Got close last night, and now its wtf.. would like a discussion.

[Zaraza]

Hey guys,

Now here is what happenned. For the past 11 years ive known a friend, her and i have always been close and she has been sweating me since the day we met. Yesterday we almost ****ed, clothes off we did everything but ****. She texted me next morning saying how she wants me and wants to be sober when we **** so she remembers it, the whole night she wanted to date. So i figured wtf, why not date. Today shes saying things like... i want you but i dont wanna lose you.... She has told me she has been jelouse of every girlfriend i have had because they have been attractive. She has confidence issues and she also has a week nervous system, part of it is due to her family environment. This is the first time a girl that has wanted me has declined.

.....

I want insight on such happenings, have you ever expirience such a thing? what could help me understand?

the short version is, " i am everything she wants/needs (in her words) but its not worth taking a risk to lose the friendship"....

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

You got a two options the way I see it.

1. Keep it on a friend level only
2. be fvck buddys with her.

Which will you do?

I also see you are from Oregon; I'm in the same state.

 

[redspicyflag]

She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants

 

[OneEyedJack]

No, she's afraid losing what she has

 

[Zaraza]

We chatted a short bit today she said that she is going through too much for date right now....<--- heard that one before. So I brought up being **** buddies (why not, its nice) Her answer was "probably not". wtf is probably not,thats like saying i want to **** you but i wont admit to it. I am more annoyed by that fact that im confused by the situation. then the actual situation. I do like this girl and am willing to offer my end of a relationship, but without her being open how is that supposed to happen?

There is something I know that i am not understanding. It is difficult for me to figure out how something that she has desired for so long is in reach and she wont take the risk. Has society made people so insecure that they cannot follow their passion?

 

[xenten]

She may be afraid that fu[c]king is the only thing you want. Try to get her secure with being with you. Take her out on a date. I am having almost the same thing happening to me right now. The first sentence of your post sums up all of my problems with my girl. Take this advice like you would a grain of salt, it's just what I'd do. Others may disagree.

 

[Zaraza]

She may be afraid that fu[c]king is the only thing you want. Try to get her secure with being with you. Take her out on a date. I am having almost the same thing happening to me right now. The first sentence of your post sums up all of my problems with my girl. Take this advice like you would a grain of salt, it's just what I'd do. Others may disagree.

Hey man, well im glad to know that not everyone here was gonna be like "you can get ***** from someone else, move on", im gettin to a point where hot chicks seem to lack something, i work at a bank so i always have girls flirting with me, but they lack something....


maybe i dropped into my slight desperate stage haha.


Jmooney, I like that answer it was a breath of fresh air, a suggestion none the less.

 

[KontrollerX]

If you're cool with just being friends with her than do that.

If you're not cool with that gently explain to her that you two cannot turn back what has recently happened between the both of you and that if things do not move forward she will lose you anyway in every way.

No relationship, no friendship, nothing.

It seems harsh but if you think about it, its also harsh for her to play games with your heart like this.

Its unfair to you and sure you can make rationalizations for her and say well she's confused and all that junk and just tell yourself what a nice person she is and that this should of never happened between you two but it did happen because you both wanted it to happen and for it to stop now is all on her not on you because you want to move forward with a logical conclusion to how this should go ie you two having a relationship together.

Men work logically, women work emotionally, which is a well established fact here so if you do that emotional take away and really meant a lot to her she will give you the relationship that you want out of her to keep you.

That or you can simply pretend to be her friend from here on out while she goes and fvcks other guys and pretend to be happy for her when she does this and is clearly no longer "confused" about where you stand with her.

 

[Zaraza]

Hey Kontroller,

good stuff man,

Its so different to actually discuss going into a relationship on this site. Her and I have both had failed relationships. The one thing that irks me is when we were together, she kept saying "am i dreaming? is this happening?...and then she slipped up on something...she said that the whole time she bought new clothes, went to the gym to lose weight (still losing some, and needs a bit more, maybe more toning than anything)....that she did all for me. She was like..you told me to work out, i worked out...you told me to eat more...and not starve myself...i ate more....

after she said that...i was blown away, it was as if like.....damn...why would you do that for one person.?


she dated one of my close friends out of desperation and i dont know how that would work with him...But I figure that if we choose to have an actuall relationship it wont bother me. Im all in.

the part about losing me completely... our families are close so i don't know how to word that out too well. I mean, saying that i wont make an effort to see her would sound a lil afc. I can always use my schedule as an excuse, but i figure id stop texting her and let her calm down.

Since girls think with emotions..i may be ****ed...shes very emotional. Her grandfather died, dad is going in for surgery, mom just hurt her foot, they are brining family in from russia. If i commit ill have a lot on my plate. But through all this im contemplating that it may be worth it. I view it as an investment, while we are dating i can get her into better shape.

who knows....i think i need to get out more.

 

[Andromax]

You probably need to take a step back, so that she can move towards you. If you chase her too far, she will run out of reach.

Just relax. If you give her some space she will more than likely come around. Like you said she is going through a lot right now. Wait a month to persue her.

 

[BoredDude]

You tried getting with her while she was drunk, which isn't exactly respecting her.

 

[Zaraza]

I would like to say, in my defense.

She suggested drinking and watching a movie at my house. We rented superbad and next thing i know we are ontop of eachother.

But who has never done that? Not saying, you have to use alcohol as an excuse but it damn sure well lets the girl have the excuse "i dont remember".

I do agree that having the alcohol there doesnt make me that innocent, but..... wtf.... who cares. lol.


ill take a step back.


Just gotta say, i heard the new Lupe Fiasco album and it rocks.

just a side note.

 

[AqVe]

Hey guys,

Now here is what happenned. For the past 11 years ive known a friend, her and i have always been close and she has been sweating me since the day we met. Yesterday we almost ****ed, clothes off we did everything but ****. She texted me next morning saying how she wants me and wants to be sober when we **** so she remembers it, the whole night she wanted to date. So i figured wtf, why not date. Today shes saying things like... i want you but i dont wanna lose you.... She has told me she has been jelouse of every girlfriend i have had because they have been attractive. She has confidence issues and she also has a week nervous system, part of it is due to her family environment. This is the first time a girl that has wanted me has declined.

.....

I want insight on such happenings, have you ever expirience such a thing? what could help me understand?

the short version is, " i am everything she wants/needs (in her words) but its not worth taking a risk to lose the friendship"....

It seems like she is using penetration to control you. You want that penetration, but she wants something else from you in trade for it. I don't know what that "something else" is, maybe you don't know either, maybe she herself doesn't know either.
One thing is for sure, she wants something, and she is willing to hold back the penetration for it.

 

[Nikos75]

If you're cool with just being friends with her than do that.

If you're not cool with that gently explain to her that you two cannot turn back what has recently happened between the both of you and that if things do not move forward she will lose you anyway in every way.

No relationship, no friendship, nothing.

It seems harsh but if you think about it, its also harsh for her to play games with your heart like this.

Its unfair to you and sure you can make rationalizations for her and say well she's confused and all that junk and just tell yourself what a nice person she is and that this should of never happened between you two but it did happen because you both wanted it to happen and for it to stop now is all on her not on you because you want to move forward with a logical conclusion to how this should go ie you two having a relationship together.

Men work logically, women work emotionally, which is a well established fact here so if you do that emotional take away and really meant a lot to her she will give you the relationship that you want out of her to keep you.

That or you can simply pretend to be her friend from here on out while she goes and fvcks other guys and pretend to be happy for her when she does this and is clearly no longer "confused" about where you stand with her.

I could not agree more.

Search your feelings.
If you decide that it's OK to still be her friend and her victim, don't tell her anything.

BUT

If you decide you want her for something more than friendship, just tell her this, in Russian:

"Ya lyooblyoo' tyebya' no ya magoo' zit' byez tyebya'. A ya zna'yoo to'chna shto tyebye' noo'zna. Eslee' ty maya', ya tvo'y." (' is used where you have to stress the word)

Translation: I love you but I can live without you. And I know exactly what you need. If you're mine, I' m yours.

THEN continue in English: "But don't you dare to play games with me. One way or the other our friendship is over. It's up to you to either have all I can give and reciprocate or to become a stranger for the rest of our lives".

ANOTHER POINT:

Keep in mind that you don't have to save her from herself or protect her from pain.
I say it because you proclaimed that "while you'll be dating her you'll get her in better shape".

That's the wrong attitude for a potential relationship partner. You don't enter in a relationship with a girl because she needs your support, emotional and otherwise.

But wanting to give support is the correct attitude for a friend, or a VICTIM of her charms.

Ask yourself what she has given to you during all these years, in comparison to what you have given to her. If you find out that it was you doing almost all the giving, then consider having her move out of your life, because she has probably been playing you.
However, I hope I'm wrong at this.

I wish you the best, dude.