MotownMack
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2008
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This happened to me about a month ago, and the situation is very much over with. Just looking to get some feedback on where I maybe went wrong. I will try to be brief, but I don't want to assume something is unimportant when in fact it may be, so I will include details. If you really don't want to read the whole thing, you can probably skip to THE DATE section, and read from there. Or if you have a really short attention span, you can skip to the THE NEXT DAY.
The Introduction
I've been single for about the last 1.5 years, and most of my dating has been thru meeting girls online (I've got really mixed feelings about this format, but that's for another thread). I would say in the last year I went on about 25-30 dates, and have been practicing with a lot of DJ stuff I have been learning over the last year, with some success (still learning).
So about a month ago, I get messaged by this HB8.5 or HB9 on yahoo personals, who we'll call Kim. Now mind you, I've dated some cute girls, but I myself am just an average dude looks-wise, maybe 6.5, but I've got decent game (don't consider myself a DJ... yet) -good conversation skills, intelligent, educated, business owner, etc.. you get the picture. Anyone who has online dated can tell you, it's very rare that the girls do the chasing, if only due to sheer numbers alone. I usually have to work a little harder to get the attention of a girl like this, but what the hell, I figured I'd give it a go....
We start chatting on yahoo and are getting along really well- and eventually move to phone, and are getting along even better. Kim has the same sense of humor, seems really sweet, is relatively intelligent (though not very worldy), as was forced to grow up kind of fast (she's only 26, I am 36, but neither one of us see this as big deal). Show shes seems fairly mature for her age, and I am probably a little immature for my age.
I think we can all agree that the effectiveness of DJ materials varies depending on the woman, and sometimes requires a change in strategy depending on the girl. But not with Kim. Let me tell you that Kim was the type of girl that this stuff was pretty much written for, and completely by the book. A cute girl with a fun personality, used to getting the attention of AFCs, and aware that she had her pick of the litter. she is bartender at a popular sports bar for the last 3 years (about 2 of which she claimed she'd been single), so I am sure she knew a thing or two about men. Anyway, the DJ stuff seemed to be working perfectly, by more or less NOT acting like every other guy, C/F, and playing it like I was casually interested.
I lost some weight since my original photo on yahoo, so I tell her I will send her some new pics, since she is now demanding to meet. I figured it would be a good idea to get the physical attraction part out of the way. Kim ends up loving the new photos, wants to meet in two days, and won't take "no" for an answer. We agree to meet at a little hole in the wall bar of her choosing (she asked for the date and already had it in mind).
The Date
I meet about 9pm on a Thursday, and she's pretty much smoking-looks as good as her photos, if not better. She's very energetic, and seems to respond very positively to my presence (always an awkward moment, because with online dating, it's usually that first 5 minutes that sets the tone). She gets more relaxed, we're chit chatting, and she's becoming increasingly flirty. She's touching me a lot, smiling the entire time, saying she "knew I was player the second she laid eyes on me', asking a stranger to take a picture of us together with my camera, etc. She also keep asking me "So, what do you think?" (as in, what do I think about her) seeking my approval. Of course, I am carrying on with C/F, careful not to get sucked into DLV, and tease her by saying "I'll let you know later, I just got here." After about an hour or two, she wants to go to another bar.
Things heat up a little more there. There's karaoke there (which I hate), but she obviously wanted sing for me (she actually did have a pretty good voice). We also meet up with some cougars, acquaintances of hers, who just happen to be there-but they are very much into me, and friendly with me also. We make out a little at the table, more kissing on the neck then open mouth kisses, because I originally teased her and told her there would be no kissing on the first date. Also, trying to let the sexual tension build. It seems to be working, she spends some time sitting on my lap, etc. We dance a little, and she has her leg between my legs, and literally pulling me into her body (at one point, she even kinda grabs my junk at the end of a dance). I even catch her looking at me out of the corner of my eye, almost like she's adoring me, but I pretend not to notice. Finally, this place is closing (2am), and I asked her if she wants to go get something to eat. She gives me this big, little girlish smile that indicated to me that she was very pleased that I wanted things to continue.
We go to a coney island and things cool down slightly. It was late, like 3am or so, and we were both tired. It was relatively uneventful though, except when we go to leave. She's locked her keys in her car, and she's very upset and embarrassed. I tell her I am a AAA Autoclub member, and handle the situation. About 20 minutes later, they come and unlock her doors, while I tell her to wait inside, and then I tip the guy and start her car for her (to warm it up). Bordering on DLV maybe, but she saw the whole thing as being very Alpha, and mentioned about 20 times how much it turned her on, that I handled the situation.
We say good night, and she leans in for a kiss. I playfully kiss her on the cheek and forehead, and say "Remember, no kissing on the first date." She giggles, and gets into her car. Before I even get home, I get a text saying what a great time she has, and how she can't wait to do it again, and she hopes I feel the same. I tell her I had fun too, and we should do it again soon. She texts back with something like "I sooo wanted to kiss you, but rules are rules
" I text back saying I did too, but there is time for that later.
The Next Day
Obviously, I am feeling the date went awesome, and am pretty stoked. She starts texting as soon as she gets up, asking me how I feel, and keeps sending me little flirty texts and comments about last night. For the most part, it's just joking and flirting, nothing work mentioning here.
Later that afternoon, "The phone call"
She calls me on her way into work and seems to be in a very good mood. She starts off kind of playful, asking me if I am going to put those new pictures I took on my profile, and I say something like "Well, not just yet" (the underlying message being I'd like to see where it goes with us, but I am not sure this was the right thing to say, I will explain that later). She keeps asking "Why not?" with a smile in her voice, and I don't think I said that outright, but I convey that I am "interested".
Anyway, as things continues, she seems to get kind of ****y and a little *****y (but still playful). She throws in a few disqualifiers, that she thought I was more of a homebody and she likes to go out all the time, and teasing me about why it would never work between us. This might have thrown me 6 months ago, but thanks to DJ material, I knew this as her qualifying me. Along with that, she was asking questions about my home, etc-so it all seemed right in line with the behavior that all HB8+ seem to exhibit when they are interested in someone. I felt as though I didn't react, and I handled it very well, but decided it was time to "pull back" at this point, since she suddenly seemed a little ****y. She also said something to me before that "she seems to be the one doing the chasing". Well, even a total noob should be able to figure out that when a girl says this, whats he is really saying is that she is not interested in guys who chase her, even she doesn't know it. Come on, no one does "all the chasing". So, I feel this is a good strategy, to pull back on the contact a bit.
It Gets Weird
We text back and forth over the course of the next few days, I can't recall if we talked, but something seems different. She initiates all of them, as I stick to my plan of pulling back. I am still responding when I get them, but they seem to have very little substance, and aren't very flirty. Anyway, around Sunday, I figure it'd probably good to establish some more rapport, and ask her if she wants to grab something to eat when she gets off work. She says she'll call me, but she called early than I thought, and I missed the call... no message. I text her, and get blown off. So finally, I text her and tell her I am going out with my buddies, to which she immediately responds with "Ok, have fun!! Do a shot for me!"
Now I am a little rattled, I admit it. Am I am clueless as what to do at this point, so I panic and have an AFC moment later that evening.
My AFC Moment
I text her saying "Hey, you seem kind of tentative about this whole dating thing, you should go date some other studs and see whats out there We can still be friends tho"
My logic was really two-fold. I could see myself falling for this girl, and I didn't want to get hurt. I almost felt I'd rather just know where I stand than hang in limbo, which I knew even as I was writing, was a chump move, not a DJ move. But I figured if she felt differently, it was her chance to say so, and might have worked as a good way to show disinterest as well.
(see next post for the ending)
The Introduction
I've been single for about the last 1.5 years, and most of my dating has been thru meeting girls online (I've got really mixed feelings about this format, but that's for another thread). I would say in the last year I went on about 25-30 dates, and have been practicing with a lot of DJ stuff I have been learning over the last year, with some success (still learning).
So about a month ago, I get messaged by this HB8.5 or HB9 on yahoo personals, who we'll call Kim. Now mind you, I've dated some cute girls, but I myself am just an average dude looks-wise, maybe 6.5, but I've got decent game (don't consider myself a DJ... yet) -good conversation skills, intelligent, educated, business owner, etc.. you get the picture. Anyone who has online dated can tell you, it's very rare that the girls do the chasing, if only due to sheer numbers alone. I usually have to work a little harder to get the attention of a girl like this, but what the hell, I figured I'd give it a go....
We start chatting on yahoo and are getting along really well- and eventually move to phone, and are getting along even better. Kim has the same sense of humor, seems really sweet, is relatively intelligent (though not very worldy), as was forced to grow up kind of fast (she's only 26, I am 36, but neither one of us see this as big deal). Show shes seems fairly mature for her age, and I am probably a little immature for my age.
I think we can all agree that the effectiveness of DJ materials varies depending on the woman, and sometimes requires a change in strategy depending on the girl. But not with Kim. Let me tell you that Kim was the type of girl that this stuff was pretty much written for, and completely by the book. A cute girl with a fun personality, used to getting the attention of AFCs, and aware that she had her pick of the litter. she is bartender at a popular sports bar for the last 3 years (about 2 of which she claimed she'd been single), so I am sure she knew a thing or two about men. Anyway, the DJ stuff seemed to be working perfectly, by more or less NOT acting like every other guy, C/F, and playing it like I was casually interested.
I lost some weight since my original photo on yahoo, so I tell her I will send her some new pics, since she is now demanding to meet. I figured it would be a good idea to get the physical attraction part out of the way. Kim ends up loving the new photos, wants to meet in two days, and won't take "no" for an answer. We agree to meet at a little hole in the wall bar of her choosing (she asked for the date and already had it in mind).
The Date
I meet about 9pm on a Thursday, and she's pretty much smoking-looks as good as her photos, if not better. She's very energetic, and seems to respond very positively to my presence (always an awkward moment, because with online dating, it's usually that first 5 minutes that sets the tone). She gets more relaxed, we're chit chatting, and she's becoming increasingly flirty. She's touching me a lot, smiling the entire time, saying she "knew I was player the second she laid eyes on me', asking a stranger to take a picture of us together with my camera, etc. She also keep asking me "So, what do you think?" (as in, what do I think about her) seeking my approval. Of course, I am carrying on with C/F, careful not to get sucked into DLV, and tease her by saying "I'll let you know later, I just got here." After about an hour or two, she wants to go to another bar.
Things heat up a little more there. There's karaoke there (which I hate), but she obviously wanted sing for me (she actually did have a pretty good voice). We also meet up with some cougars, acquaintances of hers, who just happen to be there-but they are very much into me, and friendly with me also. We make out a little at the table, more kissing on the neck then open mouth kisses, because I originally teased her and told her there would be no kissing on the first date. Also, trying to let the sexual tension build. It seems to be working, she spends some time sitting on my lap, etc. We dance a little, and she has her leg between my legs, and literally pulling me into her body (at one point, she even kinda grabs my junk at the end of a dance). I even catch her looking at me out of the corner of my eye, almost like she's adoring me, but I pretend not to notice. Finally, this place is closing (2am), and I asked her if she wants to go get something to eat. She gives me this big, little girlish smile that indicated to me that she was very pleased that I wanted things to continue.
We go to a coney island and things cool down slightly. It was late, like 3am or so, and we were both tired. It was relatively uneventful though, except when we go to leave. She's locked her keys in her car, and she's very upset and embarrassed. I tell her I am a AAA Autoclub member, and handle the situation. About 20 minutes later, they come and unlock her doors, while I tell her to wait inside, and then I tip the guy and start her car for her (to warm it up). Bordering on DLV maybe, but she saw the whole thing as being very Alpha, and mentioned about 20 times how much it turned her on, that I handled the situation.
We say good night, and she leans in for a kiss. I playfully kiss her on the cheek and forehead, and say "Remember, no kissing on the first date." She giggles, and gets into her car. Before I even get home, I get a text saying what a great time she has, and how she can't wait to do it again, and she hopes I feel the same. I tell her I had fun too, and we should do it again soon. She texts back with something like "I sooo wanted to kiss you, but rules are rules
" I text back saying I did too, but there is time for that later.The Next Day
Obviously, I am feeling the date went awesome, and am pretty stoked. She starts texting as soon as she gets up, asking me how I feel, and keeps sending me little flirty texts and comments about last night. For the most part, it's just joking and flirting, nothing work mentioning here.
Later that afternoon, "The phone call"
She calls me on her way into work and seems to be in a very good mood. She starts off kind of playful, asking me if I am going to put those new pictures I took on my profile, and I say something like "Well, not just yet" (the underlying message being I'd like to see where it goes with us, but I am not sure this was the right thing to say, I will explain that later). She keeps asking "Why not?" with a smile in her voice, and I don't think I said that outright, but I convey that I am "interested".
Anyway, as things continues, she seems to get kind of ****y and a little *****y (but still playful). She throws in a few disqualifiers, that she thought I was more of a homebody and she likes to go out all the time, and teasing me about why it would never work between us. This might have thrown me 6 months ago, but thanks to DJ material, I knew this as her qualifying me. Along with that, she was asking questions about my home, etc-so it all seemed right in line with the behavior that all HB8+ seem to exhibit when they are interested in someone. I felt as though I didn't react, and I handled it very well, but decided it was time to "pull back" at this point, since she suddenly seemed a little ****y. She also said something to me before that "she seems to be the one doing the chasing". Well, even a total noob should be able to figure out that when a girl says this, whats he is really saying is that she is not interested in guys who chase her, even she doesn't know it. Come on, no one does "all the chasing". So, I feel this is a good strategy, to pull back on the contact a bit.
It Gets Weird
We text back and forth over the course of the next few days, I can't recall if we talked, but something seems different. She initiates all of them, as I stick to my plan of pulling back. I am still responding when I get them, but they seem to have very little substance, and aren't very flirty. Anyway, around Sunday, I figure it'd probably good to establish some more rapport, and ask her if she wants to grab something to eat when she gets off work. She says she'll call me, but she called early than I thought, and I missed the call... no message. I text her, and get blown off. So finally, I text her and tell her I am going out with my buddies, to which she immediately responds with "Ok, have fun!! Do a shot for me!"
Now I am a little rattled, I admit it. Am I am clueless as what to do at this point, so I panic and have an AFC moment later that evening.
My AFC Moment
I text her saying "Hey, you seem kind of tentative about this whole dating thing, you should go date some other studs and see whats out there
We can still be friends tho"My logic was really two-fold. I could see myself falling for this girl, and I didn't want to get hurt. I almost felt I'd rather just know where I stand than hang in limbo, which I knew even as I was writing, was a chump move, not a DJ move. But I figured if she felt differently, it was her chance to say so, and might have worked as a good way to show disinterest as well.
(see next post for the ending)
