for yourself. do what you want to in your life and let her come to you.

 

[J0sH]

Well, I do stay very busy. I usually have football 6 days a week everyday after school so she knows where I am at and what I am doing when I don't call her for that period of time.

BUT also, I don't ditch my my friends just to go hang out with her. I could say I am a genuinely busy person and maybe that's why she really is attracted to me? That matters none, anyways, thanks for the advice guys.

 

[squirrels]

If you want her to keep liking you, keep being the guy she fell for. I'm hoping that's "yourself". If not, and you've been "faking the DJ" to get her to fall for you, then you're eventually going to crack. But if you're being yourself, and I mean your natural, masculine, and dynamic self, then you really have nothing to worry about.

Stop worrying about the "relationship." Chicks do that. Guys just have fun.