good afternoon date activity?

[diplomatic_lie]

1) Go to her house
2) Watch the movie
3) Sit next to her
4) If you guys end up having sex, then she likes you. If she seems uncomfortable and doesn't want intimacy then stuff it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by ****ydude
But then later she suggests ordering in and watching a movie?!? She is also apparently a little sick still.........ideas? Opinions?

I'd take it a bit further, I'd tell her that we could eat in if she'd pick up some things from the grocery on her way over and then the two of you could cook lunch/dinner together before the movie.
You do know how to cook, right? It's a killer skill in any DJ's arsenal...

 

[cockydude]

Like i said in my earlier posts, im still not totally getting the 'dont you think that is a little TOO romantic?" thing she was saying. The more i get to know her, the less i f**king understand her. Im taking in all the suggestions guys, but to be honest i think if i suggest making dinner, she will say the same thing.......'but that is too romantic..." No **** chick, what the hell do you think the idea is? Why do women still want to be around you when they know you have feelings for them, and you are f**king SURE she has feelings for you, but then she seems to want to keep it LJBF?!. I think i am going to do what a few of you guys said, ill go over, we will do whatever (watch a movie, order in, etc) but it isnt going to become a f**king Avon party. I am going to be myself (C+F, maybe crank it up a notch) and see if she responds. If not, and the convo turns to the merits of nail polish, im SO f**king out, and im gonna NEXT her like a b*tch. You guys are right, this has gone far enough.

LOL, the funny thing is tho, betcha any money she is gonna sense what i am thinking/feeling, and that will turn her on!!! then do something that will make me eat my words!!!! WTF hey?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by ****ydude
LOL, the funny thing is tho, betcha any money she is gonna sense what i am thinking/feeling, and that will turn her on!!! then do something that will make me eat my words!!!! WTF hey?

You're probably right. When a woman plays that game I usually try to make her show her hand and fess up to how she really feels. Cut the BS and find out the real deal so you can decide whether or not she's worth your time.

Best way to do that is to have another woman or two that you can spend some time and focus less of your effort on her. If she begins to become a bit jealous because you're not available, you'll know that she has some level of interest in you. Otherwise, you still have a couple of other honeys around to keep you occupied.

 

[Aresx]

romance comes after you've f*cked her, man

she wants to see if she likes you and you can screw her good before she gets romantic with you

go to her house
underdressed (tank top and jeans)
sit on the opposit side of the couch, but intertwine your legs with her, and pretty much play it cool

get up to go to the kitchen or bathroom, and when you come back, switch positions into being next to her, and kino her.

of course, if i knew a good transition from that to sex, then i wouldn't be here

 

[strong like bull]

youre overthinking this. youre looking into her for your strength; your strength is in you, not her. remember that when you put people high up on a pedestal, theyre going to **** on you from above. thats why everyone says date/fvck more than one girl at a time; it helps you to remember that women are a dime a dozen and shouldnt be worried about.

if you can, download (via WinMx, *****Lite, etc) Too Short - Freaky Tales. listen to that, itll put you in the right state of mind. have a shot of whiskey, calm down, go over there and chill out. RELAX and enjoy yourself.

if things get intimate, great. keep leading her until she says no; if she does at all. go for the gold. if she stops you for whatever reason.. no biggie.

who cares if she LJBFs you? shes just a woman; most of which are worthless. the only way to youre going to find out is to do a LOT less talking, and take a LOT more action. its the only way to be sure.

i think its interesting that she would rather you come over than go out in public. imo, normally if a girl was NOT interested, she would rather go out in public with you. if she was not attracted to you, shed rather you take her out and spend up all your dough than be intimate and alone with you in the middle of the night. you know?

but if you do ANYTHING, dont jump to conclusions. dont stress yourself trying to calculate every single possible outcome of the situation. be calm, confident and collected; roll with the punches as they come.

make yourself proud.

-SLB

 

[cockydude]

Well guys, here is the update.

Went out tonight, got off to a little bit of a bad start with me being late (miscommunication this time, although i have admitted that being late is one of my problems). Talked on the phone briefly before picking her up. On my way to pick her up i was totally ready to say "WTF was with the attitude on the phone??" And as soon as she got in the car, we started talking about that. I said above line, and she countered, it went back and forth all the way to the parking lot of the restaurant. Then we both apologized (ie. she has a thing with people being late, and no matter what, it seems i am always late).

So, had a good dinner, lots of C+F from me, lots of flirting and some kino, then over the video store to pick up "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", which btw, is an excellent flick. Back to her place, where we chatted and ended up taking pictures of each other with her digicam. At this point, i thought, "man, this rocks"and gave her a smack on the ass when the opportunity arose. No real reaction good or bad, she just smiled. I took some pics of her in various (non sexual, i tried tho) poses, and then she asked me to snap a pic of her butt, which i obviously didnt turn down Then, watched the movie.

She sat on the same couch (she always does), but just far enough away to make any sort of coincidental kino or intimacy a little more difficult. I stretched my arm out over the couch, played with her hair a bit, no real response. Ended the night with conversation by the door and a few hugs. Now, she said a few things during the night which (AGGHHH!!!) made me think.

1) "I just CANT figure you out" - she says this ALL the time, usually with a smile on her face or after she laughs about something i say. Im not ashamed to say i can be pretty funny, and it works on her quite nicely. Obivously the mystery seems to be there, and she is liking it.

2) "Just for future reference, you should think about trying to be on time for any woman you end up dating" - It would seem to me this is possibly a qualifying thing. The way it was said really made me think that, anyway. Dunno, maybe she is trying to mold some of my bad habits out before taking the plunge?? Hmmmmmmm.....

3) She mentioned a few times that i am THE ONLY person, never mind guy, that she has over on a regular basis. She loves spending time with me, because "i have so much fun with you". She made it pretty obvious that she makes special concessions to spend time with me, and enjoys every moment.

I really think that she is still qualifying me. She told me a while back (when i told her how i felt......i KNOW, i know), that it wasnt going to happen 'right now'.

Lemme be straight up guys. Yeah, maybe i DO overanalyze sometimes, but really, even for a DJ, there is a woman that comes along every once in a while that you are damn near powerless to resist. She doesnt tip her hand often, but she does show the signs here and there. Im not gonna lie, i have a bit of one-itis with her. Guys, i have been with MORE than my fair share of women, and she has been on my mind thru 2 girlfriends and is still going strong. It is a REAL challenge to stay cool the whole night when i am with her. She always tells me "ask me anything you want, i will always tell the truth", but i dont always believe that. To me, some of these things she does are so obvious, that it would be hard for her to deny with a straight face, but women still do it. Sh*t, she even told me a few weeks ago that she always knew she would marry a tall, blonde, blue eyed guy (which, btw, is my profile EXACTLY). AHHHH!!!

I did mention during the night all the chicks i have been hanging out with, giving just enough info to keep the competition going (hopefully). She mentioned guys she has talked to, mostly thru chatrooms, etc. She consistently says that she doesnt want to date anyone, and that she says this to all the guys she chats/talks to. I, of course, acted unfazed.

One way or another, this might take some time, if it is going to happen at all. She most definitely is into me, she thoroughly enjoys being with me, and laughs like a banshee at my jokes and humor. I guess the key (still), is to keep the kino going and still be aloof and detached, which is a real challenge when i am with her. But honestly, this kinda sucks. I wish i could kinda put the whole thing on fast forward, and i wish she would give me some more obvious verbal hints. It always feels like she is just about ready to crack and jump into my arms, but it hasnt happened yet.

Well , there it is guys, feel free to comment, flame, etc.

 

[jakeyboy]

man.. i must give you credit. you did handle the situation pretty well despite all that over analyzing. think you should have cranked up the kino though. she seemed ready for it. when she said "i just cant figure you out.." you should have leaned in for the kiss and said "figure this out sweetheart"

would have worked much better than sitting there grinning at her (which i guess is what you did after she said it)

 

[Porky]

Want to have a little fun?

I suggest you turn the ****iness on full blast. tell her how badly she wants you. give her ridiculous qualifications for dating you. she may just want you to forcefully take control of the situation.

 

[cockydude]

Okay, back with some more thoughts.

jakeyboy: Thanks for the credit man And no hard feelings about the posts in the other thread Your right tho, i have overanalyzed. I wish i could be more specific about the situation, but like i said, it is unique, in that i havent been in this place in a long time. Usually i get the women i want without too much effort (or sometimes any at all). This one is different. We connect big time, yet she is hesitant. But i am crazy about her all the same. I have been thinking over the weekend and talking with my sis (hey, we are close, got a problem? lol), and i am thinking that at this point i will give it a few more dates to see if the fire is getting hotter or not.

So here is a question.....is it 'becoming' of a DJ to tell a woman basically "Hey listen, i love your company, and you are special to me, but this doesnt seem to be going to the next step. I dont think i can see you anymore, because it isnt fair to either of us to have miscommunications happening and different expectations" if things arent working out? I care about her and of course i am crazy about her, but i cant go on much longer with the situation being this way. If this is going somewhere, i need to know. If not, then i feel that it might be in both of our best interests in the long term that we dont see each other anymore, as much as that would hurt. I wouldnt want to do it in a way that forces her into any situation though. Opinions?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Don't get too drawn out with your explanation, you may start rambling and then it will sound like an excuse. Plus, telling her that she's special and that you love her company then finishing it off with a break up is just mean, plus it is what a woman would do.

Consider keeping it simple, "You're a nice girl but I think that we'd be better off as friends." Short, simple PLUS it leaves the door open in case she decides to change her ways.

Too many times guys COMPLETELY break things off and it occasionally effects or psyche negatively in the long run. Doing it this was also shows that you are in control and not just upset or pissed off and acting like an AFC that doesn't get his way.

 

[jakeyboy]

****ydude

no hard feelings mate.

Bryan Redfield gives some okay advice.. see if you can find anything helpful in this article

http://sosuave.com/home/redfield/bryan29.htm

I'm attracted to you but I don't want it to hurt our friendship. If the feeling is mutual, let's talk about it and take it slow. If not, that's okay. I accept it but I just needed to know because I care about you and, whatever happens, I don't want to lose the friendship we have now." Rephrase this using your own words but that's basically what you want to say. Then see what she says.

 

[cockydude]

Francisco: I dont know if you were following me when you gave that advice. In short, we are close friends, but there is plenty of romantic tension between us, and she has even admitted that. I basically was wondering if i should just say "listen, i really want this to go to the next level and i want you to know that, and if not, im gone". Again, it would seem cutting ties completely would, yes, be an AFC move. So, i see that now.

Jakeyboy was right on with his suggestion, "If the feeling is mutual, let's talk about it and take it slow". I havent approached it quite that way when her and i talked about it before, so the delivery and wording is obviously important. But, i havent ever been in a situation where the woman said " No, i dont feel the same way, and it isnt going to go to the next level", so i just wanted to be PREPARED in the chance she said that. But, from what she has told me, she feels the same way, but is fighting with herself inside about where to go next, whether to go THERE, and when (now? later?).

 

[Snatchmaster]

Originally posted by ****ydude
"Hey listen, i love your company, and you are special to me, but this doesnt seem to be going to the next step. I dont think i can see you anymore, because it isnt fair to either of us to have miscommunications happening and different expectations if things arent working out.

i cant go on much longer with the situation being this way. If this is going somewhere, i need to know. If not, then i feel that it might be in both of our best interests in the long term that we dont see each other anymore, as much as that would hurt.

You had it right this way. If she only wants to be friends, prepare yourself to walk away. You said yourself that it's driving you crazy. Now picture her LJBF response and your continuing to hang out with her and being crazy for her.

It doesn't mean you can't ever see her again. But maybe you wait until after the next girlfriend, or until she misses you.

First I would go for the caress cheek/kiss close at some point during your next date and if she resists, THEN I would give the speech, take her home immediately and part ways.

She may have doubts after the LJBF, so leave the door open for her to call, if she changes her mind.

And now for a key point: let her MISS you, man.

You can do that now. DOn't call her so much. Be a little busy. Let her feel you starting to drift before you give the speech. It's called foreshadowing, and she'll pick up on it if she's smart.

 

[jakeyboy]

Originally posted by ****ydude

Jakeyboy was right on with his suggestion, "If the feeling is mutual, let's talk about it and take it slow". I havent approached it quite that way when her and i talked about it before, so the delivery and wording is obviously important. But, i havent ever been in a situation where the woman said " No, i dont feel the same way, and it isnt going to go to the next level", so i just wanted to be PREPARED in the chance she said that. But, from what she has told me, she feels the same way, but is fighting with herself inside about where to go next, whether to go THERE, and when (now? later?).

kay man.. am gonna give you a three step advice. see if it works for you.. alter to your tastes

1. do not... i repeat do not initiate contact with her now. wait for her to do it. seem like a busy man for now... wait for her to contact you first... if she doesnt then move on.. her IL is at an all time low

2. when she decides to contact you.. "hey i havent heard from you in a long while" ask her out for coffe... whatever

3. if she shows up.. think up a little sentence to say to her to convey whatever you want to.




to be prepared for a rejection.. lets put it this way, dont expect anything... that's usually the best... because if it happens, it happens, and if it doesnt, thats alright.. you werent expecting it in the first place remember?

scenario 1:
ok if she flatly rejects you.. you'll know what sorta person she is then.. you should say "great... i think its better for us to be friends...

scenario 2:
yes!!! she agrees to work things out... then try to do a kiss close...

scenario 3:
however... you dont feel like leaving this hanging there when you feel so much for her yet she treats you like an emo tampon.. but this should only be used as a very very last resort on a irl who is hesitant but wavering and unsure (gauage her reaction when you say whatever you wanna convey) then you shouldnt use the friendship thing in the start specific for this case only. up to you

say: i'm sorry but i think it'll hurt me too much to be just friends with someone i feel this way about. its obvious that i'm attracted to you.. and if i cant mean more to you than that then... its ok, i leave with my pride

see, now you can forget about her and not have here there blabbering about some new guy as a friend... it hurts i know.. so the best you can do is to perhaps use this and see what she does.

 

[cockydude]

Dont worry guys, im reading all of your replies

Heh, anyway on a side note, i think i should also add that the kino i gave her on Friday was the most i have given her in the whole time we have known each other. Remember me saying i smacked her on the ass and the response i got? Well, also when we hugged at the door a couple times, during one hug she said "your hand is almost on my butt", so i moved it and grabbed her butt and said "well, now its TOTALLY on your butt". I could feel her tense up, but she didnt end the hug, and didnt say anything about it. To me, that is a BIG deal, because she is never hesitates to be honest and speak her mind, and i have never done anything on that kino level before with her. She had many opportunities that night to tell me if my kino was bugging her, and she never did. Sheesh, she asked me to snap a picture of her butt, for gods sake!! Something must have been right

Im hearing you on the not initiating contact jakeyboy, we talked on MSN tonight, and i wasnt really 'feeling the love', know what i mean? She wasnt cold, but she was a liiiiiiiitttle bit distant. I think she is trying to subliminally 'make up' for me getting her hot the other night, so she feels better in her head, LOL .

Anyway, i think what i will do is take her out once more, this week, and THEN get distant. I have still been reading the DJ material, and there are lots of signals that are there (and are always there). Insane eye contact (which obviously both of us love, we literally stare into each others eyes for minutes at a time, and i catch her staring at me all the time), Laughter (i always seem to make her laugh until she almost cries, numerous times a night, and she doesnt do that with anyone else i know of). And, big one, i stepped up the kino big time with NO COMPLAINTS. I think we will get together this week and i will just show her a good night, like i always do, then.......disappear for a while

Question though, should i leave a hook in there? As in like........"you know my number, call me " Im pretty sure she will miss me, but like i said before, she has said that the only thing keeping her off me is her willpower, which unfortunately, hasnt cracked yet!

 

[jakeyboy]

yo... dont say ya know my number... call me.. dont let her think you're expecting her to call... then she'll be the one playing mind games with you, and she most likely will not call you just to tease.

just leave her after that date saynig "hey i had a great time doing______, we'll talk soon..." then give her a hug and be on your way.