good IOI's...but nothing instead

[pyros]

so I met this 19 years old chick in a salsa club. She seemed pretty into me, gave me her number, got me a free shot, we danced, told me she broke up with her bf two months ago...etc.

Two days later, today, I texted her to ask her out. I was pretty sure she would accept but I kept 20% doubt that she wouldn't just in case and based on previous experiences.
After 15 mins or so of chit-chat, she was replying instantly, seemed happy etc, I asked her out and it went like this:

me: let's go to have a drink sometime next week?
her: I dont know... I may fly to X for New Year's eve
me: ok

-- end of conversation --

What a shi-tty excuse. She 'may' fly to X ...for New Years Eve. She didn't say when she will be back, neither she offered another time.

Wtf? this is just ridiculous. Girl that gives you excellent IOI's and turns to nothing. This is not the first time I see this so it doesn't surprise me but su-cks anyway. Trying to pick-up women is tiring, boring and pretty frustrating.

P.S.

I found her on FB and saw that she is in a relationship. Uhm, well, she told me she broke up with her bf two months ago, but it seems that is not very precise, and this is probably why she seemed pretty into me and now doesn't accept my date offer.

Sad...

 

[LiveYourDream]

Her possibly leaving town wasn't the issue. Your weak response was the issue.

Imagine if you had replied: Great, when are you free to get together? That would have opened up the desired result, rather than shutting it down. You would have a date already scheduled and be on to the next.

There is nothing to feel rejected about. Take responsibility. You ended the conversation not her. You never closed the deal. Own it and up your game.

 

[RangerMIke]

Next time call to ask her out not text, but I know younger people seem to not have a problem with it. But when you talk to someone you can get a better picture by the tone of her voice if she is interested.

 

[pyros]

Her possibly leaving town wasn't the issue. Your weak response was the issue.

Imagine if you had replied: Great, when are you free to get together? That would have opened up the desired result, rather than shutting it down. You would have a date already scheduled and be on to the next.

There is nothing to feel rejected about. Take responsibility. You ended the conversation not her. You never closed the deal. Own it and up your game.

did you read the text conversation properly man?

me: let's go to have a drink sometime next week?
her: I dont know... I may fly to X for New Year's eve
me: ok

It is just a damn soft rejection. Cause if she had to fly next Wednesday she would know it for sure by today Saturday, dont you think? and even if she didn't know, she could have just said something like:
her: I dont know... I may fly to X for New Year's eve. But I'll be back on Thursday if you wanna hang out

or:
her: I dont know... I may fly to X for New Year's eve. What about tomorrow evening?

But she didn't, and she did not continue the conversation either. This means she is NOW not interested for whatever reason.

Dont fool yourself...

 

[LiveYourDream]

did you read the text conversation properly man?

me: let's go to have a drink sometime next week?
her: I dont know... I may fly to X for New Year's eve
me: ok

It is just a damn soft rejection. Cause if she had to fly next Wednesday she would know it for sure by today Saturday, dont you think? and even if she didn't know, she could have just said something like:
her: I dont know... I may fly to X for New Year's eve. But I'll be back on Thursday if you wanna hang out

or:
her: I dont know... I may fly to X for New Year's eve. What about tomorrow evening?

But she didn't, and she did not continue the conversation either. This means she is NOW not interested for whatever reason.

Dont fool yourself...

Indeed I read your post before replying. I simply did not buy into your victim stance. You are welcome to argue for your victimhood. It only hurts you and your life.

You can certainly believe the perspective you posted and live that life. In fact you are.

I am simply trying to point out that you could also consider the experience differently. You declared the odds of a 20% possible rejection from her. Perhaps you are experiencing the conversation through that lens of insecurity. Perhaps you are unconsciously projecting that you were rejected, where there truly was no rejection.

Imagine if you engaged the conversation fully expecting a date. You would clearly see the conversation you had was simply an unfinished dialogue and would have taken the lead to complete the conversation before retreating.

Consider your greatest alpha hero and imagine him having the conversation you posted and posting "your experience". Read it back to yourself as such. Never in a million years would it happen because alphas experience women differently and thus live a different life.

A different mindset will lead you to a different outcome and different life, if you choose.

 

[Donaldinho]

Your response was pretty weak, 'ok'. It's like you were already defeated.
Should've kept up the frame and go with cf response like 'cool, what time we leaving?' or 'oh crap I didn't pack anything yet'.

 

[pyros]

it seems you haven't asked out enough women.

If she had medium/high interest she would have added when she's coming back, or she would have suggested another time OR...once she's back she will contact me. End of story.

No DJ responses/tricks/cool replies needed. Think about it this way: if a girl you liked asked you out to have a drink next week...even if you were flying somewhere for a couple of days...you would be very excited about it, and you would have made sure to offer another time or something if it didnt fit your schedule.
Or would you have just gone quiet instead like this girl did? I dont think so lol.

In my experiencie, and in many guys from here experiences, if you ask out a girl and she doesnt reply with either 'yes' or 'offers another time' cause she's busy, it means she's not interested. Simple as that.

Besides, the few times in the past I asked a girl out and she gave me a soft rejection like in this case, and then a couple of days later I asked her out again (cause some ppl here recommended it to me...), she again gave me a soft rejection, which makes sense. However, other times when this same thing happened and I did not ask her out twice, I just forgot about her, a few of these girls...came back to me some weeks or months later willing to meet. Why? because they actually liked me but they were seing some other dude at the time I asked them out, so once they got rid of him they contacted me.

It is pretty easy when they do want to hang out with you. If they dont you can come up with all the witty responses you want, all the strategies you want...that you're gonna get rejected again and again.

So, as some of the members of this forum say: one strike rule is enough the majority of the time, cause if they have some interest...they will contact you after you asked them out and they declined.

 

[SoSerene]

it seems you haven't asked out enough women.

If she had medium/high interest she would have added when she's coming back, or she would have suggested another time OR...once she's back she will contact me. End of story.

No DJ responses/tricks/cool replies needed. Think about it this way: if a girl you liked asked you out to have a drink next week...even if you were flying somewhere for a couple of days...you would be very excited about it, and you would have made sure to offer another time or something if it didnt fit your schedule.
Or would you have just gone quiet instead like this girl did? I dont think so lol.

Yup, agree with this. I've seen TONS of these vague excuses like "Oh I'm working that day" or "I'm busy with ______" as if that covers every waking hour. lol.

I guess there's that secret hope that maybe she's interested but her "style" is to not counter offer and wait for guys to chase. But if that's who she truly is, then why would I want to see her anyway? I'm not gonna pull teeth just to get a woman to go out with me, there are plenty that will actually put in effort to set up a date.

 

[SoSerene]

Besides, the few times in the past I asked a girl out and she gave me a soft rejection like in this case, and then a couple of days later I asked her out again (cause some ppl here recommended it to me...), she again gave me a soft rejection, which makes sense. However, other times when this same thing happened and I did not ask her out twice, I just forgot about her, a few of these girls...came back to me some weeks or months later willing to meet. Why? because they actually liked me but they were seing some other dude at the time I asked them out, so once they got rid of him they contacted me.

Yup, I've experienced this as well. There are many reasons why a girl might not want to go out at that time, and none of them might not be them being uninterested. I've messaged chicks who gave flaky responses, but like 6 months later and they suddenly seemed super interested and eager. They might be emotionally invested in someone else at the time, might have other issues going on...who knows. At least by not chasing you preserve your value, and subconsciously show you have other options and potentially leave the window open for the future.

 

[Amilz]

Her possibly leaving town wasn't the issue. Your weak response was the issue.

Imagine if you had replied: Great, when are you free to get together? That would have opened up the desired result, rather than shutting it down. You would have a date already scheduled and be on to the next.

There is nothing to feel rejected about. Take responsibility. You ended the conversation not her. You never closed the deal. Own it and up your game.

Seems desperate. She already implied no. I don't even think he should have said ok after.

 

[stevo]

We expect girls to offer an alternate date, that would be the more sensible thing to do but remember there are girls who do not know better, they mostly answer for the present moment so dont quickly dismiss them just based on this.

For your situation, she might be on/off with her ex.

As for texting, let her come to you, if she does, ask her out again (last shot).

When you do see her at the salsa place, follow up just like you did go on a date without being pushy (dont act butthurt or ignore her like you dont know her) unless she shows/tells you she's not with it.

 

[pyros]

OP, you are the pathetic one in this situation.

1) She has a life outside of you. Shocking, I know. Maybe she really WAS thinking of flying somewhere for NYE.

2) You 'found her on Facebook'? You met her once. Ease up on the stalking.

3) Maybe she still has feelings for this guy, which is why she didn't update the FB relationship status.

-------

#3 shouldn't bother you, since you hardly know her. Keep in mind, she does have that pesky life of hers outside of you, the guy she met once at a dance thing.

Oh, and about the "no counteroffer" thing...maybe she has 4 other guys chasing after her right now trying to arrange the same type of date and doesn't feel the need to place her focus solely on you - you know, like us DJs do with women.

Grow up and stop whining. And seriously, stop stalking girls on social media.

thank you for calling me pathetic, really nice of you... LMAO.

I found her on fb cause I wanted to see some her pics with MORE LIGHT, cause I met her in the dark, ie in a club.
I have my life too you know? this is why I lost interest already. On to the next >>>

 

[SoSerene]

OP, you are the pathetic one in this situation.

1) She has a life outside of you. Shocking, I know. Maybe she really WAS thinking of flying somewhere for NYE.

2) You 'found her on Facebook'? You met her once. Ease up on the stalking.

3) Maybe she still has feelings for this guy, which is why she didn't update the FB relationship status.

-------

#3 shouldn't bother you, since you hardly know her. Keep in mind, she does have that pesky life of hers outside of you, the guy she met once at a dance thing.

Oh, and about the "no counteroffer" thing...maybe she has 4 other guys chasing after her right now trying to arrange the same type of date and doesn't feel the need to place her focus solely on you - you know, like us DJs do with women.

Grow up and stop whining. And seriously, stop stalking girls on social media.

Lot's of straw man fallacies here.

1) The OP didn't say "let's go out NYE" he asked if they could meet up.

2) When was it expected she would put her "sole focus" on him? Simply showing interest back or at least making some effort to let him know her availability is all I would ask for. In this case, she either isn't interested or is busy with other guy(s).

 

[LiveYourDream]

I assumed people actually post here because they have a willingness and desire, to actually consider feedback for their own growth. No one is expecting agreement, but certainly room for conversation.

Apparently not much room for open conversation on this thread. Simply encouraging OP to re-consider his perspective was too much.

OP, apparently felt the need to negative rep me, simply for suggesting that perhaps a reply of more than "OK" might have produced the result he truly desired.

If you can only handle agreement, please save everyone their time and sincere effort to help, by adding a disclaimer to your posts in the future.

 

[In2theGame]

OP is right in his view. Girls who are genuinely interested will tell you something like "Im busy but we can meet up after i get back" or something similar to that. However, It is true that sometimes the girl will become interested again down the line so the best response in this case would of been...

me: let's go to have a drink sometime next week?
her: I dont know... I may fly to X for New Year's eve
me: Oh ok cool Hun, Well hit me up if you want to hang out when you get back. Later sexy.

You keep the ball in her court and keep moving on. It may turn out that one night your out with another girl and you get a text that says "Hey" and its her wanting to see you. This is the best position because you let her reach out to you while your meeting new Women. So if she comes around again then great, If not then your meeting new Women anyway. Sometimes theres things going on behind the scenes like another guy so when that falls through and shes still interested, she will reach out. Ive had loads of hot girls hit me up weeks later out of no where.

 

[pyros]

OP is right in his view. Girls who are genuinely interested will tell you something like "Im busy but we can meet up after i get back" or something similar to that. However, It is true that sometimes the girl will become interested again down the line so the best response in this case would of been...

me: let's go to have a drink sometime next week?
her: I dont know... I may fly to X for New Year's eve
me: Oh ok cool Hun, Well hit me up if you want to hang out when you get back. Later sexy.

You keep the ball in her court and keep moving on. It may turn out that one night your out with another girl and you get a text that says "Hey" and its her wanting to see you. This is the best position because you let her reach out to you while your meeting new Women. So if she comes around again then great, If not then your meeting new Women anyway. Sometimes theres things going on behind the scenes like another guy so when that falls through and shes still interested, she will reach out. Ive had loads of hot girls hit me up weeks later out of no where.

yep, I thought about similar reply but in the end I just texted "ok".

She'll contact me if she has any interest anyway cause after I asked her out the ball is in her court.

 

[Bingo-Player]

chick has virtually no investment in you , as you have virtually no investment in her

why would she give IOI's when she's not really that interested ?

well as we know all girls love attention and when they can't have it first hand the illusion starts to wear off for them

unfortunately despite this site preaching that taking the mindset of

"i deserve this therefore she will have to comply"

doesn't quite wash in reality

spin more plates

 

[G_Govan]

I think you evaluated the situation correctly. There's no need to waste time on wishy washy women, and it seems you've learned that when they behave like this they're sending you a message, because we all know they're almost never direct. I've watched the women in my own family string guys along and act surprised when the guys get upset feeling like they've been wasting their time.

This is a very efficient strategy and the key is to keep moving. The more options you have the less f-cks you're going to give.

 

[December_in_NY_1978]

IoI's mean nothing

 

[nismo-4]

so I met this 19 years old chick in a salsa club. She seemed pretty into me, gave me her number, got me a free shot, we danced, told me she broke up with her bf two months ago...etc.

Two days later, today, I texted her to ask her out. I was pretty sure she would accept but I kept 20% doubt that she wouldn't just in case and based on previous experiences.
After 15 mins or so of chit-chat, she was replying instantly, seemed happy etc, I asked her out and it went like this:

me: let's go to have a drink sometime next week?
her: I dont know... I may fly to X for New Year's eve
me: ok

-- end of conversation --

What a shi-tty excuse. She 'may' fly to X ...for New Years Eve. She didn't say when she will be back, neither she offered another time.

Wtf? this is just ridiculous. Girl that gives you excellent IOI's and turns to nothing. This is not the first time I see this so it doesn't surprise me but su-cks anyway. Trying to pick-up women is tiring, boring and pretty frustrating.

P.S.

I found her on FB and saw that she is in a relationship. Uhm, well, she told me she broke up with her bf two months ago, but it seems that is not very precise, and this is probably why she seemed pretty into me and now doesn't accept my date offer.

Sad...

IOIs are useless. There are only two.

1. Sex
2. enthusiastic yes with actions to back it up.

She would have counter offered if there was interest. Would she have done a vague excuse if Brad Pitt asked her out? Nope.

Just move on unless you want to be a beta orbiter.

Case closed.