Going on coffee dates if your not really looking for a LTR

[Lostsoul85]

I gave this Indian chick my number of ok cupid.She is 37 works as a software engineer and has her own place.I am 29 and live with my folks and broke for now.She called me and we chit chatted for about 20 mins and then at the end i asked her if she wanted to meet up for coffee later in the week and she said Saturday could work and she will get back to me later in the week.She texted me on friday saying


Her:can we do Monday Please?My Cpa has time on saturday to do my taxes on saturday and it will be an all day thing for me.

Me:Cool..same time work for you?

Her:No...i work 9-5 so perhaps 7?

Me:Sure

Come to think of it i am wondering at this stage of my life being 29 and not having got laid for a year why am i even asking for coffee date when it should be ****ing first

Honestly i am cool with this one not working out but do you think it would be suspicious if i called her up today and tell her that i am coming over to her place tonight despite having a possible coffee thing setup for tommorow night?
Even thought i don't know her that well is it worth it calling and going for broke and trying to go over tonight even though maybe theres a coffee thing tommorow?

 

[Jaylan]

Stop being thirsty and impatient.

Coffee is a pretty typical first meet regardless of what either of you are looking for. I've had first date coffee meets with both flings and women I felt more serious about.

Going for the kill early may ruin your chances...especially with an educated okc girl. They are different from pof girls. Sure you can have some fun...but don't seem desperate. Be covert at first.

 

[Lostsoul85]

Alright guys update again she is 37 indian software engineer and has her own place.

Im 29

Her:Hey are we still on for tonight?Where did you say we are meeting?
Me:Yes.meet me at xxxx
Her:How far is the one in xxxxxx (same area where she lives) to you?
Me:About 35-40 mins
Me:It's about the same.I can just meet you up there
Her:That would help-xxx is 10 mins away and the other is 20 mins away
Her:xxxx woudl take me longer in traffic
Me:cool


We met up for coffee near her place i was a bit suprised that she was wearing traditional indian clothes

Immediately into the date i let her do most of the talking.I have strong eyecontact and look her in the eyes 80-90% of time.

She commented that i have really intense eye contact.

She didn't seem to be bothered by this.

Anyways,good rapport and somewhere when she says what do you want to d

next i say lets go to your place.She says not tonight

I just laugh this off

So instead we go to a restaraunt near the coffee place this time we are sitting closer she tells me my hand are cold and massages it a bit

She has really long hair she un ties it and lets it hang

I pulled it a few times to see if i could get away with it.

She didn't seem to mind.

After she suggest we call it a night and walk outside she says can i give you a ride to your car..I tell her its cool i can walk i give her a hug and go for the mouth i get a very brief smooch/peck on the lips.

Anyways with the logistics being me living with my parents and her having her own place should i just keep going on dates and throwing her "lets go to your place intention"?

Honestly i am ok with whatever happens but just wan't to have some experiences under my belt but i'd like some feedback on what i can do better and if the continue to throw out intentions to go to her place is a good idea since i live with my parents?

 

[Lostsoul85]

Bump

 

[Harry Wilmington]

You need to do the opposite: don't bring it up.

A brief history of my dating life: I've been able to score with more women on dates 2 or 3 than I can possibly begin to tell you. And most of these hook-ups were the result of women inviting me back to their place OR inviting themselves up to my place. Why? Because if you're doing the right things on the date by focusing on showing her a good time (instead of focusing on what YOU will try to get out of it - i.e. sex), the woman is going to WANT you to f--k her. And, if you're not mentioning going to either place, her own ego is going to make her wonder if you find her attractive ("why isn't he asking me for sex yet? Does he not find me attractive? Is he banging other women? Am I not his type? Is he leading me on?). Consequently, she's going to feel the need to prove to herself that you find her desirable... and the main way she'll end up doing this is by asking you if you want to come to her place or if she can go see yours.

So, stop trying to FORCE it. TRUST me, it will come - just keep making advances during your dates with her but do NOT mention going to her place. Somewhere between date 2 and 5, if her interest has been increasing, she WILL invite you up, but only if you don't ruin it by asking all the time and making her think you're only in it for one thing. Hope this helps!

 

[djthiago1]

You need to do the opposite: don't bring it up.

A brief history of my dating life: I've been able to score with more women on dates 2 or 3 than I can possibly begin to tell you. And most of these hook-ups were the result of women inviting me back to their place OR inviting themselves up to my place. Why? Because if you're doing the right things on the date by focusing on showing her a good time (instead of focusing on what YOU will try to get out of it - i.e. sex), the woman is going to WANT you to f--k her. And, if you're not mentioning going to either place, her own ego is going to make her wonder if you find her attractive ("why isn't he asking me for sex yet? Does he not find me attractive? Is he banging other women? Am I not his type? Is he leading me on?). Consequently, she's going to feel the need to prove to herself that you find her desirable... and the main way she'll end up doing this is by asking you if you want to come to her place or if she can go see yours.

So, stop trying to FORCE it. TRUST me, it will come - just keep making advances during your dates with her but do NOT mention going to her place. Somewhere between date 2 and 5, if her interest has been increasing, she WILL invite you up, but only if you don't ruin it by asking all the time and making her think you're only in it for one thing. Hope this helps!

This sounds like a great advice. Everytime i try to force it, it backfires.

 

[Lostsoul85]

Thanks for advice

 

[Firestar786]

She wants to have sex

Take it easy and it will come very easily me thinks

 

[Heisenberg]

I say this respectfully because, hey, we've all been there... But you really should be focusing your energy on getting back on your feet and getting out of your parents' place. If I were you, I wouldn't waste a single brain cell doing anything other than coming up with a plan to be independent again. Women are great additions to an already full life, but when you have nothing else going on they can be a real drain. Even you just spending time thinking about this girl and posting about her on here means your focus is probably in the wrong place.

Again, been there. Life happens. I also know how women can be pleasant distractions while we are busy trying to get things back on track. But if there's ever a time to take a break from dating and focusing on yourself, it's now.

 

[Lostsoul85]

I say this respectfully because, hey, we've all been there... But you really should be focusing your energy on getting back on your feet and getting out of your parents' place. If I were you, I wouldn't waste a single brain cell doing anything other than coming up with a plan to be independent again. Women are great additions to an already full life, but when you have nothing else going on they can be a real drain. Even you just spending time thinking about this girl and posting about her on here means your focus is probably in the wrong place.

Again, been there. Life happens. I also know how women can be pleasant distractions while we are busy trying to get things back on track. But if there's ever a time to take a break from dating and focusing on yourself, it's now.

Good point here, On one hand i think the biological drive will always be there regardless of where you are in your life but i do see your point..Thanks for the advice

 

[Heisenberg]

Good point here, On one hand i think the biological drive will always be there regardless of where you are in your life but i do see your point..Thanks for the advice

No probs. You'll be back on your feet before you know it.