Got rejected, I said NO to "LJBF" - Girl is devastated now

[pua1989]

agreed with desert fox...dont know why everyone is jumping all over you for what you did (although i do see the value in social proof someone above mentioned). yeah yeah yeah, you cant create attraction and all that jazz, but at least you had the balls to (eventually) go for it. alas, it didnt work out and i agree with you saying no to an "LJBF"

keep it up, dont get drawn back in as this girls emotional tampon.

 

[apec]

Dude. Your a ****ing *******.

This isn't some you vs. woman game. You pulled the SURPRISE! I HAVE A ****! move and she rejected you. You don't need to take revenge on her and never talk to her again. Chill the **** out and if you miss her hang out with her. But this whole thing is bull****. It wont help you at all in the longrun.

Lesson learned for the future

 

[Desert Fox]

Dude. Your a ****ing *******.

This isn't some you vs. woman game. You pulled the SURPRISE! I HAVE A ****! move and she rejected you. You don't need to take revenge on her and never talk to her again. Chill the **** out and if you miss her hang out with her. But this whole thing is bull****. It wont help you at all in the longrun.

Lesson learned for the future

this is terribad advice from an AFC.

Dude, why would you go back to her? You want (a) sex, (b) companionship.

IN THAT ORDER.

She wants (a) companionship, (b) companionship, (c) companionship.

Now, if you decide that as a person, you do not respect yourself enough to put YOUR OWN NEEDS FIRST, then you should go back to her like a dog. If you decide "hey my needs aren't as important as hers, so I guess I'll suffer quietly like a little b1tch and masturbate myself to sleep as I cry every night about what could've happened. yes my fantasies will keep me sane." if you decide that, just go ahead and cut off your balls, bow tie them and tie them to her rearview mirror as a gift.

You need to GET A FVCKIN SPINE. Read jophil's thread about what his crazy b1tch GF tried to pull on him (i think its in mature man's forum or anything else). In brief, his GF tried to put him into her frame as she was being manipulated by some psychotherapist crazy b1tch.

Jophil stood his ground, said "cya" and moved on like a man.

Life is short man. If YOU will not STAND UP for what YOU NEED. WHO THE FVCK WILL???

It saddens me to see guys put themselves LAST on the totem pole of needs. Her first, her first, me last, me last. FVCK THAT SH!T MAN. You gotta live your life FOR YOURSELF first and foremost. Don't die on your deathbed like all the AFC fvckers in this thread that will regret not living their life for themselves and enjoying every moment.

Sure you may feel crappy IN THE SHORT TERM. That's normal, means you're human dude. But if you go back you will BE IN PAIN FOR THE LONG TERM. And that is the worst. It's like living like an animal...in a cage you cannot escape, the cage of the friendzone. And a piece of juicy meat you want just out of reach...you can look at it all day long, but you can't get a taste. And people can use that meat to get you to do things, make empty promises, and get you to do tricks, aka manipulate you.

CUT OFF EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW. Slap yourself dude, wake up. It's so easy to slip back into the AFC sinkhole. I felt myself slipping back reading all these bashing responses to you rejecting LJBF, but then I was like "fvck that sh1t, life's too short to live it on someone else's terms."

Make a choice. Be a man or be a puppy.

 

[2crudedudes]

Atheros,

Sorry to break it to ya, but it sounds like maybe you misinterpreted the situation. She was there to help you as a friend, and from that moment that's all you guys were. When you pushed to become more, you were ALREADY friends. Maybe she never saw more than that in you to begin with, and now she has lost a friend because she doesn't want to bone you.

I was in a sorta similar (not really) situation once. I met this girl the Summer before college started and we flirted a bit, but I knew she had a boyfriend. This, at the time, was a deal breaker for me and stopped pursuing her. We did, however, become friends. At some point later on, we had been hanging out a lot, and I thought it was going somewhere, so I asked her what was going on between us, but she dismissed it as "friends only", and the subject never came up again.

I still talk to her, and we're still good friends, but it appears that I misinterpreted the situation at that moment when in reality there wasn't much else.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

I still talk to her, and we're still good friends, but it appears that I misinterpreted the situation at that moment when in reality there wasn't much else.

That can happen all too easily and often the woman will give off signals that seem they're interested but that's not what they really are when taken in context.

For a different example, if I treat a girl who is a close friend just like a guy buddy, no flirting at all, always heightened interest (comparatively) in other girls who are present, she won't "feel" good as a woman and she'll automatically start trying to get my attention to see what's going on...to see if she's an unattractive girl. An example is that I have a friend that from time to time we'll hang out during the week at a bar or at her house and watch a movie or joke around. We got along just great but she started wearing skimpier and skimpier clothes when I came over but she wasn't making a move or trying to sit closer to me than normal even when she'd get pretty hammered.

I realized that she wasn't trying to seduce me, she was feeling like a "non-woman" around me. Otherwise, there would have been more than just trying to look provocative. I bumped up the arm touches etc... while talking and said flirty things more. She actually started acting even more nice to me, like giving me "heads up" about girls who were inquiring about me or looking at me a lot when I wasn't (woot, getting me hot leads!) but when we were alone she went back to wearing "whatever" house clothes she would normally wear.

It's stable. We both win. We're both getting what we want. It's a complementary relationship. I know she's dating (we don't talk about that stuff though, she doesn't want a girlfriend!) but her not being interested isn't about me. She found someone to have fun with sometimes in the middle of the week, so did I, and that's it.

Men should watch for multiple signals acting together when a long term female friend starts seeming to want to advance it. Assuming "wow, she's been sexual relationship attracted all this time and hid it" is much, MUCH less likely than (for example) she's just feeling left out as far as being a woman who is attractive.

 

[nismo-4]

TL; DR!

AFAIC you were acting just like the girl and being conservative in the process. And that is why she thinks of you as a friend and nothing more.

BTW she was trying to get you to come back to her and if you did, you'd still be friendzoned.

Just be tougher, and dammit stop being a therapist. Don't feel regret cuz she may just have been an attention wh0re. And a real DJ doesn't accept the friendzone as a consolation prize. Read my sig. Apply it.

Case closed.

 

[Trunks]

You could've handled the situation differently cuz it seems this wasn't the girl's fault, but the end result is the same, you cut your loss. Now just keep enjoying life, find other women and move on.

 

[eaglez1177]

Igetit hit the nail right on the head