Got into my first real "fight" with girlfriend.

[narcissist]

So lets say hypothetically this was a sh1tty battle to pick. How do o go about dealing with the situation?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

You've made various threads about this chick over the last couple of weeks in which you have demonstrated a lot of insecurities about the situation. This is merely an observation, rather than criticism.

However, your general feeling will have been apparent to her, no matter how well you think you've concealed it; she will know that you are insecure. Hey, you've probably even talked openly about your past. She will know.

You're not in control of her, only yourself. You are bordering on controlling beta male mate-guarding right now. I'd say you've dropped the ball on this one (along with the checking of the phone). It's like you're willing something bad to happen; like you want her to cheat on you, so you can come running in here screaming, 'Yeah, I told you she was a b!tch".

Maybe she's working extra to have the money to buy you a Christmas gift.... ever think about it that way round? You really need to turn this negative mindset on its head, it will affect all your relationships going forward. ALL of them.

Personally I'd tread very carefully for the next few weeks, try to get back to that care free fun guy. You're gonna scare her of completely. Trust me man, you insecurities are starting to become palpable, even through the internet!

 

[narcissist]

You've made various threads about this chick over the last couple of weeks in which you have demonstrated a lot of insecurities about the situation. This is merely an observation, rather than criticism.

However, your general feeling will have been apparent to her, no matter how well you think you've concealed it; she will know that you are insecure. Hey, you've probably even talked openly about your past. She will know.

You're not in control of her, only yourself. You are bordering on controlling beta male mate-guarding right now. I'd say you've dropped the ball on this one (along with the checking of the phone). It's like you're willing something bad to happen; like you want her to cheat on you, so you can come running in here screaming, 'Yeah, I told you she was a b!tch".

Maybe she's working extra to have the money to buy you a Christmas gift.... ever think about it that way round? You really need to turn this negative mindset on its head, it will affect all your relationships going forward. ALL of them.

Personally I'd tread very carefully for the next few weeks, try to get back to that care free fun guy. You're gonna scare her of completely. Trust me man, you insecurities are starting to become palpable, even through the internet!

I agree. Wholeheartedly. I need to get back to my fun care free self.

 

[dude99]

Perhaps you wouldn't call it a fight. But heres what happened.

She was supposed to come over today to set up the christmas tree with me and my family, and we had it planned out for 2 weeks, and I specifically told her to take work off, which she said okay. She left it to last minute today to tell me she had to cancel to go to work, and I told her straight up "I am disappointed in you big time, this is not girlfriend behaviour. You should have let me know sooner." I wouldn't even had minded if she told me a couple days ago. But she didn't.

And she starts apologizing like crazy, but then treats it like no big deal. Then she goes on to ask me to do her a favour and help her with school work, which I said "Absolutely not. You can do it yourself" And she was like "WTF why?" like I am somehow obligated to help her even after her bullsh1t flaking. And then I straight up said "Okay you are actually cheesing me today. You are going to leave me alone for a few days, I don't want to talk anymore." ("cheesing me" means essentially bothering me) Which she then tried calling me, and was sending me messages apologizing and what not, but I am starting to think that her apologies are empty.

When I see her how should I address this? How would you men address a situation like this? Am I in the wrong? Let me know your thoughts on this situation, and specifically how I should address her about it when I see her, without being too much, because I don't want to make a huge deal out of it, I just want to let her know that I don't accept this behaviour. This is the first time something like this has happened and so I want to nip it in the butt.

You basically soft nexted her with a harsh tone, which is fine when a foot needs to be put down...put it down, and you did.

Most soft nexting then calls for you to leave her be and then no contact for 2 to 7 days depending on how severly she stepped out of line, which in this case wasn't too huge.


After the 2 or 3 days, resume contact with her and never bring it up, unless she does. And if she is sorry, let her be sorry. If she wants to continue fighting then you next her again, this time for a longer period of 7 to 10 days. She will get the message. You are not playing. If she still want to fight after all that then it is time for the hard next.

 

[pyros]

As many members have said before, everything starts to go downhill with some kind of specific little arguments/fights like this.

You know, it doesnt mean that you didnt agree once to go to X restaurant or Y restaurant, it is related with stuff like what OP has experienced:
you expect her to do something which is important for you and she doesnt do it because she doesnt feel like doing it, in other words, she disrespects you because she doesnt really care about you. This doesnt mean that she's not your gf, or that she doesnt like to hang out with you etc, but it means that deep down inside of her, she doesnt really care about you.

Also, as many have said, when things like this happen, you MUST TELL HER, YOU MUST CORRECT HER, AND YOU MUST SET YOUR BOUNDARY ONCE.
If you do this, she may get the point and she will start to respect you more which is what you want to have a healthy happy relationship. If she, however, doesnt change her behaviour...well, then it is up to you to continue or not a relationship with a woman that doesnt really care about you, so it will end up in tragedy.