Golden Advice On Long Term Relationships (LTRs)

[Disconnect]

Originally posted by Alen-Delon
......... (dont wanna quote the entire post)

Blatant thing to say, being a new person on the boards, but I have to agree with you here. What's the point of trying to preserve something that is not meant to last? IMHO enjoy the relationship while it's intact. If it begins to fall apart, move on.

 

[Gold Heart]

Quick post, I am busy but I think I should clarify....

^ We're not meant to last. Why preserve ourselves with medicine and heart transplants? Hair is not meant to last. Why try to preserve it and re-create it with hair regrowth? Just a thought there, because NOTHING is meant to last. We all expire, even the Earth will expire one day.

To you two, your life should be busy enough that you can't see her everyday. Every SMART DJ's principle is to have your own life FIRST before her. You're telling me you're going to let a girl take over your life? If you're having fun, go ahead. Two nights out. Three. Four. Go ahead. After a while, it's monotonous. That's when you'll turn to my words. I've experimented over and over, if you are in an LTR, you must be early in.

I can admit, I let myself get carried away, giving up "guy's night out" and my recreation to give days for me and my girlfriend to go out. In the end, I REGRETTED IT. I used to tell myself, "it's because she's boring." That's not true. WE made it boring. We talked all night. WE saw each other everyday. Now we're arguing and feeling weird around each other and don't want to have sex anymore. Too much of anything is bad for you. One day a week is very little. AT FIRST it is. Two days is okay, it helps you breathe, relax, it actually feels quite good to have time for yourself, and not feel smothered up.

It is very hard not to get irritated with each other after seeing each other all the time. There is NO girl out there who will be fun 50 years of seeing each other everyday in the same manner and fashion. Even if you switched it up, there just isn't enough ideas to keep it lasting every single day. Hey, we're different, I respect you. I used to "avoid" seeing them more than once/twice a week. Now? I HAVE to see them once/twice a week because my life is BUSY. I am CONSTANTLY IMPROVING. I'm working out, I'm working, making new friends constantly. Whether or not she likes it, she cannot interfere.

I have lived how you have explained to me right now, and if you continue like that, you will end up thinking there is no "soulmate," because you will be breaking up with a girl every 3-5 years because she is "not the one." That's not true. You just milked everything out of her, and she became boring. Now you are breaking up for all the wrong reasons.

Imagine if your parents divorced each other just because they were bored. Of course most of them are bored, they've milked all the sex out, all the laughs and jokes. They are predictable to each other.

Now they are strong because of family, of work, the money, the home. Being together is more than just how much fun you are having, ESPECIALLY marriage. Why is our divorce rates so high? Because of people who think similar to you. Marry after 3 years, then you're bored, and there's no more relationship because you claim "if she was the one, she wouldn't have gotten boring." YOU'RE WRONG. Every good video game gets boring after extensive play. Then a big break from it before coming back to it, it's all fun right? But you don't want breaks in a relationship. You want continuous love. You need to hold on, but at the same time...NOT. And my post is advice on how to keep it as fresh as possible for a long time. It's not rules. It's more of a guide that you can switch up to your needs and wants. But this is what I want. If you don't like it -- I'm not mad. Just giving you advice.

Good day fellas.

 

[dereklearnslow]

I'm going to have to agree with Goldheart. Seeing your girl once or twice a week should be more than enough.

I was in a LTR for 3 1/2 years. We always talked (whether online, on the phone, or in person), were always together, and she even eventually moved in with me for about 2 of those years we were together.

We've broken up 3 times within those 3 1/2 years, me always being the initiator. And it was always because I just got sick of seeing/dealing with her constantly. She always wanted to be around me and after after a couple of months, I just could not stand to look/talk/have sex with this woman at all. I mean sure we had sex, but it wasn't as fun or exciting as it was at first.

The first 2 times we got back together, I guess I just got weak for her. We'd miss each other and start hanging out again, start messing around again, and eventually get back together again, only for the cycle to repeat itself.

It's been 7 months since we've broken up last and I think we've finally moved away from each other. Add to the fact that we are on semi-bad terms cause we're both still pretty immature.

So listen to this man's advice and don't smother yourself with your new girl or it WILL get boring.

 

[Maxtro]

Very good post. I only wish I read it earlier, it would have saved me from a lot of stress.

I just got a girlfriend recently, my first ever and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing and that's probably why we are going to break up soon, after being together for only two weeks. I made so many mistakes.

The biggest mistake is that she is a coworker. I just now learned why it’s bad to date the people you work with. The real killer is gossip. When I was single, I never new it existed but now I’m painfully aware and it’s the primary reason why we might/are breaking up. Also if we break up its going to be very hard seeing each other at work.

We also talked on the phone every single night before bed for at least an hour. I hate the before bed conversations, but she lives for the stuff. I just went along with her because I didn’t know any better. We also talked on the phone right when she got up, which was a couple of hours after I did.

Then we saw each other everyday and made out everyday for a little over a week. I think we moved way too fast. We went from coworkers to making out on the grass in the park in two days. I got addicted to seeing her everyday and I became attached very quickly. I wonder if it’s a good or a bad thing that we haven’t had sex yet that we are going to break up soon.

Would it be possible for somebody to post some advice on how to handle a break up with as little damage as possible?

 

[Oxide]

golden post by a golden writer

I agree with most of the stuff, but, as with everything..these are simply GUIDELINES.

I like fvcking (am i the only one here ? ) so i saw the girl i was with anywhere from 1 to 2 times a week.. you have to factor work/school/gym/hobbies/friends...

one thing i can tell you - NEVER forget about your friends and family when you start getting serious with a girl. Your family will always be there for you, your girl might not. Same with friends.. mix and match.

ME and the girl i was with were both crazy.. we'd call each other at 2 am saying "come over" when we got to work the next day..
Being crazy/fun is awesome to make a relationship last. Never get monotonous (sp?) ..

first date i took the girl to bowling..then a casino (her first time) ..she said "Thank you so much for thinking all this stuff out..i so tired of all "lets drink" evenings" ... next date i took her mini golfing and a drive in theater (hahaha... watching movies didnt work out ) .. next date - swimming and her car.

I never talked to her more than 5 minutes..simply becuase i want to say the things i mean to say to her face.. so why bother over the phone.. our convos were: "what are you doing? come over.. want to drive over or want me to drive?" the end.


And please take the best advice on this board and stop worrying about your "Super DJ PUA powers"

 

[Eternal]

This is a great tip for those of you in LTR's. Like Juvinile said: "Back that thing up."

 

[Jariel]

Nice! More guides like this would be very welcome!

 

[GuitarOnFire]

On campus, it's OKAY. Not the best choice but it's okay. When she talks about you to her friends, they already know who you are, and they will know your business. Girls tell EVERYTHING to their girlfriends. Especially fights. And keep in mind that if you're a "keeper" in her eyes, she will trash talk about you to make other girls not interested in you. Yes, believe me when I say that. It's happened to me a lot. And if you two ever break up you don't want her cute friends over you because you've been trash talked.

No matter where you go, rumors spread fast. They spread slower at college than high school (high school was the worst with rumors.) You want to be the talk of the town of course, but you don't want every girl finding out how you perform in bed. You want to keep that a secret for when they meet you for themselves.

I believe it was two or three weeks ago that I found out this girl has a boyfriend. She laughed it off -- I felt this was disrespectful -- so, I simply moved closer, wrote down my number, and told her to call me when she is single. I left seconds later, after wishing everyone a good night.

Ever since that one night, I have had girls I've never spoken to smile at me, blatantly stare in the open or patheticly around a book that they are reading, etc. One of my acquiantances from the gym turned around and said 'Hi!' with a huge smile that surprised me. Just last week, I was leaving the gym and had this middle-aged blonde women (who works there) gave me the look-down (!) as she realized who I was!

Obviously they've been gossiping about me, but *it seems* to be positive. Hell, some guy I've never even met smiled at me on Friday.

My question is, if I was truly a great catch and impressed everyone, then how come this girl didn't trash-talk me to convince other girls to backoff?

 

[Okra]

bible material. LTR section.

 

[MightyMate]

Post is good but there are few exceptions.

Originally posted by Gold Heart

1. Only see her once a week. There are exceptions here, like if there are emergencies, but every other time, always be busy with something else. You don't have to be out with other people, maybe you could be at a gym, working, balling at the park. ANYTHING. Just don't see her any more than ONCE A WEEK or you will be bored by the time you have been together for one year, and that's if you're lucky. Also, don't see her every Saturday, or every Monday, etc. Switch up the days. Let her come out with you on different days. You can also skip a week or so, but then see her 2 days of the next week. Just don't become monotonous.

-- It is not possible to be in LTR and see a girl once a week. Mainly if You do that, and if she wants it. It means it wont last long because You can easly live without each other. Also i do not think many people can have sex just once a week.. Or maybe You meant how to have 6 girls and see each once a week? That would be more logical.



2. Have a variety of things to do when you two go out. Switch it up every single date, don't do the same thing twice. If you find something that was fun to do, don't do it twice in a row; do it again after a few dates.

-- LTR is not about thinkign what to do and variety. What with beeing spontanic. Also sometimes its cool just ot have sex 3 days in a row, and thats still fun!

7. Don't talk to her the minute you wake up in the morning. It's the same exact thing as #6, except this is when you have the phone by your bed, and then you wake up, call her, and say good morning before taking a shower.

-- Sometimes its nice just to call in the morning for one minute to tell her You love her. But dont chat long, and only if You gonna see her in late evening.


8. Don't see her/talk to her if you are on your bad side. Only let her see the good side. Don't let your image be tarnished by bad temper/grumpy days. She will probably still like you even after she sees your bad side if she really digs you, but let her see you as the "perfect man", not the "almost perfect man."

--- Girls like bad sides and dont want perfect man. Show her some rudeness. Its gonna work.

[/B]

All the rest is dope info.
Regards.

 

[frivolousz21]

I get why this is written..but most of it..is crap.

exp the once a week thing....wow..thats healthy..im sure thats going to prepare you for engagement, marriage, kids???


so your having sex 1 time a week if that????


right!

stop the control..go with your gut

 

[Okra]

actually now that I look back over this, it does need to be expounded upon.

 

[MightyMate]

I think this post with my edit could be a bible material

 

[CrazyAsianBiker]

Good ****, although i have a few exceptions with some of my LTR's this really is golden advice. Sadly, most people DO NOT BELIEVE LTR advice until they find it out the hard way.


::Here's to hoping people listen ::

 

[Disconnect]

After coming back to this after about a year, I must agree. It happens exactly as you phrased it. Now, I'm smarter. Thanks!

 

[SnowBlind77]

haha thats funny , im doin the nightly call thing, and its killin me! i need more sleep! but as far as makin it boring....its only makin it better it seems. each night we get closer and closer, but during the days....we still hold our own lives. we only see each other like 3 times a week max, but when we talk to each other the closeness is always there, and we cant wait to see each other again.

 

[izza]

Golden

 

[THIAGO BRAZIL II]

10. If she cheats, she's done. Absolutely no exceptions, even if it's been 10 years! Once a cheater, always a cheater, is what I like to say about dis-loyal women.


I should have done this last year.

 

[treefingers]

Gold heart,



But if you only see her once a week that means sex only once a week. Isn't that a recipe for cheating. If she likes it more often than that wont she get somebody on the side? Great post by the way.

 

[MetalFortress]

Why the hell is this "only see her once a week" tripe in the Bible? If only seeing her once a week prolongs a relationship from 3 months to 2 years, then congrats, you just wasted 21 extra months of your life on a chick you aren't compatible with.