Going slightly limp on a chick I just met IRL.

[rawsync]

So I met this girl on myspace that goes to my university few weeks ago. We chatted for about 3 weeks but always been busy and never had a chance to meet each other. Tonight she IMs me while shes drunk, all telling me to come over her dorm.. I come there and she had about 5-6 beers and she's pretty drunk, but not completely wasted. After few min we start making out and she wants to ****, but says she doesn't suck. So we start ****ing but I'm not all that attracted to her and I can't get all the way hard, I do get hard for a lil' while but then go softer again.. After about 20 minutes of ****ing the only condom that we had broke, so we stopped ****ing. I fingered her after that and she came, but I didn't wanna go down on her. I think that sex was horrible, and I'm pretty sure she thought that too. Now my question is, what do I do from here? Do I apologize to her tomorrow and ask her out to a dinner or something to make it up, or what should I do? Please advise, thank you

 

[Sloopy]

Don't apologize to her. Try to turn the tables on her a little - tell her things like "Man, you were drunk the other night, huh." Get her thinking that it was her, not you. Then she will be seeking YOUR approval.

~Sloopy

 

[rawsync]

what else should i say? i dont want to make her fell all that bad... but if i have to to save my reputation i will give me more details

 

[arlanda]

It's not your fault you couldn't get it hard

 

[rawsync]

i know, she shoulda sucked it before or something.. she was drunk she was barely standing on her legs so i hit it from the back.. she couldnt ride or anythin.. so next time i talk to her, should i say somethin like

sry bout tonight, never happened before, you wanna go to a movie tomorrow night to make up for it"... blah blah.... ?

 

[nishbuk]

Originally posted by rawsync
i know, she shoulda sucked it before or something.. she was drunk she was barely standing on her legs so i hit it from the back.. she couldnt ride or anythin.. so next time i talk to her, should i say somethin like

sry bout tonight, never happened before, you wanna go to a movie tomorrow night to make up for it"... blah blah.... ?

No...You should say. "Hey let's go out tonight, and have some fun while you're not drunk, it'll definitely be a more memorable experience!"

Or something, depending on your style.

 

[bp1974]

You seem determined to say sorry, even though you've done nothing wrong. Sounds like you both had bad sex. What's to apologise for? If I'm not mistaken the reason you went limp was because you were with some drunk girl who was unable to do anything except hold still. Plus you'd never met her before and here she was with her panties down in front of you

Neither of you were star performers - don't take it all on yourself just because you're worried about her feeling bad. She's not your responsibility and she won't like you any more for acting like it's all your fault.

 

[rawsync]

nishbuk and bp1974

thank you! i completely agree with both of you. bp1974, you are so right, and yeah i'm not even going to apologize to her, but when she IMs me or calls me how should I act?

 

[Climax]

Originally posted by Sloopy
Don't apologize to her. Try to turn the tables on her a little - tell her things like "Man, you were drunk the other night, huh." Get her thinking that it was her, not you. Then she will be seeking YOUR approval.

~Sloopy

Dito.


Laterz...

 

[doctoroxygen]

I never apologise for bad sex. If I did, apologising is all I'd have time for...

 

[rawsync]

Originally posted by doctoroxygen
I never apologise for bad sex. If I did, apologising is all I'd have time for...

hahah strong point there.

 

[bp1974]

There's no 'right' way to act. For a start, you have no control over how she is feeling over what happened. She may be excited, or she may be mortified. You don't know. So if you try and work out how to 'act' based on how you want her to react to you you're on a loser.

The only advice I can give you is to bring your attention back to you. Do YOU want to get in contact with her? If yes, do so. If not, don't. If she gets in touch with you, ask yourself firstly, do you want to reply. If the answer is no, then you have your solution. If your answer is yes, then ask yourself what do you want to say to her?

- 'Last night was crazy, let's do it again'?
- 'I can't believe you were so drunk, let's do it sober next time'?

What do you want from this girl? Figure that out, and then DON'T start thinking of how to act in order to get her to do what you want. Instead, think about how you're going to let her know what it is you want from her.

 

[Sloopy]

This was originally in a PM but I thought it would be good to post it here as well. Btw, good advice, bp1974.

It's really not too complicated. You don't have to be an a**hole, but just be confident that you didn't do anything wrong. Everybody has bad sex sometimes. Remember that she was really, really drunk and probably doesn't remember it very well. She probably ALREADY thinks it was her fault that it went badly. Just because she's a girl doesn't mean she automatically has tons of confidence (I used to think that).

Knock her down a little and she'll want to make it up to you. First wait for her to IM or call you. If she doesn't do that for a day or two, send her an IM like "Girl, you were trashed last night, huh." She'll probably say something like "yeah lol" and then you can say "Haha, yeah, I could barely keep you upright." She'll probably defend herself a little. Just laugh it off, give her a bit of a hard time, and tell her you'll "give her another chance." Go out someplace with her. If she wants a drink, give her the eye and say "Be careful with that alcohol..." Don't go deeper into it than that. She knows what you mean. don't pay for her, She'll be seeking your approval the whole night. Give it to her, but keep her on her toes. Let her know that your opinion of her could change at any second so she ought to be careful.

Don't be mean, but don't be overly nice and apologetic. There is nothing more unattractive to a woman than an apologetic sap.

~Sloopy

 

[rawsync]

i came back from away bout 10 minutes ago and shes not iming me, im not iming her ass either

 

[Sloopy]

Originally posted by rawsync
i came back from away bout 10 minutes ago and shes not iming me, im not iming her ass either

It could take a little while. Just forget about her for now.

~Sloopy

 

[rawsync]

Originally posted by Sloopy
It could take a little while. Just forget about her for now.

~Sloopy

yeah im seeing that shes building up confidence to do it... earlier i stopped being idle but didnt turn the away msg off while she was on... then she went on away with a msg "baaaaahhhhhh" hahah

thanks for the advice man

 

[bp1974]

Originally posted by rawsync
i came back from away bout 10 minutes ago and shes not iming me, im not iming her ass either

Don't hold back because she's not IMing you. If you want to contact her, do so. I don't know what it's like at 18, but in the adult world it's ok for a guy to call a woman the day after he's first had sex with her.

Just be aware, if you're holding back, that you're doing so because you don't want to contact her, and not because you're p*ssed off that she's not contacting you. She may be embarrassed, she may be in bed sick with alcohol poisoning, or she may not give a f*ck. You don't know. So do what YOU want to do, and don't base that on what she is or isn't doing.

 

[Sloopy]

Originally posted by bp1974
Don't hold back because she's not IMing you. If you want to contact her, do so. I don't know what it's like at 18, but in the adult world it's ok for a guy to call a woman the day after he's first had sex with her.

Yeah, but if she doesn't answer right away, leave it at that. She'll answer when she's ready.

~Sloopy

 

[rawsync]

oh i gotta edit that i'm 20 now... haha that makes it even worse :woo:

 

[rawsync]

Originally posted by bp1974
Don't hold back because she's not IMing you. If you want to contact her, do so. I don't know what it's like at 18, but in the adult world it's ok for a guy to call a woman the day after he's first had sex with her.

Just be aware, if you're holding back, that you're doing so because you don't want to contact her, and not because you're p*ssed off that she's not contacting you. She may be embarrassed, she may be in bed sick with alcohol poisoning, or she may not give a f*ck. You don't know. So do what YOU want to do, and don't base that on what she is or isn't doing.

you are right, i'll send her an IM as soon as she gets back