Going single into a bar...

[PornPot]

Hey!

Am just starting this... so please go slow on me (links and general advise welcome of course). I've just started listening to the "60 years of Challenge" audio tapes.

This is what happened to me today, I went into this pub that was totally packed, full of guys but more importantly FULL of women. As usual I panicked but this time I didnt approach any woman or say a word and acted like I was unfazed by all the beautiful women there - I just stood there, looked around with my drink and after a few minutes I started noticing from the corner of my eye there were some women checking me out :woo:
There were some girls who actually moved from other places just to stand next to me, some with their backs to me some with just kinda half side half back - I think they wanted me to make my move but... being the wuss that i am, i just acted like I didnt see them and drank my drink.

Problem was music was pretty loud and I had just standing place in the middle of the pub which was jam packed (people brushing into me all the time and almost spilling my drink)... most of the people there were in groups, women in groups of 2-5 and mixed groups upto 8... I was alone. I left after my drink was over...

How do you handle yourself in a situational like that? What advise can you give me (I'll probably be going back there tomorrow). Note, I am in a foreign country where i dont really speak the language (but most around me were foreigners as well).

On a sidenote, I was kind of pissed with myself from the evening, here's what happened (and advise here too is welcome) :
I went into the supermarket and was browsing around and I noticed a cute blonde girl started browsing pretty much where I was even though I changed isles a couple of times... finally i was looking at corn flakes and she was at the side and I put on a puzzled face and asked her a question about which are the best flakes (after asking if she spoke English to which she replied with a smile yes), then I joked a bit about the flakes she recommended... she laughed, body language said she was not really defensive, asked her where she was from what shes doing here as she speaks excellent english etc and I thought it was going well till she suddenly says: well, I answered your question but you have a lot of questions... and I panicked! Said I was sorry, thanked her for the help and moved on...feeling like a ****ing idiot because as I was checking my stuff out I saw her looking in my direction again... and then she was gone.


HELLLLLP PLEASE!

(and on another sidenote, please note that I am not trying to get laid like a lot of people here... just make new friends and be "smooth", I am not looking for a future Mrs either...)

Thanks in advance!
/PP

 

[jtlancer]

"and I panicked! Said I was sorry,"
This is your problem. Search the forums on confidence.

"I am not trying to get laid like a lot of people here... just make new friends and be "smooth""
Gives me the sense you are apologetic about your sexuality (or confused or hormone deficient - who doesn't want to get laid?).

 

[PornPot]

"and I panicked! Said I was sorry,"
This is your problem. Search the forums on confidence.

Thank you, will do.

"I am not trying to get laid like a lot of people here... just make new friends and be "smooth""
Gives me the sense you are apologetic about your sexuality (or confused or hormone deficient - who doesn't want to get laid?).

I'm getting laid elsewhere, long story so I wont go into it again.
Please take my words exactly as I meant them: I am trying to make new friends and learn how to be "smooth".

Have a good weekend people!

 

[ENIGMA16]

I thought it was going well till she suddenly says: well, I answered your question but you have a lot of questions...

She was trying to get you to get her number. Should've said "yeah I do gimme your number you can answer my questions over drinks" or something.

 

[PornPot]

She was trying to get you to get her number. Should've said "yeah I do gimme your number you can answer my questions over drinks" or something.

You know,after we parted ways (when she was no longer in sight) I thought of at least 7 things I could have said or done to make things go better... and i I know when I apologized and walked away she was taken aback as well, like she said something that she wished she had not (or more likely that she said something that screwed things up and something I was supposed to "pick up" on - but being the dik that I am, I didnt) but at that time... I panicked and blanked. And this one was cute, trust me I meet a lot of good looking women at my work so I aint putting her up on a pedestal just because she "got away".

I feel like such a fcuking dik now, and I wish one of you guys could give me one hard kick on my behind :kick: .

 

[ENIGMA16]

You know,after we parted ways (when she was no longer in sight) I thought of at least 7 things I could have said or done to make things go better... and i I know when I apologized and walked away she was taken aback as well, like she said something that she wished she had not (or more likely that she said something that screwed things up and something I was supposed to "pick up" on - but being the dik that I am, I didnt) but at that time... I panicked and blanked. And this one was cute, trust me I meet a lot of good looking women at my work so I aint putting her up on a pedestal just because she "got away".

I feel like such a fcuking dik now, and I wish one of you guys could give me one hard kick on my behind

You don't need a kick. You learned. Just don't do it next time or you deserve two.

 

[PornPot]

You don't need a kick. You learned. Just don't do it next time or you deserve two.

Not the first time I have panicked and crashed when I should have taken it easy and thought it through...

We see to have focused on the second part, but the first part (about how to handle myself in that club environment) was my main questions... any advise there?
Questions quoted below so you dont have to scroll up:

How do you handle yourself in a situational like that? What advise can you give me (I'll probably be going back there tomorrow). Note, I am in a foreign country where i dont really speak the language (but most around me were foreigners as well).

 

[zekko]

I thought it was going well till she suddenly says: well, I answered your question but you have a lot of questions... and I panicked! Said I was sorry, thanked her for the help and moved on

You were embarrassed because you were hitting on her, and she called attention to it. You have to have the mindset that you are a MAN and are therefore UNAPOLOGETIC about what you want.

As a man you have no reason to be embarrassed about hitting on or desiring a woman. Embrace it fully, own it. When you know she realizes it, just smile. If you feel awkward, she'll feel awkward. You're just starting out though, so you'll get this down soon enough.

 

[PornPot]

You were embarrassed because you were hitting on her, and she called attention to it.

I guess so, completely threw me for sure.

You have to have the mindset that you are a MAN and are therefore UNAPOLOGETIC about what you want.

I read this over a dozen times hoping it will sink in...

You're just starting out though, so you'll get this down soon enough.

Thank you for the words of encouragement sir, I appreciate it.

 

[john_trenor]

It’s natural for most of us to walk away while we’re winning. You don’t want to lose what you gained right?

Most guys see a world of opportunities before heading out to a bar or dance club. They get there with an optimistic view of the night… … and leave wishing they had done something different when chatting to that gorgeous girl. Or, worse yet, wished they had mustered up the courage to approach her in the first place! It’s not easy to approach women at bars, or so it seems.

Here are some tips that will put you on the right path. First, when at a bar or club don't worry about the rejection factor. This is the most common and most important thing to over come. Second, don't be afraid to engage in a conversation. Third, you have to act natural and have fun. Women are responsive to that. Remember that women go to these venues to have fun and experience excitement. We play a big role in their excitement factor therefore it should be natural for us to deliver just that. Good luck and stay well.:yes:

 

[ENIGMA16]

We see to have focused on the second part, but the first part (about how to handle myself in that club environment) was my main questions... any advise there?
Questions quoted below so you dont have to scroll up:

No idea, I've almost never gone anywhere by myself, for the exact same reasons as you. It's something I'm planning on working on once I start drinking again.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You were embarrassed because you were hitting on her, and she called attention to it. You have to have the mindset that you are a MAN and are therefore UNAPOLOGETIC about what you want.

As a man you have no reason to be embarrassed about hitting on or desiring a woman. Embrace it fully, own it. When you know she realizes it, just smile. If you feel awkward, she'll feel awkward. You're just starting out though, so you'll get this down soon enough.

Listen to Zekko. Meditate on it, because there's more in his statements than meets the eye. +1 zekko.

 

[PornPot]

They get there with an optimistic view of the night… … and leave wishing they had done something different when chatting to that gorgeous girl. Or, worse yet, wished they had mustered up the courage to approach her in the first place! It’s not easy to approach women at bars, or so it seems.

Dude, you are in the wrong forum... get into physic mindreading and you will make a fcuking fortune! (That really was like you were reading my mind).

don't worry about the rejection factor. This is the most common and most important thing to over come.

Yep, not past it myself.

Second, don't be afraid to engage in a conversation.

A place I usually struggle... and panic thinking of what I am going to say next... is it interesting enough, is it the wrong thing, where can i go with it etc etc
Any good book, advise, links or anything else to help with the above would be REALLY appreciated!

Good luck and stay well.

Thakns, and thanks for the advise that came before that line as well.

No idea, I've almost never gone anywhere by myself, for the exact same reasons as you. It's something I'm planning on working on once I start drinking again.

No worries, thanks for replying.

Listen to Zekko. Meditate on it, because there's more in his statements than meets the eye. +1 zekko.

I knew it was good advise as I read it... I just hope I can absorb it like it should be taken in and implemented.

 

[Johnny_Kage]

A few things about club/bar game that I've found works very well:

1) Approach as soon as possible (the more you stand around, the worse you feel and the worse your AA will be)....the first approach is always the hardest
2) Approach with the intention of warming up, especially early in the night and ESPECIALLY if you don't go out often.
3) Things could change at any moment: hang in there. I've had some of my worst nights (and I mean REALLY BAD nights) and still ended up going home with girls that I met at like 2 AM. You never know. Generally, I find if you keep it going and stay positive, at the very least, you'll have a fun night and learn a lot.
4) Have fun. If don't have fun, you probably won't get laid (I won't say never because nothing to do with women is impossible).
5) It doesn't matter what you say, it matters how you say it. Be confident and be dominant. Have a presence when you approach. You want the girl? Go get her.

Hope that helps!

JK

 

[PornPot]

A few things about club/bar game that I've found works very well:

1) Approach as soon as possible (the more you stand around, the worse you feel and the worse your AA will be)....the first approach is always the hardest
2) Approach with the intention of warming up, especially early in the night and ESPECIALLY if you don't go out often.
3) Things could change at any moment: hang in there. I've had some of my worst nights (and I mean REALLY BAD nights) and still ended up going home with girls that I met at like 2 AM. You never know. Generally, I find if you keep it going and stay positive, at the very least, you'll have a fun night and learn a lot.
4) Have fun. If don't have fun, you probably won't get laid (I won't say never because nothing to do with women is impossible).
5) It doesn't matter what you say, it matters how you say it. Be confident and be dominant. Have a presence when you approach. You want the girl? Go get her.

Hope that helps!

JK

Thanks for the advise and tips mate!:rockon: :cheer:

A few questions:
When you approach, and if you get dropped like a hot potato... do you still keep hanging around and hitting on other targets?

Because if I strike out i feel like that woman and a few others will keep watching me to see what i do next and if I keep striking out my value (in their eyes) keeps getting lower with each strike from a different woman.

So do you hang around and keep hitting on other girls or do you switch clubs?

 

[Tovansky]

I do think rejection doesn't have to stop you from moving on the other targets. who cares about the other women? I don't think they would care if you got rejected. they just care whether you would make your move on them or not.

 

[IAMHOLLYWOOD]

Pornpot, if you haven't already, sit down and read... http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=59150 every line there, i was once like you, and sometimes still am but whenever i see my weakness i go back and review it.
Stop being so hard on yourself, your not a dik and your not a wuss - your just not comfortable yet, it'll come, not over night but it will

and as for continuing to game at a bar after rejection - do it, if the first woman you hit on rejected you dont approach the next that way - the first one will have too much going on to even bother paying attention to you and if she does SO WHAT? she turned you down and if anything the fact that you're out there continuing to be social should actually raise you value, if she is still paying attention for some reason

 

[PornPot]

@Tovansky, thanks!

@IAH, double thanks! First for the advise, second for that fantastic link!

 

[john_trenor]

I know it can be nerve racking here’s a tip.. The 3 second rule is there to stop you from second guessing yourself and feeling nervous. This rule states that should make your move within 3 seconds of noticing her. You should follow this rule especially if you can tell that she has noticed you noticing her. The longer that you wait, the more likely you are to over-think things and not make your move at all.

If you become self-conscious, you need to have a strategy for snapping yourself out of it. When you start feeling self conscious, you’ll make yourself feel nervous about making your approach. Yes, getting rid of those self-sabotaging thoughts is easier said than done, but you’ll get the hang of it with just some practice.

We’ve all seen that guy or girl that commands attention when they walk in a room. They’re not loud or obnoxious, but naturally get everyone’s respect. The reason these people are attractive without trying is because they project both happiness and confidence.

That said; never approach a woman with a frown and lack of confidence (because you won’t get noticed and she won’t be attracted to you). Just be happy and confident and good things will come your way.

Do not use cheesy pickup lines. In fact, forget about finding the perfect line. Instead, just have something witty or clever read, so that you can spark her interest to get the conversation going. Don’t over think it, just let the conversation naturally flow. I hope this helps you out

 

[IAMHOLLYWOOD]

@Tovansky, thanks!

@IAH, double thanks! First for the advise, second for that fantastic link!

No problem man. I've shown the 15 lessons to so many guys and they've all benefited from it. You should be forced to read it when you join this forum!