Golden Advice On Long Term Relationships (LTRs)

[Warlord]

1. Only see her once a week. There are exceptions here, like if there are emergencies, but every other time, always be busy with something else. You don't have to be out with other people, maybe you could be at a gym, working, balling at the park. ANYTHING. Just don't see her any more than ONCE A WEEK or you will be bored by the time you have been together for one year, and that's if you're lucky. Also, don't see her every Saturday, or every Monday, etc. Switch up the days. Let her come out with you on different days. You can also skip a week or so, but then see her 2 days of the next week. Just don't become monotonous.

I think the author should've cleaned this part up as it may confuse and put DJ trainees in awkward relationship scenarios.

This is the way I would change it:

In the first couple of dates, it should be once a week, when the relationship gets past the initial attraction stages maybe seeing each other 2-3 times is okay But at the same time, shake it up once in awhile by either seeing each other more or less by a couple days.

And to the poster that says wasting an extra 21 months of your life with a chick you're not compatible with? Dude you're supposed to know that within the initial stages of dating (~1 month) It only takes about 2-3 dates before you know she is good or not.

 

[penkitten]

my favorite advise for a ltr is dont bring up bad stuff that is more than two weeks old. if its older than that, get over it or move on.

 

[JSH]

I disagree

Admittedly I am in my first long term relationship now but I do not understand why you said what you did. Why on earth would you want to restrict yourself by having a girlfriend, putting yourself off the market and then only seeing her once a week.

Equally, every time you see her, you do not need to take her out on a date. My current girlfriend I spend lots (probably too much) of time with her and she does not lose interest in me, in fact she wants to see me but does not mind if I have my own life.

I realise that I am not being too coherant at the moment, but my basic point is what I said at the start. Why tie yourself down if you do not actively want to spend time with her, why bother extending the relationship by doing all these things if you spend total less time with her. Is it so you can show off that you have a ltr?

 

[DjSoOHain]

funny thing is that these are all the things i do exactly now... and i learned it the hard way

 

[DoctorLW]

Admittedly I am in my first long term relationship now but I do not understand why you said what you did. Why on earth would you want to restrict yourself by having a girlfriend, putting yourself off the market and then only seeing her once a week.

Equally, every time you see her, you do not need to take her out on a date. My current girlfriend I spend lots (probably too much) of time with her and she does not lose interest in me, in fact she wants to see me but does not mind if I have my own life.

I realise that I am not being too coherant at the moment, but my basic point is what I said at the start. Why tie yourself down if you do not actively want to spend time with her, why bother extending the relationship by doing all these things if you spend total less time with her. Is it so you can show off that you have a ltr?

Agreed. It pretty much eliminates the entire point of getting into a relationship to begin with. I'd say 2-3 times a week should be the standard.

The rest of the advice is pretty solid though.

 

[Captain]

Every man needs to read this post. Bump!

My best advice for high school kids is not to get involved in LTR's if possible.

And don't forget that the world isn't divided into exclusive long term relationships and one night stands. You can date multiple women.

Only see her once a week. There are exceptions here, like if there are emergencies, but every other time, always be busy with something else. You don't have to be out with other people, maybe you could be at a gym, working, balling at the park. ANYTHING. Just don't see her any more than ONCE A WEEK or you will be bored by the time you have been together for one year, and that's if you're lucky. Also, don't see her every Saturday, or every Monday, etc. Switch up the days. Let her come out with you on different days. You can also skip a week or so, but then see her 2 days of the next week. Just don't become monotonous.

Some guys will probably say "fvck this, you should see her as much as you want to, as long as you aren't a chump." Now, I'm not a fan of routines or strict rules in dating, but I'm also not a fan of the whole "just be a cool guy and let the chips fall where they may" school of though. I hear a fair bit of that from young men who have just watched a couple of RSD products.

Just because you are a cool, confident guy doesn't mean you know what you are doing.

Don't talk w/ her on the phone before going to bed.

Guys actually DO THIS?!?!

You can say you are on a special muscle growth diet and you must sleep at a certain time for it to work. AVOID TALKING AT NIGHT.

Fvck excuses. You're a MAN, you don't owe her an answer. You NEVER have to answer a question if you don't want to.

8. Don't see her/talk to her if you are on your bad side. Only let her see the good side. Don't let your image be tarnished by bad temper/grumpy days. She will probably still like you even after she sees your bad side if she really digs you, but let her see you as the "perfect man", not the "almost perfect man."

Don't get complacent in relationships. Don't think you can let your guard down or let yourself go.

10. If she cheats, she's done. Absolutely no exceptions, even if it's been 10 years! Once a cheater, always a cheater, is what I like to say about dis-loyal women.

NO EXCEPTIONS EVER! NO EXCUSES!

 

[Blue Phoenix]

I would add the following:

15. You can’t bargain with someone to treat you well. Being treated with kindness, common decency, consideration, respect and acceptance should be a prerequisite for an intimate relationship; not something you’re rewarded with for meeting one of her unreasonable demands or if she’s trying to manipulate you into doing or buying something for her. Either she’s capable of a reciprocal relationship or she’s not. It doesn’t matter what you do or how nice, patient and understanding you are with her. She is what she is. You can’t appease a bully or persuade them to be nice to you. If you do, she’ll see you as weak and bulldoze you all the more.

16. You are only entitled to what you earn or produce. No one owes you a living. You’re not his child. As an adult, you’re not entitled to be taken care of by another party unless you have documented cognitive or physical disabilities that prohibit you from working. Last time I checked, being a wife, ex-wife, GF, ex-GF, mistress, ex-mistress, or simply a woman wasn’t considered a disability. He shouldn’t be expected to financially support you and shower you with gifts unless you’re willing to reciprocate and equally support him without question or complaint.

17. Being unable to control emotions and behaviors. It is neither “normal” nor “acceptable” adult female behavior to throw temper tantrums, withhold sex, cry, rage, pout, have disproportionate reactions to events. At the very least, these are signs of emotional lability and poor impulse control; at worst, these are indicators of serious pathology and quite possibly some kind of personality disorder.

18. You’re supposedly in a mutual and reciprocal relationship; not a service industry/client-vendor relationship. Your boyfriend’s desires, needs, wishes, feelings, likes and dislikes are just as important as yours. It’s not all about you all the time.

 

[AlmostSuave]

Wow, old post but GREAT post.

I'm in a relationship since 8 months. It's solid and still fresh. We do things together during the week since we're both active (sports, running, mutual friends etc). How do you keep it down to once a week, realistically? And, does this relate to dating or being in a serious bf/gf relationship?

 

[goundra]

I want to see my lady several times each day, ideally. We can't always manage that, but we try. Everybody's human, we will probably 'burn out' on each other one day. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, tho.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What should be a limit of a lying girlfriend? I mean if a girl loves me and is insanely attracted but still lies... What does it mean?

She's a liar. There are a lot of them out there. You can "make" someone lie less thru painful repurcussions, usually means removing yourself from their life and busting them on some of their big lies.

 

[DiegoSantori]

Good advice. You should also learn to ignore the feelings of flattery or good fortune for finding somebody with so much in common. Get to really know her, you'll find she's NOT that in to all the things you are, she just pretended to be at first.

 

[Julian]

cant believe i missed this

 

[GoodOne123]

This is great advice. The only thing I would perhaps tweak is seeing the girl a bit more than once a week, perhaps twice a week on average.

Apart from keeping the LTR exiting, the main challenge is finding a girl you are compatible with and is capable of having a healthy relationship.