Got flaked on tonight

[Crissco]

Long story short, we talked on the phone last night, We talked about everything, the universe, politics, life, astronomy, you name it, we talked about. She was saying that im very intelligent and she would love to learn from me, she really seemed into it.

She had work at 9, went to bed at 4:30.

She called me at work to complain she was tired and ask how my day was.

I said go home take a nap, we'll chill after, she agreed.

Now she just texted me saying shes too tired to hang out tn and wants to make it another night.

I called her up, again said take a nap, even if we hang out 9, 10 oclock no biggie. Like im honestly trying here. She goes yea if im up to it..etc, if not we'll choose another night..

Dont know what to think of this. I thought I finally found someone I connected with then she flakes.

But I usually give girls two chances. First time ill understand, second time I cut her out.

I have other girls on the side too, got hit up by 2 people tonight, but I like this one, and was looking forward to going out with her. Its just a bit of a bummer.

Thoughts, opinions?

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Don't bother calling or texting her. Let her think you forgot or had something better to do.

Go out, have fun, meet people.

Call her mid week and ask how her weekend was. Don't invite her out. Let her ask you. If she doesn't just make the conversation short and let it go. Keep her as an option and meet new people.

Don't listen to what people tell you. Their actions will tell you all you need to know. Just remain indifferent. Women will constantly test you to see if they hold the upper hand.

I have three of them at the moment asking me out all the time. Two I work with and one a customer. If I have plans which I normally do, I'll decide when to ask them to go someplace with me. If they are busy that time. I go out with other people. Simple.

 

[Crissco]

Don't bother calling or texting her. Let her think you forgot or had something better to do.

Go out, have fun, meet people.

Call her mid week and ask how her weekend was. Don't invite her out. Let her ask you. If she doesn't just make the conversation short and let it go. Keep her as an option and meet new people.

Don't listen to what people tell you. Their actions will tell you all you need to know. Just remain indifferent. Women will constantly test you to see if they hold the upper hand.

I have three of them at the moment asking me out all the time. Two I work with and one a customer. If I have plans which I normally do, I'll decide when to ask them to go someplace with me. If they are busy that time. I go out with other people. Simple.

Ok, so heres the plan of attack..Call her Wed, ask her how her weekend was..

IF she lied and went out tnoight, the truth will come out that day. Then ill know what type of girl she is and cut contact.

I got a text by this other girls, she with 2 other girls. Gonna hit them up and see waht I can do. Also got hit up by a friend whos with 9 girls...I got options right now, but still a little down and dont feel like going out.

FYI-Im also on klonopin for a month, which im sure is affecting my mood since its a downer, but still ya know.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Ok, so heres the plan of attack..Call her Wed, ask her how her weekend was..

IF she lied and went out tonight, the truth will come out that day. Then ill know what type of girl she is and cut contact.

Who cares if she went out tonight. Why cut contact? Keep her as an option and don't be a woman about it. I stated asking about her weekend previous...actually don't ask. Who cares about her weekend? Fcuk her weekend. Let her mention it. Otherwise call her about some other stuff and don't ask her to hang out or anything. Let HER suggest it. Keep the call short and sweet and just call to say hello and how her WEEK is going. If you remain indifferent to it like SHE'S already friendzoned without stating it to her she'll sense it and it will possibly intrigue her more. She's going to gauge your response on telling you she went out or whatever. Just make small talk and keep the conversation short. Don't ask her out. Let HER ask you out this time. Especially if she did go out. She is only an OPTION till the point that SHE wants to be with you and only you. You have to think in your mind that she's a guy friend who told you she went out or did something tonight instead which will help you not care. Would you give a sh!t if your guy friends told you they went out tonight? Same way. Remain indifferent.

I got a text by this other girls, she with 2 other girls. Gonna hit them up and see waht I can do. Also got hit up by a friend whos with 9 girls...I got options right now, but still a little down and dont feel like going out.

When you feel "down" is when you SHOULD go out. IF you have those other options. Don't waste them. Who cares if you don't "like" those other girls. Go out with them anyway. You never know. Just go out for fun and not to attempt the DJ ninja B.S tactics. HAve fun, get numbers, or facebook add's or whatever and have new "friends".

FYI-Im also on klonopin for a month, which im sure is affecting my mood since its a downer, but still ya know.

Klonopin should make you relaxed. Fcuk the B.S. Go out. That's what I'm doing in 30 minutes. Going the hell out.

 

[Crissco]

I call her Wed. Ask her how her WEEK is going, keep it short and simple, let her ask me out.

Isnt it good to be indiffrent? Not like the other boring ass guys?


Even if she was a guy friend and we made plans and then canceled and went out behind my back, ide be pissed. Most people would, thats just disrespect. Fu*k that.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

I call her Wed. Ask her how her WEEK is going, keep it short and simple, let her ask me out.

Isnt it good to be indiffrent? Not like the other boring ass guys?


Even if she was a guy friend and we made plans and then canceled and went out behind my back, ide be pissed. Most people would, thats just disrespect. Fu*k that.

I don't know where you are in NY but there's too many women out there to worry about one person.

If she did that to me I wouldn't care because she'd only be an option to me. Don't burn bridges yet. Even if she tells you that. You may eventually go out with her sometime and then you'd know what type she is but could meet her other friends and or girls if you go out with her. Or maybe get a little and keep her as an on the side girl. That is IF she's found someone better to go out with. IF.

Don't let your mind race on all kinds of fantasy scenarios. She's only an option. Go out and meet those other girls who may have other girls or people to meet. Just go out to have fun and Fcuk this "pickup" nonsense. It'll drive you insane. You go out and learn to talk and meet new people and apply some of the good tips on the board the better you'll become. Just don't go out with the thought of "I HAVE to meet someone. I HAVE to pick up."


I'm going out now. Now get your a$$ ready and go the fcuk out and meet people. You're not going to accomplish anything staying inside letting your mind drive you insane. And you're definately NOT going to meet people sitting at home.

LATER!!

 

[rushing dude 123]

Ah this case dosn't sound too bad. Just tell her to meet you at this time on this day and then cut it short. No need to chat for her for ages you are wasting too much time on her.

There is no need for you to waste any more time you have spent a long time talking to her and you have already got her interest, so just keep it simple.

Btw make sure not to keep your conversations so long and cut some of the desperation. I am sure you already know this though.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Chill out a bit. A "flake" is when she doesn't show, and refuses to take your calls. This girl just asked to reschedule.

You are pissed because you thought you had it in the bag because you wasted hours on the phone with her, and you think that she "owes" you something as a result of this. This is an approval-seeking mindset: If I give her X, she'll give me Y.

Get out of this mindset ASAP, or it will kill her attraction to you. If she's tired, just say, "no problem." Then, see if she suggests another day--if not, wait a week and try again.

The fact that she called you up instead of ditching you means that she has some interest in you--of course, she's not yet a "high" interest girl, so she's going to be tough to nail down at first. The key is to resist the sense of urgency that you are feeling--you DON'T have to get her out RIGHT NOW. Just stay calm, keep busy, and try again in 5-7 days. If she feels pressured in any way, it reflects poorly upon you. If you lecture her ("how DARE you cancel on me?"), she'll think you're a tool that has no other options. You need to imagine that you're a guy with a different girl every night--how would THAT guy react to this situation?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Chill out a bit. A "flake" is when she doesn't show, and refuses to take your calls. This girl just asked to reschedule.

You are pissed because you thought you had it in the bag because you wasted hours on the phone with her, and you think that she "owes" you something as a result of this. This is an approval-seeking mindset: If I give her X, she'll give me Y.

Get out of this mindset ASAP, or it will kill her attraction to you. If she's tired, just say, "no problem." Then, see if she suggests another day--if not, wait a week and try again.

The fact that she called you up instead of ditching you means that she has some interest in you--of course, she's not yet a "high" interest girl, so she's going to be tough to nail down at first. The key is to resist the sense of urgency that you are feeling--you DON'T have to get her out RIGHT NOW. Just stay calm, keep busy, and try again in 5-7 days. If she feels pressured in any way, it reflects poorly upon you. If you lecture her ("how DARE you cancel on me?"), she'll think you're a tool that has no other options. You need to imagine that you're a guy with a different girl every night--how would THAT guy react to this situation?

This is solid advice!

I just wanted to add that everyone is telling you how to move forward, I want to tell you what you did wrong.

Firstly, why would you talk to her for "hours and hours" the night before you were suppose to see her? Seems like your a newbie to the game and since your so pre-occupied with the "rules," why did you break one of the simplest rules there is? Which is: the phone should be used to set up dates and GET OFF! Yeah, yeah, its a little extreme, but in general a 10-15 min conversation is perfect to flirt a bit, set up the time and place then leave it on a high note.

That was strike number 1 for you.


Then she pretty much let you know she wasn't going to make it, by telling you she was "soooo tired" the next day. Does a girl who's dying to see a guy say that? Helll nooooo! But in this case its UNDERSTANDABLE because you kept her up all night talking! lol

Then you suggested for her to take a nap, while not a terrible idea, this comes across as you being desperate and lacking options. If you would've just gone with the flow and told her to get some rest, she would be much more likely to open up her schedule in the following day or two to make it up.

Then you came across as definitely desperate again, when you told her to take a nap and show up late. C'mon man, I realize you like her, but you gotta understand when its not going to happen. Waiting a day or two isn't a big deal, or at least it shouldn't be....

As Jeff said, get rid of this mindset you have regarding this chick right now if you want to salvage this situation. While your still in it, she def is not DYING to see you after your little "please oh please please make it out tonight" spat.


Leave it alone for a bit, hit her up next week and ask her out. If she can't make it or doesn't counter offer, move on to other options.




PIMP

 

[Crissco]

Just if I would of read of this earlier tonight. I was at the club, she text me saying she was sorry again and that she would hope to hear from me before she passes out..Texts me a couple of more times bc I dont respond bc I was busy..

I asked what she thinks of me on the phone, she said im amazing and very intelligent and would love to learn from me..etc...Honestly we both were completely ourselves during the conversation. No bull****.

Then I ****ed it up. I got too sexual. I told her ide love to kiss her and cuddle if she was here, then went on to where I would kiss her, all over..

Every time I did that in the past i made girls orgasm over the phone. This time it didnt work. But she did stay on for an extra 20 min after I told her to since she has to be up in 4 hours for work.

She said after all of that, ive heard that before(referring to being sexual), after I went sexual on the phone. She did say we'll talk to tomorrow though, which IMO is a good sign.

How do I regain my power here?

 

[Crissco]

Org was posted twice by accident. Disregard this message,

 

[Crissco]

We also added each other to FB last night, then I realized something, I think i might be completely turned off by her looks, shes got a very sexy body, but something about her smile just isnt there for me. And smile is very important to me since I have a nice one my self. Her personally totally overshadows it though, so im a bit 50/50 now. But part of me still is really feelin it..So im bumping this for advice on my last post.

Thanks

Edit- and to top it all off, I got too drunk to quick last night and got kicked out of the club lol but thats another story for a different time.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

We also added each other to FB last night, then I realized something, I think i might be completely turned off by her looks, shes got a very sexy body, but something about her smile just isnt there for me. And smile is very important to me since I have a nice one my self. Her personally totally overshadows it though, so im a bit 50/50 now. But part of me still is really feelin it..So im bumping this for advice on my last post.

Thanks

Edit- and to top it all off, I got too drunk to quick last night and got kicked out of the club lol but thats another story for a different time.

Just keep her as one of a few or many options. Get busy with a few different women and expect them all to flake so you don't get your hopes up. It will help you become immune to the crap and you won't mind it as you keep meeting new people. The more you meet. The more options. The more options the less you care about flakes. The less you care, the more interested they might become in you. It is what it is.

 

[Crissco]

Just keep her as one of a few or many options. Get busy with a few different women and expect them all to flake so you don't get your hopes up. It will help you become immune to the crap and you won't mind it as you keep meeting new people. The more you meet. The more options. The more options the less you care about flakes. The less you care, the more interested they might become in you. It is what it is.

Thats what im doing keeping her as an option like I do every women.

I dont expect them all to flake bc thats just a negative attitude bro. If they do, so be it. I give them one more chance, then move on. Simple

 

[f283000]

Long story short, we talked on the phone last night, We talked about everything, the universe, politics, life, astronomy, you name it, we talked about. She was saying that im very intelligent and she would love to learn from me, she really seemed into it.

If she was "so into it" and you talked "about everything" for so long then why did she flake on your face?????

This is your mistake right there that most guys make. They think that "connecting" with a girl = sexual attraction

Females go through life talking with countless guys that will give her a good talk just like you which is basically feeding her ego. Don't think for one minute that she doesn't know what you're up to girls ain't stupid. So while you think you are winning points she is getting her ego fix and then she flakes on your a$$. You are no different than any other nice guy out there that has wasted his time conversing with her in hopes to get something.

Stop giving women your time if they haven't earned it. If she wants to talk about the universe, politics, life, then she has to spend her time being alone with you on a date to do it. Not on facebook, not on AIM. Make her dress sexy for you, make her wash her hair, smell pretty, put lipstick on and make her travel a couple miles to meet you somewhere for a date to talk to you. Don't let a woman sit on her a$$ chatting on the computer to get a piece of your time!

Don't let her get to know you without her earning it first.

Also read my facebook link in my sig

 

[Zunder]

If she was "so into it" and you talked "about everything" for so long then why did she flake on your face?????

This is your mistake right there that most guys make. They think that "connecting" with a girl = sexual attraction

Females go through life talking with countless guys that will give her a good talk just like you which is basically feeding her ego. Don't think for one minute that she doesn't know what you're up to girls ain't stupid. So while you think you are winning points she is getting her ego fix and then she flakes on your a$$. You are no different than any other nice guy out there that has wasted his time conversing with her in hopes to get something.

Stop giving women your time if they haven't earned it. If she wants to talk about the universe, politics, life, then she has to spend her time being alone with you on a date to do it. Not on facebook, not on AIM. Make her dress sexy for you, make her wash her hair, smell pretty, put lipstick on and make her travel a couple miles to meet you somewhere for a date to talk to you. Don't let a woman sit on her a$$ chatting on the computer to get a piece of your time!

Don't let her get to know you without her earning it first.

Also read my facebook link in my sig

This is right on the money.
I wish I had learnt this a long long time ago.

 

[Crissco]

If she was "so into it" and you talked "about everything" for so long then why did she flake on your face?????

This is your mistake right there that most guys make. They think that "connecting" with a girl = sexual attraction

Females go through life talking with countless guys that will give her a good talk just like you which is basically feeding her ego. Don't think for one minute that she doesn't know what you're up to girls ain't stupid. So while you think you are winning points she is getting her ego fix and then she flakes on your a$$. You are no different than any other nice guy out there that has wasted his time conversing with her in hopes to get something.

Stop giving women your time if they haven't earned it. If she wants to talk about the universe, politics, life, then she has to spend her time being alone with you on a date to do it. Not on facebook, not on AIM. Make her dress sexy for you, make her wash her hair, smell pretty, put lipstick on and make her travel a couple miles to meet you somewhere for a date to talk to you. Don't let a woman sit on her a$$ chatting on the computer to get a piece of your time!

Don't let her get to know you without her earning it first.

Also read my facebook link in my sig

You basically hit the nail right on the head bro. I needed something like that to kick me into gear.

Explane more about not letter her to get to know u without her earning it first? Give me an example.

 

[Iceberg]

You basically hit the nail right on the head bro. I needed something like that to kick me into gear.

Explane more about not letter her to get to know u without her earning it first? Give me an example.

The example is, you were talking about your long phone call in your first post. How you guys talked about everything.

Simply put, that is boring. Talking about things on the phone doesn't build attraction. Uninformed guys will try to form a common bond with a woman through conversation, and that's just not how attraction works. "She knows a lot about me, so now she'll be more attracted!"

Letting her earn that time kinda goes like this: You call a girl up, like you did before. Except you talk for 10-15 minutes instead of an hour. You ask about her weekend, you talk about yours. Then you say, "Hey I gotta run. But let's do drinks this week." You're fun, you're fast, you're active, and then you're gone. Instead of thinking, "Crissco knows a lot about astronomy." she's thinking, "Crissco has a lot going on. I want to know more."

You can't just go throwing hours of phone talk to random chicks who have established no value to you. Your time is supposed to be valuable. The fact that you have hours to sit around talking about astronomy, politics, the universe, etc shows the girl that: "Crissco is a nice guy, but he has lots of free time."

Keep your conversations short. Save your good material for face-to-face dates. When she's treating you right, and giving you good sex, she can talk your ear off. Until then, you need to be elusive and hard to get ahold of.

 

[Crissco]

The example is, you were talking about your long phone call in your first post. How you guys talked about everything.

Simply put, that is boring. Talking about things on the phone doesn't build attraction. Uninformed guys will try to form a common bond with a woman through conversation, and that's just not how attraction works. "She knows a lot about me, so now she'll be more attracted!"

Letting her earn that time kinda goes like this: You call a girl up, like you did before. Except you talk for 10-15 minutes instead of an hour. You ask about her weekend, you talk about yours. Then you say, "Hey I gotta run. But let's do drinks this week." You're fun, you're fast, you're active, and then you're gone. Instead of thinking, "Crissco knows a lot about astronomy." she's thinking, "Crissco has a lot going on. I want to know more."

You can't just go throwing hours of phone talk to random chicks who have established no value to you. Your time is supposed to be valuable. The fact that you have hours to sit around talking about astronomy, politics, the universe, etc shows the girl that: "Crissco is a nice guy, but he has lots of free time."

Keep your conversations short. Save your good material for face-to-face dates. When she's treating you right, and giving you good sex, she can talk your ear off. Until then, you need to be elusive and hard to get ahold of.

Well put Iceberg.

Thanks for clearing that up

 

[Jariel]

Chill out a bit. A "flake" is when she doesn't show, and refuses to take your calls. This girl just asked to reschedule.

You are pissed because you thought you had it in the bag because you wasted hours on the phone with her, and you think that she "owes" you something as a result of this. This is an approval-seeking mindset: If I give her X, she'll give me Y.

Get out of this mindset ASAP, or it will kill her attraction to you. If she's tired, just say, "no problem." Then, see if she suggests another day--if not, wait a week and try again.

The fact that she called you up instead of ditching you means that she has some interest in you--of course, she's not yet a "high" interest girl, so she's going to be tough to nail down at first. The key is to resist the sense of urgency that you are feeling--you DON'T have to get her out RIGHT NOW. Just stay calm, keep busy, and try again in 5-7 days. If she feels pressured in any way, it reflects poorly upon you. If you lecture her ("how DARE you cancel on me?"), she'll think you're a tool that has no other options. You need to imagine that you're a guy with a different girl every night--how would THAT guy react to this situation?

Very wise words! I was going to reply to this post, but this covers everything.

It's very true about that feeling of being "owed" something for your time. You should just learn to enjoy chatting, flirting and each experience for what it is, rather than where it will take you. Dating and social interaction becomes much more enjoyable when you can do this.