Good looks or a good education?

[sambwoy]

I'm having a difficult time of late trying to find my place with women. I'm 26, with often low esteem and lowered life expectations. Having just been out of an age bracket of a lot of shallow/superficial people, I've been getting mixed messages from peers and elders about my 'aspirations to be somebody', to be more confident etc.

Very few focused on their education in my circles, it was all about looks/sex, and it so frustrating...I feel I'm being pulled in two by the 'younger crowd' and the 'experienced crowd'. Those with brains get pushed out of the 'attractive' crowd and its sad.
I guess its rational to think that if you are not that attractive and will get shot down more if you pursuing 'Barbie dolls', but if at a young age its all about looks/sex, then I see not-so-attractive couples, what are the TRUE marketable qualities of a partner?

I just feel I must be missing something here. Also, I want my life to be a bit more fun because my thoughts are bringing me down.

Thoughts?

 

[BrownBear]

I just feel I must be missing something here. Also, I want my life to be a bit more fun because my thoughts are bringing me down.

Thoughts?

So basically you want to use others's thoughts to bring you up

 

[sambwoy]

'What are your views' would have been better, unless you got what I meant.

Anyway, I'm not entitled to women, I know, but I want to have a better outlook.

 

[LMFAO]

C0ck in the mouth or c0ck in the ar$e?

There is no right or wrong answer.

 

[DragonBlood]

You should spin plates. And my that I mean focus on hobbies and things that you find fun. Not all your free time has to go into women.

You need to enjoy yourself and remove those negative thoughts and pressures. Once your more upbeat the chicks will notice and you wont even care that much to be honest.


On top of that, put less effort in. I think your too attached/invested to a specific outcome and anything else puts you down.

 

[sambwoy]

I just hate the notion the media promotes that image/attractiveness is the real key to success/likeability/popularity. Stereotypes of 'nerds' in the media are sometimes just insulting.

It took me a long time to break the ice more with women because of the kinds of girls I've been around.

 

[Mike32ct]

Feeling rejected by women can sadly tie up a lot of mental resources. Its a silly movie that keeps playing.

But...

What ELSE interests you? Is there anything else in life you find fun or interesting?

Maybe there is something that could form a fun hobby or a future career interest?

 

[sambwoy]

Feeling rejected by women can sadly tie up a lot of mental resources. Its a silly movie that keeps playing.

But...

What ELSE interests you? Is there anything else in life you find fun or interesting?

Maybe there is something that could form a fun hobby or a future career interest?

I'll give the latter some thought. I have almost spent a lifetime feeling rejected before I've done the asking part. It's like if a girl is not attracted to you, it's a massive deal and you can't be any good to her in other areas. Interesting, would a guy socially shut out a girl if he was not attracted to her?

 

[Mike32ct]

I'll give the latter some thought. I have almost spent a lifetime feeling rejected before I've done the asking part. It's like if a girl is not attracted to you, it's a massive deal and you can't be any good to her in other areas. Interesting, would a guy socially shut out a girl if he was not attracted to her?

I don't think most guys would be CRUEL to an unattractive girl. They would at least be polite.

 

[Zerro]

I just hate the notion the media promotes that image/attractiveness is the real key to success/likeability/popularity. Stereotypes of 'nerds' in the media are sometimes just insulting.

When asked why I don't like the show "Big Bang Theory" I give the answer that I consider it to be black face for nerds. Other shows with supposedly intelligent characters tend to grind my gears as well but that show really does it at times.

The girl who plays Penny is also totally overrated in my opinion.

 

[plate's_empty]

When asked why I don't like the show "Big Bang Theory" I give the answer that I consider it to be black face for nerds. Other shows with supposedly intelligent characters tend to grind my gears as well but that show really does it at times.

The girl who plays Penny is also totally overrated in my opinion.

I agee on one thing, that girl Penny is overrated. Other than that, couldn't understand what you were saying, sounded kind of nerdy.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I'll give the latter some thought. I have almost spent a lifetime feeling rejected before I've done the asking part. It's like if a girl is not attracted to you, it's a massive deal and you can't be any good to her in other areas. Interesting, would a guy socially shut out a girl if he was not attracted to her?

You're not the first one to notice it, we spoke about it in this forum many times, guess Mike joined the conversation as well for what I recall.

So the answer is yes, if you're unattractive as a person apparently girls consider you worthless as a human, as if your look was a benchmark of you as a person.

The good news is that not only you can work on your look and seriously improve it but once you reach a certain level of attractiveness, the doors of the cool kids group opens.

So first of all hit the gym, thats mandatory as much as improve your diet (up the proteins cut the junk food at least), get better clothes which fit you, while you dont have to be obsessed like many guys in this forum you still have to buy decent clothes since they are full part of your appearance.

Then once you did the bulk of the work some minor improvements like cleaning your teeth professionally if you need it, get a better haircut and some small gadgets like bracelets or neckalaces as much as hit the tanning saloon if you're the mily white guy.

It worked for me and it will work for you as well, once you improve a snowball effect begins where success built on itself.

So education is really important as long as its something in a serious field and has utility but socially speaking your look comes first, I bet my ass that a goodlooking/charming PR gets much better feedback than some average joe who studies the science behind it.

 

[sambwoy]

You're not the first one to notice it, we spoke about it in this forum many times, guess Mike joined the conversation as well for what I recall.

I didn't mention it before but I have come across some of those posts. Certainly you speak the cold reality of it.

Many a day I have walked in society feeling confused and frustrated as a young man and what I am supposed to make of life.

 

[Zion]

Being attractive is an attitude. Being smart IS attractive. But intelligence alone does not do you much good , because it blends with other aspects of your personality.


The problem is that a great deal of people are totally unable to calibrate their life. That's why most "popular" people seriously lack in other aspects of life. On the same level , the "straight A" students are usually the loners / nerds / weirdos / etc.

You can argue that:

The "popular" benefit now , they get to have sex , #yolo , and be arrogant pricks about it.

The "nerds" supposedly benefit later when they get off their well paid job and buy some KFC from the cashier , that is the former high-school "all-star".



Truth is,it's bull****. No one said that being attractive impairs you ability to be smart / well educated. You'd have to be an idiot to think you can only have one of the two.



99% of the girls I talk to are shocked when they ask me :

"- So Z ,what's your major ?"
"- Computer Science"
"- There's no way YOU are a computer science student. Those guys are absolute nerds. They're boring as hell.There's just no way."


Dare to be the exception to the rule. Why be one or the other when it's so much better to be both ?

I now consider myself to be attractive. When I look at myself in the mirror I think :"Damn if I could fvck myself I totally would. What chick in her right mind would not droll over me ?".



It has nothing to do with genetics really because I used to have a sh!t opinion about myself a couple of years back. So what changed ?


- I bust my ass at the gym everyday and push myself to brake that PR every time. I took my time to learn how to do it properly.

- I count my calories every single meal I eat. Yeah , I respect my diet. If I don't respect my body and what I give it , how dafuq am I supposed to ever be rewarded by it otherwise ? Do I always feel like doing it ? Hell no. Do I give up ? Hell no. I'm drinking a beer as I'm writing this and having a piece of cake because hollydays. Tomorrow I'm doing some extra cardio to compensate. Obsessed you say ? No fool , it's called dedication.

- My hygiene is impeccable. Lazy to brush my teeth at 3 am before I go to bed ? Phuck that. Get yo ass up and start brushin'.

- I'm 100% retarded when it comes to having an "artistic mind" and I'm not gonna apologize for it. My taste for fashion is complete sh!t. I simply cannot distinguish what looks really good or what looks retarded on me.My eyes just don't work that way. If you show me a piece of technology I can brake it down in my mind and figure out how it works and which piece goes where. Give me a T-shirt and some jeans and I cannot,for the life of me , tell you if they do or do not go well together.Simple as that.Two years back I was the guy who never wore a dress-shirt. My entire wardrobe consisted of "rapper clothes". Long story short , it looked the total opposite of sexy.
So wat do ?Well,whenever I shop now, I ask that hottie vendor to help me out. ("Hi. I wanna buy a <insert clothing article here>.Today you're gonna be my fashion adviser.Make me sexy").
So she picks out this and that , puts the outfit together and eventually it starts making sense in my mind as well. Usually , if I like her dress-style , I end up liking what she chooses for me.

- Haircut ? Yeah...big one for me. Used to have long-ish hair that looked terrible on me. I seriously looked like I did not own or even heard of shampoo. Yeah...that bad. So again ,what did I do ? Got the opinion of my girlfriend at the time - which had the eye of a true artist - and went with her vision. The result ? I fell in love with myself - and her , but that's another story.

-My room. Do you have the slightest clue of the impact of a clean room has on you as opposed to a ****-hole ? Think about it. Your environment will influence you even in the slightest detail. Try sitting in your room one day with your lights turned off. Try again tomorrow with the lights turned on. Review your general mood of each day. You'll be amazed of the difference.

-Finally , your mind. Train your mind every day. Learn something new. Read , try , do , experience. Whatever. Just don't spend your day doing braindead activities. Learn , study and finish your assignments. Don't neglect any aspects of your life.
Today I learned a new recipe for cooking my chicken breast.
Yesterday my dad taught me about technical aspects of our car. (Like I said ,I'm visiting my parents a few days due to hollydays).
Small things ,huh ? Maybe , maybe. But let me tell you this , you know what I used to learn 2 years ago ? I used to learn how to defeat this boss in WoW , or a new strategy in StarCraft II. Don't get me wrong ,I'm not opposed to video games , but when your life revolves around them ,you got a problem. Which I undoubtedly had. I'm not discovering the cure for cancer , but I'm doing things that improve my life rather than stagnating or even bringing it down.


So phuck it. I bust my ass everyday to be the best I can - all round. I strive for greatness , so I deserve the same. This is why I consider myself attractive and if you , as a girl , don't ? Then stop wasting my phucking time. You're not worthy of it.

So good looks AND good education. Both.

 

[sambwoy]

When asked why I don't like the show "Big Bang Theory" I give the answer that I consider it to be black face for nerds. Other shows with supposedly intelligent characters tend to grind my gears as well but that show really does it at times.

The girl who plays Penny is also totally overrated in my opinion.

I'm interested to know in what way/s it p@sses you off? I don't watch the show regularly.