Got Steamrolled by a High Bodycount Girl - Want to Learn

[judy_doesnt_suffer]

I just wanna preface by saying I just found this forum, and it seems really quality and I'm excited to start reading and hopefully receiving some feedback. I haven't done much lurking yet so if I come off like an idiot, it's because I am.

I'd like advice on how I can learn from the situation I've had with this girl over the past 6 months or so. I'm 23 and I don't have a lot of experience with women yet. It's generally just difficult for me to learn what I did wrong in a given date or relationship. I'm gonna give background information so you guys can have more insight into what happened, the last paragraph is what I don't understand. Again, I just want to learn and improve. A key detail is that this girl has a 20 bodycount (her number), had an onlyfans, and is hypersexual. Another key detail is this girl has nothing going on, and I have a degree, am good looking and tall (according to other ppl), exercise a lot, and am intelligent (according to other ppl).

I meet this girl after hanging out with a friend. We meet at a restaurant and I meet her and I'm into her. Later that night she invites us to her place to play video games and my friend says she's into me. Friends leave and it's just me and her, we talk and stuff and I kiss her and get her number and leave. Fast forward and we start hanging out a bunch over the next 2 weeks. She's saying I have epic rizz and stuff and initiates holding my hand and going back to her place. She's really hot, we're bonding over shared interests and stuff and she's my type. We don't bang that night but almost, key detail here is I'm scared of having sex because of insecurities and traumas and whatever. We hang out almost every day for the next couple weeks.

We eventually try having sex in the shower, it doesn't work out and she's really upset about it, I'm also upset. Fast forward a few days and we try having sex again and it doesn't work out, because of my anxiety crushing my libido. It felt like a big deal in the moment then things seemed to improve. Then, I leave for a trip for 3 weeks and everything seems fine enough. She barely texts me over the trip despite me trying to contact. I arrive home and after multiple attempts at contact we end up seeing each other. According to her, she really wanted to bang that night but still didn't happen. We hang out the next day, I found out she slept with another guy. She says it's over and she doesn't respect me.

Great, fast forward 4 months. She texts me out of nowhere from a new number. I've mostly gotten over what happened at this point. She's at my place and it's the same thing, she's on top of me with cold and clammy hands saying my rizz is making her nervous etc. Fast forward a week and we're getting more sexual, there's still tension and anxiety and I make that clear to her. Eventually, I got over myself for a moment and we end up banging, which was nice.

This is the part I don't understand. We're hanging out pretty often for 2 weeks and it seems things are going somewhere. She's saying things like "I reaaaaallllly like you, X" and "I see you so highly I thought I should stop talking to you because I might get cheated on", and we're talking about working on her communication issues and stuff. Then, she ghosts me for a month despite me trying to contact. Out of nowhere she text me, "U busy tn;?" or something. I say I don't wanna be up all night but she can come over in a couple days and she agrees. She doesn't come over, doesn't respond. 5 days later, I say "U should come over" she says she has friday and saturday off. Doesn't respond. On wednesday she says "What are you doing tn", I say "Chillin", she says "Do u want me to come over" , she calls me and makes plans to come in the morning. She doesn't come doesn't respond. Fast forward 5 days she sends "Wyd today" and asks if I wanna chill with her, she asks when I'm going to bed I say 1am. She doesn't respond it's been 2 days.

I'm done with it at this point and recognize that I haven't valued myself, but I'm also just baffled and feel like there's a lot to learn that I haven't learned. Thanks for reading.

 

[filerfiler]

This girl has men on rotation and lives in the moment. When she texts she wants a quick lay right there and then (a booty call) and you’re offering time further ahead

I’m not saying you should offer up yourself immediately but this what’s happening. She likely also has someone or two others she texts and prioritises based on her responses.

 

[filerfiler]

Also this girl just wants quick bangs and you’re talking of forming bonds and doing a bunch of daty relationship type stuff. This girl is strictly a smash and move on girl it’s what she wants.

If you can get over the ickiness of knowing a bunch of ****s have been inside her in the last 2 weeks that is. That sh!t alone would make me run.

i personally don’t have toleration for her type and you don’t have to do her.

 

[judy_doesnt_suffer]

Also this girl just wants quick bangs and you’re talking of forming bonds and doing a bunch of daty relationship type stuff. This girl is strictly a smash and move on girl it’s what she wants.

If you can get over the ickiness of knowing a bunch of ****s have been inside her in the last 2 weeks that is. That sh!t alone would make me run.

i personally don’t have toleration for her type and you don’t have to do her.

I guess, but why put up with me at all if I had a lot of difficulties with sex. And why ghost me for a month after we did end up having sex? Also, what we were doing definitely had a relationship vibe and she even got upset thinking I was talking to other girls at one point. I see what you're saying but doesn't add up to me.

 

[filerfiler]

When she was putting up with you were right moment right time and probably the best prospect at that point. When she ghosts she has better men/prospects (for her). It’s as simple as that.

it’s ego crushing but it’s the truth - and this will save you down the line because you will know when to not waste your time.

this girl is in her sl-ut phase. Girls in that phase will hump a log if it looks like it has two legs and she has nothing else. In a few years time she’ll discover Jesus or whatever and she’ll suddenly be crying where all the good men have gone

the relationship vibe is a front. She doesn’t want you to see other women because she wants all the attention to her whether she uses it or not is irrelevant. It’s also a test of sorts if you give in to that demand it means you’re too serious about her and don’t have other options.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I just wanna preface by saying I just found this forum, and it seems really quality and I'm excited to start reading and hopefully receiving some feedback. I haven't done much lurking yet so if I come off like an idiot, it's because I am.

I'd like advice on how I can learn from the situation I've had with this girl over the past 6 months or so. I'm 23 and I don't have a lot of experience with women yet. It's generally just difficult for me to learn what I did wrong in a given date or relationship. I'm gonna give background information so you guys can have more insight into what happened, the last paragraph is what I don't understand. Again, I just want to learn and improve. A key detail is that this girl has a 20 bodycount (her number), had an onlyfans, and is hypersexual. Another key detail is this girl has nothing going on, and I have a degree, am good looking and tall (according to other ppl), exercise a lot, and am intelligent (according to other ppl).

I meet this girl after hanging out with a friend. We meet at a restaurant and I meet her and I'm into her. Later that night she invites us to her place to play video games and my friend says she's into me. Friends leave and it's just me and her, we talk and stuff and I kiss her and get her number and leave. Fast forward and we start hanging out a bunch over the next 2 weeks. She's saying I have epic rizz and stuff and initiates holding my hand and going back to her place. She's really hot, we're bonding over shared interests and stuff and she's my type. We don't bang that night but almost, key detail here is I'm scared of having sex because of insecurities and traumas and whatever. We hang out almost every day for the next couple weeks.

We eventually try having sex in the shower, it doesn't work out and she's really upset about it, I'm also upset. Fast forward a few days and we try having sex again and it doesn't work out, because of my anxiety crushing my libido. It felt like a big deal in the moment then things seemed to improve. Then, I leave for a trip for 3 weeks and everything seems fine enough. She barely texts me over the trip despite me trying to contact. I arrive home and after multiple attempts at contact we end up seeing each other. According to her, she really wanted to bang that night but still didn't happen. We hang out the next day, I found out she slept with another guy. She says it's over and she doesn't respect me.

Great, fast forward 4 months. She texts me out of nowhere from a new number. I've mostly gotten over what happened at this point. She's at my place and it's the same thing, she's on top of me with cold and clammy hands saying my rizz is making her nervous etc. Fast forward a week and we're getting more sexual, there's still tension and anxiety and I make that clear to her. Eventually, I got over myself for a moment and we end up banging, which was nice.

This is the part I don't understand. We're hanging out pretty often for 2 weeks and it seems things are going somewhere. She's saying things like "I reaaaaallllly like you, X" and "I see you so highly I thought I should stop talking to you because I might get cheated on", and we're talking about working on her communication issues and stuff. Then, she ghosts me for a month despite me trying to contact. Out of nowhere she text me, "U busy tn;?" or something. I say I don't wanna be up all night but she can come over in a couple days and she agrees. She doesn't come over, doesn't respond. 5 days later, I say "U should come over" she says she has friday and saturday off. Doesn't respond. On wednesday she says "What are you doing tn", I say "Chillin", she says "Do u want me to come over" , she calls me and makes plans to come in the morning. She doesn't come doesn't respond. Fast forward 5 days she sends "Wyd today" and asks if I wanna chill with her, she asks when I'm going to bed I say 1am. She doesn't respond it's been 2 days.

I'm done with it at this point and recognize that I haven't valued myself, but I'm also just baffled and feel like there's a lot to learn that I haven't learned. Thanks for reading.

If I was a hot girl and you hit me with a giant wall of text I would ghost you too. Chill the f0ck out and welcome to SoSuave

 

[New_Journey]

A key detail is that this girl has a 20 bodycount (her number), had an onlyfans

How do you know this? Also, why does it bother you that much?

Another key detail is this girl has nothing going on

Explain what do you mean by this, like what?

and I have a degree, am good looking and tall (according to other ppl), exercise a lot, and am intelligent (according to other ppl).

You having all of these things doesn't guarantee anything

She's saying I have epic rizz and stuff and initiates holding my hand and going back to her place. She's really hot, we're bonding over shared interests and stuff and she's my type.

Are you a hopeless romantic?

We don't bang that night but almost, key detail here is I'm scared of having sex because of insecurities and traumas and whatever. We hang out almost every day for the next couple weeks.

This is a Red Flag against you, you are giving the gay male girlfriend vibe, not good.

We eventually try having sex in the shower, it doesn't work out and she's really upset about it, I'm also upset.

This is another Red Flag against you, 2 so far.

Fast forward a few days and we try having sex again and it doesn't work out, because of my anxiety crushing my libido

Another Red Flag, that's 3.

She barely texts me over the trip despite me trying to contact.

You are chasing her like a desperate guy, Red Flag number 4

I arrive home and after multiple attempts at contact we end up seeing each other.

I'm assuming you did the attempts. This is being needy and desperate, and women despise it.

According to her, she really wanted to bang that night but still didn't happen.

Why? You couldn't keep it hard again?

I found out she slept with another guy.

Can you blame her? You can't fvck her cause all of your problems with your friend.

She says it's over and she doesn't respect me.

Some women will beat the $hit out of you when you're down, learn it.

Great, fast forward 4 months. She texts me out of nowhere from a new number. I've mostly gotten over what happened at this point. She's at my place and it's the same thing, she's on top of me with cold and clammy hands saying my rizz is making her nervous etc. Fast forward a week and we're getting more sexual, there's still tension and anxiety and I make that clear to her. Eventually, I got over myself for a moment and we end up banging, which was nice.

Finally you had some balls.

This is the part I don't understand. We're hanging out pretty often for 2 weeks and it seems things are going somewhere. She's saying things like "I reaaaaallllly like you, X" and "I see you so highly I thought I should stop talking to you because I might get cheated on", and we're talking about working on her communication issues and stuff. Then, she ghosts me for a month despite me trying to contact. Out of nowhere she text me, "U busy tn;?" or something. I say I don't wanna be up all night but she can come over in a couple days and she agrees. She doesn't come over, doesn't respond. 5 days later, I say "U should come over" she says she has friday and saturday off. Doesn't respond. On wednesday she says "What are you doing tn", I say "Chillin", she says "Do u want me to come over" , she calls me and makes plans to come in the morning. She doesn't come doesn't respond. Fast forward 5 days she sends "Wyd today" and asks if I wanna chill with her, she asks when I'm going to bed I say 1am. She doesn't respond it's been 2 days.

You don't understand because this the seduction game and you keep failing at it. She knows she has you hooked with her girl game and your score is zero.

I'm done with it at this point and recognize that I haven't valued myself, but I'm also just baffled and feel like there's a lot to learn that I haven't learned. Thanks for reading.

IMO, you first need to fix your Red Flags. She was just a girl who knows the seduction and sexual game very well, and you a guy with no experience, she beat that $hit out of you mentally.

This girl wanted sex, you should have taken her for what she can give, not the idea of what she can't.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

When you can't or won't perform in the moment, women feel like it's something wrong with them...as if that's your way of telling her you don't find her attractive naked.

Might be able to talk to her the first time or two but if it keeps happening every time then she just stops listening and also starts losing respect for you since she wants a man who can fvck her brains out.

Whatever the reason is you aren't able to perform when you need to, you between figure it out or it's not going to be much fun in the dating world for you.

 

[Hal9000]

Well it sounds like she liked you and gave you multiple opportunities to sex her up and you couldn't deliver. Not sure why that's her fault. If I went out with a girl for a few weeks and then determined she was sexually damaged, or weird, or whatever I'd move on also as life's too short to try fixing everybody with sexual hangups. The newsflash here is that no woman wants to be with a grown man who is "scared of having sex". I'd suggest you seek counseling as you appear to have issues that no female can help you overcome.

 

[BPH]

@judy_doesnt_suffer looks like others have already said this, but yeah, you need to address whatever trauma is getting in the way of you having sex.

Personally, I'm surprised a girl with this many options slept with you at all, given the fact that you couldn't give her what she wanted not once, not twice, but THREE separate times.

It sounds like what followed was her realization that the effort wasn't worth the reward when it came to you. Sounds like she was getting boyfriend vibes from you and wanted to let you off as if it was HER problem, not YOURs (thinking you might cheat on her, etc). After that, you weren't able to accommodate her booty calls, and again, it was too much effort to coordinate something with you.

Address the trauma so you can face situations like this with some confidence.

 

[filerfiler]

I don’t know it could be just not trauma, may be the fact that she’s a skunk is turning him off

 

[Clockwerk50]

OP, if you’re a professional running back or forward and you can’t score, eventually, you’re going to be subbed off. Most importantly, you may have been ahead of the competition due to a combination of your looks, money, status, and personality, but now you’ve lost your spot to another man, a hobby, or some other distraction that is fulfilling her needs and wants.

Regarding your question, there are three things to consider:

1. Since you’ve been demoted, she will only acknowledge you when her priorities shift or in case of an emergency.

2. Women communicate covertly. Ghosting, flaking, and taking a long time to reply are clear indicators that she’s not interested and she’s just hoping you get the message.

3. After you smashed you may have become hyper-relationship focused. What makes me believe that is the “talking about fixing her communication issues”, “hanging out for 2 weeks”, and “things might be going somewhere” comments. It sounds like a lot of nagging, complaining, whining, and neediness about her needing to hang out with you when you want to after the original 3 failed sex attempts.

Just out of curiosity, how much have you read on this topic, and what other forums do you post on? You might need a better understanding of dating dynamics and female psychology. Read about hypergamy, AWALT, and she is not yours it is only your turn.

P.S. Stop watching porn so you can get it up.

 

[crowolf]

Your main mistake is tolerating disrespect from a woman. You have to have boundaries. Learn to say “no”. Or not to react to bs. She is massive trouble, don’t take her seriously, and I don’t even know if it’s worth wasting energy on her games.

 

[judy_doesnt_suffer]

Well it sounds like she liked you and gave you multiple opportunities to sex her up and you couldn't deliver. Not sure why that's her fault. If I went out with a girl for a few weeks and then determined she was sexually damaged, or weird, or whatever I'd move on also as life's too short to try fixing everybody with sexual hangups. The newsflash here is that no woman wants to be with a grown man who is "scared of having sex". I'd suggest you seek counseling as you appear to have issues that no female can help you overcome.

I understand that, but it seems you didn't read the whole post.

 

[judy_doesnt_suffer]

@judy_doesnt_suffer looks like others have already said this, but yeah, you need to address whatever trauma is getting in the way of you having sex.

Personally, I'm surprised a girl with this many options slept with you at all, given the fact that you couldn't give her what she wanted not once, not twice, but THREE separate times.

It sounds like what followed was her realization that the effort wasn't worth the reward when it came to you. Sounds like she was getting boyfriend vibes from you and wanted to let you off as if it was HER problem, not YOURs (thinking you might cheat on her, etc). After that, you weren't able to accommodate her booty calls, and again, it was too much effort to coordinate something with you.

Address the trauma so you can face situations like this with some confidence.

I agree with you and that makes the most sense.

 

[judy_doesnt_suffer]

on’t

OP, if you’re a professional running back or forward and you can’t score, eventually, you’re going to be subbed off. Most importantly, you may have been ahead of the competition due to a combination of your looks, money, status, and personality, but now you’ve lost your spot to another man, a hobby, or some other distraction that is fulfilling her needs and wants.

Regarding your question, there are three things to consider:

1. Since you’ve been demoted, she will only acknowledge you when her priorities shift or in case of an emergency.

2. Women communicate covertly. Ghosting, flaking, and taking a long time to reply are clear indicators that she’s not interested and she’s just hoping you get the message.

3. After you smashed you may have become hyper-relationship focused. What makes me believe that is the “talking about fixing her communication issues”, “hanging out for 2 weeks”, and “things might be going somewhere” comments. It sounds like a lot of nagging, complaining, whining, and neediness about her needing to hang out with you when you want to after the original 3 failed sex attempts.

Just out of curiosity, how much have you read on this topic, and what other forums do you post on? You might need a better understanding of dating dynamics and female psychology. Read about hypergamy, AWALT, and she is not yours it is only your turn.

P.S. Stop watching porn so you can get it up.

This makes sense, thanks. I'm starting to understand more that women simply don't communicate directly, and when they do, they're either lying or obfuscating the truth. It's taken a while to see this lol. Your 3. is correct, although it wasn't one sided, she seemed like she was on the same page. Again, what I realize is that it's more about what they do in the coming weeks and months and not what they say and maybe even feel when you're laying together.
I don't post on any other forums because reddit was the only other similar forum I knew, and all of reddit is complete garbage, which is why this place is refreshing. I'm familiar with those concepts, but AWALT and hypergamy, even though they're good heuristics, are too simplistic.
Imagine saying "All Men Are Like That" and making sweeping generalizations about what a man would do in a given situation. There are averages, but you're going to get so many prediction errors if you actually watch individual people. You could say something like "If I woman doesn't fvck you, she's not attracted enough to you", for example. Imagine saying the same thing about a man. There's some truth there, but it's just not the entire story.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

This girl is irrelevant. What matters and should be addressed here is your lack of confidence in the sexual realm and anxiety about sex overall.

Make an effort to find out where the anxiety is coming from and tackle that. If it comes from inexperience as you stated in the beginning, try to avoid getting attached and up your numbers, hone your skills, etc.

Lastly, enjoy yourself, man. If you aren't enjoying yourself throughout the experience, WALK AWAY.

 

[Clockwerk50]

This makes sense, thanks. I'm starting to understand more that women simply don't communicate directly, and when they do, they're either lying or obfuscating the truth. It's taken a while to see this lol. Your 3. is correct, although it wasn't one sided, she seemed like she was on the same page. Again, what I realize is that it's more about what they do in the coming weeks and months and not what they say and maybe even feel when you're laying together.
I don't post on any other forums because reddit was the only other similar forum I knew, and all of reddit is complete garbage, which is why this place is refreshing. I'm familiar with those concepts, but AWALT and hypergamy, even though they're good heuristics, are too simplistic.
Imagine saying "All Men Are Like That" and making sweeping generalizations about what a man would do in a given situation. There are averages, but you're going to get so many prediction errors if you actually watch individual people. You could say something like "If I woman doesn't fvck you, she's not attracted enough to you", for example. Imagine saying the same thing about a man. There's some truth there, but it's just not the entire story.

Exactly, just like the infamous “three-date rule” for having sex, these are just guidelines. Every man and woman is different in their own way.

My main point is that it depends on the person. For example, men are generally the gatekeepers of commitment, while women are the gatekeepers of sex. If a woman doesn’t want commitment from you, she’ll start avoiding you; if she does, she’ll nurture the connection and help it grow, if you’re willing to do the same. Keeping this in mind, as the action-driven gender, your role is to create fun and exciting moments where romance can naturally develop. Complimenting her, making her laugh, and building anticipation through promises and plans will give her that rush of excitement, while talking about relationship logistics, her issues, dry logic, or your personal struggles will often kill the mood.

Of course, there are always exceptions. Some women take a more active role, some enjoy hearing about your problems because it brings out their maternal side, while others are ready to sleep with you on the first day. At the end of the day, you just have to gauge who you’re dealing with and adjust accordingly. But since outliers exist for every rule, it’s up to you to find a general approach that works best while staying adaptable.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

She's recreating past experiences using you, gotta bring in new energy