got girl 2 cheat on her bf, but now feels guilty... help!

[bstunt10190]

Hi all

So this is my situation, i met this girl in the summer 4 yrs ago and we became friends nothing more. Then this winter break we started talking again I really wanted to have her. So i find out she has a boyfriend who doesnt pay as much attention to her as she would like, and I jump at the opportunity. last night she surprises me telling me that shes coming over my place. the night goes very well, from the moment she comes in my bedroom she pins me down and tells me to warm her up, it was about 15 degrees out. then she tells me she wants to take a shower with me so we do, she pulls out a bottle of vodka and we shower. we fool around and then get to the bed where we do the nasty. she invites me to go back her house and thats were things start to go bad. she starts giving off a really bad vibe. i could tell that her guilt was ruining the mood, she no longer wants me touching her. i rly want to have her.

DJ, any and all advice is welcome!!!

 

[IPalindromeI]

You want her? Stop letting yourself be the guy she can cheat with, and start making yourself the man she has to dump her boyfriend for.

If she wants you, she has to get rid of him first. Period. Tell her that in no uncertain terms. If she won't do it, or gives you anything other than an "ok, its done", then keep on walking. You probably ought to anyway. If you met her while cheating, you are likely to lose her that way yourself.

 

[bstunt10190]

thanks for your advice.

i probably should have said this up front. I don't want a relationship with this girl, exactly because i know she would probably cheat on me as well. what I meant by i want to have her again was sexually, i want her to stay with her man but be able to cheat on him with me.

 

[Ollie]

If you're looking for her to be your fvck buddy then don't do things like go over to her house and stuff after you finish having sex. She probably would have been able to better rationalize doing it in her mind had it been a heat of the moment, drinking alcohol and having sex night, but once you spent more time with her and even executed a venue change that would remind her of her boyfriend she started to feel weird because now it was more like a "date" than something she did in the heat of the moment. There's physical cheating and emotional cheating, and the emotional part is harder for them to get over in their weird girl brains. I didn't really explain that as well as I wanted to but I think you'll catch my drift. I'll try to word it better after I get some sleep or something.

 

[bstunt10190]

ollie, thank you for your advice i will keep that in mind if and when she ever gets over her guilt. in the mean time its on to other unappreciated girls.

 

[bam bam]

Problem she has a bf u feel guilty her cheating on him.

Why is it so complicated? LOL

Move on to another chick? Next this chicken head?

You're starting off with problems and head aches. Why continue down this road unless your desperate?

Tell her you dont like head aches and when she gets ride of the bf you guys can talk. Till then you guys can't hang out.

 

[bstunt10190]

thanks bam bam, i am and will move on

though i just want to say that i dont feel bad or guilty about her cheating on him, thats waht i wanted her to do in the first place. Im not emotionally attached to her in any way.

keep the advice coming thanks guys

 

[ProtoMan1]

Wow. You are complete d0ucheb@g. What she did to you will come around and bite your@ss.

What is with all these afc guys trying to get with girls in relationships?

Ya'll can't get a girl? Pathetic.

 

[bstunt10190]

protoman1 i see where you are coming from, and i respect your opinion thank you for your insight.

i just got out of a relationship and I am not looking for one just yet so maybe that will answer your question, I dont see any harm in looking for some fun, other than the bf might get upset in which case I feel that i am doing him a service (and her ) where he might learn from this experience and treat other girls better.

no offense taken

 

[Ollie]

Wow. You are complete d0ucheb@g. What she did to you will come around and bite your@ss.

What is with all these afc guys trying to get with girls in relationships?

Ya'll can't get a girl? Pathetic.

Sounds to me like she was the one that called him and asked to come to his place, and she was the one that initiated everything...what's he supposed to do, say "No, I'm sorry but you have a boyfriend. That would be morally wrong, since having a boyfriend you care so much about that you're over here trying to have sex with me must be a really big part of your life. You'll probably marry him some day." He's not the damn relationship police. If she was married I'd be on your side, but a boyfriend? What are you, in 5th grade? Who the hell cares. Do girls cheat on you a lot or something?

 

[bukowski_merit]

Wow. You are complete d0ucheb@g. What she did to you will come around and bite your@ss.

you must have been bitten on your @ss a lot to be that emotionally invested in attacking single guys for being with taken women...

What is with all these afc guys trying to get with girls in relationships?

afc guys? we get with the girls of afc guys... afc guys who find out and then cry about it... and then accept her back and 'forgive' her because she's "the best thing to ever happen" to him... and then guess what? they come back and fvck us again a week later while complaining about what a baby their man is, and how he is always trying to "discuss" things with them and make things better........................... you don't discuss things with women to make things better in case you didn't know...

Ya'll can't get a girl? Pathetic.

nope... we can't get a girl at all... we'd just prefer to take yours from you. :crackup:


---
Now to the OP.

This is quite normal. She didn't even verbalize it to you yet... i've had women verbalize it to me. They'll be like, "i can't believe that just happened. i feel so bad now." or, "i just can't do this anymore. every time i see him and have to lie - it hurts me"... but the reality is - if you're giving it to her better than he can - if you're being alpha and handling everything as if it doesn't matter - then she doesn't have much chance of fighting her desire to do it again with you...

since this is the first time - she's definitely going to experience some feelings of being slvtty... in fact - she will continue to feel this way for some months (assuming it continues)...

so you want to continue this with her? it's definitely not easy... i've been in a relationship with women with a bf for about 10 months now (i have 2 MLTRs, and a few FBs and make it clear to them that i don't care what they do when they aren't with me. i only judge them by how they treat ME.) I would almost say it's more trouble than it's worth... but then i remember that she's the freakiest slvt i've ever fvcked...

i defintely think you made a mistake with all the moving around after the $ex... i prefer to stay in bed with them after and play with their hair and let them lay on my chest, and we laugh and have a good time (preferably sleep soon after or do it again). this keeps her from thinking too much; instead she's continuing to have a good time...

don't worry too much... she should be back... just play it cool... she might even come back with "i can't do this with you" - just be non reactive... "oh, ok... well lets drink to our last night together" - she might resist, but it's token resistance... when you're having $ex with her again, whisper in her ear... tell her how much you love her body and how you feel inside of her... etc... and by all means - lay with her afterwards with her laying on your chest, and make her enjoy herself... don't give her a lot of time to think about what she just did...

it must always appear accidental! if you text her and say "come over and have sex with me" - she's most likely going to say "no! stop it.". so find other ways to ask her over... give her an excuse to come be a slvt with you....

 

[bstunt10190]

wow mind blowing advice bukowski merit thanks, but after reading that I fear that I have made some mistakes.

first she did in fact txt me later

her: shower. with bubbles. the way i like. Lol
me: next time bring bubbleys
her: i rly dont think we can do that again. i feel too guilty
me: yea u were giving off a rly bad vibe thats why i left. im sry
her: its not your fault at all it me being a stupid ho and being ****ty to both of you
me: no its my fault ur not stupid or a ho ( ) i pressured u into it and i should have respected wat u have with him
her: no no its my fault i started the whole shower thing. but we're still friends?
me: yea

it continues but thats the general gist.

now that i look bak on that arghhh i see that was probably the wrong thing to do

2nd. prior to this night i called her telling her that when shes with me i want to have her full attention, none of this txting her bf business or calling him or going on her computer and aiming him when shes with me . she agreed.

any advice on how to remedy this situation? i would rly be a shame to lose such a freaky girl (and boy is she freaky... )

thanks

 

[bukowski_merit]

her: shower. with bubbles. the way i like. Lol
me: next time bring bubbleys

yeah, you shouldn't have mentioned a next time... you just kindda let it happen...

her: i rly dont think we can do that again. i feel too guilty
me: yea u were giving off a rly bad vibe thats why i left. im sry

ouch... i don't think there's any benefit in telling her you detected that. or in apologizing... but realize what i bolded is showing that she's not committed to the idea of not doing this anymore...
her: i rly dont think we can do that again. i feel too guilty
bukowski: you should feel guilty. i like women to massage me after i pleasure them. why didn't you give me a massage? not good at them? =)
^ of course if you had really wanted a massage after the $ex - you woulda asked for it... but we're just trying to get her mind off the $ex - and throwing a challenge out there (that she might not give good massages; and most women don't btw). you don't have to use my words exactly... but you need to take what she said and reframe it...

her: its not your fault at all it me being a stupid ho and being ****ty to both of you

Bukowski: I don't care about such things... all i care is that we had fun with each other...
^ notice how i'm not saying that she's not a ho or not being slVtty. i'm telling her i don't care about such things, i just like to have fun... this is also conveying to her that i am safe and not going to try to be her BF.

her: no no its my fault i started the whole shower thing. but we're still friends?

Bukowski: yeah we're still friends. we can still hangout and drink and all that crazy stuff...
or
Bukowski: it depends on if you can be good next time we hang out... if you can't - then we can't be friends =)

now that i look bak on that arghhh i see that was probably the wrong thing to do

yeah, you came off too apologetic and you allowed her to control the interaction and the direction... but not all is lost - you just need to play it cool... find ways to drop little hints that it's ok to "just come hang out" with you... drinking can help things... and again - she'll probably put up token resistance ("i probably shouldn't drink, remember where it led last time" - You: "yeah but this isn't last time" or "yeah, we had fun. that would be terrible wouldn't it?" or "well, we can still drink, just don't try to molest me this time" blah blah blah)...

any advice on how to remedy this situation? i would rly be a shame to lose such a freaky girl (and boy is she freaky... )

Play it cool as in NEVER invite her over to "have sex"... keep it flirty and build the tension... don't contact her too much... if you didn't contact her - would she contact you?

and yes... women who are taken and cheat are almost always freaky... #1 Because they're normally high [sexual] drive women... and #2 because they've been having the same "boring" (for 64% of women) sex with their bf for months/years... they've been waiting to unleash their freak for some time...

 

[bstunt10190]

thanks again bukowski, and to answer your question yes she would contact me if i hadnt contacted her.

so basically its a waiting game, waiting till her contacts me again?

thanks

 

[bstunt10190]

Okay so she just called me tonight telling she almost made out with her ex's roommate, and shes drunk , she then says she almost cried in front of a crowd of ppl cuz her bf isnt there when she needs him the most. And tgat i should come pick her to come to my place.should i answer if she calls again and entertain her or tell her to call me when shes not drunk?

Any thoughts apprecaited

 

[bukowski_merit]

her boyfriend isn't there for her when she needs him most? (so in her head he's an alpha jerk!) so she calls you... be very very careful not to become too available to her man... you don't want to be the beta/afc/nice guy she runs and crys to when her bf treats her bad... she'll lose a lot of sexual attraction to you, and begin to see you as a good nice friend... you don't want to be the guy who "comes to her rescue" when the bf treats her bad... i'm not telling you to treat her badly... just don't try to play super hero... just don't supplicate to her needs. and don't be there every time she needs you... be a challenge to her... if ANY girl texted/called me late at night to come "save" them from some disaster - unless i thought their life might be in danger - i would tell them "i'm busy; i'll talk to you later" and hang up/turn off my phone... don't listen to the whole "i'm in desperate need of help" pleas... what's she's really in need of is someone who does what she asks... and the minute she gets that - she'll get rid of that person... be good to her when she warrants it... going out to a party and getting drunk with other guys and "almost" (yeah right!) making out with some guy - and calling you up an emotional wreck does not warrant you being good to her... if on the other hand - she called you at 8 and said she wanted to come over and drink with you but didn't have a ride - you could go and pick her up (after teasing her some)...

just in case you don't know - NEVER TELL HER THIS STUFF! don't say "i'll treat you good if you treat me good" - just do it... and when she's being dumb - pull away from her (but without anger)...

this is going to be very complicated... and you're about to learn a lot... it would take me hundreds of pages to tell all i've learned about being in relationships with women in relationships... but this is just some basic stuff...

 

[Lust]

All you have to do is reinforce the idea that cheating on her boyfriend for you is ok, that she is human and she deserves to be happy.

You have to remove any negative anchors associated with her cheating on you, and turn this bad thing into a good one, so that when she thinks about you, you aren't a big guilt trip, you're the guy that she can have fun with, without the crappy feelings involved.

Also, don't worry about that beta male/afc bvll**** too much, most posters here have no clue. You can be nice to her as long as you don't sacrifice your own happiness for hers.

 

[Energizer]

She's cheated on her boyfriend, if she gets with you what makes you think that she won't cheat on you? (read: she's a wh*re). Find a girl relationship worthy, and you're out of line for sh*tting on another man's doorstep. You'd best hope he doesn't find out, because you're in for one good kicking my feathered friend.

 

[bukowski_merit]

All you have to do is reinforce the idea that cheating on her boyfriend for you is ok, that she is human and she deserves to be happy.

i disagree... don't mention the "cheating" at all (ever!)... i agree with reinforcing that she deserves to be happy though... you need to put it in her head that what you guys are doing is beyond $ex... that there's an unbelievable connection between you two; that can't prevent you guys from getting passionate... you can verbalize this to her if you wish... but preferably after $ex (or even during it) when she's most receptive to things said... and will pretty much agree with any suggestion...

You have to remove any negative anchors associated with her cheating on you, and turn this bad thing into a good one, so that when she thinks about you, you aren't a big guilt trip, you're the guy that she can have fun with, without the crappy feelings involved.

just basically this happens on it's own as long as you don't f up too much... if this continues for a few months - and you make sure she has fun every time she's with you... she'll do this herself in her head... otherwise - i don't know of any way to have this happen... do you Lust? can you give an example as to how to make this happen without it happening naturally over time? (her coming to her own realization)...

Also, don't worry about that beta male/afc bvll**** too much, most posters here have no clue. You can be nice to her as long as you don't sacrifice your own happiness for hers.

this is really the only thing you said that i STRONGLY disagree with... what i'm telling you is field tested with many many taken women (i prefer women who are taken). you want to keep the sexual tension high? stay alpha and stay distant. we're talking about building sexual tension here; so thick that she won't be able to resist the first opportunity.

simple question: which one of these builds more sexual tension? happiness or aggravation? don't know the answer? have sex with a girl who you've spent 2 days aggravating (through not supplicating; not being available to) sometime... see how much better she does it (it will blow your mind)... buy her a gift, take her out, treat her right and make her "happy" and see how much less sexual tension there is when you have sex.

 

[bstunt10190]

thank you lust, energizer, and bukowski.

though I would like to clarify to energizer that i am not looking for a relationship with this girl, therefore i dont care if shes with other guys. (in fact i know shes been with others guys)

bukowski, ur advice seems to be working beautifully, again shes down about her bf today and i told her to come over to forget about her troubles and just have fun with me. not only did she agree but she even told me wat drinks she wants to have with me.

as soon as i act disinterested with this girl she comes bak in full force trying to get me to hang out with her and i have decided that unless sex is 95% assured i will never go to her place, i will always tell her t o come to mine.

keep the help coming, this place is teaching me so much thank you