izza
Master Don Juan
Picking up women is all about making good habits. I don't mean good habits like following the 3-second rule, kinoing correctly, or using C&F, though these are important. I mean habits having more to do with attitude: habitually, you want to look at women and say, "I can pick up that girl, I can handle this." The MOST IMPORTANT thing for developing this regular, can-do attitude is how you deal with rejection.
Fear is a healthy emotion that keeps us from hurting or killing ourselves, or doing anything that is against our interests. But so many men, young and old, develop a fear of approaching women that is against their interest. It's as though men developed a fear of eating enough food, so they live their lives in a state of hunger. Men developed a fear of women from an early age. There is a lot of debate on this forum about where this fear comes from - the media, mothers, feminists, society - but we all agree that it's there and it's a shame.
A man can rid himself of this debilitating fear by taking careful control of his emotions. Many people on this forum tell newblars to just go out there and approach, and they're absolutely right to do so. But the problem comes when those newblars fail. I know most AFCs out there probably weren't as bad as me. My reaction after my first couple rejections was: "HOLY CRAP that was so scary, and I just got rejected, I am so INCOMPETENT, I did everything wrong. I should have done X and Y and Z instead. I'm not READY, and I just embarrassed myself!" I basically kicked my own ass. I only share these thoughts because they are something all newbies need to watch out for.
The problem was that I was a perfectionist. I expected myself to be calm, relaxed, witty, urbane and so forth. I expected the women to fall over me once I started making an effort. I got some phone numbers that led nowhere (one was fake), I got rejected a few times, and left crestfallen. By doing half of bootcamp, I realized that I CAN approach women, but wasn't sure if I WANTED to.
The truth is, I was terrified to approach most women, so my attempts to do so were either nonchalant (women I didn't really care about) or half-azzed (just saying hello then scurrying away if they didn't look interested). I never learned to say to myself "damn I want this one" and approach her. It was almost as if I would avoid the women I actually wanted who actually wanted me. Believe me, this happened a number of times.
The other problem was I just wasn't ready. I know half the people who read this are going to yell at me for saying I wasn't ready. And they're absolutely right, to a point. The truth is that nobody is ever ready. EVER. Nobody suddenly wakes up and is ready to pick up women. Habits form slowly.
Nor is someone going to pick up every chick, and some women are going to be extremely evil to everyone, no matter how suave. Such is life. Every newblar is scared.
But the problem for me was that I was recovering after a breakup, and my heart hadn't fully mourned the girl and hadn't found peace. I was desperately trying to find a girl to replace the one I had lost (through the chumpish behavior that led me here
). I was hoping some woman would ease the pain and loss in my heart, and that was unrealistic. If it helps anyone out there deal with a breakup to find some other rebound chick, that's great, but it wasn't the right path for me.
But more to the point, I wasn't yet ready to deal with rejection in a way that would make good habits. When women rejected me, I kicked myself in the azz, when I should have been thinking to myself "hey, great job, you rule man, it takes guts to approach, and you did it. I know it was scary but you can do it, and since you're determined to do it, you will find some great women in the future. I'm proud of you."
Ladies and gentleman, the key portal to being a DJ is having a positive attitude towards failure. You're human, you're allowed to make thousands of mistakes. In fact, the more you chase what you want, the more mistakes you'll make. Only when idle can you be perfect. There is no better attitude to have in life. When you see a chick and you say, she might reject me, but I would still love myself, it makes approaching easier than if you were hard on yourself all the time. Lighten up! Imagine getting rejected in your mind and teach yourself to react positively.
With a good attitude, making the habits you want is far easier.
Thanks in advance, and much love to all,
Izza
Fear is a healthy emotion that keeps us from hurting or killing ourselves, or doing anything that is against our interests. But so many men, young and old, develop a fear of approaching women that is against their interest. It's as though men developed a fear of eating enough food, so they live their lives in a state of hunger. Men developed a fear of women from an early age. There is a lot of debate on this forum about where this fear comes from - the media, mothers, feminists, society - but we all agree that it's there and it's a shame.
A man can rid himself of this debilitating fear by taking careful control of his emotions. Many people on this forum tell newblars to just go out there and approach, and they're absolutely right to do so. But the problem comes when those newblars fail. I know most AFCs out there probably weren't as bad as me. My reaction after my first couple rejections was: "HOLY CRAP that was so scary, and I just got rejected, I am so INCOMPETENT, I did everything wrong. I should have done X and Y and Z instead. I'm not READY, and I just embarrassed myself!" I basically kicked my own ass. I only share these thoughts because they are something all newbies need to watch out for.
The problem was that I was a perfectionist. I expected myself to be calm, relaxed, witty, urbane and so forth. I expected the women to fall over me once I started making an effort. I got some phone numbers that led nowhere (one was fake), I got rejected a few times, and left crestfallen. By doing half of bootcamp, I realized that I CAN approach women, but wasn't sure if I WANTED to.
The truth is, I was terrified to approach most women, so my attempts to do so were either nonchalant (women I didn't really care about) or half-azzed (just saying hello then scurrying away if they didn't look interested). I never learned to say to myself "damn I want this one" and approach her. It was almost as if I would avoid the women I actually wanted who actually wanted me. Believe me, this happened a number of times.
The other problem was I just wasn't ready. I know half the people who read this are going to yell at me for saying I wasn't ready. And they're absolutely right, to a point. The truth is that nobody is ever ready. EVER. Nobody suddenly wakes up and is ready to pick up women. Habits form slowly.
Nor is someone going to pick up every chick, and some women are going to be extremely evil to everyone, no matter how suave. Such is life. Every newblar is scared.
But the problem for me was that I was recovering after a breakup, and my heart hadn't fully mourned the girl and hadn't found peace. I was desperately trying to find a girl to replace the one I had lost (through the chumpish behavior that led me here
). I was hoping some woman would ease the pain and loss in my heart, and that was unrealistic. If it helps anyone out there deal with a breakup to find some other rebound chick, that's great, but it wasn't the right path for me.But more to the point, I wasn't yet ready to deal with rejection in a way that would make good habits. When women rejected me, I kicked myself in the azz, when I should have been thinking to myself "hey, great job, you rule man, it takes guts to approach, and you did it. I know it was scary but you can do it, and since you're determined to do it, you will find some great women in the future. I'm proud of you."
Ladies and gentleman, the key portal to being a DJ is having a positive attitude towards failure. You're human, you're allowed to make thousands of mistakes. In fact, the more you chase what you want, the more mistakes you'll make. Only when idle can you be perfect. There is no better attitude to have in life. When you see a chick and you say, she might reject me, but I would still love myself, it makes approaching easier than if you were hard on yourself all the time. Lighten up! Imagine getting rejected in your mind and teach yourself to react positively.
With a good attitude, making the habits you want is far easier.
Thanks in advance, and much love to all,
Izza