Got a 20 yr old's # ... now what?

[darkstarrr]

Just a question on what I can text back to this chic in the next 6 hours or so. I realize texting is BS but I want to lay a little groundwork before I get her on the phone maybe I will call her Thursday. I wouldn't want that convo to be quiet and awckward...she's 20..so I have to prepare a little.

A little background.

I got my haircut at this place about a month ago and met an adorable 20 year old (hb8) working the register (part time job, she's in school, not going to be a hair stylist). She's quite shy but I could tell she was attracted to me because her cheeks turned pink when we were talking and she blushed a couple times. She's 5'0, prolly 105-110.

So we got to talking about work and schol and fasebook come up. Boom left her my name so she can look me up! Then I got my haircut from this gay guy who works there who was not flirting with me but soemthing like that the whole time, kinda making a small spectacle. Long story short he ends up ****ing my hair up royally and another woman who works there had to step in to finish the job. As she's cutting my hair, the gay guy is sitting in the chair next to me watching, and then the hb8 comes over sweeping hair and looking busy, and sits in the chair on the other side of me - just watching and smiling when I look over at her.

About a month passes and nothing. I go back in over the weekend and she's working the desk so we got to talking she said she looked me up but couldn't find me, so I asked/told her to give me her email so I can try to find her. She did - it was a cordial and cute light/shy little convo.

So I try to look her up and her **** is private because of her network settings. So I email her instead basically saying hi I looked you up and your privacy settings won't let me see you either, but how about we skip the whole fasebook thing and just be friends. Asked her if she texted and left my cell.

I get a text later in the day from her saying hi it's **** from [insert name of hair place].

I text her back saying hey ****! 315..what area code is that?? i'm visiting my parents right now in [insert name of town]...

She texts back saying its upstate NY and that she's at work right now.

I didn't respond yet but I will this afternoon.

WHAT SHOULD I SAY?

All these plates are such good practice and now a 20 yr old!!! I am going to get this one addicted to my presence. These next few steps are crucial in laying (ha!) the groundwork.

I won't hurt her feelings or use her or anything like that. I like her - she's really cute, seems like she has her head on straight, and she's super shy which is nice.

Any ideas on something I can say, perhaps C&F but not overboard?

I feel like I am 20 again and I like it. But sometimes it can be difficult to find things to talk about with the younger ones.

Thank you kind Sirs.

 

[darkstarrr]

Now that I think about it maybe I should have named this thread "ways older men can improve communication when spinning a plate who is 10 years younger" or something like that..

 

[Bible_Belt]

Everyone has their own style, but I would say that talking about anything, even boring mundane things, is ok, as long as you very quickly turn the conversation to the way that things make her feel.

 

[STR8UP]

Don't let anyone shame your game talking about how texting, email, facebook, etc. are for wussies or whatever, but this is where you can have problems with those kinds of communication tools.

The issue here is that the convo is headed in the wrong direction, and since she isn't face to face with you it's tougher to turn it around.

I know I didn't really offer any solid advice, but as for the chick....she's 20....not 12. You game her the same as you would an older chick except you use the age gap to your advantage.

 

[Mr. Me]

She texts back saying its upstate NY and that she's at work right now.

I didn't respond yet but I will this afternoon.

WHAT SHOULD I SAY?

What makes you think you HAVE to respond so quickly, unlike the 20-something boys in her life with their thumbs at the ready, heads bowed at the altar of text? What if she got to wondering about you and why you haven't responded, and then you contact her in a day, because, you're a busy guy, and you give your attention when you want to, not just because they happened to text you something that doesn't even require a response?

Well, the last time I did that, this is what she said when I did contact her: "Mr. Me! You've been on my mind for days!"

C&F, on a new chick, when not done face to face, can come off as insulting or just not funny. I wouldn't suggest texting C&F right now. Save that for when you see her.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Give it at least a day or so before you text again. Then, write something that piques her curiosity, even if it doesn't even make any sense. "I just saw a [random thing] that reminded me of you" is one I use on such occasions.

I would argue, though, that you have enough interest on her part to call her and set up a face to face meeting, and any texting or facebook is going to set you back at this point. Here's why:

I'm a pretty big advocate of texting girls after you meet them as a type of anti-flaking strategy, and also to roughly gauge interest level. This mostly applies to girls that I meet on a night out, that are likely to have forgotten their emotional state and are back to thinking rationally. Your girl, however, is different.

Your girl has already looked you up on facebook and, after you gave her your number, has TEXTED you, proactively. You don't need to ascertain her interest level; that is a big sign of interest. If she was low interest or on the fence, she would never text you like that. This girl is ready to hang out with you in person.

Plan a fun thing to do and call her up. If you get her voicemail, just say, "Hi, it's darkstarr...you can give me a buzz, or I'll just try you again later." Say the last part as an afterthought--it basically gives her PERMISSION to call you, and allows you to call HER in a couple of days if she doesn't call back. That's a high value communication trick. I have a feeling this girl will call back, but a lot of girl WILL NOT just on principle. Remember, you always have to APPEAR to be the aggressor, even when you are not.

Whatever you do, don't get into text CONVERSATIONS. Just do one-off messages. You don't need to respond to more than one of her messages.

 

[darkstarrr]

C&F, on a new chick, when not done face to face, can come off as insulting or just not funny. I wouldn't suggest texting C&F right now. Save that for when you see her.

Thanks for the advice everyone. It all registers for me.

I texted her earlier in the day and she responded and I repsonded back a couple hours later and then she never responded back. I've learned my lesson with the texting BS.. My intent was to use it as a bridge onto the next level of establishing report. But yes, as Mr. Me called it with what happened today - it is a very slippery slope and now I've found myself in a different dilemna.. she didn't respond to my 2nd text to her today... so I suppose I will give her a call or something on Thursday or Friday to arrange a face to face...?

Lesson learned and I'll keep moving forward as best as I can with this one.

These experiences where I go after someone whom I like are very important to me because for all my life, every single GF I have had - has been the one to approach me, or like me first - and then the most recent ones particularly have turned out to be either extremely outgoing AW who ended up just as easily hitting on (etc) other men, or a *** case.

 

[Mr. Me]

I won't hurt her feelings or use her or anything like that. I like her - she's really cute, seems like she has her head on straight, and she's super shy which is nice.

I feel like I am 20 again

Hey darkstarrr, I get this vibe from your post that you're smitten by her. Try to see her as just another woman. It's not you older man and she younger girl, it's you man, she woman.

There's a chick I'm in a play with right now, she's 22. That's 32 years younger then me. Her dad's my age for cryin' out loud. I get that she's attracted to me as I catch her looking at me ('cause even some 20 somethings like they way I look) and there's a guy, 20, who likes her a lot and moved in on her. I didn't, because we have a few more weeks to go with the show and if it went south, it would be awkward, same as a co-worker sitch (In fact, I kidded her about being a cougar for hooking up with him). Anyway, the kid is starting to f#ck up with her from what I see because he's a bit too eager. A bit too all over her. He doesn't realize it when he says things to her like, "I've been with you so much in the past few days I forgot to check my messages" that stuff like that is going to turn her off. Just as I planned, Nyeh, heh, heh.

Me, I'm just waiting for the last show to get her number and I'll see what happens. In the meantime, I treat her like anyone else, make her laugh, kid around, tease her. She says, "You're so cute!", laughs. Comes over, talks to me. Most 20-something kids don't do that because... they're into being kids and I'm obviously not a kid so they don't relate. If I do get her to go out, it'll be because I was calm, collected and fun to be with - experienced and emotionally mature - and not because I tried to get her to like me or otherwise showed my hand. That's what I bring to the table, regardless of what age they are.

 

[Mr. Me]

she didn't respond to my 2nd text to her today... so I suppose I will give her a call or something on Thursday or Friday to arrange a face to face...?

Two texts in one day + a girl who you haven't had a first date = Too much, too soon.

I'd back off more then a couple of days. Call her Sunday night to meet up with her on Thursday.

I have to disagree with wise Jeffst1980, though. I don't see her looking you up on facebook and texting you as per your invite as signs of *high* interest, any more then getting into your car and drinking a beer with you would mean she wants your body. It just strikes me as typical 21st Century 20 year old female behavior.

 

[darkstarrr]

Makes sense. Ok I'm going to share the texts, although as funny as this will feel for me, I know that its important to work through any lingering ineptitude I still have from my earlier days - when I lacked in maturing with these experiences to the level that I could have due to settling for liking someone who liked me (because I used to be shy, etc).

Picking up from yesterday when I didn't respond to her...

Today after I posted here:

me: new york huh.. so are you a city girl or is it upstate NY? i'm on my lunch break right now, which is usually around this time

her: Lol no i had to change my number

me: nice Sara.. i won't ask why you had to change your # to a NY area code lol. so what have you been up to today?

radio silence (which is an overboard statement considering who cares - i didn't respond to her last text yesterday)

I don't think I blew it but I agree I should back off and let her initiate. If she doesn't by sunday perhaps I will give her a call and set something up for later in the week.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Two texts in one day + a girl who you haven't had a first date = Too much, too soon.

I'd back off more then a couple of days. Call her Sunday night to meet up with her on Thursday.

I have to disagree with wise Jeffst1980, though. I don't see her looking you up on facebook and texting you as per your invite as signs of *high* interest, any more then getting into your car and drinking a beer with you would mean she wants your body. It just strikes me as typical 21st Century 20 year old female behavior.

You're right that it's not *high* interest, but interest nonetheless. Uninterested girls won't return phone calls, and definitely won't make the initial text message contact. It's overanalyzing a bit, and it doesn't mean it will ever go further than that, but it at least means that she had, at one time, the INTENT to get to know darkstarr, and that's the time to capitalize on the opportunity.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Hey darkstarrr, I get this vibe from your post that you're smitten by her. Try to see her as just another woman. It's not you older man and she younger girl, it's you man, she woman.

There's a chick I'm in a play with right now, she's 22. That's 32 years younger then me. Her dad's my age for cryin' out loud. I get that she's attracted to me as I catch her looking at me ('cause even some 20 somethings like they way I look) and there's a guy, 20, who likes her a lot and moved in on her. I didn't, because we have a few more weeks to go with the show and if it went south, it would be awkward, same as a co-worker sitch (In fact, I kidded her about being a cougar for hooking up with him). Anyway, the kid is starting to f#ck up with her from what I see because he's a bit too eager. A bit too all over her. He doesn't realize it when he says things to her like, "I've been with you so much in the past few days I forgot to check my messages" that stuff like that is going to turn her off. Just as I planned, Nyeh, heh, heh.

Me, I'm just waiting for the last show to get her number and I'll see what happens. In the meantime, I treat her like anyone else, make her laugh, kid around, tease her. She says, "You're so cute!", laughs. Comes over, talks to me. Most 20-something kids don't do that because... they're into being kids and I'm obviously not a kid so they don't relate. If I do get her to go out, it'll be because I was calm, collected and fun to be with - experienced and emotionally mature - and not because I tried to get her to like me or otherwise showed my hand. That's what I bring to the table, regardless of what age they are.

I agree completely with the mindset here, though--this is the way to game younger girls! Don't bother trying to fit into their 20 y.o. world. Just make your world compelling enough and they will follow.

Also, I'm assuming you met her doing theatre--take note, guys--If you want pickup to be as easy as shooting fish in a barrel, hang around a theatre production. The girls are all very hot and there's little to no competition. Of course, actresses make notoriously bad girlfriends, but they're ideal for short flings.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Makes sense. Ok I'm going to share the texts, although as funny as this will feel for me, I know that its important to work through any lingering ineptitude I still have from my earlier days - when I lacked in maturing with these experiences to the level that I could have due to settling for liking someone who liked me (because I used to be shy, etc).

Picking up from yesterday when I didn't respond to her...

Today after I posted here:

me: new york huh.. so are you a city girl or is it upstate NY? i'm on my lunch break right now, which is usually around this time

her: Lol no i had to change my number

me: nice Sara.. i won't ask why you had to change your # to a NY area code lol. so what have you been up to today?

radio silence (which is an overboard statement considering who cares - i didn't respond to her last text yesterday)

I don't think I blew it but I agree I should back off and let her initiate. If she doesn't by sunday perhaps I will give her a call and set something up for later in the week.

Some thoughts: A little too much small talk here. Don't use texts for that--you want to use them to provoke her imagination. ****y & funny works well, as does "shared conspiracy" frames. An open ended question such as "what did you do today?" will usually get a lame response, if at all.

The problem with letting her initiate is that she likely won't at this point. In addition, most sought after girls will REFUSE to do your work for you--that is, initiate contact, set up dates, call you a couple days later, etc. Not until you've been dating them consistently, anyhow. Most girls of some quality, knowing their value and options, will be COMPLETELY passive and expend little to no effort for someone they just met, whether or not they like you. You've probably noticed from your history of getting picked up by girls that girls that behave otherwise are usually not normal.

At this point, I agree you should let a few days pass, then CALL. If it doesn't pan out, no big deal. You'll get another girl on the hook soon enough. I wouldn't write this one off yet, b/c it only takes a couple of minutes to make a phone call and it's worth a shot.

The other thing you could do that I recommend, since you seem to deal well with her in person, is wait until you see her again at the hair salon, get her laughing, and then tell her about something you're doing and that she should come with you. Don't mention the texts or anything--sometimes, when you run into a girl again, they'll forgive you for "messing up" if you can charm them again. You want to strike when interest is high.

Of course, if she replies to that last text, ignore the above and just call her.

 

[Mr. Me]

I dislike small talk. It's boring.

And in text messaging, it serves no purpose. It's just idle chit chat. Doesn't build interest. Has no purpose.

I was in a convo yesterday over coffee with a new plate. Our conversation was akin to a flowing river where whatever she said became the springboard for my next thought, not sticking with any topic or subject, just going with the flow, all the while twisting, teasing and being fun. At one point, she said, "I never had a conversation like this before". Of course not. Most guys say things like, "So,.. you're from Hoboken, huh?" [actually overheard that once. It meant to me that not only was he asking the girl a very boring uninteresting question, but him asking it infers that she already told him she was from Hoboken. This really was worthwhile bringing up twice? Or does it signal that he's THAT frickin' boring? I could feel her eyes boring through the back of her head trying to find the exit.]

>> me: nice Sara.. I won't ask why you had to change your # to a NY area code lol. so what have you been up to today? >>

So I would've been all over that. Me: You had to change your number? You wanted by the mob or something? What the hell did you do??!! and say it like you're really surprised and outraged, which is why this stuff works best in real life.

>> what did you do today?" will usually get a lame response, if at all. >>

Yup. It's asking for the mundane. People don't ordinarily have exceptional days to their lives, so it's likely that there's nothing novel to report. That's why when I'm asked that question, I'll either answer with a dead pan "Oh, I woke up. Then I got out of bed. Then I brushed my teeth, then I got dressed, then I..." or with "Well, Matt Damon called to consult with me on his latest script, then the Donald asked to meet with me regarding some real estate purchase he wants to make, then..."

The idea is really to *engage* the girl. Fun banter seems to do that, it's almost like a game for them, they'll laugh and play along. It stimulates their imagination. Because it's fun and funny, it creates positives feelings. They associate that with you, as you become fun to be with. They'll also get that you don't kowtow to their questions and they like that challenge.

I even do this in business, since my clients are mostly young women. I just booked a gig over this weekend, and the girl literally said to me, "I like your ****iness". There ya go.

I should add: If you're asking a girl "what did you do today?" because you want to make her feel that you're interested in her life sort of thing, save that for when you're dating or in a relationship, not for attraction-making. Even then, I ask, "how was your week?" when I pick up my date and let her talk for a few minutes before I change the subject and get the river flowing.

 

[MatureDJ]

... take note, guys--If you want pickup to be as easy as shooting fish in a barrel, hang around a theatre production. The girls are all very hot and there's little to no competition. Of course, actresses make notoriously bad girlfriends, but they're ideal for short flings.

I will agree. I dated an amateur actress and the number of men that wanted to bang her in her drama club were few and far between as they wanted to bang each other.

 

[darkstarrr]

I'd back off more then a couple of days. Call her Sunday night to meet up with her on Thursday.

I called her today.
She didn't answer so I left a friendly message about getting lunch on Wednesday or Thursday.
I'm letting it go until and unless she calls back at some point this week or in the future.
She knows how to reach me so no more initiation from me.

There are 2 other girls I am dating regularly now so its fine.

 

[squirrels]

I called her today.
She didn't answer so I left a friendly message about getting lunch on Wednesday or Thursday.
I'm letting it go until and unless she calls back at some point this week or in the future.
She knows how to reach me so no more initiation from me.

There are 2 other girls I am dating regularly now so its fine.

Look at the monkey dance!! Dance, monkey! Dance!!

That's what she's thinking right now. You're 30, she's 20 and cute, her stock is higher than yours as evidenced by you going out of your way to set up "dates".

She's TWENTY and she "DUZ HAIR".

You have ONE use for her, yet you're screwing around with "lunch dates". What do you plan on talking about? What do you have in common with her that could possibly generate "sparkling conversation"?

If you're gonna take her out, take her somewhere where you can keep her hamster-wheel spinning. Bright lights, big booms. Keep her short attention span engaged. HEAVY kino and no apologies. YOU are the "adult". YOU are in control. She WILL like it, or you will replace her. This is YOUR world, not hers. She's just a dumb girl.

If that doesn't appeal to you, invite her over to watch a DVD with you. Get her a drink (not too many, she IS a minor after all) and curl up on the couch with her. Do what comes naturally.

She has plenty of 20-year-old suitors to kiss her ass and send her text messages asking how her day went and try to "take her out to lunch". You're a MAN.

 

[cordoncordon]

I called her today.
She didn't answer so I left a friendly message about getting lunch on Wednesday or Thursday.
I'm letting it go until and unless she calls back at some point this week or in the future.
She knows how to reach me so no more initiation from me.

There are 2 other girls I am dating regularly now so its fine.

The LAST thing I would ever want to do with a 20 year old is to go on a "lunch date". (shuddering ) Just the thought of that makes me ill.

Either invite her to your house, supply the alcohol, and try for the bang bang, or take her out to a club and THEN take her to your house. But under no circumstances should a "lunch date" be an option.

 

[darkstarrr]

Thanks guys!

The whole point in my logic was to continue to escalate things gingerly without hitting any road blocks (her not returning calls for example) which is what is happening now. Just trying to keep things nice and calm and cool, and build up to her cumming over.

Perhaps I should have been more aggresive from the get go when we first started texting/talking. She doesn't seem like the type who would just go over to any guy's house who invites her. She is very proper, and shy. I can tell she has values and most likely has only been with 1 or 2 guys if any at all. Very hard to get but I like that. Of course I would love to bury my face between her legs but if she is harder to get than that, it will take some more tactfulness and fluff talk, hanging out to get her comfortable with me. At that point I can seduce her and plant some Ross Jeffries, light inuendoes and intentional Freudian slips to get her fantasizing about me making her toes curl.

The ongoing theme here is for me to go after girls who I like rather than succumb to the whores and bpds that have thrown themselves at me (latch on) and the raged (push away).

Also, this girl doesn't do hair. She is a receptionist and is in school.

Bottom line is she didn't return my call. So I will just let it go for now and if she contacts me I'll take it from there.