Got gamed, need a review (long post)

[MotownMack]

Lol, I KNEW she had some fatal flaw!

Otherwise, no HB9 would be chasing guys on Yahoo!

And it sounds like you never really moved out of the attraction phase. All you did was flirt and banter, right? I never heard where you guys really connected emotionally.

Well, I'm gonna disagree with the "having to chase guys on yahoo" thing. I mean, she was working in popular sports bar (geared towards guys, obviously), and while I agree that some guys in her age bracket would run, a lot of older guys (which she was into anyway, the deceased father of her kids had been my age) really aren't "as" concerned with a girl having kids. I would obviously prefer they not have them in terms of complicating things, but I don't turn and run the other way either if I liked the girl (nor would any guy just wanting to get laid). And a lot of AFCs, online or otherwise, would be all over a chick like this on her sheer hotness alone. (I do have a picture of us together, but figured it would be in bad taste to submit it in public here).

As far as your second question goes about us connecting emotionally? That's a tough call, because of the whole online factor... usually you do connect on personal level first, then deal with the chemistry later (and I am gradually starting to dislike this format). We talked about a lot of deep stuff along with the clowning around and flirting, so if I had to answer, I would say yes, we had connected emotionally. We spent a "decent" amount of time on the phone, probably at least 5 hours over the course of two weeks maybe? Not sure.

I think she definitely connected with me emotionally. One of the "dumber" things she said to me the day before we met was "How come you always know how to say the right thing?". The fact is, I don't ... I'm getting good, but I am not that good. And furthermore-I don't remember the exact thing we were discussing when we she said that-but I remember thinking it wasn't that good, deep, DJish, or profound. To me, thats a comment very much made by a girl who was "falling in love" over the phone, or as Mr. Me has been suggesting-someone who is really moving to fast in the hopes that something develops. But, I'll cut her some slack, I have heard a lot of girls say silly stuff like that over the years.

1-The “no kissing on the first date” rule. Dude, if you are a GREAT kisser…then it is essential that you kiss her as soon as possible. That first kiss is what builds a sense of fantasy on her. That is…if you are a very good to great kisser. At 26…I’m sure she has been kissed by a LOT of bad kissers. So, even if you are above average…you should be alright.

Ok, here's the thing on that, and maybe you're right, I should have just went for it. But I lot of girls get really goofy about the "first kiss" thing, and I figured it would be better to let the tension build since we had done some kissing already, rather than go in for a passionate kiss at the end of the night that could back fire. But, you're point is still taken-I suppose it could have made it or broke it, and in retrospect, I think that definitely would have been the case with her. After a date that went so well, I didn't want to throw that into the mix at that point, but she did tease me about no doing it the next day, so maybe it was a mistake. Could have been viewed as beta.

I thank you for, and agree with the rest of your comments, Latinoman. But the one thing no one has addressed... everyone keeps focusing on the "dumping thing" which I admit was a mistake, and knew it even as I was typing the stupid text message... argh. But no one is addressing what made her go cold the very next day after the date, that very afternoon-the change in demeanor, the lame and fewer texts, etc. I don't think she was just "busy". I think her feelings changed, and I am not sure why. Obviously, I know you guys weren't listening to the conversations so it's tough for you to say, but I think this thing was over before it got to our last conversation, before any of that dumping crap was a factor. But, I could be wrong about that.

 

[MotownMack]

Sorry to keep posting, but things keep popping into my head here and I am trying to learn. There is one more thing I need to ask you about in regard to something you said, Latinoman.

NEVER suggest you want to be friends with a woman you want to have intimate relationship with.

The application of this in the case I mentioned was completely different, since I told her I was moving on. So I am not talking about that.

BUT, I remember reading in The Game that this was a classic disqualifier that they used to get either bring down a woman's b!tch shield, or to get them thinking "Hey, who does this guy think he is that he only wants to be 'friends' with me, instead of wanting to fvck me like every other guy??" There by generating their interest and curiosity, and making them think you're different than the average AFC.

In the context of dating, I will admit, I used this a few times, and for some women it worked quite well. Any time I made a flirtatious comment after saying that, a lot of them would tease me and make comments like "Oh, but I thought you just wanted to be friends with me?" It had obviously worked on them.

Once again, I have to reiterate so there's no confusion-I was NOT doing that with this girl we're talking about now, I wasn't going for the reaction I just described above. But when you said NEVER do it, I am wondering don't do it the situations like I described in bold? Cuz it seemed to have worked well a few times there.

 

[MacAvoy]

Your right motown about the friends thing to pull them in. However you took it one step further and actually told her you were dumping her. If you didn't say that, then it might have worked for you like it did in the past.

 

[Latinoman]

The application of this in the case I mentioned was completely different, since I told her I was moving on. So I am not talking about that.

You don't tell a woman you are moving on if you don't mean to move on. UNLESS, she is the one implying you two should take a break, or if she becomes a pain in the azz...that's different. But you coming up and trying to tell her you are moving on for not particular reason but to "add attraction" what do you think a HOT YOUNG woman with options is going to do?

Especially if you offer the "let's be friend" part.

BUT, I remember reading in The Game that this was a classic disqualifier that they used to get either bring down a woman's b!tch shield, or to get them thinking "Hey, who does this guy think he is that he only wants to be 'friends' with me, instead of wanting to fvck me like every other guy??" There by generating their interest and curiosity, and making them think you're different than the average AFC.

In the context of dating, I will admit, I used this a few times, and for some women it worked quite well. Any time I made a flirtatious comment after saying that, a lot of them would tease me and make comments like "Oh, but I thought you just wanted to be friends with me?" It had obviously worked on them.

The guy from "The Game" is an idiot. Many of those PUA's or so called "pick up artists" cannot hold woman's interest for long periods of time. Which by the way...it is what is currently happening to you.

As I said...IF I want to be in an intimate relationship with a woman (e.g. sex), I make it clear that I don't want to be her friend. Offering her friendship (when I want something else) is putting the cards in her hand. In essence, I am giving her the option that she can hang out with me and get her fix of attention WITHOUT feeling any obligation to be with me or even reciprocate with what I want (sex).

Once again, I have to reiterate so there's no confusion-I was NOT doing that with this girl we're talking about now, I wasn't going for the reaction I just described above. But when you said NEVER do it, I am wondering don't do it the situations like I described in bold? Cuz it seemed to have worked well a few times there.

Only time I use the "I want to be friends" is when

1- I don't want sex with the woman
2- OR if she is already giving me sex...then I might used it if I don't want a "relationship" with her or changed my mind and want to stop having sex and don't want to hurt her feelings.

By the way...there is always a possibility that a lover might also become a friend. But should happen after and naturally.


Honestly, (and with all due respect) I feel you over did it. She already established STRONG attraction for you. You should have created a balance. That's what i do. I am cold by nature...but from time to time, I say things (and I mean them) that make them feel special. Then I go back to coldness. What you did for her and her vehicle (getting her car open and warm) was OUTSTANDING as it balanced your coldness with your strong interest. Mine is genuine as I send a covert message that I care for the woman by doing little things for her...but also...it says that I cannot be taken for granted.

That's the secret. Having a woman say "Wow...this man is unique. And he treats me VERY well. But he is also can be cold (or have "women issues"). Consequently, I cannot take him for granted." Not saying they will agree to EVERYTHING you said (as I expect my woman to disagree with me from time to time)...all I'm saying is that they will desire you more and will want to be with you and ONLY you.

 

[Latinoman]

I wish I could come with an advice on how to reverse your situation into a positive outcome. But I'm in a rush (work) and I am going to be with somebody all night so I won't have time to come back here until at least tomorrow.

 

[guru1000]

.

So about a month ago, I get messaged by this HB8.5 or HB9 on yahoo personals, who we'll call Kim. Now mind you, I've dated some cute girls, but I myself am just an average dude looks-wise, maybe 6.5,

But not with Kim. Let me tell you that Kim was the type of girl that this stuff was pretty much written for, and completely by the book. A cute girl with a fun personality, used to getting the attention of AFCs, and aware that she had her pick of the litter. she is bartender at a popular sports bar for the last 3 years (about 2 of which she claimed she'd been single), so I am sure she knew a thing or two about men.

This is WHEN it was over. You put her on a PEDESTAL. Do you think you are that good of an actor? Your true THOUGHTS and INTENTIONS will eventually shine through.

The minute you PUT her on a MENTAL PEDESTAL, it was OVER.

Anyway, as things continues, she seems to get kind of ****y and a little *****y (but still playful). She throws in a few disqualifiers, that she thought I was more of a homebody and she likes to go out all the time, and teasing me about why it would never work between us. This might have thrown me 6 months ago, but thanks to DJ material, I knew this as her qualifying me.

She had HIGH IL up to this point. She was not aware of her PEDESTAL. She threw the ****Y test out. How did you respond? You pulled back. WHY??

When a woman comes to you ****Y, you come back ****IER!!!!

Along with that, she was asking questions about my home, etc-so it all seemed right in line with the behavior that all HB8+ seem to exhibit when they are interested in someone. I felt as though I didn't react, and I handled it very well, but decided it was time to "pull back" at this point, since she suddenly seemed a little ****y. She also said something to me before that "she seems to be the one doing the chasing". Well, even a total noob should be able to figure out that when a girl says this, whats he is really saying is that she is not interested in guys who chase her, even she doesn't know it. Come on, no one does "all the chasing". So, I feel this is a good strategy, to pull back on the contact a bit.

Ok now you pull back. This is not FUN anymore. This is a GAME. You pulled back with no emotional investment. Your pull away means nothing to her. She has nothing invested.

It Gets Weird

Yes SIR, your pull back that initiated from your insecurity and PEDESTALISING her MANIFESTS itself FINALLY.

We text back and forth over the course of the next few days, I can't recall if we talked, but something seems different. She initiates all of them, as I stick to my plan of pulling back. I am still responding when I get them, but they seem to have very little substance, and aren't very flirty. Anyway, around Sunday, I figure it'd probably good to establish some more rapport, and ask her if she wants to grab something to eat when she gets off work. She says she'll call me, but she called early than I thought, and I missed the call... no message. I text her, and get blown off. So finally, I text her and tell her I am going out with my buddies, to which she immediately responds with "Ok, have fun!! Do a shot for me!"

Now I am a little rattled, I admit it. Am I am clueless as what to do at this point, so I panic and have an AFC moment later that evening.

It doesn't matter what took place after the PULL BACK. It is over now.

My AFC Moment

I text her saying "Hey, you seem kind of tentative about this whole dating thing, you should go date some other studs and see whats out there We can still be friends tho"

My logic was really two-fold. I could see myself falling for this girl, and I didn't want to get hurt. I almost felt I'd rather just know where I stand than hang in limbo, which I knew even as I was writing, was a chump move, not a DJ move. But I figured if she felt differently, it was her chance to say so, and might have worked as a good way to show disinterest as well.

You are beating a dead horse. It was over moons ago.

If you look, you will always see the end in the beginning.

 

[DonGorgon]

.If you look, you will always see the end in the beginning.

The beginning of the end is one of the saddest sights.

 

[MotownMack]

This is WHEN it was over. You put her on a PEDESTAL. Do you think you are that good of an actor? Your true THOUGHTS and INTENTIONS will eventually shine through.

The minute you PUT her on a MENTAL PEDESTAL, it was OVER.

Well, to be completely honest, all I did was acknowledge that she was capable of getting a better looking guy (never said this to her, just one of my observations). I wouldn't call that so much putting her on a pedestal as I would just understanding your target (the way you perceive the girl does matter, to get an idea of her frame-as an example, you probably want to be careful about negging an HB6- to me, acknowledging what was likely to be her frame as an HB9 was just common sense). The truth of the matter is, when it comes to online dating, so little of it works out anyway, I was pretty detached from the outcome through out 95% of this process. I didn't expect it to work, so I really didn't care (and that seems to be the overriding theme for both men and women I've talked to). So, in that sense, I wasn't acting. The insecurity part didn't rear it's head until 2 days after the date, but to be fair, there wasn't a lot that took place communication wise for me to screw up until I made the final blunder (and again, I am still not convinced that things already hadn't turned against me, but I should have been more patient). At that point, I would agree with you, I was acting... acting insecure.

When I said she was "the type of girl this stuff was written" for, I am wondering if you thought I meant like the "woman of your dreams". I didn't mean it that way at all. I meant as in someone who is used to guys fawning over her and doing all the same stuff... a "by the book" application. On the contrary, I would not feel it completely mis-characterized if the comments I made were taken slightly negatively, as in attention *****, since that was far closer to my view at the time, rather than putting her on a pedestal.

Thanks for the advice on coming back ****ier next time, I will try that. It was funny, because initially, maybe through the first 2 comments or so, I didn't realize what was going on, but quickly figured out it was sh1t test. Still, I can't say that my return fire was ****y, so good feedback for next time.

Honestly, (and with all due respect) I feel you over did it. She already established STRONG attraction for you. You should have created a balance.

I agree with you, and obviously I had the same thought in my initial post, that it was the moment she needed to be put in her place. But if not pull back, then what? I should have just come back with indifference and ****iness?

 

[guru1000]

Well, to be completely honest, all I did was acknowledge that she was capable of getting a better looking guy (never said this to her, just one of my observations). I wouldn't call that so much putting her on a pedestal as I would just understanding your target (the way you perceive the girl does matter, to get an idea of her frame-as an example, you probably want to be careful about negging an HB6- to me, acknowledging what was likely to be her frame as an HB9 was just common sense). The truth of the matter is, when it comes to online dating, so little of it works out anyway, I was pretty detached from the outcome through out 95% of this process. I didn't expect it to work, so I really didn't care (and that seems to be the overriding theme for both men and women I've talked to). So, in that sense, I wasn't acting. The insecurity part didn't rear it's head until 2 days after the date, but to be fair, there wasn't a lot that took place communication wise for me to screw up until I made the final blunder (and again, I am still not convinced that things already hadn't turned against me, but I should have been more patient). At that point, I would agree with you, I was acting... acting insecure.

Not to go word for word with you. The context of what you wrote DISPLAYS she is the CATCH. Between her PICK OF THE LITTER and HB9, hotter than most women you have been out with. This was the END. You cannot reasonably be of equal or higher value with this FRAME in the beginning.

I go out with VERY hot women. When they ask me why I dont compliment them. I tell them" I go out with tons like you, why would I feel the need?"

I don't say this out of GAME. It is just the way I feel. I personally might have the reverse problem of ENTITLEMENT and GRANDIOSITY which automatically puts me in the pilot's seat from the beginning, at least in the FRAMEWORK.

Thanks for the advice on coming back ****ier next time, I will try that. It was funny, because initially, maybe through the first 2 comments or so, I didn't realize what was going on, but quickly figured out it was sh1t test. Still, I can't say that my return fire was ****y, so good feedback for next time.

When she says she seems to be the one doing the chasing. You respond "I am only interested in highly interested women. This is why all women chase me. Don't feel so bad"

I agree with you, and obviously I had the same thought in my initial post, that it was the moment she needed to be put in her place. But if not pull back, then what? I should have just come back with indifference and ****iness?

She is not disrespecting you. She is TESTING you. She wants to know what kind of MAN you are. This is the deal maker or breaker. How you FEEL manifests itself at this point.

You give her straight balls to the wall, NO SHAME ****iness.

 

[MotownMack]

When she says she seems to be the one doing the chasing. You respond "I am only interested in highly interested women. This is why all women chase me. Don't feel so bad"

LOL, good one.

And minor point of clarification, not so much for you, but for anyone else who may read, in case it matters. She was in fact, doing most of the chasing with us, but not overly on either side.

BUT, when she made that comment, it was in regard to her previous relationships, not in regard to her and I. She even had one of those silly "pre-made up" poems on her myspace page about how girls shouldn't chase, the guy should want her, blah blah blah.

Either way, though, the point is the same- and that point was, this girl LIKES to do the chasing, whether she is aware of it or not, and is turned off by guys who chase her... or at least who chase her too much. Come on, what HB9 isn't chased by some decent guys and hasn't had a real boyfriend in 2+ years? The fact is I am sure they do chase her, but then it's a DLV to her, and she isn't interested anymore.

And who knows how much knowing this helped me if at all, but this is something I would not have recognized at all if I hadn't been learning this stuff. In fact, my dumb a$$ probably would have concluded that this was my clue to do the chasing, to make her happy.

 

[DavenJuan]

.






This is WHEN it was over. You put her on a PEDESTAL. Do you think you are that good of an actor? Your true THOUGHTS and INTENTIONS will eventually shine through.

The minute you PUT her on a MENTAL PEDESTAL, it was OVER.






She had HIGH IL up to this point. She was not aware of her PEDESTAL. She threw the ****Y test out. How did you respond? You pulled back. WHY??

When a woman comes to you ****Y, you come back ****IER!!!!




Ok now you pull back. This is not FUN anymore. This is a GAME. You pulled back with no emotional investment. Your pull away means nothing to her. She has nothing invested.




Yes SIR, your pull back that initiated from your insecurity and PEDESTALISING her MANIFESTS itself FINALLY.





It doesn't matter what took place after the PULL BACK. It is over now.



You are beating a dead horse. It was over moons ago.

If you look, you will always see the end in the beginning.

BRAVO

READ THIS AGAIN. SCROLL BACK UP AND READ AGAIN.

DEAD ON!

 

[Nelford]

This reminds me of this girl my friend set me up with. I wasn't going to do it at first but my friend said she was looking for a muture man and was done with games. I called the girl to familarize myself and made the date and got off the phone. This girl text me every day up until the date. The whole time this was happening I was thinking to myself that something was wrong with this chick. What turn me off with the girl was that she was 1.5 hours late and schedule some other activity after the date which made me feel rush. Once she got in my car I made some excuse that I had something important to do I flush the number.

 

[##17]

I just read the first few posts so far. The problems, as I see it, are two things...

(A) Too much contact (i.e., text messages) no matter who initiated. Way too much. I think that dating goes more smoothly when the only time you communicated with the girl between dates was a phone call to set up the next date. Anyway, since you were clearly sold on her, all this texting and whatnot back and forth just gave you chances to make mistakes, and her a chance to get too much of you regardless. And no real chance of making her any more attracted to you. Next time, let the girl miss you until you see her again.

(B) You failing the test when she started nitpicking you, saying what she didn't like, and it WAS a test! I would have cut her off right away and asked how nitpicky would she be 6 months into the relationship.

Everything else is probably minutia. I do think thst women can tell the difference between a man who truly has his act together, versus a guy who has only mastered the techniques from "The Game".

 

[MotownMack]

I do think thst women can tell the difference between a man who truly has his act together, versus a guy who has only mastered the techniques from "The Game".

I completely agree. The HBs are constantly inundated with guys trying to "package" themselves in one form or another, and become very good at weeding out guys that don't fit their idea of what they're looking, no matter how insane their criteria or the way they go about assessing it may actually be.

Like I said-in my defense, I wasn't doing any acting through approximately 95% of the process. And as far as having your act together goes, I look very good on paper (I won't go into it now, at the risk of sounding braggadocios). But that didn't stop her for testing for congruency, or making some fairly ridiculous assumptions based on very little information (again, won't go into this now either, but she made some comments during our final conversation that were way out of line for someone whose sole accomplishments consist of being cute, having to kids, and working as bartender at 26 years old. At that point, it didn't matter, so I was non-reactive at the time).

If can think of a few lessons I learned from this situation:

1) Don't underestimate an HB's intuition. Better to work at being congruent than trying to make them think you're a prize-let it speak for itself.
2) Don't be constantly available.
3) Work more on being secure in terms of "not caring" rather than just pretending not to care. Have the confidence to know that there are plenty of other woman to work, and that you should be working more than one at any given time (I usually do this, but I was at the point where I was considering giving dating a break when she messaged me)
4) Don't confide too much early on. Save the open-hearted discussion for later, because giving them a inch of information that could in anyway be construed as DLV, flaws, or weakness-they will quickly turn into a miles worth.
5) Push and pull. Keep them on their toes. Do something sweet when the moods strikes you or you feel they need to be reward, but make concerted efforts to pull back so that they don't get too complacent or bored.
6) Don't try so hard. If you have to stray too far from being yourself, it's not worth it (and I don't think I did do that, but caught up in it as I was, I probably wasn't that far off if things would have kept going).

Did I miss anything? :crazy:

 

[MatureDJ]

Motown Mack, did you say that she is a widowed mother? The single mommy angle is enough to make her think that the ability and desire of provisioning for children would be enough for her to want to date nice non-stud guys like you rather than the jerk studs. If you don't have a problem with her being a mommy (or you figure, like a fair number of men, that if a woman is hot enough, she is worth dating or marrying), then you should have continued with her.

 

[MotownMack]

The single mommy angle is enough to make her think that the ability and desire of provisioning for children would be enough for her to want to date nice non-stud guys like you rather than the jerk studs.

Thanks for the non-stud comment, lol. Then again, I guess that makes me not a jerk. But not really, I still am

I agree with your comments in spirit, and I do think that was the angle was somewhere in her mind-that she's looking to settle down,and would obviously choose to do so with someone who was a little older, a little more stable.

But what people say and what people do are two different things (multiply that times 100 for HBs). And her list of criticisms of me had everything to do with what you would expect 18 year olds to be looking for, not a girl in her mid-twenties supposedly looking for a husband or an LTR. It was actually quite insane.

Really, do you think your going to find a lot of stable guys in their 30s with good careers that look like they are members of a boy band? Literally, when she was describing what she was "into" during our exiting interview, it was that bad.

She was also looking for a rockstar type of personality/persona. Don't get me wrong, I can be a lot of fun, as evidence by are date-she had a great time. But I certainly am not going to change who I am for some bimbo-not into something like that.

Anyway, I will spare you the details, but this is really the bottom line. She is looking for something she really cannot bring to the table. Do you think the average stud/player, especially her age, is going to want to be with someone with two kids? No, he's gonna be a player, and go find better/hotter chicks w/o the baggage. Sh1t, I wouldn't have wanted to do that at 30, I can't blame them.

There was one other creepy thing that may have worked against me too. There were some eerie similarities between me and her deceased husband. Some of them superficial, but some of them just strange and unlikely-things she couldn't even have know when she messaged me. But nonetheless, you can imagine what I was up against in trying to live up to expectations like those. She is also not over him, he came up 3 times on our date and I also got to hear about 30 min rundown of how he died when we had our final conversation. I did put her in her place for her comments to me, to some extent, but I stopped short of telling her that, about her husband. Which ironically might have been the one thing that could have benefited her-me telling her, look, you aren't ready to date, you're not over him.

In short, she knows she should be seeking logically is simply not inline with what she desires emotionally (like pretty much every woman, but extreme in her case). And like some people like Mr. Me said, she has had only short term relationships with guys for this reason, probably because she is a AW and drama queen that thrives on an emotional roller coaster.

Anyone else noticing a change in my demeanor and impressions of her? I owe that to the responses to this post, and I thank everyone thats contributed. It's really been an eye opener for me. It's been a big help.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Motown, props for a well written field report! This would explain the well thought out responses.

From my take (I don't have much to add that hasn't already been posted), however from my interpretation,

The date you went on, was pretty much perfect and this gal had the hots for you. IL was high.

After the date, the tests came. The texts. I personally do not text women, ever. If a woman texts me, I don't respond with a text, I CALL her. I'll call her when I feel like it.

So, IL was high with the in-person date, when she was physically with you. That's what you want! That is what she will remember. However, with the text banter back and forth, she will start to test you to see if you are for real.

The more communication you have with a woman that is not in person, one on one physical contact, the more you have her questioning herself, and her interest level in you.

This is where consistancy is important.

So, this is where you friendzoned her..

I text her saying "Hey, you seem kind of tentative about this whole dating thing, you should go date some other studs and see whats out there We can still be friends tho"

She will only interpret this one of two ways...either you are playing obvious games with her, or you are actually tossing her into the friendzone.

Don't play games with women when they have obvious high IL in you. Pay attention to their IL. This woman's IL was high when you were with her. Don't let her text messages, or her questioning herself confuse you of this.

When a woman's IL is high on a date. Get another date. What matters here is when you are with the woman in person. How she FEELS with you when she's with you.

EDIT: Just to add, I've found when I've had dates that went this well...the woman will find a way to see me again. It will happen, unless, I fall prey to her testing and next her beforehand. Consistency is key, and patience..

 

[cordoncordon]

Hey! That sounds just like what little naive boys would say.

Texting, unless it's purposeful, is idle chit chat. Stay away from idle chit chat if it doesn't increase her interest in you. In fact, you may bore her after some time OR text something that's taken the wrong way and everything goes south. Lots can happen. And being CONSTANTLY AVAILABLE to reply back every frickin' time sends the unconscious message that you are real available to her as well.

Which is, in part, what happened with you and her, MotownMack. Too much exposure, too soon, too fast.

She also came on way too strong, too fast, and so you have to wonder... this is a smoking hot babe, who as a bartender can meet all the guys she ever needs, but she's online to find men, and quickly goes gaga over you, who she just met. She texts you as soon as she got home from your first date, she texts you as soon as she got up the next day. Then she calls you and texts you and texts you and calls you...

You don't think there's something WRONG with this woman? That maybe she's driven to excess? That she does this maybe to create drama and emotions in her life? And if she's driven to excess in this regard, you don't think that trait spills over into other areas? Oh yeah.

Then add this to the fire: Though you were trying to be playful, the "this isn't to work out" type of messages you gave her are destructive. Pulling back was a wise thing, but you didn't pull back far enough or long enough.

Then MacAvoy hit the nail on the head. You came off sounding like you're dumping her, so she starts picking on everything and anything. Pay no attention to it. That's her being spiteful and trying to be the Dumper. That's why she wants to continue seeing you, so she can suck you back in, just to dump you.

About your AFC moment: you don't "show" disinterest by telling them to go date "other studs". Show disinterest (or better: detachment or indifference), by not returning every call, by not texting, by not being so available.



But HER underlying message in asking you if you were going to put your new pictures up on your profile was: "Are you going to keep your dating profile up now that we've met and hit it off? Are we an item?"

You say that, in turn, you "conveyed" that you were interested, and maybe you did and maybe you didn't, but that didn't suffice for Ms. Way Too Fast Too Eager. And it went south from there.

You may have had a loon on your hands.

Couldnt agree more and rep points for you!

In reading this a couple of things crossed my mind. One that there was just wayyyyyyyy too much drama and emotion going on here for only meeting one time. She seemed way to into you at first, and the whole endless texting thing after the date is odd. You should have just asked her out a few days later and left it at that. Don't get caught up in all that other stuff. And why are you "dumping" her after one date after you just said how much you liked her? You didn't dump her because you never want to see her again, you did it because you wanted to evoke a response from her-you wanted her to say "NO, I really like you lets do this!"

Instead she is wondering "wtf I thought we got along why is this guy saying this" so she got mad and nitpicked at you. Game over.

Next time you meet someone who you really like play it much cooler, like you were dating 3 other girls so you aren't concerned if you lose one or not.

Best of luck.

 

[cordoncordon]

Btw in how you described this girl on first impression she sound BPD to me. So probably for the best if this doesn't work. BPD's are evil.

 

[MotownMack]

Btw in how you described this girl on first impression she sound BPD to me. So probably for the best if this doesn't work. BPD's are evil.

I agree, and I am noticing a pattern of this among a lot of HBs, and I will definitely have my guard up and move slower next time. There was another HB9 that I knew from about a year ago that reminded me of her in this sense-very good at appearing quite normal early on, and was a sweet heart also when she was totally into me, but it didn't take long for this BPD/drama issues to start surfacing, and she got weird too. I find it amazing that the only thing some of these girls would appear to have in common is attractiveness, yet they behave so similarly in their thinking. There is definitely something to this.

If a woman is making out with you, and grabbing your dikk and you dont fukk her, you are either really dumb, or a fruitcake. You should have NOT taken her to a restaurant but to your place, her place or a motel room. Women like her want a stiff penis up their vagina, not chivalry.

An over simplification to say the least. But somewhere in your acidic post, I will try to dress your point, if you have one. I've been F closing my share of girls-if I have a problem, it's keeping them around, and I am a firm believer than fvcking them too early on makes it weird for a lot of them. I am not going to get into a discussion here in full about this, but I've experienced this enough times. In short, it would be another aspect in which I was once again impatient and just moved too fast, which seems to be the main theme in all the constructive criticism I've gotten so far.

you wanted her to say "NO, I really like you lets do this!"

Right. I wanted that, or I wanted the hell out. And in retrospect, after reflecting on everyone's opinions and what I started to see myself, getting the hell out was almost undeniably the best course of action in this case.