Got Friendzoned?... Or did I?

[MurdocNiccals]

I asked a cute girl out... We've been friends for a few years now.

She tells me she currently has a boyfriend (found out it's true) and she "doesn't like me in that way" & that "I'm a friend", but also said she doesn't see any other guys like that at the moment as she is in love with a guy already, but if she was single it "might have been different who knows"...

So basically got friend-zoned.

I explain to her that it's okay and I want to stay friends as I really like her personality and value our friendship (true, she's a great person, but it really hurt still).

Couple of days later she is acting completely different to me, giving me 100% of her attention, crazy levels of eye contact and I said I want to "take her out to see a movie" and she wants to?

Wtf?

Not an emotional tampon by the way, we don't discuss our problems (emotional or otherwise) with each other.

I was thinking perhaps it's because I have just been her friend for three years, she has never had to consider me as more than that, and now that I showed her I am into her romantically, she had to consider it and likes the thought?

I really don't know though, but she is acting very different around me. I know she loves her boyfriend and won't leave him, though I heard they are having problems and if they split I am pouncing again, because she insisted she "doesn't know how she'd feel about me if she was single" even after I told her 30 times to stop trying to not hurt my feelings and to just tell me the truth, so meh might as well.

 

[ARrocket]

Look bruh you gave her a huge ego boost when you admitted you were into her. And she liked how that made her feel. And she wants to continue feeling that way by continuing to have your attention. So, she'll go out with you because after all, she knows that you know that she has a bf, and she already told you nothing would happen. So now, you're just a safe cuddly panda who it's ok to hang out with, and who will make her feel good about herself. That's my take.

If I were you, I wouldn't "ask girls out" like that if you've known them for awhile...better to make it happen naturally, invite her over, have a couple drinks, that sort of thing. You bypass her mind and play straight to her desires and emotions.

 

[foomee]

don't give up on it. but also try not to focus all of your attention and time on this one girl. see other girls, it'll make her both jealous and see you as more attractive. she'll begin to see that you're the better and higher quality man.

just start some heavy flirting with her. go out on a date. see how far you can go. she knows you like her. and you know she has a boyfriend. but really, she doesn't have a ring on her finger, so she's fair game. just act like she's not single.

 

[MurdocNiccals]

Look bruh you gave her a huge ego boost when you admitted you were into her. And she liked how that made her feel. And she wants to continue feeling that way by continuing to have your attention. So, she'll go out with you because after all, she knows that you know that she has a bf, and she already told you nothing would happen. So now, you're just a safe cuddly panda who it's ok to hang out with, and who will make her feel good about herself. That's my take.

If I were you, I wouldn't "ask girls out" like that if you've known them for awhile...better to make it happen naturally, invite her over, have a couple drinks, that sort of thing. You bypass her mind and play straight to her desires and emotions.

True I should've done the latter of what you said. In fact initially I asked her over to my place alone for a movie (she agreed to come alone) and I could've made a move, but I didn't get the chance so I asked her out.

It's really not like that though, how you explained. Maybe it is best to use my own intuition on this as I know how it sounds, but it's really not like that.

Thanks for your input though

 

[Outsider]

Why are you going to pursue this woman?

Seriously, if this woman has any credibility she is going to stay with her man. She said it herself, she's in love with this guy. I mean, how long has this girl been with this guy? If they've been together for awhile, then, dude seriously, pursuing her is the wrong thing to do.

I mean you could try to break up her relationship, or try and sneak a **** in behind her man's back, but that's just going to be messy and in the end, I'm going to tell you, it's not going to be worth it.

The best thing to to do:

Be her friend and find a new girl to get with.

But then again, if you really like this girl, think you're better for her than what's she's got now, and wanna go head to head for her against this guy, I say go for it! But if this is for some PUA conquestt bull****, just pass it up dude, not worth it!

 

[runner83]

Are you banging her? If yes, then you're not in the friend zone. If no, then you're in the friend zone. Quite simple really.

Going for it will probably end the friendship if it doesn't work out.

So up to you whether you are willing to take that risk or not.

 

[chiyeung]

even after I told her 30 times to stop trying to not hurt my feelings and to just tell me the truth, so meh might as well.

where is your confidence? if you have any shot, you should have said something like

"i have a boyfriend"
"i got a cake"
"what?"
"we're both talking about things that dont matter"

are you really content with being just friends? you know you want more. she said no to you, but now she wants your attention... so when shes not around her bf and she needs someone to feel better with.. she'll go to you. nothing more than a used boytoy. now she knows you like her, and you you're willing to wait. you'll be in her control.

the best thing you should do here is leave and not look back, find more girls.

unless you really want to just be her "Friend" or you "think" you have a shot because of what she says.

 

[Noodles]

We've been friends for a few years now.

She tells me she currently has a boyfriend (found out it's true)

You've been friends for a few years...and you've only just found out about the boyfriend? You haven't met him? She never talked about him when she first met him?

Okay...heads up: you're not her 'friend'. At least that's how she'd sees it. You're an acquittance. If you were a friend, you'd have known this. You'd have met him. In fact you'd have probably been asked to vet him, because she'd value your opinion. And obviously she doesn't. She doesn't see you as a strong male friend (the type of friend she wants to sleep with)...she sees you as a odd female 'friend'.

Now...what she did do was attempt to let you down gently. A lot of people seem to hate women on this site and think they're a different species...they're not. Lets go over what she said: doesn't like me in that way. That's it. I have never, ever heard a woman say that to a guy she'd sleep with. Stop trying to put words into her mouth and listen to what she said to you. That's a deal breaker.

I'm not saying that to be hurtful, I'm just trying to save you some face and stop you getting fixated with this girl. It's not happening. If you've known her for a 'few years' and it was going to happen...it would of. She'd have made happen. You'd have gone out to 'catch up' together, had a few bottles of wine, one of you would have missed the last bus/train home and stayed over...that's how it always happens. And then the next day? You both pretend it didn't (well...you hope she does). Until it does again.