Going to bars alone?

[betheman]

I tend to go out with one or two guys and to be blunt, its the usual afc stuff, stand around, look gormless, drink too much and be completely ineffective in terms of getting to talk to women.
Im think this weekend of just going solo, that doesnt bother me at all, what I do wonder about it the perception of guys who do go out alone? does it/should it matter?
To me its achance to have a look round, weigh up whats available and move in if I decide to.
Just wondered what other guys experiences of this situation were?

 

[Nikoli]

One of the biggest things I can reccomend to anyone trying to get better meeting women is to hit the clubs alone. It's so much easier to meet and get to know women when you're on your own as you don't fall into your "comfort zone" that you have when your buddies are around. Without them you'll be forced to interact and socialize with people you may not have otherwise.

That being said I do follow a few rules when I head out by myself that really seem to help increase the odds in my favour.

1. Never hit the club before midnight. Social suicide if you're by yourself as the place will just be filling up and unless your meeting someone you may feel a bit out of place. Once twelve hits and the place is full it's so easy to operate solo and you don;t feel out of place at all. If it happens to be an earlier crowd or its the kind of place that fills up early then by all means you can adjust this time.

2. Make friends with the servers, bartenders, bouncers, djs, and promoters. Will give you tonnes of social value, get you free drinks, into the door ssooner when there's a line, and also a sense of belonging that women pick up on. It takes going out a few times to get this rolling but once you do you'll get the feeling of homecourt advantage and that everyone is playing on your turf. Tip well.

3. Lean more towards clubs then bars and find places with music you like that's not too loud. Clubs tend to promote a more social environment as there's less sitting and more inteacting. Pick a place with a pretty big dance floor and some areas that will be easy to mingle in. Make sure you dig the tunes because if you don't it will be much harde to get into the proper state and you just won't be enjoying yourself(another thing women easily pick up on). And finally make sure the place doesn't play the music too loud as if they do it will be impossible to open sets or have any conversations at all. Side not: for me house music clubs are the best for this. Usually the djs are sensitive to volume and the women you meet there tend to be very upbeat and open to meeting yah.

4. Don't just interact with the women you're attracted to but work the whole venue. This is key. If you can open a few mixed sets here and there you won't be seen as the creepy shark just after tail but instead as the life of the party. The key is to be social and that should be the goal. Maybe the dude that you talk sports with in the washroom is with a group of 8 girls and he's already married. You never know what connections can lead where so just work the whole room and let everything come to you.

Good luck and have a solo blast!

N.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Flying solo is the way.

Give yourself the opportunity to develop "man with no name" game.

 

[Fuglydude]

Back when I used to strip I would go out to clubs alone. I lived downtown, and the clubs were within walking distance so it was convenient. I just used my time in there to basically dance... My dancing was never my strong point and just going out to jam to music helped as it gave me more practice. I was never one to choreograph my shows, and dancing at the club helped me to be able to improvise well during shows.

I had no intentions of meeting girls, etc as I was hooked up at the time and would just do my own thing. It was hilarious how many girls would show obvious signs of IOI: you'd have groups of girls basically come and dance around you, girls "falling" into you, etc. I think the lack of interest on my part was key in sparking this interest... obviously you have to look the part too, but I could definitely see myself doing this if I was single and coming away with a pick up.

 

[betheman]

clubs are out for me, too late in the day, I have toi be at work early most days and Im not a fan of them, the music is far too loud and ****e anyway.
bars are the best outlet, they tend to get busy early here, just a question of choosing tyhe right ones, live near a big city so lots of choice

 

[Mike32ct]

I prefer a bar and grill type place to go solo. Order some food and then you have a perfect excuse to be there. You got hungry and stopped to eat. Worse case, if they don't serve food, you stopped by for a drink.

In my experience, bars are a lot smaller than most clubs, so you can't really walk around without advertising that you are alone and on the prowl. So stay at or near your seat and just talk to people around you. If you choose your seat wisely, you'll have women standing next to you all night ordering drinks. You can easily turn your head and open them.

Off topic, what does gormless mean? (Since this is an international forum, sometime I'd like to start a Post Your Slang Words thread. It could be helpful and fun to learn various UK, US, Aussie, Canadian, South African, etc. slang.)

 

[squirrels]

In my experience, bars are a lot smaller than most clubs, so you can't really walk around without advertising that you are alone and on the prowl. So stay at or near your seat and just talk to people around you. If you choose your seat wisely, you'll have women standing next to you all night ordering drinks. You can easily turn your head and open them.

That's what I used to do when I used to frequent college bars...I'd choose a spot at the bar where I knew girls were going to be coming to get drinks. Girls would usually get a table for 4-6 of them and send one girl up for each round of drinks...then I'd make eye contact and just BS with them a little.

If it doesn't get them interested, it generates social proof.

Then as places get more crowded, just stand up near the bar and clusters of girls will start running into you, usually inebriated. That's when things get fun.

Of course, the thing with being solo is to not look too lonely. Look like you're enjoying yourself, like you just came out to grab a couple drinks and people-watch. Sometimes I like to pretend that the bar/club is my house and that this is a party I'm throwing...it gives you the feeling of just "chilling at home".

If you can't enjoy yourself just going out to get a few drinks and watching/chatting up people, then maybe the bar/club venue ISN'T for you.

One other big thing...if you're not dancing, GET THE F**K OFF THE DANCE FLOOR.

 

[betheman]

Off topic, what does gormless mean? (Since this is an international forum, sometime I'd like to start a Post Your Slang Words thread. It could be helpful and fun to learn various UK, US, Aussie, Canadian, South African, etc. slang.)

Gormless = lacking in intelligence

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

I'd like to see a compendium of Aussie slang, those people speak their own language down there!

 

[runner83]

I'd like to see a compendium of Aussie slang, those people speak their own language down there!

Here's one example:

http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html

Of course, in such a large country, it can vary widely in usage.

I've lived in a large metropolis, small country towns and in between.

In smaller country towns, you'd see usage of these terms a lot more, whereas in the larger cities (where especially the younger population is much more "Americanized") you may hardly ever hear any of these terms.


PS- And yes, I do agree with the going to bars alone thing. Not always, but a good way to build character and be more social, rather than get trapped in drinking contests with your buddies.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Aye, she was apples until I left a bondi cigar in her billabong, dry as a dead dingo's donger after that I'd say.

 

[Jeffst1980]

One of the biggest things I can reccomend to anyone trying to get better meeting women is to hit the clubs alone. It's so much easier to meet and get to know women when you're on your own as you don't fall into your "comfort zone" that you have when your buddies are around. Without them you'll be forced to interact and socialize with people you may not have otherwise.

That being said I do follow a few rules when I head out by myself that really seem to help increase the odds in my favour.

1. Never hit the club before midnight. Social suicide if you're by yourself as the place will just be filling up and unless your meeting someone you may feel a bit out of place. Once twelve hits and the place is full it's so easy to operate solo and you don;t feel out of place at all. If it happens to be an earlier crowd or its the kind of place that fills up early then by all means you can adjust this time.

2. Make friends with the servers, bartenders, bouncers, djs, and promoters. Will give you tonnes of social value, get you free drinks, into the door ssooner when there's a line, and also a sense of belonging that women pick up on. It takes going out a few times to get this rolling but once you do you'll get the feeling of homecourt advantage and that everyone is playing on your turf. Tip well.

3. Lean more towards clubs then bars and find places with music you like that's not too loud. Clubs tend to promote a more social environment as there's less sitting and more inteacting. Pick a place with a pretty big dance floor and some areas that will be easy to mingle in. Make sure you dig the tunes because if you don't it will be much harde to get into the proper state and you just won't be enjoying yourself(another thing women easily pick up on). And finally make sure the place doesn't play the music too loud as if they do it will be impossible to open sets or have any conversations at all. Side not: for me house music clubs are the best for this. Usually the djs are sensitive to volume and the women you meet there tend to be very upbeat and open to meeting yah.

4. Don't just interact with the women you're attracted to but work the whole venue. This is key. If you can open a few mixed sets here and there you won't be seen as the creepy shark just after tail but instead as the life of the party. The key is to be social and that should be the goal. Maybe the dude that you talk sports with in the washroom is with a group of 8 girls and he's already married. You never know what connections can lead where so just work the whole room and let everything come to you.

Good luck and have a solo blast!

N.

This is a good post. Going out solo will FORCE you to open sets; plus, unless your buddies are good with cold approaches themselves, they will tend to hold you back.

I'll add that a good place to "warm up" sets is outside the venue--just make small talk with everyone around you before you set foot inside. The hardest part of going out alone is pushing through the opening few minutes of not knowing ANYONE--if you can make friends with someone beforehand, it takes the pressure off a bit. The key is to keep a fun, high energy vibe that sucks others in, instead of trying to build rapport--easier said than done, I know. It does help to "peacock" a bit in these situations, but only if you can really own it.

As for the perceptions of others- most won't even notice. Think about it: If you see someone by themselves at the bar, you assume they're waiting for a friend. If you see them walking by themselves, you assume they're going to the bathroom. You have to make it PAINFULLY obvious that you're alone for anyone to really care. So, that means NO HOVERING! Either open the set right away, or go somewhere else. If you get flack for being by yourself, remember that's it's probably just a s#it test--if you don't think it's weird, she won't either. If you come up with all sorts of explanations, she WILL think it's weird.

Even if worst comes to worst and you stand around by yourself all night, chances are no one will remember, anyway. We all think that other people are more interested in us than they really are; if you're sitting alone in a club, you are probably invisible to most.